Is this The One?

Is this The One?

I understand that many G@Gers are not Christians, or are not religious at all. This myTake is NOT about religion or religious beliefs, but it does begin with a Bible verse about men and women:

Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

There are lessons in the Bible that are good lessons for life without regard to religious beliefs. This is one of them.

A relationship begins with two people following different courses, like two rivers flowing in different directions. Each person has different ideas, different goals, different priorities, different preferences, different needs, etc. In the initial stages of a relationship, we evaluate a potential partner for their ability to satisfy our needs, and they evaluate us for our ability to satisfy their needs. We evaluate the relationship from a very self-centered perspective and that is absolutely appropriate . . . in the early stages of dating.

After some months, we might begin to think that our significant other could be The One. At that point, the rivers turn and they begin flowing parallel to each other.

Once we entertain that thought, it takes some time to fully consider the possibilities and to become convinced that he or she is, indeed, The One. When we make this decision, it is possible that we have made a hasty judgment or even fooled ourselves. Perhaps we are so lonely and so desperate to find our lifelong companion that we have overlooked obvious red flags or warning signs. Maybe there aren’t really any warning signs but we simply don’t have enough common interests or desires; maybe the strongest part of our relationship is lust.

The Allegheny and Monongahela Rivers form the Ohio River
The Allegheny and Monongahela Rivers form the Ohio River

If we have found The One and we have fallen in love, a wonderful thing happens. The two rivers that were flowing parallel now merge and become one stronger, mightier river. The two become one flesh! We begin to think of our partner’s needs, interests, desires, etc. as being as important as our own needs, interests, desires, etc. That doesn’t mean that we become totally selfless and forget about our own needs, but our partner becomes as important to us as our self.

This means, for instance, that if we are struggling with a limited budget and there is only $200 left at the end of the month for non-essentials, we think about using that money for something our partner wants instead of just focusing on what it is that we want. And if the decision is made to purchase something for our partner instead of our self, we are just as happy as if we had purchased some non-essential for our self.

It also means that we recognize that our partnership is a valuable thing worthy of cultivation, protection, and promotion. When we encounter a problem or a conflict in the relationship, our first thought should not be to run away from the relationship. No, our attention turns to working on resolving the conflict and making the relationship even stronger.

You may be saying to yourself, “Damn! This old guy is off his rocker! Definitely OlderAndNuttier!” I remember a time when I could not imagine saying this about a partner and, looking back, I know that I was not ready for a long term relationship. But now . . . I’ll bet that if you were to read this to any couple who have a successful relationship, they would respond, “Yeah, he’s got it right!”

Suppose you are in a relationship and you think about your partner and you say, “No, that could never be us.” Maybe this is the test for you to decide if the current Mr. Right or Ms. Right is The One. If you cannot envision having this selfless love for your partner, then maybe they aren’t The One, or maybe you aren’t ready for a commitment.

Is this The One?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Sensmind
    Great take - Good elaboration on your theme and I also agree with it - You may have hook ups, dates maybe relationships but if you want to take it to that final step into a lasting permanent relationship (whatever that means to you) and you have to say he/she is the one, two become one while being individuals (another discussion but I believe a successful relationship is capable of both)
    To put in simple terms, noone bats an eyelid when people say when you have kids you must put their needs before your own because you love them. Is it not a branch of the same tree to say I will give the same level of commitment to a partner although in different context.
    Is this still revelant?
  • Excellent myTake, I agree on all your points.
    I think that what adds the most value to it it's that you had to go through those experiences yourself.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girls

  • Desconhecida
    I'm not saying this because I'm religious but I agree with you entirely.
    One of the strongest signs we've found the right person is when we start thinking about their needs first. When we start including them in our futures, our plans have their desires into account. When we finally become one.
    Is this still revelant?
  • aialex
    What about buying something for myself and makes him happy at the same time?

    For example, perfume, scented candles, body soap or lingerie!
    Is this still revelant?
    • Would you be just as happy buying something for him?

    • aialex

      I'm a lousy gift chooser, so my best bet is making myself happy while seducing him lol

    • So what does that say about your desire to satisfy his needs?

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

28
  • Well, wellllllll... Except that "The one" is not just one. Many can be "the one" to varying degrees.

    Looks like I'm either flowing nowhere exciting or I'm a stationary sea (like the cynical dreamer lady)
    • Yes, I do not agree that there is only one person in the world who could be a great match for you.

    • Indeed. This is why i avoid using "the one". The one is this guy.

      Is this The One?

      😀

    • That is why I always refer to "The One," like it is a title that we bestow on the person that makes us happy but they are not really the only potential one.

    • Show All
  • Rand_Omguy
    These are supposed to be questions. Not thought projects based on christianity and aappy Christmas tales about two lovers buying each other gifts that they sell their own personal property for that ends up making the gift useless. Seriously from a Christian guy I'm just kinda wowed that you can type all this but not have a end question for someone to respond to.
    • Sixgun77

      This is a mytake, not a question. This site does both.

    • Rand_Omguy

      Ohhh shiiiiit ok i feel hella rude now. My apologies!!!

    • Rand_Omguy

      Brand new here and I'm in a miff currently and i took it out slightly cause it felt really out of place.

    • Show All
  • Avicenna
    Thanks for this. She-who-shall-not be-named would never have done something like that (although I would have for her). So she definitely wasn't The One.
  • Phoenix98
    As a christian I must say that's a pretty good and interesting way of looking at it and I would be inclined to agree.
  • Creepazoid
    I like how the dirty river just pollutes the other lmao. All jokes aside this was a great read.
  • Jamie05rhs
    When exactly is the point where you switch from being critical to being sacrificial?
    • When I decide, "Okay. I think this is The One and I am going to do what it takes to make this work!" In my analogy, this is when the two parallel rivers turn towards each other and are headed for a confluence.

    • Jamie05rhs

      How do I keep from deciding that early? Because I'm a romantic optimist and I always see the best in people and I see their potential and want to believe in them. It's very easy for me to fall in love.

    • I understand your dilemma. Do you have a best friend with whom you discuss such matters?

    • Show All
  • Grond21
    Very well said. Nice job!
  • I love it thank u
  • KaraAyna
    Good take
  • Cool..
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