5 Signs You’re Ready For a New Relationship

[Anonymous]

Going through a breakup can be difficult. There really isn’t a “good” solution on how to move on and no “good” ending to a relationship (let’s face it breaking up generally sucks).

I just experienced a breakup 2 weeks ago and I was with him for 10 months. Though it was 10 months it was the hardest relationship and the longest I’ve ever been in. We both cut ties and as he says “I have no place in his life” which is fine by me since I really don’t need someone with his “cons” in my life as well. I miss him, I miss having a “Good Morning” text, I miss everything that comes with a relationship and moving on has been tough to an extent. Though it’s been tough these are my 5 signs you’re ready for a new relationship. Some say they are ready right away while other (like myself) are a very nervous to be single and also unsure of what to expect.

1. You are comfortable single: You have to enjoy your own company before you can enjoy someone else’s. Right now it’s a struggle because I would always be in a relationship that I totally forgot what it was like to be single. Sure missing someone will happen but don’t let that hold you back from going out with family/ friends.

2. You’re not desperate: Don’t be desperate! Every time you go out remind yourself to not go looking. Don’t look for someone to validate you, just enjoy the moment and if the right person comes along it’s because you weren’t looking (I personally am trying this out, it’s very hard because I enjoy relationships but I need to do this).

3. Able to look back at your last relationship honestly: Now you need to really be honest about what happened. Personally my guy was just into himself, he only made time for me when he had the time, he said he cared but really I never felt it much and he had “cons” that a normal female wouldn’t bother looking at him twice. His friends cheat on their girls and he supports that by being their friend (I can’t stand people that cheat or people that support it). However I went wrong because I stayed, I stayed and catered to him trying to make him happy and not myself. I could go on all day ranting about my last relationship but this is just an example I am using. It’s okay to be honest and realize what you didn’t do right.

4. You know what you want and don’t want: This is more than just physical. Personality and character traits you want in a partner as well. You are able to say “no” to a relationship you don’t want.

5. See a person for what they are: Sure love is blind, especially when your brain isn’t thinking straight. When you are in a solid emotional state you are able to see a person honestly and accept him/ her just as they are, not as a “fxer-upper”.

Taking a bit of time for yourself is hard (I am experiencing this right now). However to get yourself in check mentally, emotionally and physically will help you later on with a relationship that you do deserve. If you guys have any other signs please comment below. Also how do you guys get over break-ups? Please comment below and also inbox I if you have a topic you’d like for me to discuss. Much love and god bless <3

[godfatherfan]

Nicely put. When I was young I never really dated. I had dates with 5 women before meeting my ex wife. But I never had a girlfriend or anyone I dated more then just a few dates. Then I met my ex wife. We fell in love fast as it was intense. Met Jan 10, 1989, I left for the military Feb 14, 1989, I came home and proposed May 27, 1989. I was 20, she was 17. But we were ultimately together 25ys and 4 days. I never lived on my own. I went into debt on credit cards and was working part time at minimum wage (at that time it was $3.35 hr). So I lived at home (with the exception of the short time I was in the military) until I was 25 and we got married.
fast forward and now I am alone. I didn't want the divorce but that isn't enough to keep it from happening. I was afraid to be alone. About 3 months after the divorce I found out for sure that my ex had been cheating on me at least the last 2-3 years of our marriage. So I stupidly thought "I'll get back at her" and started dating. It was WAY too soon. Each person I went out with I thought long and hard about it and took what I learned and put it into action. After 2 months I realized I just wasn't ready to date. I had burned through 9 women (slept with 4 :) ) and decided I needed to be ok with being alone. I worked with my therapist more and just did a lot of thinking and relaxing. After 6 months I realized it was time. Instead of having nothing to do and looking forward to just putting in a movie or two, I found myself wanting someone to be with. A woman's touch is just incredibly intoxicating. And I don't just mean sex. To have a hug or to have her grab your harm is just a nice feeling.
So once I decided I was ready I one date that didn't work out, one woman that lasted a month, then I ended up in an 8 month relationship that I just ended. So once I was ready it went from 1 to 4 dates with someone to 1 month then 8.
But In both of those I ultimately found myself unhappy. After going through a divorce that almost broke me and was the worst pain I have ever felt emotionally, I knew that I just refuse to be in a relationship where I am not happy. I am the kind that never stops running through things in my mind. I am able to step outside myself and look at me, and determine if I am being unreasonable or not. Is there something I need to change? Every relationship has compromise, but there is a limit. Once I determine that there is no longer any chance of being together til death, I end it.

[godfatherfan]

I originally thought "I am done with dating" but knew that was unrealistic. I decided to just go with the flow. If a situation came up, I would go with it. And I did just ask a co-worker out. It is a seasonal job and she is a manager so there are rules against it. but she told me "I can't", she never said "NO" (see the question I have posted asking about this please lol). So I will try again next month when I am no longer working there.

[MaisGem21]

My last boyfriend ended things with me because I accused him of stealing.

This was turmoil as when I accused him I wasn't thinking straight, I saw stuff was missing, I couldn't find it so I accused him. He wouldn't talk to me for days and I started to think 'maybe he didn't steal and I really hurt him'. So the guilt trip, I apologized and he just wouldn't forgive me.
I blamed myself up until I saw his dad... he knew me and his son weren't together anymore but apparently all my ex told him was that we broke up because I couldn't trust him. At this point his Dad actually said these words "you're lucky you don't have to put up with him love! I'm sick of him stealing from me, he steals from his brother too!" with his Dad's friend adding that he's a "low life scum".
I still can't find the stuff that I accused him of stealing but hearing his own Dad saying he steals from his own family is enough evidence that I wasn't completely wrong in accusing him.

But he was right in saying I have trust issues so I need to work on that so I don't end up blaming my current boyfriend over what past boyfriends have done.

[VampireEmpress]

at least u caught him before he stole really important things from u.

[OlderAndWiser]

I wrote a myTake on how to survive a break up and move forward with your life: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a11176-a-practical-guide-for-how-to-get-over-your-breakup-how-to-get-on It covers some of the points that you addressed and some others.

[flakosky]

This is a great mytake!! I was in a 5 year relationship and we ended it cause it wasn't working out and I completely agree with you it does sucks but I chose to go the right way and the hardest way which is taking some time to literally get to know yourself and focus on your own. Which I believe is the same road you are taking and let me tell you that it was the best thing I ever did! I now love my self and who I am and I know exactly what I want and don't want in a relationship. I didn't even have friends with benefits nor did I hooked up with anyone until 10 months later I dated a girl for a month an a half and now it's been a year and a half since my ex of 5 years and I broke up and I couldn't be happier I'm single and seeing how all this signs are all checked off in my list then I am ready to start a new relationship. I hope you're strong and i suggest you don't start dating after all of those signs are checked off of your list. Usually us the ones that give advices to other people don't take our own advice so good luck! Your life is about to get better! Stay strong!

[Anonymous]

I agree with this take but my issue is trying to get into a relationship where it is mutual. Of my 4 years of using online dating sites, I've had plenty of dates but the furthest I've gotten is a fling for a few months and then they just ended out of nowhere.
There have been times where I guess you could say I got desperate and dated someone for the sake of dating or kept seeing the girl because she was nice and into me even though I wasn't feeling it. I had to end those because it was a waste of my time and their time and I just felt no excitement when seeing them. There have also been some that are physically attractive but have nothing in common and leave me to do the work, those ones get boring.

The worst is when I'd have a girl who is very physically attractive and has quite a bit in common and we'll have a good date or two and then they disappear without explanation or I'll get a "you're a nice guy but..." What I really hate is the fact that it happens so much is that I don't know what I'm doing that's causing me to fail. It's like I don't if it's something about my personality or something I'm saying that's scaring them of or just flat out turning them off despite being told I'm cute and funny.

[thisdudejimmy]

Don't worry about it bro... girls are weird like that sometimes lol

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah but it's still frustrating that it's happened so often. I mean I've met up with 30+ women off those sites over the years of using it.

[martyfellow]

Wise advice. I think we should add, "Don't stew over whose fault it was, did I make 啊mistake in having the relationship in the first place, and other 'blame' linked cogitations. Leave all that for a time when you can look back objectively.

I would say try not to reflect on what happened for at least a couple of months, maybe until you are contemplating a new relationship.

BUT.. you need to come to terms with the 'blame' questions BEFORE you jump into something new and repeat the same mistakes!!

So, you have some delicate balancing to do. Above all, don't let yourself be pressured into anthing. Reject any proposal that makes you feel hurried...

Good luck, all of this is never easy for anyone.

[Rloco]

Thanks this was exactly the type of thing I was looking for. I technically can check off all five items but I'm still afraid. I don't want to make a mistake of dating if I'm not yet ready. But I guess I'll always have that. Thanks this helps my situation.

[RedThread]

I think all of those are very true except for 4. I don't think many people know who they want until they find it. My friends who are married today or in long term relationships are with the opposite of what they always said their preferences were and they're happy. I just think we need to be confident to put ourselves out there until we find someone that we click with.

[9mfeo]

Ultimately, I think you're only ready for a relationship when you are completely ambivalent to being in one. As in, you could be and that would be great or you could be single which would also be great. It's difficult to get to that point, but most people do get there.

[Mekkalyn]

"You have to enjoy your own company before you can enjoy someone else’s." This is wrong. It's why so many people bounce from relationship to relationship - BECAUSE they don't like themselves when they are alone, but like the company of someone else.

[lePoivre]

These are good to keep in mind considering that I'm strongly in the idea of breaking up with my current boyfriend (who is my first serious boyfriend and longest relationship, so it'll be tough)... Thank you for the take.

[Anonymous]

By your mytake reasons I should be ready to be in a relationship because I display all of these but I'm not ready to be in a relationship. It's not like people wake up one day and think "you know what I want a relationship with this guy I my down the street"

I think self love is the most important
How can you love someone if you do not love yourself?

Also, I think that relationships develop or time and it needs to be mutual

Feelings come and go

[Opinion Owner]

*like

[Iamathinker]

Yeah, I wish that the ones I'm currently having will go much sooner than later.

[Abe90]

I haven't dated in five years now lol I've been ready for a good while now but no one's come my way. I think number 4 is a good one but every time a relationship ends, it changes because it reminds you of a fault or trait that you didn't like

[Iamathinker]

I'm not sure if I am ready. I wish there was a shut off switch to feelings or some type of removal process.

[thisdudejimmy]

I agree. .. that would be helpful wouldn't it?

[Anonymous]

Nice myTake!

But what do you suggest for someone like me, who has been single for over 5 years now and ready for a relationship since years, but can't really find women willing to date me?

[myTake Owner]

Go out with friends, go online, change up your lifestyle you know. Whatever you are doing make a change to your routine that will help.

[Opinion Owner]

I agree, but single, available women seems to be an endangered species! Even if they are single, they're either hurting from a previous relationship, or are already crushing on someone else. So it has been very difficult for me to find that precise window of opportunity, where a woman is single AND available, to approach her.

[myTake Owner]

It's tough but keep trying. Keep your head up and don't lose hope.

[Opinion Owner]

Sigh! It's been 5 long years, so I don't know how much longer I can keep my chin up.

Oh well! No pain, no gain I guess! ;)

[NotTheFBI]

Huh... guess I'm ready for a new relationship again then. Very interesting MyTake.

[BackInGame]

No more free shit from guy
No more gifts
No more shopping sprees
No more "shared" bank account

yup, time to move on...

[jessicorn]

all 5 are checked by me. so now where's my bf? xD

[myTake Owner]

Go out and be with friends, try new things, change your daily routine also it might help

[chillerbee]

Very much agree! Especially with #1!

[Stephen10]

What a load of ridiculous drivel.

[myTake Owner]

Okay, why do you say this?

[Stephen10]

Because women are smart enough to figure it out for themselves. They don't need people planting seeds in their mind. It just makes women more paranoid. They will know deep down whether or not the man is good or bad.

[Jimrat86]

That's a weird opinion to have...

[Stephen10]

@Jimrat86 And I think you're weird

[Ashely_Princess]

I'm ready a little but not that much. 😂😂👍

[Northeast106]

Exactly, all very good points.