Am I a bad boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

I was having a conversation with my girlfriend last night because she’s been calling herself fat for the past two weeks. And ni matter how many times I called her beautiful and to stop calling herself that, she kept on doing it.

Yesterday she asked me if I really didn’t care that she got fat and I at first said “of course not, why would I?” I later on went on a little rant telling her I would do anything to support her so she can fell comfortable in her own body. I mentioned how we can both work on getting a bit healthy now while we’re young so it doesn’t bite us in the ass as we get older. I’m close to 200 pounds again unfortunately, so if anyone in the relationship is fat, it’s absolutely me. During my rant I said “So no, I don’t care that you got fat,” and she stopped me mid sentence and got upset because I called her fat. She asked me why I couldn’t just say that I didn’t care that she gained a little bit of weight and now I just feel very horrible about it.

Although this morning she’s confirmed that we’re okay and she knows I didn’t mean it in a rude way, I’m still very pissed at myself. How do I fix this? How can I stop feeling like crap?

[Anonymous]

You handled this all wrong.

When a girl starts doing that shit, you don't correct her.
You listen to her.
You empathise with her. You ask her why she feels that way and you give her time and space to talk through her feelings.

The WORST thing you can do, aside from going "Yeah, you're a chunky little monkey, aren't you?" is to dismiss her emotional state and feelings by going "Shut up, you're not fat. And even if you were it wouldn't be a problem."

She is feeling a certain way about something. It might even have been about YOU and your weight. But her opening gambit, talking about how she thinks she is fat or getting fat, is just her opening gambit of what is sure to be a frought 5 hour long conversation.

And you just tried to shut it down. "No." "You're not fat. Shut up."

Try to talk to her again, and as a general rule, you say 1 word for every 50 of hers, and you LISTEN. You don't correct her, you don't tell her she's wrong, you don't one up her with examples from your life. YOU LISTEN. You empathise. You understand, and you ask her questions that are open ended enough that she can talk some more. When she asks YOU a question, you can talk. Otherwise, let her have the time to talk through what ever is on her mind. She'll get there. Eventually. Women do love to talk.

[Overmind]

Man, you just have a way of putting that foot in your mouth :p Some things require tact & you have to realize a no win situation when you see one. The adroitness you lack could of been addressed better by proposing a off topic idea of spending time together that involved physicality; preferably something you both enjoy doing. Women get much more emotional than men on average about such things.

Like paddle boats for example, or swimming / hiking. Timing is key because you have to pull it off in a nonchalant way. Example being a friend mentioning that he & his girl are going to do X & jump on that. As far as not feeling like crap you're going to have to make it up to her in a BIG way:) Sorry to say the damage is done but not unrecoverable. Make sure she knows you desire her, actions speak louder than words.

[MTC29]

"During my rant I said “So no, I don’t care that you got fat,” and she stopped me mid sentence and got upset because I called her fat."

Young man, you feel into a carefully laid trap. Women have a book- thought no living man has ever seen it- which is filled with questions which have no acceptable answers. The "Am I fat/Do I look fat?" is probably the first one in the book.

Fall back, regroup, and let the entire subject fade into oblivion.

[MTC29]

*though no living man has ever seen it*

[yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo]

Don't be upset she's severely emotionally unstable.


I don't think she knows what she wants, she just likes how you go about trying to comfort her.


Take it with a grain of salt and just be patient.

[AlexanderAnttila]

"She’s been calling herself fat for the past two weeks"
"she stopped me mid sentence and got upset because I called her fat"

[Iron_Man]

I don’t like girls like that, that are not stable and then make a big deal out of nothing and twist and turn things around

[Anonymous]

Probably best you don’t buy her chocolates to apologise

[In_Trance]

Tell her to stop playing those bullshit mind games and be straight up with you

[Avicenna]

I'd leave the topic alone.