I sort of like the image you chose. The pillow and chain are good. (The keys are a bit overkill.)
You open yourself up to them slowly, incrementally, don't punish the new people for the bad deeds of those of the past, and let time [and her consistency] prove to you that she has your best interests at heart.
And accept the fact that relationships and love and partners and lovers and people in general all, to some extent, will cause us pain. There's no way around that. Look to your family for proof. You have to learn to choose wisely the people you let in, and look at the ratio of the good things they do and bring to your life, in contrast to the occasional missteps and selfish acts. No one is perfect. All living creatures would like things to go their way, get what they want. But love is about putting other people first sometimes too.
Are you questioning your judgement now? You must analyze the way your ex was, how she treated you, and what decisions and actions led to her betraying you. Look for the beginning, the warning signs, where it veered off, a tipping point, and find some order in it. Your experience does not yet mean that all women are bad. It means that she was not a good person, probably, and that humans are humans, fallible. There are more women out there that 'get spooked' and are guarding their heart, than men. Which means that there are plenty of women who are going to be cautious like you. And they will appreciate you taking it slow, not pushing things too quickly. Now you just need to find them. They're out there.
See my poll referenced above:
When dating, who's more likely to get spooked - you or the other people?
Well tqke things slow so you guys properly get to know each other, so you feel comfortable around her and opening up comes naturqlly. Ofc judge her character and how safe and she seems and doeant have traits your ex had. But in life you cannot have gain without some risk, you gotra open up and be vulnearble if you want to find love.
One thing is also be ysf, ur open self but work on finding ways to better deal with consequences if things go south. I once was afraid of certain things that hurt me but when i learned better coping mechanisms i was williing to do those scary things much easier. No woman is same as your ex and thst experience can hold u back but u should rarher choose to learn from it n not let it hold prevent u to find love. And u will never be hurt as she hurt you cause now u know how that is, there is at least no more surprise element. People actually get used to disappintements and such, especially if they acceot that about life. You know, no risk no reward, but make sure u have good coping skills if shit hits the fan.
My friend, if there is something I have learned... well we men have learned about women is not to open up to them. Women have proven over and over again that they want that myserious bad boy who is hard to win over. Not a guy who is easily wrapped around their fingers without them even needing to bring anything to the relationship other than a vagina. That's one of the EASIEST ways to shoo away a woman. Because you're not a challenge to them or considered as high value. With women, it's all about reverse psychology.
Go get yourself a girlfriend, but no where do you have to sign a contract that obliges you to say "I love you" to establish a relationship or during the relationship. I'm not saying not to love, I'm saying no need to tell her that directly, you can show your love and affection through other things like giving her attention, giving good sex (crucial), teasing her, carss her cheek, picking up the tab. Things like that. I highly suggest you follow the Rational Male principles on dealing with women written by Rollo Tomassi. There are tons of videos on YouTube covering them.
@TruthBringer You think opening up is a sign of weakness. Why?
@PeterAyre I'm not sure where you got that out of my comment. I never said opening up is a sign of weakness. But since you brought it up, omen however do see it as a sign of weakness. On a cognitive level they may deny this, but deep down, they know they want a more stoic and mysterious guy, because he is more adventurous and more of a challenge than some dude they know where they stand with. In the end, they always go for the "alpha bad boy" rather than the dude who showers them with gifts, compliments and "I love you's"
It isn't completely true that women just want a mysterious bad boy. Some may want that, yes, but generalizing all of us into that statement was a mistake.
First of all, the best thing a man can do is speak his mind. If he loves me, I want him to tell me. Maybe I'm not ready to hear it yet, or maybe I've been waiting for too long to hear it, but the thing is, he was honest.
Women might not seem to appreciate the gifts a man might shower on them, but often enough it is just because it makes them feel pressured. In these situations, it's best to ask her if it's okay if you give her stuff.
Some ladies are jerks, and they will break your heart no matter what you do to try and keep them. They don't even deserve to be called ladies.
The women that are worth your time and energy will expect your honesty. They'll expect you to be open with them. They won't need you to change and be mysterious or be a bad boy. They just want to see you, for who you are, so that they can listen to their hearts and know if you are what they need or want.
@buddies You're right about a man should speak his mind, but sorry dear, women have proven time and time again to lose interest in a man who expresses his feelings towards her. It's hard to tell which woman is like that and who is not, especially since there are so many out there. I've learned to take women's words with a grain of salt. Whenever I want to catch a fish, I ask the fisherman, not the fish. You're literally proving my point right now. You are saying it yourself that there is pressure involved or "not being ready to hear it now". So why bother at all? Simply let the relationship take it's course naturally. Like I said, there is no obligation to say "I love you". Let the actions express the love.
@PeterAyre Actions speak louder than words. It's my actions that help her not guess her position in my life. However, my approach has never failed me, neither other men.
If you get along with her well, if you think she is there for you, if you think you're comfortable with her, if you think she'll stay with you even after you open up to her, if you think you can trust her, open up to her. Only you know this and can do this. Why complicate so much? When you know it's about time she has to know important things about you, tell her. Give in to chances or be scared forever. If she accepts you with all that, good. If she doesn't and leaves you, then realize that you two weren't compatible since the beginning, you just came to know about it when you opened up to her and she left you. If she has to stay, she will. If not, then let her go. Nothing else you can do so don't feel too bad about it either.
Opinion
27Opinion
Be an open book but keep some pages glued and hidden. Only when and if a woman proves to be worthy of knowing your vulnerability, then it's safe. How? Wait for her to open up first. Don't go telling your secrets that fast anymore..
Nice analogy.
I'm glad you liked it. I try my best...
Love's a gamble without refund. Best be lucky.
First build a really high wall around you.
Make sure the girl knows that you have trust issues and will need time to open up. If she really likes you, she will be patient and will make you feel like she can trust you.
Once you start feeling like she doesn't have any ill intentions, slowly start lowering your wall and let her inside slowly.
Only when you know for sure that she isn't gonna leave you or that she loves you that you should take the leap of faith i. e. give yourself completely to her which may or may not work out. But at least if it doesn't work out, you wouldn't blame yourself for falling in love so soon.
This also depends on the girl you're with. Because it takes a lot of patience to be with a guy who has locked his heart away. Therefore make sure that all her efforts are appreciated. Even if you can't open up soon, just be there for her and make sure she knows that you just have trust issues and not ill intentions and that you're not playing with her.
I think safely opening up to a girlfriend is not your main issue, it's not knowing what your priorities are that is.
I get that you want to make your girl happy, you'll do anything for her. Then how about yourself? What are you doing for yourself to make you happy?
A relationship is not just about making the other partner happy. It's being together, loving and tolerating each other despite all flaws. And most of all, you must enjoy and be happy being with her. The reason why you are so hurt from your previous relationship was you placed your ex as the world, the being for your existence, only she matters and nothing else etc. So when she left you, your whole world crumbled because that's what you had build it up to.
I'm not sure if you are seeing anyone now. I feel you are still hurting so take some time for yourself. There's no rush to get back in a relationship. The last thing you want to be is rebounding into another relationship.
You can’t. Opening up is a vulnerability because it doesn’t come without risk. The difference is your last wasn’t worth it. Your next may not be either but then again she may be. What’s that quote, better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Wise words. Even if you open up slowly which we all do, but a super snail pace can leave your partner feeling unconnected with you and you may lose them that way. The right one will have patience as you will with her.
Love comes with two possibilities. Pain and pleasure.
Trust is the most important part of any relationship.
Love is like handing the other person a loaded gun, letting them aim it at your heart, and trusting them the whole time not to pull the trigger. There is no guarantee that you won't be hurt. But every rainbow brings with it a little rain, and every happiness brings with it a little pain. There is not one without the other.
Dude, NEVER, ever open up to a woman about anything of substance. EVER. If you tell a woman your "true feelings" or (God forbid) any of your fears, she will HATE YOU. Women do not tolerate any weakness in a man, whatsoever, regardless of what they say.
It only takes a second of weakness for a woman to completely lose interest in a man. Just look at how many women divorce their husbands when the husband is diagnosed with cancer? Tons. Women to not tolerate weakness. Do not "open up" to a woman unless she is a therapist.
I know how you feel. You can try and exercise better judgement when investing in a partner. With regards to how can you feel safe and trust again. Well I have found its like getting the shit kicked out of you. Afterwards you build it up from small to big, be cautious, but not paranoid. Foster openness in the relationship and it will build trust.
Same advice I give women -- if your heart is repeatedly broken you are investing too much too soon.
"I fall easily in love" -- this implies that you aren't all that selective, which implies that you don't really pay attention to the other person, and besides it's your problem, not theirs. You don't say what your ex did but no one makes you feel anything. If you are telling a woman you love them by the third date it's no wonder they are running away.
Some can be real vindictive. You can open up to what you won't regret later if the world knew. Maybe after 10 years or some magic number. I don't know when a good time is and like someone said I think we just do naturally over time. I suppose its just a risk you take.
Dont ever tell a woman your problems
She can't do anything to help you overcome them.
At the most say "Baby I have some problems I need to overcome to be a better man." Thats it. Overcome those problems and you won't need to "open up"
It's all about taking a chance. Don't let your past experiences hold you back. If you love her and trust her, then it should be no problem. Relationships are all about open communication and mutual understanding.
Trust everyone 100% - up to a point.
You already know your heart is an easy target ("I fall easily in love ") ,
so give it some more time and try to make extra-sure things are as they seem.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Prov 4:23
I'm sorry but... do you have some sort of deep, dark secret? Are you afraid your girlfriend is going to expose this to the world? I don't understand why you're so worried about opening up. I just ask out of curiosity.
We all have some kind of secret. Dark or not. Some even use it against us 😑
I have done some not so bad things that I've regretted doin but if someone asks I'll answer
Why should you be scared of their opinion?
Is a great question that I made myself every time that a guy flirt with me. I don't know the answer, I am looking for it too. But I think that it means that didn't get over about our past relationships. And also, take calm things with the person who you know. Hope it helps u
Some things in life require a leap of faith. You just risk it, and if it goes badly you move on and find someone else.
You can never be 100% sure about those things. However, if you're handsome stud, have a shit ton of money in the bank and a 10" cock you can open up to any girl anytime. Also, women always have multiple agendas you can never trust them.
I. Would. Not.
Express your feelings, but figure her out first, or along the way, before choosing to rely on her.
Far too many women are complete sham, nutcases, flakes and weirdos who'd rather stab you in the back (or your belly) than be humans. Disney princesses with failed grand expectations out to have their revenge on an unsuspecting soul, the good guy.
Test her. That's it. See how well she handles every aspect. Don't share everything you have in one go ever.
Well over. Of time will you develop a mutual trust with one another you will know it won't happen all at once you'll tell things each other to each other over. Of time as you don't more of a trust you'll see
Everyone feels this way at one point in their life's... take your time with a girl and get to know her trust your gut
You need to forgive your ex, and heal. Focus on that for now. You will know when to open up to someone when you feel comfortable.
Can you come up with a worse advise?
I know you mean well but that's not helping.
Everything that you reveal to a female will be used against you.
I could never open up to a girl basically I’m always on edge expecting her to do something. One thing I have found is when you anticipate someone doing something it doesn’t really hurt when it actually happens
I think the same but i also realize it’s not a good practice to live. It’s called anxiety. Anticipating the worst isn’t prepping, it’s more living in fear. We think we are doing ourselves a favor put in actuality we are just denying ourselves to live in the moment. That philosophy will creep over onto other avenues in your life eventually and at some point you will realize how numb you’ve become. Small baby steps are good, less risk, and you gain more confidence with the other person... I’m doing it now and each little step feels liberating. Could i fall with any step and have my heart broken yes but I’m trying to not focus on that and focus on the end result. If you can’t open up, then how can you ever truly be yourself with a partner?
@Mickey9999 I dint plan to have a girlfriend because I don’t trust women
You dont.. its always a gamble... but you can't win if you dont play
Mete our vulnerability slowly in little pieces and always leave them feeling like you’re still holding something back — which you will be doing, but they need to sense it.
sad hard truth. you don't. only way to find out is to try.
My best advice. to you is NEVER completely open up to a woman, any woman! You can still love someone and be with someone without them knowing everything your thinking.
Open to her step by step and perceive her closely. If she’s opening too, you might be safe..
At this moment, it's impossible to know if you can safely open up to a girlfriend.
Fuck her. Keep a journal. Men will punch you in the face. Women are way more diabolical and calculating at their worst. Its a game of treachery sometimes. Give back only what she gives. A cliche is that its chess not checkers.
Like you would with a wild animal, never show weakness or vulnerability in front of a girl.
Dude with that attitude you won't ever have to worry abour it
Again because no girl is going to fuck you
I love to the fullest, if they reject me then that's their fault.
Do a test a fake rumour
It all depends how long you’ve known her
I've known her long enough and she still betrayed me
Well hell find somone else
When she joins Fascist ideology
Open up about what?
Anything
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