I think the answer lies in the way that society has ingrained specific roles for men and women respectively.
Someone else had commented to this saying that "women are receivers and producers. You give them a seed they produce a baby. You give them groceries they produce a meal..." -on the opposite side men are expected to be the PROVIDERS, making money to pay the bills and provide for things such as groceries. Men are expected to listen to wants/needs and satisfy them and in return receive whatever is produced.
I also think that because men overall seem to chase more often there's a level of competition created when men feel that they need to be the most fulfilling to a woman in order to attract her attention over other guys. In reverse, some women who recieve a lot of male attention may be less inclined to put as much effort into a relationship because they feel like they can always just trade out their partner with someone else who will provide more. Because of this there's this stigma that men need to be the ones putting in all the effort to keep their significant other or to make themselves appear more appealing to women.
Obviously in a healthy relationship too much of one or the other from either side is unhealthy and toxic. Relationships are built off balance and teamwork. Women should be able to listen to the needs of their partners and satisfy them they same way men should (and there's a personal victory in being able to fulfill for your significant other, making someone else happy should make you happy too with the right person). Likewise men shouldn't be quiet about their own needs either. Once you hit a point where a guy only cares about his partner's needs or puts them above his own (especially when they're contrary to his own) it can become incredibly overbearing and he's also put himself in an unhealthy spot. When a woman expects her needs to take full precedence in a relationship she's become selfish and it leads to toxicity in the relationship. It's all about give and take, communication and teamwork. Reciprocation is one of the best parts of a healthy relationship- feeling like the effort you put in is appreciated and also being able to appreciate that the other person is doing things for you as well.
You may be looking at the short term at the moment sort of speak if you will but females are looking long term like family man that is going to be fathers to our babies and children. We are like bears when it comes to our children, is he loving, mild tempered, patient, giving and selfless, unafraid to be there in helping raising children in the rough times not just be there in the good times.
And those are perfectly acceptable traits to look for in a partner when you're at the point in your life that you're looking to have children!
However, there are many people who don't want to have kids in their lives. So as a follow-up question: how would you explain a situation in which the relationship does seem to revolve around the wants of the woman BUT the couple has agreed that they don't want children? Maybe not even to get married?
We are to be fruitful and live in the order that is praise worthy, wholesome and good. I am not God to say, it’s not my place. In order to know what that is we must come to the end of ourselves and look to what our purpose is here and now. We each have a purpose that has been set long before we were in our mother’s womb that needs to be met because each of us have freely been given gifts to use for the good of mankind. For people to know the good and perfect will for their life they need to read the instruction booklet ”Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.”
Men appear to like women more than women like men.
Women make demands and the men acquiesce because it’s better than going without.
It gets made much worse by cultural attitudes reinforcing women to be more and more judgements about their partners. Eg what’s his job, what does he look like, how does he treat you, etc. And in people’s minds it can always be better and the woman always deserves better than what she has just as a general rule. So men compete and do the dance as the whim of women, but they’re also competing against a woman’s ego; her interpretation of her value.
This is why we see in the data that women become exponentially more demanding as their own wealth and status rise.
People used to think that if women were more encouraged to work and earn then they would be more likely to marry for love and care less about money. But in practice we can demonstrate that it actually leads to a higher demand for wealthier, higher status men. Rather than change what they look for in a partner the reality is that they simply look for even more of what they wanted before. It’s just been scaled up according to their own progression.
Those sound like some dysfunctional relationships. For healthy & happy relationships there has to be a balance. There needs to be a partner mentality. Our thoughts should be of our significant other not just ourselves. Giving & compromising isn’t a man thing it’s a good person thing. If unhealthy situations like that are seen they need to be called on what they are.
Thats not how it should be. These relationships aren't built to last. A real relationship takes two to fully commit and work at it One chasing while the other runs away doesn't work forever
Because men gave up by choice. And feminism was part of it that help kill it. Men don't do enough to be sought after for himself and heart. He doesn't think he should be pure either. Women are the prize for sexual desire and the need for men to procreate and have children. The women know this power and use that power to subdue men. Men became effeminate and bows down. Thus feeding her ego and feeding his ego to be wanted and needed. But men take that and use it to dominate weaker women, and it creates a vicious cycle. Now the ones who are ignorant of this dangerous cycle are caught up on a fence about should they focus on others needs or their own needs. To be selfish or not. There needs to be balance when you approach relationships. Relationship mentality needs to change. It is for the other person, it is not for you alone. The desire to be selfless is more courageous than for a coward to run from his duty towards others.
jesus christ the male comment section sounds like a support group for men in crisis. this isn't how normal relationships work; people often want to do things for others they care about. if your relationship is one-sided and you feel like you have to constantly fulfill your so's needs without reciprocity then they're probably entitled or not that into you. personally i completed an hour long seminar on a real estate company's code of conduct for my boyfriend who works in IT so he could play his WW2 video game and fight virtual nazis; but he drives me fucking everywhere like an uber with a really bad business model so there you go
I think guys just tend to express it more, but girls do a lot to make the guy happy and satisfied too. But society expects them to do so, so when a guy goes out of his way to do something for his girl and maintain her happiness everyone's attention is on him and exclaim what an amazing partner he is. That's just my experience, I suppose some people haven't met many females that go out of their way to treat their men well, but in my culture it's rarer to have a guy do those things for his partner
When you get the answer you let me know why. This is something i struggle with. Because ALL women play the part of someone who's a caring person but for most it's all an act. A lot of guys fall for these women's act, then she turns on him and all she does is exploit him. The guy is hooked at this point will think it's temporary but that girl is gone, she never really existed. The smart guy dumps her right there and learns from this mistake. But the foolish remains and futily stays and tries to please her.
I love how the guys deny this. lol It's the absolute truth. If I asked this very same question, I'd get 4 replies. But since you are a girl, you'll get 400 replies from these losers! Women ONLY have the power because pathetic wimps allow them to have the power. Somewhere along the way, men have become pathetic, pussies.
Men are hunters and givers while women are receivers and producers. You give a seed she produces a baby. You give her groceries she produces a meal, you give her a home she produces a homely atmosphere, etc. This is the way we are designed. Also men are to love their wives and understand them while the wife is to respect her husband. Women need love and loving men is shown through respect.
It's kind of natural that it should revolve around the girls needs, the day it started revolving around her wants is the day shit got fucked. Woman get their needs covered, men cover their own needs and their family's, but they earn their wants. The 'wants' of females fuel over 83% of consumer sales in America, this so called evil culture that is killing the planet, yet they also want to vote for policies that will somehow save it. They are generally unfit to take part in such decisions. Not always, but generally. Women are people, and some people have sane wants, but as a general rule, you should ignore women's wants completely. Don't complain ladies, your needs are taken care of, be grateful, us men are not so lucky.
Cause society has ruled that if a woman tries it deems her desperate. So if a guy wants ass and she's not trying its a guy's goal. There are some guys who just sit back and watch the girl do all the work because they have learned the art of the game, a lot of girls hate rejection so the more disinterested they are the more a girl tries for it. Other than that if its a relationship it goes back to old school time, women like chivalry and if a guy doesn't pursue, then the guy seems like he "doesn't care". Everybody is different some couples are 50/50, some its all the guy and some its all the girl.
I disagree. I don't think society thinks that women who try seem desperate at all. However, it is a thing that women *say* a lot. It makes more sense that it is something women want and propagate: If women reinforce this idea that they shouldn't try then they can excuse themselves from trying.
There's no women out there saying "god, I'm totally ready and willing to go and talk to that guy but society says I can't." Rather the excuses are "I'm scared" or "He should just know" or "It's his job to do that" basically anything to deflect.
In my last relationship, I was always making sure that it was balanced equally between myself and my ex. Some people told me that I enjoyed him spoiling me as he would always buy me random gifts, but I always got or made him random gifts/treats (he always loved my cooking)
It doesn’t. A successful relationship requires both people giving effort to supply the needs and desires of their partner. Because people are individuals every relationship will not be 50/50 and there will always be an ebb and flow depending on life’s responsibilities and challenges.
Men are less selfish. They go to war, pay for dinners, open doors, etc while women don't have to do as much.
Women are taught from a young age that they are special little snowflakes while men are taught at a young age to suck it up and pull themselves up by their bootstraps.
We are special do you have a disdain for females? The purpose for courtship is to know if the partner is suitable for a long term relationship that leads to marriage. I agree now a days many just skip the marriage part and live together but it doesn’t change the fact that females still have men’s children. Carrying for 9 months is not easy especially in later part of months where weight is gained and uncomfortableness is experienced. Do you know what it feels like to give birth? It’s very painful she can be in labor for excruciating hours. What about after birth? Are you the one attending to the cries In all hours of the night, feeding, changing diapers, soothing and we still have to get up on time and be prepared to take baby with everything that’s needed and leave them with a care taker before we go to work. Our body also changes, our hips get wider, we get stretch marks, varicose veins and all along we try to keep being beautiful hoping that we are still beautiful to you after just living real life. We also give up a lot and work hard.
@purify Giving birth is not special, especially to someone like me who wants nothing to do with kids.
Are men special because you need them to fertilize you or fight your wars for you? Men outclass woman's so severely and the physical Department that high school sports teams can defeat professional women's teams.
Most great discoveries and inventions were made by men. Men have fought for and built modern civilization while women threatened it with third wave, intersectional feminism.
And no, I do not have disdain for women, I'm just being real and saying things that most of the guys here are too afraid to say to your face
So sad... it’s not about competition or who’s better, we our not enemies but allies and each have their part to a healthy functioning relationship that God has intended from the beginning but if you don’t know Him and this truth you’re in darkness and life’s path will mislead you to accepting whatever is out there in the world that is false and cold without love.
@purify Look, I don't think you are better or worse than me as a human being just because you are a woman. But please keep in mind that any talks about religion just comes off as superstitious nonsense to me since it has absolutely *NO* evidence to back it up. Seriously, find me a peer-reviewed, scientific article that proves the existence of your God. You *CAN'T.*
If you want to talk to me about things grounded in reality than let me know. Sorry to be harsh but it's really the only way to get my message across here.
Oh no I don’t feel you are being harsh, you are speaking only that which you believe. What you believe impacts/shapes what you think and how you act.
Truth is Jesus is the resurrection and life, though you die you shall live. He did not come to condemn the world but to save the world through Him to those who believe in Him. I am a witness to this truth because I myself was lost and you’re right doesn’t make me any better or less then you I am nothing but He is everything. I understand Jesus offends cultures but that doesn’t bother me, insults don’t bother me either. What’s in my heart is to see people set free from all kinds of imprisonments for this is the reason Jesus came so we can be free removing our stoning hearts and replacing it with a heart of flesh. This is why Jesus endured the cross for our sakes so we can come boldly before the throne because we fall short to God’s righteousness and He provided a covering for our nakedness.
Nothing can be established except that which was already established from the foundations of the earth. The planets, the greenery, the oceans, the mountains, sun, birds, air, energy, and free will has a designer just like a building or art or even something plain and simple as a chair but in faith you you sit not knowing if it would support you or not cause you just trust without even knowing who the designer is or if it can be trusted to do what it’s for. Same-thing with Jesus. You see all the outward signs pointing you to the existence of a creator but it’s easier to believe we evolved from monkeys or Extra territorial life, the Big Bang theory, something out of nothing so we don’t see our nakedness and recognize our need for a Savior so each person be held responsible and accountable for how they live their life here. Hey, I don’t mind talking to you if your willing, I appreciate you for giving me feed back. Thank you.
See the thing with talking to people is that you should not involve god and jesus into everything because truth be told we think differently and have a different mindset to people who believe into any relginion to us involving your religion does not prove anything but makes us cringe and not want to pursue the argument
@purify Well, faith is defined as belief without evidence and without evidence, people are just going to believe what they feel is right.
The scientific method is a wild success and the foundation of our civilization because its results can be reliably replicated. Albert Einstein's theory of relativity was actually given more solid ground because of how we photographed a black hole.
Who am I going to trust? The people who can reliably reproduce their results and guide me through science with reason and logic or someone who is telling me to just trust them and believe?
Great claims require great evidence and religious people make enormous claims without any evidence.
If I told you that I have encountered aliens, would you really believe me just based on my word without me providing you any evidence?
I appreciate your civility though and respect you much more than people who think similar to me but shut me down and block me rather than just engage me.
Yes I know it convicts, conviction is good it makes people think, question. I’m not here for argument sake but to speak of Jesus regardless if others not believe or accept but to speak what He’s done on the cross for us because God is love and I can’t deny Him for any reason even though others think it’s just another religion instead of a relationship with your creator besides how will one believe unless one is sent to tell the message for one to hear. I’m just planting the seed others after me will water what I planted and God will bring the increase. I’m here in every one’s view not by accident.
Just ask Him from your heart and let Himself reveal to you in whatever way He does. I would love to share my testimony with you, how I came to be at this place. I appreciate your kindness towards me and I am thankful.
Well, really it's down to the guy in my opinion, if you take lead and do all the work she's going to lay back and ride along, if you do half the work and if she's at least a half decent human being she's going to fill up the gap, and remember that this only works if you two are for each other.
That's certainly not true. I've witnessed numerous relationship in which girls are the ones who put more efforts. Relationship is clearly a two way path, one needs to understand what they want and their partner's needs. Its a popular opinion that guys are the only ones who want to make relationships work, that's false. They might provide financial stability, that's true, but imao girls have more or less equal contribution towards the progress or failure of their relationship.
Women probably get bored with monogamy sooner than men do. And she can enter another relationship much easier than a man. So along with a higher need for the guy to "keep up" with her, she may be more likely to objectify and dehumanize him as a success object, while she sees all the other options around her.
Also I have heard it said that men are as unconditionally loyal, and pathetic as dogs, even to an abusive owner. And women are as aloof and self serving as cats.
i wouldn't even want to enter such a relationship lol, not every relationship is like that and if you enter such a thing it won't last long without getting exhausted quickly.
I don't think anybody wants that kind of relationship. But the problem is that they are almost never that way at first. Many relationships turn into this at some point once the man shows or decides he loves her. I think there's a reason why this relationship problem is evidently as pervasive as it is.
Absolutely not true. Most of the relationships I see, the women are doing way more for the kids so they both tend to ignore the relationship. In my own marriage it was 90/10. He basically did nothing for me than offer a hallmark card on holidays. In fact I feel it’s the men that make the fake effort in the honeymoon phase then they do a 180 once you’re hooked and then it’s all about them, their boys, and their toys.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
I find women in general are pretty selfish. And I'm not saying that to be insulting, that's honestly how it comes across to me most of the time. But I think society (and most guys in general) has made women that way. They feel "entitled" or something it seems? Guys and their feelings don't matter. Some women actually sadly think guys don't have feelings! lol And I think they seriously think that!
In general I agree. But it varies wildly by local region. For me, as a student at UCI girls here are completely different from ICLA girls. So whenever possible I drive up to UCLA and party with them because I get along with them much better than students at my own university.
Because the world is full of simps and "nice guys"; many girls prove ungrateful in the end and tragedy results. At least this seems to be what is happening in my country. The correct thing is for both individuals to put in the effort needed to get the kind of relationship that would make them happiest. Relationships, after all, should be partnerships based on mutual love.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Seriously? My relationship revolves around whatever he wants, even if it matters to me but not to him i ask him and go with what he wants. Color of table? What to eat? What to do, where to live? How many kids to have? I even remember Valentine's day and i buy flowers, cards...
Because it's a shitty relationship and most people will put up with a shitty relationship over the shame our society has placed on being alone? Or because women are literally demons. I'm going with occam on this one.
Not true at in my past relationship in college I put in more effort in then that guy did and end up with broken break. since he did cheated and I dumped him right after. Now I am crazy girl to get bad boys out of my life.
Hahaha that's not a healthy relationship if its all about one person and most men I've ever been romantically involved with never cared about what I needed or wanted, it was always about them.
Depends on where you are from, because where I live it's always about what men want and men can literally do whatever the heck they want whereas a woman even expressing her needs is judged heavily.
If it seems like only the guy is trying to make the relationship last , run the fuck away from that girl u found the wrong person !!!
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Because that's the way it's supposed to work, right? We're just suposed to be emotionless, self-reliant machines that cater to the women who choose us.
That seems to be the thought process of most women, anyway.
Because the man is the Provider The Protector. The Giver. t The one that supposed to make you feel safe. I need to know you got my back. No matter what.
If you're doing that, you're doing it wrong. You shouldn't even do that with friendships. Catering to the other person's needs while they couldn't care less about yours? Give me a break. It should always go both ways. If it's not, dump em.
Considering I'm her first love, I am making sure to meet all her needs and wants, to slowly teach her about caring for my partner's needs, this won't last forever though, unless she learns and does the same back
I mean, its always been that way. There are some few women out there that doesn't mind returning the favor, but true love is hard to find with over 3 billion people on the planet.
It all comes down to self-entitlement. It is hard wired into most females from a young age and a lot of women grow up thinking they are more deserving than what they actually are.
Ita always been that way courtship has always rested solely upon a man's shoulders to the point where if a woman puts the work in to get the man she wants she's looked down upon or seen as desperate.
That is a harmful misconception. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, understanding, and compromise. Both partners should feel valued, heard, and supported.
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