Why does no one want to be in a relationship anymore?

[19magic]

Like I talk to people who are married for 5-30 years and people my age who don't really seem to want a relationship. I mean ever since I was little I've wanted a relationship, someone to share my life with and do things together. A guy whom will watch horrors with me and go on the biggest rides in theme parks. Who will chill and have deep convos with or take a walk just to go out.

But I seem to be pretty alone in all of that and makes me wonder if I'm stupid for craving all of these things. I mean I knew for years I wasn't ready and now that I feel like I am. I feel like I won't date a guy or find a guy until I'm in my mid 40s. And I've recently made a friend in her 50s whose never settled down and to me that feels like the worst thing ever like the most devastating thing ever imagining myself at 50 and still being single and just makes me feel like, hopeless and maybe I shouldn't prioritize love so much.

What do y'all think?

[Oigit]

I think the reasons why people don't want a relationship or do can very much vary from person to person. For me a lot of it comes down to how my brain works. My entire thought process leans heavily into things like pattern recognition and logic that can very much clash with me emotional aspects of it. So I wind up pretty much saying I understand this on a emotional level. But it's clashing with every other aspect of my thought processes. So it's creating more stress and frustration then its worth.

Thought I do think taking the word and idea of "no one" out of your thinking is a good idea. Thinking absolutes when it comes to others can create some issues with how we think. Because absolutes can become facts in our mind despite them not being fact. So on some level my might have already decided that no one wants a relationship. Even with no way to prove this.

[19magic]

That's certainly true, I never went for relationships before cause I always believed that he was better than me and deserves somebody else who's better than me. So I did things that would steer guys away from me. Now I kinda realise that no body is perfect and to stop living in my head and just share and be open both to the idea, the guy and any prospects of the future.

[ZackBan]

People have all kinds of desires however they tend to only act on the one that is socially promoted.

Some people were married for 30 years because 30 years ago marriage was the norm, it was a sign of adulthood, a life achievement.

Today it's an optional side quest and many people who used to force themselves into a marriage which would lead to a nasty divorce are now chosing to live without such constraints.

Basically people no longer feel the "need" to get into a relationship, but I'm sure most would still take one if it really was with the right person. And the right person is not necessarily a perfect human but instead someone that is so compatible it's hard not to raise an eyebrow to the thought.

[19magic]

Yeah I'm not fussed about marriage but I would love to be 80 and say we've been together 45-50 odd years, through thick and thin kinda thing. Most guys I've found irl goes though things like what I can get out of it, personally that's a second thought to me I tend to think about others more than myself and often feel down and empty as I feel I get nothing out of it so would need to find a giver too

[ZackBan]

It's noble of you to think that way. You are a dying breed.
But at the end of the day you are only harming yourself, it's ok to be selfish sometimes, it's ok to say I want this for ME people admire people who have no problem going after their desires and if you adopt that mentality you will find a relationship.
Now finding someone who will be there for 50 years is entirely up to your fortune in life but the only way that person even bothers meeting you is if you're someone worth meeting

[19magic]

I definitely get that I know I should be more taking rather than give things all the time. It was the way I was brought up and seems like everyone else was brought up differently like with my friends at uni I didn't meet one person who actually treated their parents with respect. One of them said they went out drinking and their mum asked them to send a text around midnight letting them now if they're coming home or staying at a friend's. She said that she never called and when she checked her phone at noon the next day she had 22 missed calls and many many texts and thought it was stupid and overprotective. If that was me I would have been ashamed with myself for making my dad worry so much

[Nomina]

I'm going to assume it has to do with years of slogans like "you don't need a romantic relationship to be happy", less focus on long term relationships - it's all about casual and fun.

If that's what you want, don't compromise your values for crumbs. You're 24, you have time.

[Hangry06]

I like hearing that people don't want a relationship anymorw

[19magic]

How come? I see it as I want to find that someone I mesh with so I don't die alone, I can understand being gay or not having kids and open or even poly relationships but to not want to have someone to spend your end days with and all those leading up to it just seems really sad to me

[DJB72]

Don't look for someone to "complete" you. Recognise you're actually already whole. Guys don't want someone who needs fixing. Yes, we do enjoy being your knight in shining armour, but it gets exhausting being that 24/7

Assuming your profile pic is actually you then I'm 100% certain there's loads of Men who would be willing to have a real, mature relationship with you. Just notice the capital "M". Find a mature Man, not an oversized toddler and you'll find a relationship. But work on knowing yourself first.

[serious]

That is because being in a relationship requires a person to have special skill sets, the ability to handle uncertainties in a relationship, to handle differences etc. It is too stressful to be in relationships and not everyone can handle it effectively.

A person may have lots of good qualities, may be handsome, attractive etc but that doesn't meant they are suited for love and relationships.

[PositiveNote]

I’ll speak from experience. It’s because when you throw yourself into a relationship, and it goes awry, it hurts really bad for quite a few years! Add more years if there were children involved.

It’s just not like getting back on the horse again after you fell off. It’s more like getting on Amtrak as it’s moving at 90 mph past you!!

[FriendlyDrugDealer]

Some people do and some don’t. It varies between people. They exist just a good portion of people don’t know what they want and usually waste other peoples time. It unfortunately comes with the territory of dating. Just keep your chin up and you will meet someone with similar morals

[magiusX26]

i used to want that more traditional relationship when i was younger. the older i get and the more tries at such but my trust being betrayed has changed that. (also have become kinkier) so though i still would like a relationship (am just built that way) its gonna have to be something less traditional at this point.

[Sidfawy]

Am 34 be 35 in 2 months, virgin too. I don't date for real coz if i am i will Marr her, lol
So i keep it online until i find a gurl she love me back, about you most boys in your age looking in a relationship is committed and they can do that.
Wishing you a good life

[FilmGuy93]

I used to want a relationship too, but the fact is that men and women as groups have nothing short of straight up contempt for each other. Everybody is trying to get as much as they can out of the opposite sex for as little effort as possible.

[Mango-man]

It might be the environment where you meet guys. Like finding normal relationship in club or on dating app is virtually impossible just because of the types of people who go there.

[Ironic_Method]

Relationships haven't changed. This whole "anymore" thing is because it's more acceptable to have a divorce than be together for the sake of posterity.

[Anonymous]

Trauma and bad experiences and because of all the horrible stories you see online make me vary of relationships right now.

[noohair]

Men used to want a relationship for sex and children.
Now they can get both without a relationship.
The culture has changed.
Stick with your values.
Good luck.

[Jan98]

I experience the exact same thing... It seems like us who actually wants that is alone and the ones who doesn't want it is always in a relationship and thus they screw eachother up and then they're "broken"

[Anonymous]

Because people are broken from being used and abused by others and it's becoming more common for people to only use others and toss them away the second they either find something better or have no use for them.

[crazysassypaws21]

i want what u want but i seem curse at love and relationships :(

[ChiPaPa]

I wanted to be in one for a very long time. However, nobody wanted to be in one with me.

[Anonymous]

Of course I want a relationship. But that's a 2 way street. It does me no good to want one if she doesn't.

[Recurrence]

I’m working on myself still, so I’m not ready

[19magic]

I don't feel completely ready but figure if I keep holding back before of this unreadiness then what's the point might as well be open and then see what comes rather than keep pushing away and rejecting the idea

[Recurrence]

I have anxiety, no dating experience, and $3600 on my credit, so I just feel too pathetic.