Should you stay single in your 20s?

[Queen_naki5]

I wanna know everyones opinion about being single in your 20s. It's starting to become a huge topic of interest especially these days. Many young adults are starting to get married later in life and focus on their education and career goals first. Many people embrace being single even single moms, because it just seems like an ideal situation to be in when you're young and getting to know yourself. I'm not single, but on many times, have thought about how my life would be had I not stayed committed to my boyfriend and when I was single how I was less overwhelmed. However, one thing that I do enjoy about being in a relationship, is that I'm connected to someone, no shame in intimacy with one person and I he's one of my best friends.

Of course, being single is the way to go.

No way, you should date and see what you like first.

Updates

+1 y

I'm not asking this question about me. I used myself as an example but the question is more aimed to seeing what you feel about this topic of interest.

[Anonymous]

I say stay single... You are going to get married and have kids later on anyways. So why not enough being single?

I regret dating in my 20's, because I spent so much of it with arguments with ex's and spending so much time on them. I never really lived for myself till later on when I became single again. Then I realized how nice it was to do something I wanted without having someone nag or control me.

I mean eventually I will find someone. I look at a mentor I have at work. He did the same, worked hard on his career and I doubt he would get a good girl in his 20's, he barely had any cash, he was working all the time. Now he's in his late 30's, he's with the most beautiful women I've seen. He has a kid with her, he has good cash now and he's become super confident. You don't have that in your 20's.

Plus why can't you see what's out there when you are in your 30's? I'd say it's A LOT easier to find someone then, because everyone wants to settle down around that age.

All these women complaining about being lonely or alone have no self esteem or confidence. That's where the douchges see this weakness and abuse these women. Ladies you should NOT need to feel alone or feel you won't find a guy later etc.. You should show some confidence and know whether it's now or later you will find the right match. You shouldn't NEED a guy to make you feel good. You should want someone that just fits in with you and supports you when things get tough. Same with the fellas in the house!

[Lonelywolf21]

It depends if you have found true love. If you have found someone that you want to share your rest of your life with, why should you wait. Go for it. :D Don't wait to date or talk with someone that you truly love. Try everything in anyway (of course let it be legal, LOL) to get the one you have crush on. Try to impress her/him, because I am very sure you will regret it later in life when she or you get married or get another person. It's not like you don't like the person you are with or married to, but you will think back and some of you will regret that you didn't even try make something out of it. And if it works out, I am definitely sure it will make you happy for the rest of your life.

And another tip is that if you have stayed single for so long time, then you are probably a virgin. And a very good tip would be don't throw it away on a random person on a random party. It's not worth it. It's very high possibility that you regret it once you find true love. And in addition, if you are a virgin your partner would show more respect for you, because then she/him think they mean something to you since they are your first. True you have a lack of experience, but still i think it's worth it. :)

But hey who am I to give advice. Have a crush on a girl that I could maybe start something good out of it, but haven't tried hard enough to make it work. But I haven't given up yet. I think there is hope, though it's small. I haven't given up, so shouldn't you. ;)

[pooper89]

I'm single and I'm still growing as a person. Mentally that is. I know I'll find someone but right now I feel like if I had a boyfriend I'd be so tied down; I might make the wrong choices. In today's society, women can afford to be independent. If I had a boyfriend, I couldn't move around or go visit Europe . I have to get all of that out of my system first.
The things I want to do in life, like be in a band, or become a professional horse rider, are very difficult to do when you're pregnant or have two kids or whatever else. Or you have to stay with your husband because of his job. I believe that in life, you pick your own destiny, based on where you come from, how you were raised, and what's important to you, even considering your personality. I believe I came into this world brimming with ambition. I would not trade who I am for anything else. I know when I'm doing what I want to do and accomplishing my goals, somewhere out of the chaos, prince charming will appear. Until then, I try not to worry about it. I know I'm getting older and yes I would like to have a family, but I know that if I threw away my plans for that now, I'd have some serious regrets.

[Kimmygriff1]

If I could go back to my early 20s, I would say not to get too involved with guys at least until your late 20s. I've been in relationships since I was 17, so 10 years and I'm recently single. I don't want to say I regret everything, but I definitely could have made better decisions. I always put relationships before qualifications and careers. So I didn't do the things I wanted to do. They also made me, mess up at work a couple of times, which is never good. I would honestly, do everything you want to do, in terms of travelling, going out and get the career you want, before you start chasing guys. Im doing things backwards now and when your pushing 30 it's very worrying. If your a very strong, confidant woman and you can realise when to pull the plug on a relationship then go for it. But even when you think you are, you might meet a guy that makes you feel the total opposite. My confidence got destroyed in relationships and I know that is also down to the guy, but I would honestly leave it until later on.

[Prettygurl12]

I don't disagree that being single in your 20's is easier. Your 20's is the decade to explore and discover things about yourself and the world and figure out just who you are and where you fit in. Okay, fine. But I met my boyfriend when I was 14 and y'all are going to think I sound crazy, but I knew we were going to get married even then.

Under no circumstances was I going to be like, "Hey, so I know we like each other and all and we've got what it takes to go forever, but I'm gonna need you to wait another 15 or so years before anything happens here."

Now, if you don't have that experience then yeah, no pressure in your 20's to find someone. But I mean, if you do find someone, you don't need to be so paranoid about settling down too early or something.

[Queen_naki5]

Lol that's nice. Some people stay with their high school sweethearts, no doubt. It's possible. I've seen it several times actually. The key is taking it slow and being best friends. I don't see why it can't last a lifetime.

[Prettygurl12]

Yeah. It's tough sometimes but so far so good.

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

This whole topic depresses me. Why? Because EVERYBODY seems to be going along with the following premises:

1) Getting married means your life as an individual is over. Guess I'm the only one who fully believes in marriage as something that shouldn't be holding people back.

2) One is inhibited from education and career when married. Why can't we do that when we're married? It would be nice to have that support. Also, careers don't get placed on hold just because you get married. A lot of people still put in a lot of hours at work just to maintain what they already have- so you can't expect to be less busy later on in life.

3) Youth is for fucking around! Why get married now? Life is all about partying and getting laid with different people to see who best gels with you! Sorry, that just sounds silly to me. I advocate trying to get to know different people- I just don't think sex has anything to do with it, aside from sex-drive incompatibility. This may be an awesome reason for some people but it's not my cup of tea.

The caveat here is that I'm not normal. You, Asker, talk about being in a different state of mind when you were in your relationship. You were overwhelmed, you day dreamed about how life could have been. I'm sure there are many like you; I'm not one of them. Feeling the way you did is a bad thing. There is no reason to be "overwhelmed" and if you are, something is wrong. Maybe you're taking things too seriously, maybe your boyfriend is. I'm a really laid back guy, loyal, and respectful. I presume my partner to have the same traits which is why I don't worry about normal relationship things. I'm just happy being with that person.

Weird huh? See, I told you.

[Anonymous]

Actually, it doesn't really matter, whether you wanted to be married or in a relationship during the most youthful years of your life it is up to you, as they say. life is great when you have someone to share it with, but if your going to ask me for my opinion then I am going to say that they are getting to hasty. but its what they want anyway so who am I to intrude in their lives. you know that some relationship and marriage that starts early ends up ruined as they are too young and please don't that this as an insult but people who were at 20's could still be called childish as this is the age where they are just passing their teenage life and into adulthood. its okay to be in a relationship but marriage is too early. if you two really love each other, learn to wait. because marrying early tends to bring a lot of problems. learn to wait, there is a right time for things like that, because your only twenty you still have a lot of responsibilities to yourself that you hadn't fulfilled yet. enjoy life for a while, before you completely tie yourself. trust me, you won't regret it.

[Queen_naki5]

Ummm... The question has nothing to do with me. It almost sounds like you're telling ME what to do. I asked it based on how other people feel about THEIR lives.

[Opinion Owner]

uh no, its not for you. I just tend to do that sorry. it was just my opinion

[Queen_naki5]

Ok that's fine. You make some valuable points, just a bit preachy.

[Opinion Owner]

I know right? I didn't realize that until I read what I wrote. and I surprisingly admit to myself that it is very preachy.

[AdamThomas]

I don't understand it myself, especially women who see it that way. Fertility in women decrease with age as risk of complications in pregnancy rise. A lot of women leave it too late and end up having to settle with a man they aren't that interested in because they have few other options or they just can't find the kind of man they're looking for as in attractive, successful and wants children. I think it makes more sense to have children earlier.

As for single Mothers embracing singleness, I think that's selfish. Children raised in single Mother households are more likely to have all sorts of issues e. g. more likely to engage in sex early, more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, more likely to commit suicide, more likely to end up in jail etc. Single Motherhood shouldn't be encouraged or celebrated. I understand that in many cases it can't be helped, but there are many others who do it purposely because they think it's perfectly okay. I think that's fucked up.

[Queen_naki5]

It's our society. We don't make the rules, we just live by them. 1970s it was perfectly normal to be married in early 20s and have your first child by 21. Nowadays, that's almost unheard of. Getting an education now is a means to getting a job as opposed to it being personal enrichment or a privilege to the well-off or kids who's parents could afford it. Single motherhood is only embraced because of the media launching these sleazy shows about promiscuous divorced women making all single mothers look awful.

[Queen_naki5]

I agree. A lot of women these days do wait too late and end up settling for the nearest guy who's willing to marry them and have a family. Not that it's a bad thing or anything, but things don't go in reverse. The maternal age will most likely increase and soon we'll have 50 or 60 year old first time mommys lol.

[Phoenix98]

I disagree on the maternal age rising in rare cases women in the age group can have children but if women in large numbers ever have children in the 50-60+ area it won't be from natural reasons. There is a reason the human female body was not created to carry a child that late in life for one with the increase of age the number for problems to occur at birth rises as well it also would put a much higher strain on a older women's body, so much so that at a to advanced age that their body may not be able to handle it. Though the one exception to this was Abraham wife in the bible but they were blessed by god and the oxygen content was much higher back then and people lived to be several hundred years old so big difference. Also the oldest man in the world to convince a baby besides in the bible was a man who impregnated a women at the age of I think it was 83 or 93.

[godfatherfan]

Your poll questions are a bit off. You should stay single to establish yourself and become a fully rounded and established person. Knowing who you are and establishing yourself as your own person is vital. I was 20 when I was engaged. I never lived on my own. She was 17. I was very insecure and not a lot of self confidence. I never became my own person. So we ended up in a very co-dependent relationship. Nowadays people don't put family first. The first time hard times come up they just bail out of the relationship instead of fighting to keep the family together. The older you are, in theory, the better chance of it lasting. But it still comes down to the person and how committed they are.

[Queen_naki5]

Well, my poll was probably off in a sense that 20s is more about establishing oneself as opposed to having fun and being single for the hell of it. I however commend young adults who can stay in commited relationships. I think it's good and bad at the same time. Good: Less likely to get STDs, longer life, more time to start family. Bad: You're always curious to see what else is out there, you can have identity problems etc . my poll was based off of an article that I read online about staying single in your 20s and have as much fun as possible with no stress and tie downs.

[singlebee]

i would say do whatever you want... if you are not ready for a relationship or dating then dont date... after all we have all the time in world to find love... dont care what guys or other people say..

and by the way i dont really think dating is a right way to find a right partner.. too much game is being played there... i am single now... i am 22. not really dating... have a girls interested in me but right now i am concentrating on my career.. i am still young and i will find somebody for me eventually... :D

[Queen_naki5]

So how do you suppose one finds a right partner by not meeting people and seeing what you like first?

[singlebee]

i suggest you make friends... and when you have friends you have time you know them... see how they are and then you will eventually someone will like you and you will like someone as well...

when i was i college i did the same thing... i had a girlfriend back then... but after college was over we slit up because she had to go to other city and i didn't want a long distance relationship... :(

[serg11]

I personally would to a certain extent. I want to be successful and achieve some goals before getting married, because I know that once I get married, responsibilities come and freedom diminishes. I am 20 and I have honestly not had a long-term girlfriend, I would like to eventually get married though, but in my opinion I would want to wait until I am at least 27. I want to travel the world, achieve some career goals, enjoy my 20's with my boys, work to get into a great grad school before that. Don't get me wrong, If I met someone who changed my life I wouldn't let her go, but other than that, marriage is not on my sight for at least 5 years.

[catpetter]

Grab love and compatability when it comes your way. Putting a timeline on love is ridiculous. Life rarely works like that. If you are not ready for marriage, enjoy committed dating.

[Queen_naki5]

Good answer.

[catpetter]

by the way two of the most successful marriages I have witnessed in my extended family (over 30 years married) were couples who met as teens. They did not marry as teens.

[Queen_naki5]

I've heard several success stories of high school sweethearts. The key is taking it slow. Wait some years and grow together as well as personal growth. Kudos to them.

[Angelicaaaa94]

I believe it depends. I was in a committed long term relationship for 4 years. It was beautiful and amazing. He was my best friend. However, I naturally yearned for the single life. I had a desire to be with others. I do believe that being in a committed relationship is a wonderful experience everyone should go through so they know what if means to love someone other than themselves. In this relationship you put your heart and soul. You learn to care about someone else like never before. But by being single you learn more about yourself and what exactly you want in life. You grow as a person.

[dazedandconfused22]

You shouldn't date just to date. That's the problem now a days people just want "a girlfriend" or "a boyfriend". Why not just be fucking single and flirt with as many guys as you want until you meet someone special and you know you want to date him?

Seems simple to me.

[drb125]

Some people need to be single for awhile and some enjoy dating. It's all personal preference. I personally enjoy dating. Even if things don't work out I can usually learn a lesson or two about the type of person I want to end up with and ways I can improve myself.

[alwaysright93]

Im in my early 20's.

Personally my approach is to stay single and focus on my career and schooling, while staying open minded to the possibility of someone special coming my way.

Its definitely possible for two independent people to date while simultaneously working on themselves and their socioeconomic status.

So to demonstrate that I just do my thing and let the girls come to me. It actually works. I find girls love my ambition and independence, and I've been attracting more people with similar characteristics.

[26ukdude]

I think its more of a serious issue for women because they have a much smaller timeline on which to have children. Both men and women are at their most fertile in their early 20's but technically I could have kids when Im 50 or 60 or even later (not that I would) but women can't and beyond 35 is pushing it if you want to be in with a decent chance of concieving and having a healthy kid. In fact I've heard womens fertility drops a lot after 30.

[Anonymous]

I'd rather be in a committed relationship now but I can't find a devoted girl at our age. I've heard people say the 20s are for sleeping around but not my thing. But at the same time, don't get involved with someone if they're not your type. That's life for our generation I guess.

[Queen_naki5]

The sleeping around thing only causes depression. Whether we like it or not, MANY of us catch feelings after being intimate with someone. Not that many people can't "hit it and quit it" but most of us will keep going back for more and seeing things that we didn't see before.

[Queen_naki5]

It's also a good way to get an STD. What's wrong with just being with one person? Or just dating and not getting intimate? It just seems so impossible for many 20 somerhings. Even the ones who want to wait til marraige even though the average age to get married is like 28 now.

[Opinion Owner]

To be honest, I blame the schools for teaching it's normal to sleep around since we have safe ways of doing it now. Since I can't find one in my own country, I'm thinking of going abroad cause the dating game here is pretty ridiculous in my opinion.

[angelface8]

I know its sad im waiting for marriage and am 24 I hate how some people generalize every one not every person in their 20s enjoys clubs and being wild there are other ways to have fun :)

[Opinion Owner]

I've been to clubs to watch over my friends and when I see the way they behave, I wonder what exactly I'm supposed to protect them from. Single or not, I'm going to enjoy my 20s anyways but I won't be sleeping around lol

[Queen_naki5]

You don't have to sleep around. Enjoying your 20s doesn't have to mean being promiscuous. I commend people who feel like they don't need to sleep around to have fun. It's smart.

[RyuTakumi]

I'd say the best thing to do is find a good balance.
You can't just decide to be single and focus on your career.
But you shouldn't keep your eyes shut.
That being said, be true to yourself.
That's always the best thing to do.

[Queen_naki5]

That's a good answer.

[angelface8]

Perfect answer :)

[RyuTakumi]

Thank you

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't see anything all that great about being single it gets very boring and lonely. Granted there are some perks bt the end result is no one wants to be alone regardless of age im 24 and I wish I had a serious realtionship now so that in about a yr or 2 I can be married god willing :) dating helps u find out who u are and your wants and needs and what you are willing to accept. so dating in 20s definitely important to me :)

[Queen_naki5]

Lol it's just a topic of interest. Many theorist believe that the 20s is all about dating, romance, sex and finding the "one". So all of this yada yada about being single nowadays is really subjective.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol yea true it really is subjective

[arashmenalagha]

I'm "talking" with this girl who is 26 and she says she is feeling lonely and sad and I think she likes me because she was upset I wasn't talking to her often.

she's so funny and cute when she is upset I just wanna hug her.

[Opinion Owner]

:) I think she likes u too

[kheserthorpe]

I think for women who want a family it's crazy.

[Queen_naki5]

Lol yeah, it's always better to start earlier if you want a family.

[kheserthorpe]

Well starting in your early 30s is typically fine.

But if you don't date till you're 31 your timeline is getting really short. What happens if you date around for a year, date someone for a year, decide they're not the one, now you're 33 single again...

Things can all turn out fine but intentionally putting off dating till then is nuts

[Queen_naki5]

I agree.

[dudeforchicks]

To each their own. Personally I don't see myself getting married nor being in a relationship in my life. I have issues with being vulnerable and intimacy so that plays a major part in finding potential partners. It works for me because I'm not in fear of being along and actually enjoy the time to myself. For some, love comes and they find that person that fits perfectly in their life. The wisest thing to say is "Never say never"

[PassiveAggressive]

I got sick of the single "partying" life a few months into turning 21. I'm more of a serious relationship type of person and would not mind settling down now. I don't want kids but I would definitely get married.

[front2back]

Nah, I only plan staying single until about 22 or 23, because then I'll have a college degree AND a job that will set me up for life, which will probably be the only way to attract a woman for a guy with my characteristics.

[Queen_naki5]

That's a good goal.

[starac]

@front2back try to love urself first... why would someone talk like that about themselves

[starac]

himself*

[Prof_Don]

BAD idea! Your 20s are some of the most prime & youthful years of your life... why waste them?