First, define the word fair. Because 99% of the time it means that someone thinks they "deserve" more. The person using the word almost always wants more of what someone else has.
I don't think you "deserve" anything. But is he being a little cheap? Probably, but it's hard to say without knowing what kind of things you guys are doing, how often, and how much they cost.
Maybe he's just being responsible and thrifty instead of blowing all his money as soon as he gets it. If he's blowing large sums of money on himself and you guys split MsDonalds, then he's being cheap. But if he's being frugal and saving his money, that's just being smart.
But whether he is being cheap or not, you don't deserve anything. If you think you do, that's called gold digging. If you are tight on money, cut back your spending. You aren't obligated to spend your money any more than he is. If he wants to do more than what you can reasonably afford, then tell him. If he wants to pay your way, that's his decision.
How about you pay everything and he pays nothing? Is that fair? Why is it fair he pays more? Do you want equal rights or not? Too many women have this mentality that the money he makes goes to paying for bills and mortgage but the money she makes goes for her stuff like makeup and clothes and hair styling.
You should have explained the details, are you livif together, only dating, who picks the dates, do you share food, etc. It's hard if not impossible to give an opinion like this.
I will say that when I started dating my boyfriend, we always splitted in half everything because I felt we should - even though I was unemployed for months and it's certainly NOT the custom to do so in this country.
Now that we live together, we continue splitting most things in half, including rent, bills, food, etc.
He complains that he always pays the bill when we go to this big supermarket and usually when we eat out, but forgets that we split food in half when he eats three times what I do, that I cook everytime, and all the other supplies for the house that he actually doesn't pay for, clothes for him, etc. Hmm.
That being said, if you feel like your boyfriend won't pay more than 50% and that's too much for you, you need to refrain from going out then.
Yes, he should. Anyone who tells you different doesn't understand how a relationship works. I'm not saying he should pay like 75% and you pay 25%, but you guys should be working together on paying bills. My parents don't divide things 50/50. They take both their paychecks, combine them, pay bills, and whatever is left over goes in the checking account and some into their own separate savings account.
I swear, this generation is so damn stupid... Not you, the asker, but anyone who tells you any different just doesn't know what they are talking about.
You sound entitled. Really annoyingly entitled.
It's not his fault that you earn less than him. So why should he pay more? Besides if he did pay for most/all things because of it, what motivation would you have to ever earn more than you do now if that would put an end to your free ride?
Keep in mind that the vast majority of women these days are perfectly happy with paying at the very least half of the expenses. If you don't like it do him a favor and dump him, he'll find tons of other women who are happy with sharing.
well if you are using the same amount you pay equally. what would you do if you lived alone? 'sorry i can't pay full rent bc i don't want to'
you will have to adjust activities and expenses for YOUR pay not his. he may not like it but thats the reality. do you live in a place you can't afford?
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You are absolutly right to feel this way.
I recommend you make him watch Matthew Hussey - "Who should pay on the first date" video, there is a part where he explains where people should contribute proportionally to how much money you make.
Let's say you make $2000 a month and he makes $8000 a month, is my opinion that you should contribute for 1/4th of the total expenses, because you make 1/4th of what he makes now, let's say dinner in an average restaurant costed you a total of $80 you could pay $20 + the waitress tip. The thing is, if you don't contribute to the expenses that's when men feel they are being taken advantage of, and it gets even worst, the guy could well be a millionaire and he won't really care about the money if you contribute or not, it's about the lack of gesture, it shows you don't care for your man.
In your case i give props to you for contributing with expenses, however you need to talk to him, explain in a rational way that you don't make as much money as he does, but you do want to continue contributing, but you want to do it in a more proportional rate according to your individual incomes.
Um yes?
I have ZERO dollars left over at the end of each week because of rent, bills, groceries etc etc. My boyfriend has about $300 a WEEK leftover, after paying all his crap.
But we still go 50:50 in bills, rent, groceries is skewed a bit towards him paying more because 90% of what we buy is eaten by him, but I still pay 30-40% of that cost.
He shouldn't pay more for our place just because he earns more... We both live here, we should both take care of it.
You should be scaling things to what you've afford rather than stretching yourself to try to keep up with what he can afford.
My boyfriend makes more than me, but we split our mortgage, bills and other expenses evenly and take turns paying when we go out. We've based our budget on my income×2, so it's affordable to me and fair to both of us.
Honestly, it's 50/50. However it would be gentleman of him to offer because he is making more. It really sucks when you have nothing left at the end of the week after paying half and here he is with all this cash. Your partners, and even tho it should be equal, it's his job to also take some stress off your shoulders amd let u have money to spend on whatever u want. He knows he males more so I would feel the same as you. Not because we're gold diggers but because if that guy wants to be with us... he should help us
So you're basically in it for the money... nice... -_-
Yes, and no.
It's fine for you to be tight on money. It's not fair for you to expect him to support you when you're just dating. Your money is not commingled.
What I'd suggest in situations where you're just dating and have very different incomes: as much as possible, do NOT split expenses, rather take turns planning things and paying. You plan and pay for things you can afford and want to spend. He plans and pays for things he can afford or spend. If you're broke and your plans involve a walk, or free night at a museum then Netflix and making pizza, that's cool. If he wants to spend more on a night out for the two of you, he can, or he can choose not to (even if his base is decent, he may be wanting to build up money so he can start his own business, etc, who knows). But each person spends what they want, without the other being held back or obligated to match.
Depends on the household dynamics. Are you living together, how long have you been together, are you renting, who owns/pays for the accommodation etc?
But yes, out of general decency, the person earning more contributes more. It's not about genders. Even just 60/40 is the right kind of message. It also depends on lifestyles, if you're just blowing it on crap, I'm less sympathetic. There's too many variables here to give a sensible answer. In short, You need to have a chat about it again.
It might be time to scale back on expenses. You two should share costs equally, but you are totally within your rights to suggest cheaper alternatives so that it is more feasible for you to pay your half.
So i take it that you make less than him and you expect that he should pay more than you? I guess it depends on a lot of things, where you are at in your relationship, if you live together and what kind of expenses you have, and other things you do to support each other, not just how much either one of you makes.
I think a fair way to do it would be to add his income to your income to get a combined income. Then take your income and divide it by the combined income and finally multiply that percent by each of your bills/expenses and that is what you are responsible for contributing.
if you live together: 50/50
if you don't: you should each be paying for your own stuff.
it's okay if one of you offers to pay for the other from time to time, but it shouldn't be expected.
I am dating this guy for a year and he always wants to pay. Lets say its food, he usually orders a lot more than me (restaurants or groceries) and I offer to pay, he says "just cook for me sometime" Haha. But every now and then I'll speed him to it and give the person my card before he does. We don't really like splitting, but that's just us. I really don't mind taking turns on payment though, but he likes to, he's generous and kind like that. And I usually make sure I return the favor in some way. My point here is is that everyone is different, and if you feel like he should pay more then tell him... I personally think it's fair what you guys do, just not something I'd prefer to do but I know couples like that and that's how they like it. If you don't, then communicate with him.
So because he makes more he should spend more... No such thing as a free lunch queenpuff
Yes you are. If you don't like it, it's time to go back to school and make more money. I can see every once in a while he puts in a little more if your hours got shorted or you were out of work due to being sick or something. He's your boyfriend not your husband.
This is why feminism is a load of crap, women are all for equlaity untill they don't benefit. Stop being a gold digger and pay your equal share, and if you can't afford to pay your equal share than talk to your boyfriend about cutting expenses and doing cheaper dates.
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If you both use the same, you should both pay the same. Income has little to do with it except if he is making all the decisions of what to buy, he should be more cognizant of your income and choose a loser expensive option to split the costs on.
Shit if women are like this about money then im gonna say that i only make half of the money i really make.
So what does he get out of this? He supplements your life, what will you do for him? It can't be one way.
If you are a feminist then yes, you should pay for half! Half is half.
Of course it's fair it wouldn't be fair if it wasn't 50/50 unless you do all the cooking & cleaning tbh.
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