Have you been unfaithful?

[Gingersnapz74]

I've always been fascinated by the subject of unfaithfulness.

Pretty simple question, have you ever been unfaithful in a relationship. If so & if not, why?

I've always been curious as to why someone would "cheat" instead of just ending the relationship before starting a new one? Do they consider the consequences of their actions if caught? What if they have children? Or do they not even think about any of that?

Is it a matter of having your cake and eating it, too, or you just can't be monogamous?

Yes - Please say why

No - Please say why

[DumBear]

I have once. I regret it entirely and pretty much hate myself for it.
I dated this great girl for 6 months and before i started dating her officially i had been talking to another girl prior to ever meeting her.
This girl was in a relationship and kinda blew me off. Once i realized she was dating someone i backed off. I wasn't entirely interested in her, anyways.
I met my now ex a few weeks later and we hit it off insanely well.
We began a relationship about 3 weeks later.
After i began talking to her the first girl realized i lost interest and was probably talking to this other girl.
We kept our relationship on the DL at first to avoid people talking about it.
I regret this and it wasn't my choice really but its how it went.
If people had known perhaps i wouldn't have made the mistake.
Once the first girl noticed i backed off she got very into me and i was an idiot. But i kept my distance and no cheating took place. Eventually she invited me to hang out with her, her boyfriend, and friends. My new girlfriend wasn't able to come. This happened about a month into my relationship.
I ended up drunkenly making out with the first girl while her boyfriend was drunk passed out in her bed.
Later like 2 weeks after i met her again and her boyfriend 'cancelled' so it was just me and her. She kept begging me to meet again. Idek if the boyfriend was actually invited.
We had oral sex and some bdsm play. No actual sex.
Then we did it once more again a week later. No actual sex. Just oral sex and bdsm play.
I regretted my actions so terribly and was hating myself because i was head over heels in love with my new girlfriend. I don't know why i did it.
I think i was seeking validation and i was insecure. I had come out of two big heartbreak relationships and had put on some weight. I had dropped 75 lbs before i met my girlfriend and this girl so i was feeling great but was obsessed with the validation being sent my way.

Anyways.
The first girl realized i was ending our thing and basically told a bunch of her friends about us. Then she made it out like i was acting single and she felt manipulated by me.
I had told her i wasn't single.
She knew who i was dating even though it was not public knowledge.
Her friends made anonymous accounts and messaged my girlfriend.
My girlfriend asked me about it and i lied and told her it wasn't true. She chose to believe me and we seperated from this group of people to continue our relationship. I felt horrible and had a lot of anxiety over it. Lots of guilt. Fear of it being exposed later.

We dated another 5 months until one of those friends of the first girl came across my girlfriend and brought it up again.
They ended up telling her everything and then even brought the first girl into the convo. Shared screenshots and proof.
Nothing i could do. So my girlfriend asked me what happened.
I was so upset, but i was defeated. I was very self loathing but i kept calm and told her everything that happened. I told her why i didn't come forth originally. Because it happened so early in the relationship i feared it would end the relationship and i had hoped we could move past the situation and i would bury it and just never do it again.
I hadn't either, nor would i have cheated again. Nor will i ever cheat again.

Anyways.
It was a massive mistake. I know it was a mistake.
I didn't even really enjoy the sex acts i did with the first girl.
I hate how she acted like a victim to save her own image when it was her choice to put the info out there, even after promising me she wouldn't. She still tries to contact me to this day and i block her or ignore her.
My now ex and me split and she wanted to process things. We stayed friends (crazy i know but its what she wanted) while she figured things out. We still are.
I dont think we will fix things. Its been about 6 months almlst since this all came out. I hurt her badly and I've apologized a ton. Made amends the best i could. Given her space. Try to support her during healing.

[VanillaSalt]

I don’t feel I’ve cheated. Let me explain.


I’ve always been okay with saying a girl has a nice ass to my girlfriend. I don't know why I think I picked it up from my stepfather but ah well I’m not stepping out so whatever. I always said I would never cheat so it didn’t matter. I still feel this way by the way. However after years of being so unified by sex I jury decided sexist isn’t that good and it reinforced that ide never give up the other things for sex…


Then one day while me and an ex were “split” a hot friend got drunk and made a move on me… I gotta admit that I considered our relationship on hiatus so yes it’s technically cheating but we never got back together and today I don’t see it as cheating because hiatus isn’t dating and it was her choice. But I realized I could be pressured into cheating… I think if I was official I could held out but I don't know.

[Gingersnapz74]

If the two of you mutually agreed you weren't together, it's definitely not cheating.

[On_cloud_wine]

They don’t want to get caught but don’t mind it either… they feel like they don’t have a lot to lose. They never gave their entire heart away in the first place. Sex makes things confusing and messy.

[Gingersnapz74]

Who is they? I'm asking about personal experience not why you think someone does honey

[On_cloud_wine]

They (the cheaters). I’m listing a few reasons why they do.

[Gingersnapz74]

I have a list of reasons why i think someone would. I've never cheated, nor would I, I think it's a crappy thing to do to someone, and it has nothing to do with sex.

I'm looking for, like i said, those personal experiences why someone cheated. What was their motivation? Thanks for the response though :)

[On_cloud_wine]

Because they want out, but sometimes it’s not that easy, especially with kids involved. They stay together for the kids, or because of financial issues. There’s your why.

[NathanDavis]

No, because I just don't have it within me, I've always been in exclusive and committed relationships... and to me is just very natural to keep it that way, never really been a struggle or tempted to cheat or something like that.

Also, because it would be wrong, messed up and fucked up of me to hurt someone like that.

[Gingersnapz74]

That's what I don't understand. If you're in a relationship with someone, you made a commitment to the person. Even if you don't "Love" them you still care about them. Why would you do something knowing if they found out, it would hurt them?

[NathanDavis]

we are very much our own brains... and some brains (some people) are different, and they have less consideration, less control... less of a capability to discern and to care, among other things...

so yeah, there's some people out there who are just way careless about how you might feel, and if you are hurt or not, this is also part of human nature

I personally am not like that but one thing is for sure... before I get into a relationship with someone, I try my best to get to know them first... and to "know" what kind of people they are... if they are more susceptible to end up in situations in which cheating my be a possibility or temptation then I should be ready for that to be a remote possibility, however... the usual is for me to end up with people that are more like me, then I know that cheating is just a lot less possible, and then is not an actual worry to me, ever.

[Gingersnapz74]

You're right. Thanks for the response!

[NathanDavis]

glad to share (=

[MrOracle]

Nope. I have integrity. I would not tolerate cheating and in turn I don't cheat. And I've been HEAVILY tempted before, and managed to say "no." I won't say it was easy, but I don't give my word easily, and when I do, I take it seriously.

[Gingersnapz74]

Anyone who says they haven't been tempted would likely be lying to themselves. It's what you do in the moment of temptation that reveals your character. Commitments mean a lot to me, as does my word.

[MrOracle]

Exactly. It's easy to keep your word if you are never tested to break it. It's keeping it when you ARE tempted that makes all the difference.

[Alexandrubaschet08]

i don't need to, my girl is evrething i need, why should i risk to get another one and lose the one i spend more time whit and know me bether?

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

Yes. At the time my life was a mess. At home, school and I was feeling in a dark place.
My own girlfriend wasn't there for me, but another girl was. So it happened.

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

I regret it. I should have broken up with my girlfriend first. I hurt both if them like an idiot.
Today I am married to another woman and I have no intention of doing the same again.

[eagle1951]

because someone pays attention to you, or you're horny. or lonely.

[Gingersnapz74]

but you made a commitment to someone else. Why not end one relationship before having sex with another person?

[eagle1951]

because 1 either, i know it sounds weird but they are in love and just looking for strange. or 2 they don't want to chance being alone again

[Nightroads]

No, i respect my wife. She deserves to be the only object of my sexuality. My family deserves to be the object of my affection. Nothing is more important

[IncognitoBandito]

I have not, though I never had any strong reason for seeking outside companionship when dating.

[FreeOhSeven]

I was young and stupid and I didn’t value people like I should have. Also I was married way too young. If I had it to do over I’d definitely change some things.

[FreeOhSeven]

Also there was an element of excitement that I’m not proud that I relished.

[fred_durst]

never have a girlfriend , so far , i only cheated my own hand

[Phoenix98]

I've never been unfaithful in any relationship I've been in.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Yes but not the way you think

[On_cloud_wine]

Because you haven’t claimed anyone, you’re free to do what you want and who you do, yes?

[Gingersnapz74]

Did you emotionally cheat?

[Bklynbadboy12]

No it was the first one

[Bklynbadboy12]

Have you ever cheated and if so why

[Gingersnapz74]

That's not cheating. You're not in a relationship with anyone to cheat on. No, I've never cheated, nor would I. It's not even the sex act that's most bothersome. It's everything else surrounding it.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I agree we think alike

[Clarke498]

Never had the chance to and wouldn't if i did

[Iron_Man]

No I have not

[Dave576]

Nope

[JennieF]

Maybe?