A relationship of convenience with someone you don't love?

[Anonymous]

I dated a guy at college and am a year older than him. We stayed in lots of contact, both of us were in touch with each other every day at least. I knew he was seeing another girl up there but he told all his friends she meant nothing to him, it was mainly a sex thing. I only met her once and he wasn't into her. still texting not just flirtatious messages but really sweet ones, only for someone to tell me they were now a proper item.

I'm confused why they're together when he always said to his guys that he wasn't interested. I don't know why he still tried so hard to stay in touch with me if he was with her. we don't live in the same area now but they live around the same city. do you think that this sounds like a relationship of convenience?

Updates

+1 y

the other thing is I told him I don't think we should talk no more now he's with her properly and I know it. do you think this is a good move, give him time, or do you think I should keep in contact?

[Anonymous]

Sorry to say, but this guy has a case of the wanting his cake and eating it too. He probably liked your companionship and the emotional side of things, but with this girl he was getting his sexual needs fulfilled. He might've been telling the truth to his friends that this girl means nothing to him and it's just physical. But then he's just playing this girl and that should've set off the warning bells for you that this guy is no good. To answer your question, yes, for him it is a relationship out of convenience. Both of them. Convenient for him to fulfill his sexual urges from that girl and for you to feed his ego. And both, as it seems, with little commitment if he's been able to get away with it this long.

You should keep with what you say. Don't talk to him. I know it's tough, but leave him be. Sooner or later that girl will find out he's just using her and see him for the jerk he is. And guess what? He'll come back knocking on your door. And you need this time to become strong enough to slam it in his face because you deserve far better than that.

[Opinion Owner]

I should also add that taking him back won't change things. You've let him know he can do things like this. He'll just do it again if it's convenient for him. I think long distance or not, if he really cared about you and was serious about the relationship you two had, there would be no excuse for him to look elsewhere to fulfill those needs. You have needs too and you do fine. Anything he says is bullsh*t. Give him a few years to get humbled, but don't wait up. Find a man who respects you.

[aceofdiamond]

i think he may have been using you as a back item. if something goes bad I guess he wants you to stay with him so he can always fall back on you. he wanted you to stay interested in him so he would always have you there to hold him up if he fell down. I guess this is a relationship of convenience... not sure. he probably just wants you around him to keep him happy if he ever needs support.

[Asker]

Yeah I guess. I just always felt he liked me more I guess. when I went tback to college to see my friends, whenever he saw me, he'd be lookin at me, spending all his time with me...i know guys need more than texts and emails which is why if this girl was throwin' herself at him, I guess it's more understandable why theyre together?

[Mikerowave]

Sometimes you have a really good relationship with a girl (ie you), and the risk of taking it further and losing what you have as a friend isn't worth the risk of taking things further. No matter how screwed up that is, when you think there could be so much more if you were together, dating someone else, and having you as a friend may be worth more to him

[musician13]

Well, unfortunately it sounded like he was trying to have his cake and eat it too. He wanted sex and this girl was easy. He may have really liked you, (still might for all I know), but he probably went with this other girl because she's easy. This is supposing you and him didn't actually have sex.

[Asker]

Thanks for your comment - it makes sense to me. do you think sex with an "easy" girl could lead to a relationship of some kind though? do you think people can fall into relationships for convenience?

[musician13]

I agree with your comment on the answer below, part of it could be that he can't really handle being physically distant from the one he's dating. That coupled with the easiness of the other girl could definitely lead to a relationship forming with his second draft pick.

[Andrew_Mussolini]

IT is a good move, A fellow with CLASS will not lead on or do shady things to the woman he loves. What I mean with hady is to do things that will make her question his commitement

[aceofdiamond]

good move.