Pregnant and I still haven’t met his family?

[Anonymous]

A bit of background to this, I have been dating a guy for going on 6 months next week. I found out 3 weeks ago that I am pregnant and it has been a massive surprise to both of us as we have always been extremely careful with timing and contraception. We live in the same town currently but he is moving to another city at the end of next week to be with his two daughters from a previous marriage, there are many things that concern me but I would never get in the way of him moving to be a father to his children. Even though we have been dating for 6 months I still have not been introduced to any of his friends or family, which he says is due to the fact that he hasn’t told most of his family about his divorce? he said he was going to tell his family that he was seeing someone and that I was pregnant before he left but there is only 5 days now before he leaves. i feel like I’m at the biggest crossroads of my life because I am filled with so many questions and I never seem to get any answers from him. I’m scared and alone and I don’t know what to do. If you have ever been through something similar and can suggest anything I could do or say please let me know because right now I’m stuck. Stuck in a situation where I have always wanted a child but never in this set of circumstances, where I have met a guy I absolutely love but he seems to have reasons to hide me.

[Being_a_good_Indian]

Are you able and willing to terminate this pregnancy, or give the baby up for adoption based on what the guy tells you? Because if you’re going to keep the baby anyway, what do you care what he thinks? Either you want the baby or you don’t. Second, how do you feel about being a single mom? Because that’s what you’ll be. It’s a terribly stupid risk to just wing it and hope that the father will come around to embracing the idea when he’s not happy about it now. Assume that he’ll never be happy about it. That’s the only safe assumption to make. A lot of lives are at stake here: yours, his, the child’s, your parents, his parents, future teachers and law enforcement who will have to deal with the destructive behaviors of an unwanted kid whose parents made a mistake. Don’t underestimate how much it sucks to be a single mom. I don’t know what your financial position is, but kids cost a fortune and it’s much harder to date once you’ve got a child. If you’re a halfway decent mother, the kid comes first, above anything and everything else so you better have more of a commitment than it sounds like if you’re going to keep it. I also think it’s a really bad idea to not listen when someone tells you they’re not ready for something. Why should he lie about that? Believe him! Don’t use an innocent child to test if someone actually means what he says. Did you have unprotected sex with his knowledge, or did the contraception just fail? Did you poke holes in the condom, miss your pill accidentally on purpose, or did he pull out in some misguided belief it would prevent insemination? As for the second part of your question, whether or not he loves YOU enough to marry you is irrelevant. There’s a child to think about, and unless you’re married, he is not presumed to be the father of your child. If you keep it, you’ll have to get a lawyer and insist on a DNA test and go through the courts to order child support (unless the guy volunteers money to you without a fight, which I doubt he will; sounds like he’d rather you got rid of it). You DO realize that you only get support as long as he’s working, right? All he has to do is quit or go off the grid and disappear, and you’ll be paying for everything yourself. Even if you qualify for government assistance or relatives are able to help somewhat, the responsibility still rests with you. I hope I answered your questions. I hope it helps. Any queries?

[raven6933]

Not sure where this person is but if in US it is actually a felony to not pay child support whether you have a job or not. If he agrees but does not pay after 10 years they will cut off pass port drivers license and then hunt you down. It does not matter if file bankruptcy, does not count. And the unpaid interest will be more than what is owed. And should he ever get a job they can and will take it all if they so choose to not to mention any taxes he was looking forward to at the end of season is gone.

[MannMitAntworten]

I have been the ‘secret’ before years ago. It effing SUCKED out LOUD! It one of my most tumultuous relationships as a result. Why he feels he cannot tell his family of his divorce strikes me as nuttier behavior than that of the ex I mentioned. I mean, I wasn’t the first person to be a secret... but a divorce? How does one conceal that? Especially during family events?

I really hate saying this because of your feelings towards him, but your boyfriend is a serial poor decision maker. There is a huge likelihood you are going to be a single parent in this equation. Not just a single parent, but likely a permanent secret. It effing sucks. This affects more than just you. It affects your child and that other family of his that he is going about this as he is.

All I can really tell you is brace yourself for him to disappoint you. You are right to feel as you do. That some us want kids and can’t and then there are people like him... damn.

I really wish I had better words for you. :-/

[MaidenMandy30]

That sounds like he literally has an entire family and you're on the side. Almost 6 months pregnant? Not too much longer at all. also that would be his children's sibling so that's very important. I'm very sorry but he's hiding something big enough to hide he has another child coming

[Asker]

Oh no I’m only recently pregnant, I’m only 7 weeks. I think he is hiding something big too it’s very concerning, and he always manages to evade my questions. I’ll just have to try again and if I don’t get answers I’ll have to be prepared for what comes with that.
Thank you

[DavidHart]

i never endure such thing but i can only suggest...

Since u are now pregnant,
please pay more attention to yourself instead of the guy.
Just assume in the future, there will only be u and your child..
... from that point of view, u going to need to have your plan now..

[loveslongnails]

You got big trouble right here in River City. First, you have to decide for yourself - do you want to keep the baby, no matter what, and raise it? Or, have it and put it up for adoption, or not have it? That's YOUR decision. Then, based on that, you confront him and ask him point blank what you need an answer to, again, based on your decision. The question will vary depending on what you decide.

[cloud9vortex1234]

He's not being honest with you. He's hiding you and now he's trying to leave. It wouldn't surprise me if this lowlife leaves and doesn't come back. I would suggest making preparation for him to pay Child Support so he owns up to his responsibility as a father. I think you should look for a lawyer about this. Also, maybe you should find a way to surprise him in front of his family and friends.

[raven6933]

Oh wow. Are you sure he is indeed divorced? Sounds sketchy to me. I mean why hide you are divorced and not show off new girlfriend?

[Iron_Man]

Sounds like you better start organizing the custody payments before he jumps ship in another city

[Drumlin2001]

Can you not relocate with him?

[Asker]

I could, I have mentioned that possibility but he evaded this suggestion and changes the subject. Plus he only speaks about his future in this new city, no mention of what the future holds for us.

[Drumlin2001]

Not sounding good. But you know he looks after his other kids, i'm sure he won't not support your child. Whether your relationship survives though, thats something you need a firm conversation about.
The important tging is the relationahip between the two of you, not the wiser family/friends. Dont push that side, it will happen when he's ready

[BillysBabe]

Ask him