You can answer this question based on your knowledge and your personal opinion. A lot of studies are saying that monogamy is unnatural. And to be honest, I’m starting to believe that it is impossible for two people to stay happily in a lifelong relationship committed to each other without wanting something more. I’ve seen too many people close to me being cheated on, having polygamous relationships, divorced, or dumped that I’m starting to doubt love.
Do you truly believe that you could stay committed to one person for the entirety of your life? In sickness and in health? In old age? Etc?
In an evolutionary sense, monogamy is not natural, though it is somewhat more so for females than males. Sexist though that may sound - evolution does not care.
Evolution made it so that males seek out as many females to impregnate as possible. To implant their sperm and make as many babies as possible. (It is how the species has survived for several hundred thousand years.) Females, by contrast, because it requires a lot of energy to carry, give birth and care for an infant, are looking for that one alpha male. The male who will have healthy sperm to make healthy babies and who will find food for mom and baby and ward off rival males and predators.
Before the ladies get to feeling too virtuous, if a stronger male came along and pushed out her choice, she would switch to the stronger male. (Of course, this usually meant very bad outcomes for the previous male's offspring - they generally didn't survive as the new male would abandon - or even kill - them to make room for his own offspring. In evolutionary terms, his sperm mattered more.)
Of course nature played a trick. Ever wonder why men tend to fall asleep after sex? It is an evolutionary adaptation. When a woman becomes pregnant, changes in her body - hormones, pheromones and the like - impact the male's body and lower his testosterone level, making him more cuddly and lovable. (A male hopped up on testosterone would tend to wander off to find more females to impregnate and he might even be a threat to his own offspring.)
However, that does not happen all at once. However, because males had a tendency to stick around with a female for a while to have sex multiple times before moving on - do you sense a pattern here? - falling asleep after sex would keep him around long enough for her body chemistry to change, be sensed by his body and lower his testosterone and thereby keep him around to protect his baby.
So that, in very brief and somewhat oversimplified summary, is the science. The problem with the question, however, is how it defines "natural." It accepts the modern definition of natural as "spontaneous." That which just happens, so to speak.
The ancient Greeks said the natural is that which a thing has the potential to become. Nature must be nurtured, they are two sides of the same coin. Of its nature, if given the right education and socialization, the baby becomes the boy becomes the man becomes the gentleman.
That is true of no other being on the planet. Raise a baby wolf to be the best wolf that it can be, it will still be a wolf. Raise a baby to be the best man or woman it can be and it may cure cancer or write sonnets or walk on the moon. Of its nature, it can and will do more, all other things being equal.
In that sense, monogamy is natural. Do you want to live in that world where the male kills off his rival male's babies to make room for his own? Do you want a world where females are the submissive property of the alpha male - indeed where the female is only looking to be impregnated by the strongest male?
When men and women fail to fulfill their natures, we get child abuse, child abandonment, spousal abuse, betrayal, treachery, jealousy, etc. Because we get that, the moderns assume that is natural because spontaneous, when in reality it is because men and women are failing to fulfill their natures. They are less than they have the potential to be - and predictably ugly things follow. The distinction between man and beast blurs - and then because it happens, we call it natural.
Monogamy is natural, in the sense that it requires - indeed demands - that we seek to be the best we can be. We make the sacrifices for the other, we adjust, we compromise. It is hard, sometimes not fun, but honestly - and here, as an aside, I speak of my own relationship of 11 years with my girlfriend and mother of my children - it makes us better than what we are and the rewards are beyond counting.
"I’m starting to believe that it is impossible for two people to stay happily in a lifelong relationship committed to each other without wanting something more."
You're probably right about that.
No, it's not natural to humans. If it was natural, it'd be easy. And we'd do it by default without anyone telling us. No one has to teach you how to eat. You instinctively know "Okay, this goes in your mouth". Like my penis. I couldn't resist, haha, sorry. Well, not sorry.
But you know what else isn't natural to humans? Being nocturnal. But, electrical lighting make it a lot easier to do so. If you want to make it work, you can make it work. It's hard. There're negatives. But there're also positives. And according to Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert, people who are married are happier than people who are single, across all age groups.
It can work if both people are dedicated to remaining together. And the ability to forgive is probably the most important trait for a long-term monogamous marriage. You can keep in mind that there are people who stay together forever.
As for me, I would never make that kind of claim. I promise disloyalty. I promise I will change in ways I know nothing about. But were I to make that promise, I could promise that I would do my damndest to keep my word. If I say "No matter what", I mean it. Which is why I will not say it unless I'm sure. But I can't see the future. The only thing I can say is that I will do my best.
And that comes about when you're sure you have a quality partner. But one should not enter a marriage thinking it will be all puppies and sunshine. This life isn't a Disney movie. It's hard. It's full of pain and suffering. No, humans must always mix feelings of love and hate. There will be hard times. There will be betrayals. There will be fights. They will hurt you. You will hurt them. It will not be paradise. But in accepting that, you can obtain contentment.
We humans must always seek more than we have. But, if we focus on gratitude for what we have, then we can find contentment.
The question shouldn't be "will marriage solve all my problems in life and make me feel heavenly." The question is "do I want to live my life alone or do I want to live my life with someone who *tries* to stay with me, even though I'm a loathsome, shitty creature?"
Either way, you and the people around you will fail. People will always hurt you. It's up to you to endure. And it's up to you to pick a person you think has the fortitude and who will stay true to their word as much as its within their faulty human hands to do so.
No. Humans aren't naturally monogamous. But marriage has been shown to ultimately be more beneficial than remaining single. It isn't paradise. But it's better than being alone for a lot of people. And it's especially important if you plan to have children. Children need both a mom and a dad.
I don't really agree with asigning the word unatural to it. Marriage is a social construct, an emotional contract we have created. True monogamy is actually pretty recent (sociologist say only about 50 yrs). Marriages have been around for a bit longer, but men often had mistresses and multiple lovers, where women were tied to the home, not having a choice because of no birth control and having kids. Marriage is practical, to pool resources and bring new people into the world. It used to be that many births were necessary in agrarian culture. But things have changed. Now we marry for romantic and emotional reasons. Much of the world carefully chooses their partners and marries for love (though many countries do it differently). At it's best, marriage can be one of the most rewarding, fulfilling aspects of one's life. The bond that is created over many years is unique and complex and will never be repeated. But we are changing. And we expect a lot from our partners, more than ever before. They now are meant to provide so much to us, emotionally. It's almost not attainable, what we want. But it could be, maybe. It comes from a good place. It doesn't work out about half the time (but I no longer believe that a marriage that has ended is a failure). Maybe we are a culture of serial monogamists now. Maybe that's the new normal, and that's ok?
We were meant by our creator to be monogamous. It was natural for older generations to do so. How many older people - your grandparents for instance - have been married for as long as they live? Yet it seems like every new generation strays further from what the creator ordained - two shall become one flesh. Every generation strays further from the morals set forth by society. They stretch the boundaries. Today people don't want to stay with one person. They want to go hopping from bed to bed and from relationship to relationship. Instead of having 2 genders we now have a dozen. Being married for more than a decade is rare today. Is it a wonder we have so many mixed up people today? Psychologists are overworked and it is hard to get an appointment because they are so busy trying to help people sort themselves out. There are more murders, rapes, and other crimes committed today than the previous year. More mass shootings, serial killers, terrorism, and wars than ever before. We have crazy or corrupt people running our government and all it will take is a finger on a button to destroy us all. Can things change? Can we uncorrupt our minds or are we all just a bunch of rabbits, thumping and fucking our lives away without thought of tomorrow? You tell me.
😂😂😂 Thumper... since when do we have an inside handle on what our creator wants... I can see why monogamous relationships are promoted by society in terms of security and stability but it didn't mean it suits all or that people should be pressured into long term lifestyle choices
@Hawky_ I'm not imposing anything, people can do what they want as they are now. They treat marriage and monogamy as they do their relationships - here today, gone tomorrow.
I actually did a lot of research on this for various reasons, a few years back. I'll give you the conclusions I was able to draw, and then my personal take on it. Also, some of this may be inaccurate or have been surpassed by new studies, it was almost an decade ago and I'm not doing the research again just to answer this question. Lol.
So, the conclusions I drew from it, and I was about your age when I looked into it, was that monogamy is not a natural part of human biological behavior. Men have an innate drive to spread their genes to as many offspring as possible. This means that having 10 or 12 mates is a better option for them biologically speaking as they can produce offspring every month for many years before they die. Further, as sperm stay active throughout their life, finding new mates to replace aging mates only makes sense from that standpoint.
Women have the biological drive to be protected and have the ability to raise children safely. This means that if they have more than one partner they not only produce stronger, healthier offspring, but they are more likely to remain alive to see their offspring mature into adulthood.
Additionally, because love is a chemical reaction in our brains, we tend to have the strongest reactions when first beginning a relationship to ensure that we bond and have the best chance of reproduction.
Having said that, I feel like, because we as a species have matured beyond the primal needs we once were beholden to, and because it is socially acceptable and even socially awarded to stay monogamous, we are shifting from that. For instance, there is research to suggest that the chemicals that make us fall in love are not as strong as they once were, but they also peak at different times now. A Male will find his mate more attractive when she is pregnant, releasing pheromones that say she can become pregnant, and right after a child is born. Further, the puppy love chemicals that sexually charge us and make us fall in love with every girl we see as teens and young adults (both men and women) subside more as we age and more bonding chemicals are released by about 25 or 30.
To me, monogamy is a choice. I have always been loyal when in relationships. I have always been a serial monogamist. The shortest relationship I had was 6 months when I was younger. Perhaps my brain produces more of the bonding chemicals than other people's, I don't know. The point is that yes, it's possible. We weren't originally built for it, but we may be shifting towards it. And there are guys that want meaningful, individual relationships.
Finally, all relationships take work. They all require both sides to be invested. You have to find someone that gives you the right emotional support to build those lasting connections. Love will change throughout the relationship, and soon the puppy love feeling will disappear and be replaced with either apathy or intense caring that is not the same, but no less meaningful.
When talking about this it's good to not mix up definitions of natural. There is natural as in speaking to the nature of man. There is natural as in naturally occurring in nature (manmade vs earth grown). There is natural as in it's common and therefore observed to be a "natural" occurrence. So when we say "natural" if we are referring to the last one. Then yes it is natural.
Monogamy and polygamy are both natural in their own way.
Monogamy is natural not in the sense of speaking to the nature of man, because man is polygamous by nature. It's "natural" in the sense of speaking to the inherent want of monogamy, which is a common observed behavior. Yes we want polygamy, but we also naturally want that emotional security. That stability. To have a safety net where you can feel safe. Coming to a loving home where you know your partner is there for you. I think that is very natural, even if our nature is polygamous. There's a reason we have the innate fear of loss of love. It comes from having someone else TAKING what is yours. Taking away your partner, your security, your love.
To me, if wanting that security that comes with monogamy is natural as well then it's pretty easy to argue that we should include that in our nature as well. That the want of monogamy is natural, while the pull to polygamy is also natural. While we have an innate pull to live a polygamous life, we also have an innate want for security which is commonly attained through monogamy. Therefore yes, it is natural.
Yes it is. Its also irrelevant. In short we are wired for both monogamy and promiscuity, but promiscuity has been shown to adversely affect our ability to be monogamous (the more you do it the harder it is to stop.) and the people who sleep around the most are also the most unhappy (statistically speaking. This is particularly bad because our society pressures people into early and frequent sex which ultimately ruins peoples future happiness for immediate short lasting pleasure in the present). So we are wired for it but it doesn't matter because you don't evolve to do something, you do it and you adapt to do it better, and since monogamy creates the best environment for children, increases over all happiness of men and women, even if its difficult (as everything in life is) it is ultimately fare superior then promiscuity. As for polygamy, that is just promiscuity with an attempt to get the benefits of a relationship, they fail miserably (according to your statement you think its near impossible to manage one relationship, now throw in multiple people and limited time and energy. Its catastrophic (ironically poly and open relationships are reportedly prone to cheating (lots of rules, lots of breaking of rules).).
If you doubt love, because you see the sheer amount of uncommited & polygamous people. You know you're pointing the spotlight to the wrong subject, isn't?
I think all human have two sides inside each of them. The human as the social creature & human as an animal creature.
Monogamy is against human sexual instinct (as animal creature. But monogamy is the best model, of all, to create a better world (fully loved children) and to create healthy society (STDs, abortions, mental health, rape, etc-etc).
Marriage vow is not a claim nor statement. It is an agreement of something to be achieved by *both sides* of a couple.
Attacking (or even kill) people we personally don't like, for whatever personal reason, is also a human natural instinct as an animal creature. All-natural primitive human did that daily, but should we submit to that "natural" instinct?
So the next time you find people bitching about how cruel their FWBs are.. remember, they're doing it to themselves 🤷♂️
No children needed, anything on earth can make babes the billions of Chinese and Indians are doing dozens by the second. I just want to say, children do not make marriages better, or like many women fall pregnant and expect the man just to marry them. The destination is DIVORCE. Child support alimony, x wife tries to suck every cent out of you and give you a hard time to have access to the kids. THIS BECOMES A LIFE OF MISERY, the law is all on the women side. SO MEN LISTEN BABIES AT THE WRONG TIME FUCKS UP YOUR LIFE. There will be a pill on the market so you can control the baby-making. Women go crazy in the head, So don't tell them you are o the pill just keep practicing, that's the best part of it. All men get involved with women because THEY WANT SEX NOT CHILDREN
Yes... it *definitely* depends on who the involved are. Both intelligence and psyches can vary in range and orientation (& quite often, they're a mix, further entangling dilemmas).
I've met several psyches who become bored instantaneously when faced with a solitary one-on-one "port capture" (to use pirate terms☺☠). Also, various types go through various phases that others are conditioned to "back away from"; for instance...
When a girl is either pregnant or just given birth, some men are biologically driven (yes, it's a biochemical reaction to mama-baby combo phermones; the same thing that comes from baby "Say... what is this dark pit in the midi that's... ... the *one time*; and a guy basically has one of two instincts: dive into the snuggle pile, or stand back, breathe, and feel the death of one life and beginning of another [and wtf that means to self, others, etc])
Sometimes it's a psychic "hint" from the moms as well, "nudging" the father in one direction of behavior or another.
(In fact, if the guy is the back away type, it's fairly important ** to signify when [& how] the time is to "re-align" in the intimate space now of three... )
(I believe the translation in redneck is, "Yaaar. Thazza muflur dragon, a'ight...") [Joke meaning : a lot of guys "fall off" if that "peace" is missing.]😅
Lions wolves penguin and other animals in the animal kingdom are monogomous. So yeah it is natural. Humans are just piece of shit creatures who have a massive id complex and very selfish innate hedonistic personality about them. And they refuse to take responsibility for their actions. Back in the 1800s-1950s a divorce and/or having a kid out of wedlock was unheard of making the offspring a bastard child. Today the millennial sluts you see running around spreading their legs open popping kids out have no morals or values as the older generations did. They don't value love or committed relationships hence why you see so many divorces by women at such a high rate. It's due to their lack of morals. There was one black girl years ago on YouTube who flat out said she was going to marry a rich older man have his kid then purposely divorce him just so she can get child support and alimony from him and all the guys started so much shit on her ass because of it. "Women" (and I use that term as loose as they are) are NOTHING like they were almost a century ago with morals values and loyalty. Today "women" aka beasts of nature don't know what those things are and they don't have the slightest clue to what manners are either ie Please Thank You and Excuse Me especially when walking into someone without looking or when someone holds the door open for them
First of all with lions both the males and females have multiple "partners".
About the whole incest thing that is what religion does to people
The thing about millennials having no morals or values is wrong as well. Do to the advancement in technology people are more likely to go into a relationship and sex is just a lot less taboo now
The woman of today is more free to express herself and you just notice that note that the "beast" you speak of was already back in the past but do to women being mistreated it was done a lot less out of fear.
@MatthewH tell you what when you hit puberty and finally kiss a girl get laid and start a real relationship that doesn't involve basement dwelling porn then comeback here and post a comment until then FUCK OFF
Monogamy is not natural it was born out of necessity. Paternity had to be confirmed otherwise father's refused to take responsibility. Hence social and religious norms which enforced monogamy. Monogamy ensured children are father's, it made sure father took responsibility for their kids, and monogamy provided stable societal structure to raise these kids.
There are of course other factors as well like jealousy. Love though marrying for love is recent phenomenon. Only 3% of mammals are monogamous, that should put things in perspective.
In some families, the husbands do not want to raise anybody else's kids (fucks) except his own. Often there some kind of inheritance you would like to pass on, to your legitimate offspring. I certainly would not give a dime to any children that were not mine, I have a legacy to leave behind.
It's absolutely natural to me. I like to get to know a person inside out. I love to figure out their thought processes and predict their behaviors. To me it's a life long project. My partner happens to be a very deep and sophisticated person. Maybe that's why I find his mind so appealing. However, I don't think monogamy means staying with one person for your entire life. sometimes shit happens and people break up. to me it means to be in an intimate relationship with only one person at a time for a longer period.
For me, it has always came natural. I think it is a combination of genetics and how you’re raised. For my boyfriend it took him years to calm down and it was not natural for him to think that monogamy was the right thing. I’m sure he always knew that he was a bad person by cheating on everybody but it was just his lifestyle to just screw everything that move. Even if he was with someone. For me, it was always the opposite I never ever cared to do that kind of thing. I have always been content with whatever I had. People are just different and you have to try to find one that matches your morals and convictions.. If you try to go with the opposite it will be a lot of heartbreak along the way. Problem is with this day and age people have learned how to play the game. Most people will lie to you and tell you what you wanna hear. So, be careful for that. Good luck!
If monogamy was unnatural, humans would have died out. I believe it's the only species to require at least 15 years for the young to become independent. Without help from the dad, few young would live that long in pre-civilized times.
While violations of monogamy have been around from the beginning, they really haven't been that widespread until relatively recently historically. I suppose everyone has a different theory for why that is. I'll just say that I expect it to get a lot worse as society further degrades, where lying and deception is considered not merely acceptable but even commendable.
Okay here it comes... In the old, prehistorical times men hunted not only to have food (80% of all food is brought by the women who searched for berries and other things the hole day) but also to look strong and attractive when they could go home carrying a big animal. Usually the men with the best hunting talent got the healthiest and most attractive woman to pair with. When she got pregnant, they would stay together for 4 years. After those years of 'marriage', the baby would be old enough to live on its own and the two would no longer live together. That's also why the hormones that make you feel in love decline after 3 to 4 years. In modern ages, that's usually when couples have a hard time staying together. The only solution is working on your relationship so that you love the person without needing a lot of hormones and be happy living with him/her. Now it is scientifically proven that we are slowly going back to these old relationships. I hope this answered your question.
Reading briefly about this topic I found an article quoting a sociology professor who says that she doesn't think that humans are naturally monogamous creatures. She says that monogamy is a social construct meant to benefit children because they will be raised better with two parents present. The article explains that humans are only socially monogamous, but because humans (mainly men) have the drive to have children with as many women as possible we cannot describe ourselves as a sexually monogamous species. Here is the article: www.livescience.com/...meant-to-be-monogamous.html
Simply these people do their PHDs in airy-fairy ways, often trying to promote their own ideas philosophies. Throughout universities, the PHDs are all research their own bullshit ideas. Then print a textbook and that book has to be followed by all that phds lectures. Each of these dissertations is directed by your supervisor and one external marker and wow it is a new truth, much like GLBT society pushing their own agenda.
Both are natural in my opinion. We witness polygamy, polygyny, and monogamy spread throughout the animal kingdom. I think due to human advancements we are at a point where we circumstances decide whether we prefer polygamy or monogamy, with that said I think we would have started monogamous, human children require a lot of energy and focus to care for, it requires two parents working together, or a substantial amount of technology. Therefore monogamy would be most natural for us, but polygamy has become natural as well due to technology making child raising easier.
it is natural for some people and not natural for other people.
just like animal species humans are different too, there are different types of people but just because unlike animals all humans look very similar so it causes confusion in reality and inability to tell the difference between the types of people.. but when two compatible persons meet each other and they are both monogamous then it will work but if one of the persons is not suitable for monogamy then it will not work, you can't expect a tiger male to stay and take care of his children because that's not his nature right? he just fucks and moves on. it's the same in human world, if you find a wolf male he will never need another woman he is monogamous by nature...
Its too much work to be with several people and keep finding partners. It's an emotional overload on my brain.
I am the sort of person who repairs my broken things, rather than buying new. I treat everything with care. I understand all humans have flaws. I understand the time I have built with my husband in years of my relationship will never be replicated in the same manner with another. I like my bond with him. I don't want to find a new partner ever.
Well the most successful societies have been built around monogamy and we evolved to pair bond. But not everyone fits that. Some just aren't born to be monogamous.
Monogamy has the most benefits it seems out of all the potential relationship structures. An extended family is also important but the role of 2, mother and father is integral to raising a child with the best outcomes but not only that but we are naturally territorial and jealous, there is a reason for that. When we fear our partner may be infedelous it threatens our security and the raising of their children. Men don't want the mother of their child to have another child with another man. Women don't want a man who won't stay by and protect her and their child.
Monogamy works best for all involved. Though it obviously doesn't work for everyone and dies have it's flaws but these flaws pale in comparison to their benefits.
I think monogamy/marriage was created a long time ago. As a way to stop the young better looking people of the world. From just having a giant orgy. Since they would have most likely just switched from partner to partner. While the older less good looking people suffered. Because no one wanted to be with them.
So the less good looking people came up with a plan to say that *GOD* said a relationship should only be between 2 people and it should be for life.
That way everyone could have a fair chance at finding someone.
What a crock of shit, at my age I can pump and dump young women 20 ... They keep coming back you young guys do not know to give her at least 5 clit orgasms and more vaginal orgasms, that lead to squirting...
It depends on how you look at right? Consider in nature that there are many animals that are monogamous. Birds will work together to raise their young. Certain fish care for their young and will work to feed them. There are even some animals that will only procreate once in their whole lifetime and sacrifice themselves for their young. But then polygamy is also natural. One male lion among many female. One female bee among many male bees. Procreation is natural. It is really the choice to be monogamous or to be polygamous. But remember even in a polygamous setting animals will not bring in another without contributing to the welfare of the whole. What is unnatural is when you see a man for example spread his seed around and letting the women raise the children on their own and never contributing to what he has helped create.
You should have more options in there. It's a mental thing and how you see the world. It's not a universal yes or no. I can't date more then one at the time, and I have actually tried. Many years ago I was single and dated until I found someone I wanted to be exclusive with. This time I had a hard time choosing between two girls. One girl found out about the other girl, but I did not hide it either. They had a talk and agreed to share me, to my surprise this was out of the world, never happened to me before. I tried it for 3 months, they where friends and we had dinner together and everything, it was interesting. But it had some rules to it, like we never share the same bed all 3 of us. But I could not handle it, the whole thing was to much for me. So I broke up with one and continued dating the other for some years. What I could gather from it is that it's not for everyone.
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