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As a working mom/dad relationship parent I can confidently say this…
you’re right honey. How can I help?
lol but seriously, it depends on the child/children and the specific needs therein. Age plays a HUGE part to it. If the kids are in school then the stay at home parent should own virtually all of the chores, cleaning, laundry, dishes, etc.
But when the second parent comes home, they NEED to spend time with the kids. If not for bonding then so that parent A can have a break/do the chores that they couldn’t get to because they were taking care of the kids.
I can happily say that I’ve been OVER THE MOON to mow the lawn to have a break from parenting for a couple of hours!
Maybe you like to wait hand and foot on a man. Whether I was working a part time job or not, I looked after the children, cooked and cleaned. I worked more hours at home than him without getting paid! Dinner was served when he came home, and he would then clear the table, clean the kitchen, wash up or load the dishwasher. He was capable to see if anything needed doing and would do it without being asked. Weekends were spent as a family but he’d find time to get some bigger DIY jobs done as well as small ones like sewing. He would spend a couple of hours ironing on a Sunday, while I hung, folded and put everything away. Basically, I was living with a husband and father who didn’t need, nor expect me to mother him.
You must be very slow and disorganised if you don't have all the housework done by 3pm
If you don't have kids there shouldn't be that much to clean every day. More like 3 times a week. So the husband should not have to do anything. If there are kids, then it depends on how many there are. Say she had 2 kids and then had triplets. You can imagine she would be quite busy just taking care of the kids. With babies you sleep when they sleep, and that doesn't even take into the fact that you have 2 others to look after. It is like a full-time job with overtime. So I expect the husband would jump in there to help without her even asking him to. That is what a good marriage is. If it were me with 5 kids, you can bet he would be helping, whether he wanted to or not. 😅😂Just giver your man some Spinach and he's good to go.
Well... The kind of approach they take is understandable for part-time working mothers and working mothers who might be short on time at times. However, as for stay-at-home mothers, Your take is absolutely correct. Some women might be less proficient than You in certain household chores, but unless they are basically at a children's level, they should be fine with what's important, as long as their husbands provide them with enough financial leeway. I agree that what You are doing is just fine (though only as long as Your husband doesn't share Your fellow debate participants' irresponsibility - otherwise You might be spoiling Him a little bit, not really something alarming, but it's good to know what Your situation is), and they are the ones who are taking their husbands for granted and treating them in a cruel way (I mean, we live in the times of what can be called an irresposibilitis pandemic and men are considered evil incarnate, so it's not even surprising anymore).
irresponsibilitis*
In that scenario, then a significant majority of the "housework" should be handled by the wife, but it shouldn't ever be 100%. Every solid couple I've ever known had a different split on housework, usually more or less around the idea that most things requiring tools are the man's domain. I know one however in which the husband does almost all of the cooking but almost nothing else (as far as I know).
My parents split much of the work but generally speaking, my dad took care of the cars and the lawn/yard, and my mom took care of the interior. I helped both.
Depends. If he's working more than 50 hours a week, or if he's working manual labor full time, no or at least something stupid like dishes. But if he's just doing shit like office work, put his ass to work
Office work is still work. If yiu are a stay at home wife then that's your job and your work should be done before he gets home. Put him to work maybe building furniture or dealing with a washer or dryer problem etc. I think the big thing is equal effort.
That's why I said put him to work. There's a difference between being brain fried tired, and physically tired from working. If you're doing manual labor all day, I won't have them come home and do dishes or vacuum. They're exhausted. But if he's working on spreadsheets all day, I'll let him eat and recover a bit, and then he can do something productive. I would expect the same thing if it was in reverse.
Yes ofc everyone in the house should be doing chores. I always tell my husband that I'm a stay at home mom not a stay at home maid and chef. I keep the kids alive and care for them 24/7. That is hard enough. He doesn't work 24/7 so he has the time to take care of other things around the house even more time for those things than I do.
Does he tell you he's a bread winner not a mechanic, carpenter, and general handyman? Or maybe he is not?
@Sharkstealth my husband doesn't do things like that besides at work anyways. I'm better at fixing cars and doing repairs around the house so those things tend to fall on me
What does he do watch football?
@Sharkstealth no he isn't into sports
I think as a stay at home wife you are doing exactly everything right... Just keep your body in shape because stay at home wives usually become overweight or they don't care about their appearance and the hubby will eventually fall for that hot new secretary.
Well, he can take out the trash that she has piled up from cleaning.
An errant dish or two won't kill him.
He for sure better be picking up after himself.
A messy house no. Now, if it's a house full of small children, I would hope he has some compassion and can pick up a little slack so his wife can get a small break before here evening shift of dinner and so on. It's teamwork running a home.
My wife stayed home for 11 years. I worked 6 days a week often leaving at 5am and not getting home until 6 if I was lucky. I really didn't do much after I got home but helpbput the kids to bed and read to them on weekends there were always chores to do. Mow the lawn, fix something that got broken during the week or else I had to do something for one of my elderly relatives. it was not a picnic
That life easily aged you by 10 to 12 years prematurely. Lol
@Hispanic-Cool-Guy oddly enough I look a lot younger than I am. The rage keeps me young.
if you have a routine that gets all the jobs done, that's great and works for you.
but I think the "i go to work so i'm exempt from basic household chores/being a parent" doesn't fly and that if there's jobs that need doing, both stay at home and worker in the relationship should help get it sorted. Not everyone's life matches yours or what you do, and deciding they're "lazy" or "disrespectful" for asking an adult to be able to adult isn't great either...
Why not it's both of their jobs and if she's in need of girl to care for their home yes he should, it's not only women's work caring for your home, hell I did all the laundry when I was raising my family, cooked cleaned the entire home at times did dishes cook, in my view I did what I could to make it easier on my ex when we'were together, was nothing to think about
I think he should join in with things like dishes after dinner or even helping with dinner depending when he gets home. In my home both hubby and I have full time jobs and he has always been very good about sharing all the housework and sometimes we even try and make it a fun thing.
Maybe the lawn or something like that , but if they are non paid working mothers --NO WAY ! Thats their problem , household management , and the place should be spotless , as they should have an organised , written , schedule..
Thats THEIR JOB ! He is doing the paid work.
I think it depends on the couples.. Some husbands would work 12 hours and happily still come home and do whatever his wife needs to do.. And then there's some wives who would rather make sure their husband gets the rest they need for the next day of work.. Especially if he's working more than 40 hours a week..
This question is too situational for an all-inclusive answer. There are too many factors to consider, such as how many kids are we talking about (and how old), are any of them in school for part or all of the day, how physically demanding is his job, how many hours does he work. When you're a real family, you do your best to chip in where, when and how ever you can.
I think when the husband is working fulltime and the wife stays at home all day... Things should be done by the time he comes home. I would be pissed if my. wife who stays at home tells me I have to do household tasks while she is at home all day long while I'm working my ass off.
My wife is a homemaker while I work on my own company. She works hard around the house, and I certainly don't mind helping out a bit. I usually do the dishes, and as I both like to cook snd am good at it I make dinners and breakfasts on the weekend. (Actually we usually go out for breakfast on Saturdays so there's that lol)
I'm not a stay at home wife but my job allows me lots of free time. If I don't have a busy schedule I clean the house and cook every day for me and my husband. I don't usually ask him to do anything but he often takes the initiative to do small things like garbage and he always offers his help.
The garbage and anything construction related is primarily the man's job regardless of if he has a stay at home wife. Obviously she can if she wants to and has the know-how, but if she's a stay at home wife, all she should be having to do is cooking and cleaning. If she's staying home, it doesn't have to be 8 hours of work. As long as the place is maintained and there's a meal waiting when the man is home, that's all she needs to handle