Why Guys Need to Stop Lying to Themselves

[Kitty44]

No matter what I post or write about relationships and dating, there are guys who take it as a personal attack. They maintain that hot guys with lots of money will always get the girl over their mundane selves, that it isn't fair, and that their lives are basically over the minute they wake up in the morning. They take anything I post about the kind of guys I like as a smokescreen for my (our?) true opinion, because Donald Trump "got" Melania and like, the world is unfair.

I don't mean to pick on you guys, but I think you're the ones being unfair. To yourselves, and to the women who actually do want to date you. To women in general, by acting like the way a woman looks has any effect on your life at all.

I can't count the number of times I have heard a guy tell a beautiful, intelligent, and engaging woman that they can't date her right now because they don't feel deserving. They don't have a job, car, or whatever it is they think they would need in order to deserve a girl like her.

Like her doesn't necessarily mean Ivanka trump or Ariana Grande or whoever you guys are chasing these days. Every man wants something different but these days, they seem to develop this very specific form of depression. They have a laundry list featuring the type of woman who would be "good enough", and a list of things they must have before they're "allowed" to date her.

Even if you get into relationships with these guys, they will go out of their way to do things that end the relationship. Maybe they're not even going out of their way. Maybe they really are that dumb. I really, really hope not.

So here's my take.

Getting a girl who looks exactly like every girl in Hollywood is not "winning".

Having a girl who looks like this doesn't make you better, or more special, than other men. Going home and looking at her isn't going to fill the actual holes in your relationship or personality. It's true, you might "get" a girl who looks a certain way and walk around showing her off as if that is the only important thing about you. I got her, therefore I must be worthy.

Honestly, you're more likely to be criticized. Beside someone else, her husband might look like just a normal guy, but beside the frighteningly beautiful Scarlett Johansson he comes under constant criticism for his looks.

Who is this guy anyway? He must be pretty rich to get a "girl like that"

Well, no. Romain Dauriac is a French journalist who once edited Clark magazine. He wasn't the richest guy in the world, certainly not compared to his famous wife. He's not some buff supermodel. You don't have to be richer, better looking, or more...whatever, in order to get a "hot" girl.

You just have to have something in common with her, and treat her like a human being with a voice.

I know somebody's going to spout off at the neck, Trump Trump Trump...so allow me to intervene. Donald Trump is famous for being ignorant, and a dick. But he also has these beautiful women by his side all the time! So there, me!

I know. It just doesn't seem fair.

You see, Trump also has a lot of money. On top of just having the money that draws women to him, he is also faithful in his way. He's not some rich playboy who wants to sleep with you once and run off: he wants to marry you and here's the important part: pay for your plastic surgery.

When he married her Ivana, the beautiful, blonde, and glamorous woman, actually looked like this:

Surgery created something new:

and I would say, probably very grateful for the investment. Those are real diamonds, my friends. Donald Trump clearly didn't just sleep with this woman and throw her away. Ivana herself said that he was a kind and decent man until he wasn't...and when he wasn't, she divorced him.

I don't think guys who want to be able to treat women like crap and get away with it, deserve anyone. Most of them are alone, if not actually, then effectively. When I talk about relationships, I mean relationships where two people actually care about each other, share a bed, and genuinely want to see each other when they wake up every morning. Relationships like mine.

You can be with any woman, when attractiveness isn't the only thing that matters. And I hate to be a cliche here, but love really does make you more beautiful. And I don't just mean guys who pay for plastic surgery, ahahaa!

So here's my message: you're good enough now. And the woman you're with, if you're with someone, she is good enough too. Your self esteem should NEVER rely on what your girlfriend looks like, or what your friends or some idiot on the internet might think or say. Including this idiot, if what I'm saying makes you feel bad about your relationship.

If you love someone, it doesn't matter what they look like. If you're stringing someone along despite having so much in common (and yes, this goes for both genders) because they're "not attractive enough" you need to stop.

But if you're hanging around someone thinking YOU'RE "not attractive enough" you need to stop that, too. Ask her out, and if she says no, ask someone else. Your entire ability to be human, happy, and to exist doesn't rely on whether or not a supermodel is willing to date you.

In fact, just being 100% honest, when a guy's entire self-esteem relies on what his girlfriend looks like, it's actually a little sad.

[Elarra]

So I read the comments section before I read the Take because I figured that since all the responses so far were male that there would be some salty guys. And there were.

I then read your Take. And you made good, clear points. There could have been more support, but I didn't see anything wrong with your Take.

The male responses so far are very petty, rude, and defensive. It's clear that most of the guys on here will not take this to heart and will take it as an attack when it's not an attack. It's just the truth. But at the same time, that's just because a lot of guys on G@G think they can do no wrong and that women are always at fault, especially when it comes to dating and relationships.

It seems that a lot of men are trying to play the 'victim' more and more instead of actually reflecting on themselves and making changes for the better. Too many of these guys are just flat out bitter.

[Idonthaveausername]

Love this post. Glad to know I'm not the only one who sees this problem on GAG

I agree it was a decent Take with valid and helpful advice if anybody is willing to take it

[justkidding93]

wrong, the problem is that women like you and the mytake poster are simply unable to see the problem with women, womens hypergamy instinct along with feminist laws and society makes dating very onesided in womens favor, so complaining about that or abandoning women is not bitter, its just smart. If we are supposed to act like we are equal (even though men are superior in reality) then why should men do all the work to make a relationship happen? most guys just are tired of that. And many men are victims when it comes to the gynocentric laws which makes interacting with women a big risk. divorce laws and false rape accusations etc has made many men wary of women for good reason.
Many women dont realize how much easier it is to be a 10 woman compared to a 10 man, women just need to improve her looks which she can do with minor surgery, casually working out and makeup.

[justkidding93]

because of having to many options when in their prime, women often make the mistake of being too picky and then when she gets older her value drops and then she fails to adjust her standards. This is where women start to become bitter.

[Elarra]

@justkidding93

All your response did was prove my point.

[justkidding93]

no they didn't, your point is flawed and simply inaccurate.

[justkidding93]

no *it* didn't

[Elarra]

@justkidding93 Yes, your point did, but I don't really need you to agree to know I'm right.

[justkidding93]

nope, my point didn't, and you're wrong regardless of what you think and wheter i agree or not.

[Idonthaveausername]

@justkidding93
Lol your post proved her point exactly. You're so focused on your myopic viewpoint that you can't see the bigger picture

[Kuraj]

Your opinion is nice and all, but coming from a female i. e. someone who does not actually have to deal with any of the societal standards the males you are trying to talk to have to deal with, it holds no weight.

Also, Scarlett Johansson is painfully average not "frighteningly beautiful".
Which is another perpetual problem with you females - not only you don't have to carry the brunt of the work in the dating environment you also overrate the fuck out of the value that you bring to the table.

[godfatherfan]

Most guys will look at some women and think "she is just out of my league". I don't look at it that way most of the time anymore. However, realistically, that just exists regardless of what you want to put in your take. A guy like me that is working 2 jobs to make ends meet will not get a Jennifer Anniston or any woman that looks as hot as she does. The problem is that even if a woman that looks that amazing chooses to go out with me, she has every guy in the world drooling over her and she knows it. She can have her pick of anyone. So if she doesn't get her way every time, or the first time I can't buy her that knick knack or jewelry she wants (which will be every single time), she will go with the guy that can. I don't necessarily blame the woman. Problem is that most of the guys that can afford stuff like that treat women like shit. I know that no man will treat a woman as well as i will treat her. Problem is, women don't want a guy like that. I have dated women that have been physically and emotionally abused. I thought, finally, if she stayed with a piece of trash like him for all those years, she will never leave me. I get her door when she gets in the car, I treat her like a princess, and they always leave for some messed up nonsense of a reason. So don't way that these model looking women are going to date average joe shmoo. It just doesn't happen unless the guy has a ton of cash.

[EpicDweeb]

While I agree with a lot of what you've said there must be a clarification made between those who do not feel themselves "worthy," and those who do not feel themselves ready. Sometimes a guy feels the need to have a decent paying job, a car (not necessarily a nice one), and an apartment, or some other form of housing in order to date, or get a girl. This isn't necessarily because they feel they need it to woo her.

There are some guys (myself included) who want to wait to get into any serious relationships until the point where they can support themselves. If their end goal is marriage I think this is very wise. A man should be mature enough that he can provide for his family. If he's not mature enough to do that, he shouldn't be focusing on trying to find a girlfriend, get married and have kids.

While I'll admit I have had this issue of assuming a girl, who I thought beautiful, was out of my league. I thought of her as somehow being uninterested in a guy like me, so I don't deny anything you've said so far. Even so, I think it must be made clear that some guys, even if they are few and far between, have valid reasons for wanting to wait before dating a girl they find attractive.

[MrOracle]

Ivana didn't have surgery - that's just a bad picture of her from the 80's. Every celeb is going to have a few milliseconds where they look bad if they have 10,000 pictures taken on a night - and this is just one example. The Enquirer loves to run those pics, but it's crap.

The second pic is a posed, professional portrait, not a candid red-carpet pic. Of course it's a whole lot better. It's also newer, with a far better hairstyle and makeup, and much better pose and lighting. That's the point of a professional portrait.

[Unit1]

"I can't count the number of times I have heard a guy tell a beautiful, intelligent, and engaging woman that they can't date her right now because they don't feel deserving. They don't have a job, car, or whatever it is they think they would need in order to deserve a girl like her."

https://i.giphy.com/4pMX5rJ4PYAEM.gif

I feel guilty now.

But for real this was a fantastic MyTake! Now if I only could believe in it some more, which is a hard task for me to accomplish.

I will try my best! I will keep trying! I am open to women!

[Unit1]

"No matter what I post or write about relationships and dating, there are guys who take it as a personal attack."

You really do know what you are talking about! I like that! At this point I am not surprised.
Fortunately there are guys like me, who take the advise and use it for self improvement :)

Your mytake wasn't in vain kind lady! I gained from it :) Even more now where I am finding a way out of my "women are gold diggers" mentality!

[JohnDoe3000]

"I can't count the number of times I have heard a guy tell a beautiful, intelligent, and engaging woman that they can't date her right now because they don't feel deserving. They don't have a job, car, or whatever it is they think they would need in order to deserve a girl like her."

Really? I've never seen it happen the way you describe it. I've seen some guys think this, or admit it to me, but not if the woman had already revealed her interest, and in most cases she had no interest to reveal, so the guys were ultimately, in some way, correct in their thinking.

[Anonymous]

It comes from a view of woman as objects, not people.

When you buy a car you want the shiniest one with the most features - that's fine, it's an object, and you have a right to buy what you like.

But women aren't cars, or status symbols, or objects to be possessed. We are people.

Men seem very caught up in having objects they own prove that they are a better, more worthy as men, in this grand competition between men, and women are just one more thing that guys thing they have to "own".

Not only is that profoundly dehumanizing to women, it puts men in this useless competition where none of them can just relax and enjoy life as it really is - and I can't think that is a very happy place to be for men either.

[WhistleForTheChoir]

I like your take, except Donald Trump isn't "faithful", he's a rapist. 90% of people are attractive enough for 90% of other people. It's all about mentality and willpower and desire to be together. I hate when people miss out on love, because they think they aren't good enough. I know what not good enough is, because I'm not good enough lol. If you're mentally sound though, you'll do fine. I'm an impressive and incredibly skilled individual, also quite attractive. But I'm mad as a goddamn hatter and I'll be alone forever. Stop bitching and live for me please.

[lord_chilled]

When did trump rape someone? Thats a new one..

[WhistleForTheChoir]

@lord_chilled "And when you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything... Grab 'em by the pussy, you can do anything." Let me predict what you're going to say, "That's not rape, something, something-penetration."

[lord_chilled]

As far as the statement goes "they let you do anything" ,,, seems like he said whatever went on was consentual. He didn't say you can do anything, he said they "let" you do anything.
And lets be honest, when your rich and famous, there's a lot of golddiggers around who have the intent of sex.
Id take it as a guy who tries a bit too hard bragging to his pals, rather than a guy who actually rapes people. I doubt many people would go around bragging about their crimes, especially rape, unless they are already in jail and got nothing to lose.

Meanwhile , hillary had gotten a rapist off charges.. But im sure that doesn't matter to you since SHE herself is not a rapist

[WhistleForTheChoir]

@lord_chilled That's not how that statement scans with me at all. To me it sounds like he does whatever he wants and then is bragging about how the women must be ok with it, because they don't report him. But I'm not really about arguing semantics. Instead, how about the fact that he also bragged about walking in on naked women scrambling to cover themselves at his pageants? Some of whom were underaged? Or the fact that multiple women came forward and accused him of exactly the behavior he's bragging about?
Also, who brought up Clinton? Did I miss something? Making an equivalency is not a defense. Have you ever heard of a court case where a defense attorney stood up and said, "My client may have sent inappropriate pictures to teenagers, but R. Kelly pissed on them. Therefore, he must be alright."? You're just deflecting. Yes, Hillary Clinton was appointed as a defense attorney for a rapist, and is kind of a shitty human. Stop the presses!

[lord_chilled]

Oh well then sorry, i tought that yku would rather have hillary president. I guess i assumed wrong..

Maybe like you are assuming about trump being a rapist. Thr sentense is clear. He said they let him, and you dont need to twist it around. I haven't read or seen anythong about those thinhs he said, becaise frankly, i couldnt care less about those things,, all the trump shaming just got me to realize that the left is trying its hardest to paint him in a bad picture.

As far as i know he's not a rapist, and until evidence says otherwise, i think its stupid of you to call him one. Grow the hell up..

[WhistleForTheChoir]

@lord_chilled I would rather have Hillary as president. Hillary and Trump are both evil liars, but Trump is unintelligent too, and evil at least has to pretend to be good. Stupid is always stupid. "I prefer the rogue to the fool, because rogues sometimes rest."
What the fuck is "Trump shaming"? Trump is a public figure and the damn president. Those guys usually are going to take flak, especially if they've spent the past 30 years as a cartoon character. To use your words, grow the hell up.
I'm going to go ahead and call him a rapist, because according to the 12+ women who have come forward, and he kissed and grabbed by the pussy, they did not "let him". Him saying he can go up to women and do whatever he wants is more and indictment of his self-awareness and narcissism than an objective read on the situation.
You can have the last word. I'm not responding anymore, because you "couldn't care less about those things," so this conversation is kind of pointless isn't it.

[lord_chilled]

Please, if the guy was that stupid, he wouldn't be this rich. And dont give the thing about daddys money, if he wasn't smart about it, hed still lose it. The guys a businessman. he's smart.
Unrefined, a bit loud,,, maybe talks stupid , buta ges smart.
And if it was hillary instead of him,, there may have been a ww3 now. You want someone who is buddies with putin or tryna fuck with putin? Seriously, you amis can be dumb af sometimes.

And yeah, dont act dumb, there was a hellot of unnecessary trump shaming going on during the elections. I had never seen a oresidential candidate, in a place like the us,, get this much hate.
Hillary had charges too, but those were serious and politically relevant charges...
This guy was simply made to look like a jerk and a oervert. Totally different things..
But i think we talked enough about hillary vs trump.
That ship has sailed, long ago..

And 12 plus women coming forward isn't something new, famous men get sexual assault charges all the time.

[lord_chilled]

Its just a bunch of golddiggers and attention seekers most of the time. Now if it was 50 women, like in the case of bill cosby, and the guy isn't running for election or anything, now thats believable. The guy obviously is a serial rapist.
But this guy,, i doubt

[WhistleForTheChoir]

@lord_chilled Glad that was the last word, because like every third sentence is just unintelligible. Learned some new words though, like "amis" and "hellot".

[lord_chilled]

I wasn't finished but it got posted by accident , and i had to go do something.
And if you can't understand the sentences i wrote, well maybe you should have read more books in shool.
Or college, but i suppose college campuses only make people dumber there in the us, with all the pc liberalist ideology you have.

[SaintDamage]

The issue lies within very attractive people, women and men. In their heads, so long as they are not majorly insecure, know they are attractive and can get with someone just as good as them. Because of this, the average person (which is most of us) will find that most very attractive people are not even that fun to be around because of their pretentiousness. A fool constantly chases very hot people.

If anyone wants someone like Scarlett Johansson, then, they need to go after their emotions and their mind. That's very vague, but that is the foundation for chasing after those types of people who are successful. Even still though, a very attractive person may still put you to the side because you are not as hot as they can get.

Let the idiots chase very hot women; you don't want those people in your life anyways. But luckily for me, what I consider hot is what a lot of guys don't care about. Black hair and bangs, bam, that's it. That's my weakness.

[independentman]

Here are my reasons why I feel unwothy of a girl:
- I have confidence, health, and other life issues, which can affect the girl I'm into
- I am also a porn addict and this gets me tired really quick
- I don't have a house, car and of course a better job (you can say whatever you want o this but I don't believe would help m)
- I don't have the looks (honestly kids who it's said to tell the truth says I am ugly not matter who comes after they lie becauose after first talk woudn't be a second talk
- I am too serious too boring Iheard that from some of my deskmates, and how girls like guys who bother them and touched them, I would like that too but I feel that girls would ract different
- I am not funny
- I am an uniteresting person
- I feel inferior to others both male and female and honestly I really try to avoid being a whimp guy and father that's why I prefer solitude

[Iraqveteran666]

Those guys are right women will not date a loser so if you tell a chick you can't date her because you haven't a car etc then that's on you.
What I can't understand is why so many guys have this entitled view that they deserve a great girl but bring nothing to the table but butthurt and a negative attitude. Like where are the balls on guys today, I used to regularly ask out chicks even though I was broke living in a trailer. My attitude was if she said no she said no.

[MarkRet]

It's also a matter of a guy having confidence in himself. I was a lot more timid decades ago than I am now. Back then, I would see a beautiful woman and think, "Wow, that's really nice, but I'm not gonna get anything like that, so I'm not gonna even try."

[JDavid25]

Well, I just wanted to get this outta the way, but I wouldn't say Scarlet is frighteningly beautiful.. She has a cute face, with a nice body.. LOL.. And the guy next to her is not bad lookin either.. Maybe a bit weird lookin.. But, yeah I most agree with you though.. Confidence is key to many things.. A lot of guys do whine about those things.. LOL..

[fabulouspancakes]

You nailed it on many levels. Some guys spend so much time feeling sorry for themselves when really they'd have a girlfriend by now if they'd just treat women like people.

[mike5150]

I have never gone for the dolled up it girl. I have always looked for a more wholesome girl next door. And there was a time I never felt good enough. Honest answer is that the world is a fucked up place with a lot of expectations for men and women and a lot of times good people don't find someone. All I can say is stay true to your morals and make an effort because you don't want to live with regrets.

[Anonymous]

I wish more guys actually listened to what you were saying here instead of insulting your take, you have some valid points. I think they read the title and got defensive immediately when your advice could actually help them.

[Anonymous]

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[Browneye57]

Sounds like you're confusing 'attraction' with 'desire'. They're two different things.

And the guys are all messed up cuz the FI keeps selling them complete bullshit on what women really want. You have a whole generation of girlie-men. LOL

[Midget_Hug]

This is missing the sociological pressure for the male to be the total package. This is a significantly deeper issue than posed here.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

This MyTake is full of contradictions..

So are you saying guys that guys who go after hot girls are bad people or not?

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Funny that out of all the guy comments here that are getting ripped on, that mine hasn't been challenged yet despite 4 female downvotes. Anyone gonna toss the gauntlet?

[lord_chilled]

Hmm... The guy with scarlet looks pretty good to me. Definitely on scarlets level.

As for the take... This was good. I actually dont have anything to complain about here 😅