How to start making eye contact and taking a interest in people?

[Anonymous]

What's wrong with me? with some people I know as casual a quittances, I feel awkward making conversation and find it hard to actually make eye contact with them because I'm already trying to stay mentally focused on what their saying without accidentaly zoning out on what their saying to me. I don't totally understand why I'm like this, I feel like I'm turning narcistic, like I care about people, but I don't feel such a genuine interest in them enough to ask them open minded questions, all I feel is fear like anxiety building up inside me when their in the same room as me. Anybody got some insights, advice and comments to this? It seems only if we have something in common emotionally like kids, or personal problems, can I actually take a true interest, small talk doesn't seem to usually cut it with them, I could care less about the weather usually lol.

[SammiKitten]

Hiya! :)

This just sounds like a little bit of social anxiety, caused primarily through lack of experience. Are you quite young? I feel like this all the time when I first meet someone, but as you begin to become more familiar with the experience of just being around people and talking - you start to become a little more adept.

A lot of conversation, between acquainttances can be pretty shallow. It is up to you whether you choose to engage with it or not. When you start working in a professional environment, you have to kind of roll with the punches with regards to socialising with people. The truth of the matter is that most people in this world are not 'that' interesting, and finding people we truly connect with is one of life's greatest challenges. Most, if not all of us manage to pull it off eventually though.

I do not believe that you are narcissistic at all. You just don't feel stimulated - and it is okay to be that way. You will learn that you just have to passify people by being friendly, especially if you are not close to that particular person.

There isn't anything wrong with you at all. Don't be hard on your self-esteem because there is nothing wrong with you, apart from you just feel the need to talk about topics that are a little deeper than breakfast television banter!

[Asker]

Hi, I'm 23, I do have social phobia, was diagnosed with it at 15. it has gotten worse in the pass 2 yeas since I've started doing drugs, but now I'm trying to ween myself off, I'm on methadome now, so I suppose that is in good in some ways, but my social life is sh*t, all the friends I did have have emotionally abandoned me and left me, which I'm not whining about, I'm still here and doing my own thing, just saying I don't have friends because they keep on also f***ing me over emotionally too.

[SammiKitten]

I understand it is difficult sweetie. It sounds like you have low self-esteem, but the drug abuse is definitely the first port of call in dealing with your issues. Once you start becoming a little less dependant and you stablize, you will be able to begin properly focusing on talking to people. The key is to not put too much pressure on yourself. None of us are perfect, but all of us are beautifully unique in our own ways. Trust me, that things will get better, if you continue working at it. =)

[Asker]

sounds like I got low self esteem issues? do explain more please.

[Asker]

Apparently, I got issues with my self esteam, I guess I do because I do lack social confidence in myself with strangers or good acquittance. Do you deal with serve social phobia? the only thing that makes my anxiety better and be around people better is taking Valium, which I was prescribed one time, but afraid they won't give me anymore. I'm looking into getting on antidepressant soon.