Who Would Love a Girl With Scars?

Who Would Love a Girl With Scars?

Trigger Warning: this take involves discussion of self-harm which may be upsetting to some users. If you don't feel comfortable reading it, please skip to the advice portion of the article. Thank you.


Self-harm is an extremely controversial topic that normally isn't talked about much out of fear of being ridiculed, cast out, or called a liar. Self-harm also comes from a plethora of different faces, and can look different for everyone. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I can imagine what anyone else is going through - we all deal with hardships differently and what might be tolerable for me might push someone else close to the edge. All i can share are my feelings on the matter, and also offer some advice to those who need it.

When I was younger, I developed a self-harming addiction that eventually escalated into me wanting to take my own life. I didn't, obviously, though it was definitely tempting for a while. I craved the release I felt only death could provide for me. I took to self-harming as a way to distract myself from the emotions I was feeling, and, as a result, I am left with scars. I had spent so much time trying to hide them and make them less noticeable to the world, when I should have just accepted them.


“My scars tell a story. They are a reminder of times when life tried to break me, but failed. They are markings of where the structure of my character was welded.”


What I Learned

On account of my sorry plights, I learned that each and every scar tells a story. Has a history. It portrays a part of life that can and never will be forgotten; a moment when you were weak, or you made a mistake, or you were so angry and you didn't know how else to deal with what you were feeling. Scars allow people to see into your past and give a part of yourself that, without them, you wouldn't have. They're beautiful, just like me. Just like you.

When you look at your scars, what do you see? Do you see something hideous, a marking that never goes away and only serves to remind you of what a lost cause you were? Or do you see something with meaning? Something you ended up with when life tried to destroy you, only it didn't? Do you see the strength you gained from it? Life is meant to be lived, experienced. Sometimes it'll hurt you, maybe to the point where you might not be able to take it. But in the end, you lived. And now you're strong.

Don't disguise your scars. Don't hide them.
You shouldn't have to.
Your scars aren't the problem. It's the people who judge you because of them who are.

Thanks for reading <3

---- Julie B. (CœurRosé)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I've met plenty of people on this site since I joined. Some kinda deplorable people, and many awesome people. With the many awesome people, I have chatted with some of them with via kik, or even in Skype call groups. In the groups formed, we all have had/are having our fair share of problems... Social anxiety, severe depression, bullying, self harm, and the list goes on and on. Many times, I wouldn't even know they had past issues unless they straight-up told me.

    However, I feel like the past they had makes them part of who they are. They wouldn't be the same if they didn't have the rough moments of their life. We are but a sum of our experiences-- good and bad, and while the experience may have been bad, the result of the person made can be truly good.

    I don't say this to glorify negative experiences, but I say that they shouldn't cause more shame. People shouldn't look upon them and try to cause more shame for the person either. That would be like taking the thing used as a coping mechanism as a way to promote the thing you did it to cope with in the first place... A cycle of negativity.

    I can't claim to know how self harming feels, but I can at least understand the feelings that lead to it. I've dealt with my fair share of depression stemming from isolation and self esteem crap. I never got to the point of self harm (the fear of shame and music kept me from going down that path), but I was getting closer to it.

    What actually got me out of it was mostly, as silly as it sounds, seeing/interacting with the people on GAG. There were people with the same/similar problems that overcame it and formed a bit of a support for me. It gave me hope and enough happiness where I was able to overcome the constant sadness from the mental state I was in (though naturally very gradual). So I guess in that regard, the very people that had scars helped me before I generated mine. :)
    media2.giphy.com/media/apcKda9LY1XZS/200w.gif
    *insert batman music and overly dramatic bass drops*
    Why do we fall? So we can pick ourselves up.

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    • Oh crap, forgot to add my overarching point.

      In any case, I still think people with scars deserve the same love and respect as someone without em. I would date someone with scars because while the past was rough, the present them is who they are and who'd I'd be dating. I'd be loving the sum/result of their experiences, not any single experience.

    • s2.favim.com/.../...boy-cool-Favim.com-1860871.gif
      I'm sorry to hear that you've come close to self-harming in the past. I hope you stay strong though! <3

    • Luckily I was able to stay away from that via outlets in my life, but if those outlets hadn't been there, who knows what I might have done.

      But thanks-- you too! :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • It is hard to have scars and love them. I started to then someone would make fun of me again. It's such an up down road. I've had guys say they don't care about my scars n marks but then they see only a few they run. I mean who wouldn't when a girls body is around 80% covered in scars n marks... I would if I could run from myself but like Elsa In frozen I conceal don't feel don't let them know anymore. But maybe one day I'll be happy and not bothered about my scars n marks.

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Join the discussion

What Guys Said 29

  • Very brave take - I think Dangerdoge said a lot of what I was going to say - Past issues are not things to be swept under the carpet - If you bundle them up too tightly, there is a good chance they will burst out of the package again - Your point about being open about any scars is totally valid and if I was in the process of getting to know a girl, I would appreciate the fact that she wanted to be open and to talk to me about her past. I am totally open about my past with mental illness and it was a conscious decision which I pondered deeply about, it is a decision I never regretted when talking to new people. Maybe I have been very fortunate but any response I ever got was 99.9% positive.

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    • I think it's definitely important to be open about your past. Unfortunately, it can be hard to find people who appreciate that.

      Thanks for reading! :)

  • Very brave of you to tell your story. When you find the right guy he will love you and your scars. I should know, i have lost of them, mine are on the inside though. When i met my wife, i just leveled with her. I told her every thing. First time in my entire life i had ever done that. Because i shared my pain with her i think it made us stronger.

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  • Good :)

    "Your sacred scars, show who you are"

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  • not all scars are visible what you see is only part of it. when you look further. into people there is some things they hardly ever share. what that is is what cased the visible scares. unless you you heal the unvisible scars the one you see will never go away. thats what i hope for you and everyone that has this and other problems. because you can never find that special someone willing to help untill you are willing to open up and heal from the inside first.

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  • Fuck I hate trigger warnings, they cause strong negative emotions.

    Scars don't matter, so long as they aren't horribly disfiguring or something.

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  • The more you live, the more you realise we all have scars. Some we can see, others we cannot see for they are inside

    You just treat all people with respect, regardless

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  • I have completely and totally nothing against people who have self harmed. But I have my doubts about being with such a person. I mean, I used to have every reason to do it myself yet I never did so it's hard to understand why others would. Thus it is not a mentality I can get by.

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  • Your story is a bit part in the game of life.
    You came out the other side to tell the tail
    The scars are a reminder of how hard life can be
    And you serviced the hard part so the other opinions expressed hardly matter well done for showing your own personallaty

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  • Who wouldn't love a girl with scars? Scars are painful; scars are remnants of battles past. In a way, they are part of one that does not heal for whatever reason, or it would not be a scar.

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  • i would definitely love to date a girl with scars.

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  • I fell in love (unrequited 😢) with a girl who's pretty scarred up. Like any imperfection, when the girl is really special, scars don't matter at all

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    • That's very true. Sorry to hear that your romance didn't work out :(

  • We all have scars. Both physically, emotionally, and spiritually but I don't think we should be judged just on our scars but rather how we got them

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  • You can learn tons from scars like your past.

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  • Thank god you're still alive
    I don't know exactly but it's kinda stupid though I was a part of this stupidity when I was 11 or 12 but I used to do it for fun though I don't remember everything but I don't do it cause I was upset or something 😶
    Silly me :P

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  • No I definitely wouldn't.

    People with scars have buggages and pose a negative influence in your life. Of course if someone I had known for years was cutting I'd still support them, but I wouldn't accept someone new who was cutting.

    My lecturer at Uni cuts and it's horrible. Her arms are cut the whole length.

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  • 1st. No- reason why below
    2nd.
    I thought meant like a girl who gotten into a aciident or burn victim or born with a mole somthjng

    No I nearly can keep wotwith aha normal crazy girl. Why would I be a pycho mentality damaged one. she need a. mentally damaged guy to even her out. .

    No one wants a emo sad insecure girl. your gonna be a downer a drinker and smoker and look way to much for attention and cut your self when u don't get it. and your gonna more paranoid

    Aka she has too much baggage

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  • I would if there was more to her than the scars. They are a very small part of someones life, but if every action and conversation leads back to old injuries, i would grow tired very quickly.

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  • Scars are not beautiful. Just because you have inflicted that on yourself, don't try to justify it's attractiveness.

    But don't worry, you'll find someone whose scars matches your scars :)

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    • I don't thin she was talking about the actual scars being beautiful, more like scars are a metaphor for how strong the said person is and how they can overcome hardships, which is beautiful.

  • A scarred person can barely love themselves... Let alone love another person. My advice: stop thinking of yourself as a victim. Everyone holds the key to their own salvation. Snap out of it, sweetheart... The world won't wait for you whilst you vegetate in your self-loathing.

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    • This was when I was younger. I don't self-harm anymore. The whole point of this Take is to warn people about those who judge others because of their scars, without knowing what happened for them to get those scars. Thank you for proving my point.

    • Cheers... Spread the positivity

  • nah. i ain't about dat life. i know some people that do/did and i'd never be in a relationship with them for a myriad of reasons. not worth it :|

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    • That's fair. But I hope you know that it's not their fault.

    • it kinda is. i don't have time to go into all the nuances and everything, but for the most part, self harming is a choice. i'm not gonna treat self harmers any different from what i would a "normal person", but if you're asking about if i would be with someone who or has self harmed, especially if it's something like cutting, then hell no. too much baggage and unwanted shit that comes along with it. i don't wanna have to coddle her or watch everything i say every time i or someone says something negative about her. i don't wanna have to deal with or think about the fact that if she gets too upset where she wants to kill herself. and for some people who do, they can be a product of their environment. i know some people who self harm and hang out with the wrong type of people so i don't have to deal with that shit. again, doesn't mean i don't like or think anything less about them, just not enough to deal with all the possible shit storms that come with it :P

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What Girls Said 6

  • Wow. I didn't know you self harmed. Now I understand your comment better that you left on my Take. Which is crazy that you wrote this 15hrs ago because I didn't even see it until just now! But awesome Take girl. Keep your head up! ❤

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  • Guys: What about acne scars? I battled acne until I was 21, tried countless medications. 2 courses of Accutane ended up working for me, but I have some acne scars on my cheeks. Not red, but indentations.

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  • I'd love a man with scars, kiss the scars everyday and tell him he means the world :)

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  • If there is beauty in scars why then everytime someone noticed them ( all over my hands) start either laughing, offending me or staying aside?

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  • People like you make me sick.

    Saying that it's okay to have scars is saying it's okay to cut, witch is saying it's okay to hurt a living being. And saying it's beautiful to hurt a living being is just f*cked up.

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    • That is NOT what I said at all. What I said is that one shouldn't feel bad about their scars, and embracing them is one step on a path to recovery. I have no idea where you gathered it's okay to hurt people. You're taking what I said way out of context as a way to hurt me, when you could have left your awful comment out of this thread.

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