Do you think there's ever a valid reason to have an affair?

Question

I'm watching this show about two couples who each have an affair, it isn't your usual sappy romantic drama but it actually has a lot of emotion and reason in it and it really made me think, if having an affair can be justifiable. Obviously, I'm not married so I wouldn't know on a level like that.

ohshee · Accepted Answer

Having this affair is one thing because of. *A REASON*. And of course everybody's going to have a reason.
What is worse about the reason is you go out you meet this person you have sex you come home and then you act as if nothing happened and you play this game of pretend that you're still in love with the person you're married to or going with it is just a big lie. So when you're doing this you're basically telling you your partner that you're smarter than them that you're using them that you're a liar that's the part that hurts more than having an affair. All the reasons that you stated.
Instead of cheating either try to go to counsel and get it fixed or see if it's even worth fixing because if it's not then you split up you accepted and you split up you don't go out and do something then when you get caught it's going to make everything even 10 times worse because you will always get caught it's just a matter of time.
And I hear exactly what you're saying.
But that's not the right thing to do the right thing to do is either fix it or get out of it before you have an affair. So now don't be the asker of the question
Now pretend that you are the girlfriend of the boy who just ask this question.
Or become the girlfriend as a boy that is now going out and having an affair how did that make you feel though would it be the right thing

Browneye57 · Accepted Answer

Been on both sides of this - what would you like to know?
The truth is, people don't have an affair for a 'valid reason', they do it because there's something lacking in the primary relationship. Many have tried without success to fix the things wrong, and while sure it makes sense to bail first, many just don't - there are a lot of varying reasons for staying, and then for cheating.

Some fun facts...
75-80% of LTR's endure some kind of infedelity
About 15% of these survive, the rest implode.
75-80% of divorces are initiated by women. Men tend to hang in there just hoping things will change/improve. Women are much more pragmatic - willing to throw in the towel.
Cheating is pretty well split 50-50 by gender, but women tend to be better liars so the stats are skewed to men.
The main reason people cheat is due to deficiencies in the primary relationship. So while you can't blame the victim of cheating, there is nearly always culpability for failures in the relationship.

A marriage can be resurrected/resolved after cheating, but it takes commitment by both parties. They have to want to stay together. It's like a shattered china teacup - you can glue it back together to be fully usable, but you'll always see the cracks.

The bottom line is that happy couples in love don't cheat.

Cakegirl · Accepted Answer

In my opinion when getting married to someone that is it you are locked in this is something you vowed when saying I do nobody should get in between and you shouldn't go looking elsewhere. Marriages no doubt will get boring, I mean spending it with someone until you die is a very long time and it will get boring.
Having affairs to me shouldn't be a thing even if you are neglected or their is a lack of love, it's so easy these days to have affairs because of social media. If a person was to feel this they should simply talk to the other person so the other person can be aware of how you feel.

nella965 · Accepted Answer

From my experience, over 90% of the time , if someone has an affair , there is usually something lacking or wrong with their relationship or marriage. I recently came across a married man who said he was lonely in his marriage so he needs another woman to hear him on his issues And give him affection. In reality , the real problem is that he lacks a connection with his wife. This “other woman” is just a crutch for him to stay in his marriage

OlderAndWiser · Answer

The promise of fidelity in marriage is a sacred promise and I can't think of any justification for violating such a commitment.

Summeroflove · Answer

Not really there’s lots of excuses but loyal people leave relationships and keep their own dignity and integrity

aWes0MeNeSs · Answer

I think simply leaving the relationship if one is that unhappy is the better option.

raw_is_war99 · Answer

It's never okay. If I was with a girl and I knew she had an affair, I'm not going to be stupid and think, I'm going to stay with this girl and just scorn her by doing the same. If people don't value each other, don't play that game. That's something children would do in elementary or jr. high, for grown ass adults we should know better. But people lack communication, some people seem afraid to be to be single, some people think it's perfectly okay because celebrities do it. People who are famous are an awful example to live by. I'm just giving different examples, why people do it? I have no idea, I just think it's flat out wrong. Girls are much more innocent and sweet when they are younger, but if a girl doesn't have a good father and she deals with a few bad relationships.

It will severely change her input on men and guys where she won't trust them, she will most likely have affairs or purposely break the hearts of guys who are good. The case for guys, yes, I admit guys are flat out horny and have to have discipline. Both genders are at fault for their actions and it takes experience, maturity and softening of the heart to persevere and continue on the path of being a good person. It's easy to be a jerk, a bitch or an asshole, the difficult part is having good values.

Anonymous · Answer

I can't really see a valid reason to have one except but two reasons. These reasons are not for everyone though and it may be better to just divorce and be done with it.

One is if your partner has already had an affair, I've known this happening to a couple. The man forgave his wife but said he would never ever have sex with her again, because all he could think about is another man being inside her.

Unless he got to be inside of another woman, then he could move past that issue.

Is that a reason and justified? I don't know.

When my ex cheated on me I divorced her. Many men may stay and cheat, because the system will penalize them with alimony and child support... and they may not ever see their children (if they have any) after that. I often see people staying in bad relationships they feel they cannot escape for this very reason.

The second reason is when your partner wants you to cheat, maybe you become swingers... but then that makes you wonder, is that really cheating?

Oakbury · Answer

Yes! Completely...

Ok Sure consent isn't cheating, but it is fun to act as though it is cheating! Sex is an important part of life and there are wonderful ways to make it thrilling!

Look up Wednesday Martin 'Untrue' (YouTube), or 'Sex at Dawn' Book by Cacilda Jethá and Christopher Ryan. Monogamy is not such a great idea!

But also there are enough real life situations where anyone with any level of compassion would appreciate the predicament some the men and women find themselves in, their need for support outside their marriage is a life saver.

It is easy to be sanctimonious, especially by the closed minded and inexperienced... There are a range of situations couples find themselves, there is a large variety of situations.

"Well why don't they just get a divorce, why don't they just leave their partner?" Real life might make that impossible, financial dependency, children, social or family pressure, or the need to take care of a very unwell husband or wife. Or maybe they have a great marriage in all ways but one, they don't want a divorce.

Don't judge! First listen.

Interstate · Answer

Hmmm... you must be watching the documentary on Princess Diana. There is no excuse for an affair. If you aren't happy in your marriage, get out of it. When you cite your marital vows, you are also making a promise to God. When you fornicate, you are breaking that promise to both he and your Wife/Husband. Breaking a promise to God is ill-advised, to say the least. And people who are already out with a new Man or Woman, who say about how their Marriage is over... are all the divorce papers signed? No? Then the Marriage ISN'T over. So God is still holding that promise over your head, and you are still married. Therefore, it is STILL an affair.

Wraith_Cemetery · Answer

Communication is the key to a respectful, healthy, and diligent relationship. If something is going wrong then the person should tell their partner about their needs or worries. If that doesn't work after several attempts then the best thing to do is to break it off temporarily so both individuals can think about everything. If that also does not work, then divorce or a permanent break up is the solution.

Never is it ok to go behind one's romantic partner's back and be physical with another.

BeenThereLovedIt · Answer

In nearly ever circumstance, the 'cheater' has an opportunity to leave prior to cheating, so normally I would say there's not ever a reason to cheat.

Until... I found myself in what might be the only justifiable position of cheating.

My wife and I are sexually incompatible. Normally, this would call for an exit to the relationship, but in our case we have a special needs child that requires care from both parents in the same household. Neither of us could do it alone. Our sex life dwindled and we went 5 years without sex. At the 3-year mark, I started dating and cheating. I gave her every opportunity to revive our sex life, but she wasn't interested. It was a dead bedroom, and still is for the most part.

I can't and won't leave just because she's frigid.

However, since she has clearly forfeited her rights to my penis, I see it as I'm free to let other people play with it and give it the nurture it needs.

VDrago14 · Answer

Is there ever a reason to have an affair, no. That said there are many reasons which can lead to that. One of the bigger is sexual dissatisfaction in the marriage. This could either be because the spark has died or one partners sex drive is gone. If it's the former than couples counseling should be sought first. However if it's the later than the discussion of opening up should come into play in order to prevent hurting the other. Regardless communication is key for both steps. By having an affair, regardless of circumstances you're betraying your partner and that is far worse than communicating ones dissatisfaction.

As for the circumstances of abuser an affair will only make it worse. If you're in an abusive relationship one needs to get the fuck out of it.

humpbackjack · Answer

Here’s my opinion fair I’d fair you’re never really going to get over them breaking the trust so they did it so you go do it now they know not to do it or you decide to have an open relationship. Really this is something that should be discussed early in the relationship so they know where you’re coming from I say look if you feel the need tell me ahead of time and I’ll find a chick to knock one out with then we’re all good and if she cheats then it’s automatic you got one coming that you can use whenever you want it’s even worse when you know and they won’t tell the truth or their answer starts off they don’t remember that week then changes to this story or that story cause trust is gone at that point just saying

Anonymous · Answer

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that yes, there is. Obviously the best thing to do is to fix the relationship and move on from there, but what if you're financially dependent or there's still something else in the relationship that both parties wouldn't want to lose? If you're a woman and your husband or partner is never making time for you, never being there for you or helping you, it would make sense to get those needs met elsewhere. Likewise, if you're a man and your wife isn't taking care of your sexual needs but you know that she still needs you emotionally, maybe it would be easier to get it elsewhere rather than completely toss her out.

ToastyOats · Answer

Of Course! There are plenty of reasons why two people might be incompatible to have children together... But, there isn't any reason to sneak around that person's back and humiliate them. If someone is not compatible for the long run, break it off!
Most importantly for yourself, go back to the drawing board and reconsider what your needs from a partner are, so that you don't waste your time again.
Myself, I want to be a father. I turn down sex regularly because I have not met any women who want a family. Its tough, but its better than hurting my heart pursuing something that I will ultimately not want.

KAT247 · Answer

There is no case where it can be validated. If the person has lost interest and wants to look elsewhere, the respectful thing that the other can do is to break it off/divorce the person they lost interest in. If they decide to cheat anyway without ending it, they have proven that they do not respect the other and the emotional damage that the cheating will cause.

DizzyDesii · Answer

there's never an excuse to cheat unless someones literally holding a gun to your head #HoesWillBeHoes

Anonymous · Answer

In my opinion cheating CAN be justified IF everything else has failed. Doesn't mean I approve of cheating (I don't want to cheat and I don't want to be cheated on) but I can look at it with an understandable lens.

Abusive relationships and marriages are one example. Until the divorce is final (if a divorce is in progress or planned or financially unable to be afforded) i consider them to be done. It'll be called cheating by society but de facto they are already over.

Or weaponizing sex to deliberately deprive the other from sex. Don't be so surprised when they'll get it eventually elsewhere.

Pasiton5 · Answer

No why even get involved if your only going to do so, you might as well remain single, instead of putting the one your with through all that BS just a waste if time, and those who knowingly have affairs with those already married or involved already is lowest of all but I'm not here to impart my morals or ethics on none, we are all free to live out lives as we choose, and deal with our decisions regardless of ones view or understanding of the morality of ones actions

Sarahr123 · Answer

Nope it is never justified and it is cowardice in every situation. It doesn’t matter how bad things get, you don’t backstab someone.

If it’s really that bad and you’re starting to find comfort in someone else’s company and you feel like you’ve lost interest in your partner then you respectably cut it off with them before you pursue anything emotional or physical. You don’t cheat.

Novacane · Answer

No never, and that's for the man and the woman. Doesn't matter what the reason is or what is going on in the relationship, don't get me wrong some of the cheating can be justifiable like mentioned in an abusive relationship or was already cheated on. But you don't gain anything from cheating back, the best option is just to leave the relationship and then do whatever you want to do while single. Most people will cheat or get cheated on and still stay in the relationship, and that's the issue.

lightbulb27 · Answer

no, but I understand why people do. we all want to feel good, if something is missing, if they are in pain, needs not met, they go elsewhere. I have no interest in having an affair.

I have had emotional affair (s). that isn't what you are talking about, but is, as I've learned, apparently as bad or worse.

doopayo · Answer

I don’t think so, I think if you aren’t romantically interested in your spouse and your relationship is at its last straw than you need to go to court and get that divorce. Studies have shown that even if you’re emotionally unattached or not their in the relationship it still hurts a lot to find out a spouse is cheating.

LisaRaven · Answer

I've never been married but the only example of an affair I could think would be ok, I saw part of a movie where a older man married a girl 20-30 years younger than him. He found out he had a terminal illness and was bed ridden. He told his wife he wanted her to take off her ring and start dating again, he still loved her but didn't want her to be alone when he passed.

boredgal · Answer

Falling out of love, temptation, loneliness, unconnected, discontentment, or whatever reason it is you have, that's not valid. You cheated. You hurt the person who loves you. Don't ever justify it by giving those shitty reasons. Cheating is not cool, bro and sis.

Inexpensivefurniture · Answer

I don't know if "justified" is the right word, but I think the only scenario where I wouldn't judge someone for having an affair, or would even understand it, would be if someone was trapped in an abusive relationship. I don't care if someone cheats on their abuser, because tge abuser already broke the very first, very basic rule about relationships: Don't hurt your partner.

t-8900 · Answer

I'd you aren't willing to meet you obligations ad a spouse it's my opinion you should just never marry. Some people in th comments don't think about people of various religions when they comment. Christians are supposed to sexually satisfy their partners weather husband or wife. You put those people in impossible situations and some will be too week and cave seeing the "death to you part" being the more important part than the infidelity. Not saying I agree but something to consider.

Floppy2112 · Answer

No. There is a valid reason to break up and then go with the person you'd rather be with. Having an affair is chicken-shit behavior. It means you don't have any guts or morals. If you'd rather be with somebody else, break up. If you don't have to courage to do that, then well, you're an asshole.

I_Am_Sazerac · Answer

No, there is no such thing as a justifiable reason to cheat. In fact, even if you are in an abusive relationship, cheating is the DUMBEST thing you can do as it will enrage the other partner and worse abuse will follow.

Best just to focus as on getting away first, then worry about the tingle between your legs.

Camo22 · Answer

No. If a person is fnding that they are unable to resist the temptation of an affair they either need to leave the relationship, or be honest with their supposed loved one and go to counseling or spice up the relationship. If you're cheating then the relationship is either over or needs work, you don't cheat if things are going well

Anonymous · Answer

No, it is never justified to be treacherous and betray people. And TV is just trying to normalize this disgusting behavior so people don't have any empathy for one another. And they wonder why narcissism is out of control. Because it's being fed to people

Miristheiss · Answer

No.  Be true and faithful.  If you can't or don't want your mate anymore then break up or divorce.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, sometimes. My brother is an example. He has been married for six years and has two children. He has not had sex with his wife since their last child was born three years ago and she has told him they never will. And she told him if he divorces her she will tell the authorities that he was abusive to her and the children to make sure he never sees his kids again. He has been having an affair for almost a year now and I fully support him in that.

GoldenAxer · Answer

I think it's always unethical. I find I can sympathize more in some cases, like in the case involving a violent and abusive partner, but fundamentally I still think it's immoral to deceive. Two wrongs don't make a right, so to speak.

MrOracle · Answer

No, there's no valid reason. The reasons you're talking about are valid reasons to end the relationship, but there is NO way to rationalize cheating.

Better_off_here · Answer

if you feel you have no way out and you need to have an affair that is really up to the person, it is wrong to cheat on anyone. but things do happen and mistakes are made and if you are in fear of your partner i think you need more than sex to help you out of your situation.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, if there was no sex with wife for ages.
Man have needs to.

In case of abusive relationship, it is better to end it, yes it is easy to talk, but in the end I would rather be single and pay child support, then live in prison like situation. I prefer to came home to rest after work, not avoid going there as it would be like war zone.

alance99 · Answer

Cheating or having an affair is never justifiable no matter how unhappy a person is in a relationship, if one really wants to have an affair then they should have balls to breakup first and then sleep with anybody

KrisPW · Answer

I don't think so. If you aren't getting what you need from someone, then why are you staying? Because it's easier? Because you are comfortable? That's just not right.

Mango-man · Answer

No. If it doesn't work, they should try communicating their problem and if that doesn't help then they would be better off on their own than to live in hateful relationship.

Aurora1010 · Answer

It wasn't a long affair but I heard of a case where one woman who was suffering domestic violence had sex a few times with a guy, I wouldn't judge someone with that case

PoliteSpeaker · Answer

No. Here's why...

1. You can leave that person anytime you choose

2. You are in control of yourself

3. If you cheat to get rid of the person then that isn't cheating. That relationship already was over.

FreyaRed · Answer

No. If someone feels neglected, abused or exploited in a relationship/marriage the only solution is to go apart. Without mutual respect and loyalty is every relationship damned to fail.

Anonymous · Answer

No. If you can’t stay loyal then just don’t get married to begin with.

I can see how the passion fades over the years. How one spouse may be angry with the other. I can see how problems and temptations arise. But at the end of the day wrong is wrong and right is right.

I’m just so sick of cheaters doing mental gymnastics. Just own up to being a scumbag. The attempt to justify this crap is literally worse then the incident itself.

Biancam13 · Answer

No, if you’re unhappy you should get out. Finish the first relationship before you start the second one.

Petermorgan34 · Answer

I think it is only justifiable (not the same as ok or morally correct) if it is a man, as a woman can divorce and get support, where a man is fucked either way and will lose everything if he leaves

Justagirlwithacrush6 · Answer

Absolutely not, if you aren't fulfilled in your relationship then stop being with that person, cheating is a horrible thing that scars many people

Ironic_Method · Answer

No. Of course they justify it in a show. To appeal to all those people who convinced themselves their affair drama is acceptable.

DocT1977 · Answer

If there is a need to turn to someone outside the marital spectrum, then it's time to ask yourself why you are still in the marriage.

maggie_c · Answer

I could never answer that question. I believe that the desire to have an affair can not be based on nothing... So something is going wrong in your relationship.

VanillaSalt · Answer

Do you want the person you love to cheat on you? That’s your question right?

Anonymous · Answer

Nope. I don't care what the reason is. Your partner is the one person who is supposed to make you feel safe and loved. Betrayal by cheating is a horrible thing to do to the person you claim to love.

hahahmm · Answer

No. When I was young & thought that I knew everything my answer would've been different tho.

Kronx · Answer

No. If you can't be with your current person, don't waste their time if you'd rather spend it with someone else.

Anonymous · Answer

You give yourself permission to go there you’ve already left the relationship. Just have the guns to up and tell the person who loves you, first. So, no. No justification. in my opinion

Prettysammie · Answer

The heart wants what it wants. I think the whole idea of monogamous relationships are kind of stupid.

exitseven · Answer

I do not think so. If you are in a bad marriage get divorced. Having an affair is just a cheat. You cannot have your cake and eat it too.

Tiptoetamm · Answer

No I really dont. I think it's better to brake up then cheat it's just wrong

ddogsandfrogs · Answer

I think just separate if the emotions aren’t there anymore

dkings · Answer

Nope... There is no acceptable reason to justify cheating on a partner. None whatsoever...

The_Outlaw · Answer

Nah. There will never be a 'valid' reason for an affair no matter how justifiable it may seem to some people and once you've been caught, the damage is done. There isn't any going back.

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

Technically no you should get a divorce but a lot of romances have hot adultery scenes

Do you think there's ever a valid reason to have an affair?

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