I've been led on by a guy. Now what? (I could really use help)

[Anonymous]

This guy has been on the fence for about a month now, wavering back and forth between seeming really interested and not interested at all.

Basically I've talked it over with a few friends of mine, and the conclusion was that I was making myself too available to him, rendering him able to come a go as he pleases (i.e. I'd ask to hang out, I'd start the conversations). Guys like a chase and I wasn't giving much to chase after since I was always there.

I feel angry, gypped, and cheated. I know it's my fault, but I feel very hurt that 1) I was weak and silly to go after a guy like that and 2) that I put myself out there and didn't get what I wanted.

I go back and forth between anger and sadness, and I just want to be okay again... Any advice?

BTW: I've deleted him from my phone, and virtually from my Facebook, and I don't plan to talk to him unless talked to. We do have mutual friends so I will inevitably see him again too... eeek =/

[Tamikaze]

Hey, I don't know but you describe what happens to guys and girls when you date and find out that the two of you are not on the same wave length. It's part of dating. I wish there was some sort of secret that makes it so we all just dated someone we would end up in a relationship with, but it doesn't work that way. I am sure some of your regret is due to you thinking he was more interested than he ended up being, and in the future you need to keep your heart out of it and give the guy time to show you how he feels by how much effort he puts into it.

So, first, stop being so harsh on yourself. You are not weak and silly for going after a guy you liked. You took a risk and it didn't work out, but if you did not take the risk, you would be playing the What-If game now, wondering what could have been. Second, it is better to put yourself out there to try for what you want rather than sit around like a lump while life passes you by.

I personally do not think you could have done something different and had a better result in getting the guy. I do agree with your assessment that you were doing too much of the chasing and when a girl has to initiate activity a lot with a guy, it's a sign the guy just isn't emotionally available or interested in you. In the future, learn that lesson. It is good to show interest but don't ask him out and don't start all the conversations. Be friendly, just don't be the pursuer.

So, again stop being harsh on yourself. You took a shot at something and it did not work out. You have learned something from it and the pain from this will subside.

[TC123]

"I personally do not think you could have done something different and had a better result in getting the guy."

Yeah, all too often people think everything is their fault. The fact is sometimes things just don't work out; you can't make friends with everyone.

[Tamikaze]

You are 100% right about that.

[Anonymous]

i used to ask this question on this site when I was going through the same thing, and wouldn't get much feedback.

Now that time has passed, I can tell you this now, that things happen for a reason, we all meet people we are supposed to meet, some treat us nice some bad, it's just how life is, we want what we can't have and can't stop thinking about it...

what really is happening is that you met this jerk, not to fall in love with him, but to fall in love with yourself. He was just a figure that came and went, and in amidst of all that you learned a whole lot, you took a 180 turn and came out stronger and better than ever, and now you know what to expect in the future, how to deal with things, now you can compare what real love might be when you meet a better guy, perhaps the one even! Think of it this way, if it wasn't this guy, it would have been someone else to do the job. Everyone gets their heart broken, everyone gets let down, some by even friends, some even by family their own blood, you just gotta learn from it, keep your head up high and look past such low people...

=) xoxo

[Anonymous]

The same thing happened to me earlier this week actually. I can totally relate to how you feel with going through anger and sadness. I would say that if he can't see the wonderful person you are when you are putting yourself out there for the taking, then just be civil with him but stop initiating everything. Maybe a friendship will bloom and things could start from there instead of jumping right into a relationship, but then again maybe you will then see other options around you instead of being fixated on this one guy. Other guys may then show interest in you. Either way put the biggest smile on your face and let whatever happens happen.

[yupyup]

There is nothing to do. Girls don't understand guys, guys don't understand girls. I don't know that guy, but for all I know, he could have been 100% in love with you and just been too shy, or trying to play the game correctly(not saying that's what it was, just saying that is possible). Don't worry about it, not every guy is going to like you, sorry. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, it just means you might be bad at giving the correct signals at the correct times. Honestly relationships are often about luck (how you were feeling when you met, a random run in at a party, ect...)

But, I recommend talking to the smart loser kid you see here and there if you want a good relationship to boost your spirits. That used to be me, and I would have made one f***ing hell of a boyfriend back then.

[Stricken]

You were played. Learn and move on. It was your fault for giving him your power and it was his fault for not being forthcoming about where he wanted to take the relationship. Either one of you could have prevented this.

[Anonymous]

This is the same situation a lot of guys find themselves in, ie the girl playing hard to get with them. It's kind of hard to get out of but the best thing to do is just to ignore them and start seeing other people. If they ask you what's up tell them you want a relationship.

Also, I've "caught" girls that are like this and they weren't worth it; with that in mind I'd wager that this guy isn't much of a catch either.