Men, would you be annoyed if your partner refused to become a housewife after you've started a family?

Question

i. e she's a career oriented woman with different opportunities at hand and once the five year of development is complete, she wants to get out instead of being with your child and doing homemaking stuff.

I'm asking cuz most guys don't have it planned but once the child is born, they go all protective and stuff. I know few of my friends who refuse to have nannies in future when they've kids and yeah, as far as I have observed most guys wake up after 30 with family making fever, I know how debatable that is so let's not open that can of worms.

In my opinion, frankly, it's ridiculous to give up one's promising career for the sake of family. Addition of a new family member is just gonna crush the main guy down if the wife drops out.

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

See I think this is just one of those things that's going to be different for different people.

Now, you seem to be quite definite in what you would and would not consider an acceptable scenario. That's excellent. Now, other women may weigh things differently when it comes to what they think is best for them and their life. That's going to depend on her personal values, beliefs, situation etc etc.

The way I see it, there really should be no problem with the fact that different people feel very differently about this as long as two things happen.

1. Women (and men too) don't try and take an attitude that the way they feel about this is the RIGHT way to feel; and talk a bunch of shit about women who make the opposite choice for their own life. The choice to be a housewife needs to be respected by women who would never choose to become a housewife in a million years. Housewives need to respect the choice of women who want to persue a career.

2. Couples need to communicate.

You need to know whether or not you're on the same page as your partner when it comes to "who's going to raise the kids" (even after age 5)... as well as "how is money going to be made, who will be making it and how much will there be".

I don't think it should come as a shock to find out that your wife refuses to get a nanny and therefore won't be working... if you thought she would be.

So then people will naturally either pair up with people who share their view on this question, or end up making some compromise situation. So I think that as long as you don't hide the fact that you aren't ever planning to be a housewife from the guy you marry... odds are... you won't end up with a guy who strongly feels he wants a housewife.

jfazzle101 · Accepted Answer

I would not be offended. But if she agreed to a long term plan which included her being a house wife and she changed her mind after the fact it would be annoying. I actually have an experience to share about this. I'm 28 not 23 and I was married for 5 years. When we met she was working like 60 hours a week. In the beginning I stayed at home with the kids but we agreed to a plan of getting her out of that 60 hour per week obligation because she wanted to spend more time with the kids. Eventually I got a full time job and she became part time. Our goal was for me to find a job making a certain amount and she would quit working all together. As it turned out she really enjoyed working and only agreed to that goal because she felt it was the right thing to do but it wasn't what she really wanted. I personally wouldn't have had a problem being a SAHD. This caused a lot of resentment towards me and according to her she didn't understand exactly why she felt this resentment, but she sees it now. This is all something she recently admitted to me. It's so messed up how things ended it's been 2 years and it still hurts a lot. So I've learned communication is so important and to have no expectations anymore.

wingattebaby16 · Accepted Answer

I am a housewife.. i started off as a nanny...

I have 3 stepdaughters... and 2 girls i gave birth too.. and am nursing both.

i enjoyed working, was good at what i did, but my man makes enough money for me to stay at home and raise our kids. I love being a mom, a housewife, and my man's secret lover.. ehehehehehe.

we work hard to keep the romance alive. it is not easy, esp with a 3.5 yo, a 1.5 yo, and a 3 mo old constantly under foot. The two older girls are 18 and 16yo... they help me a lot.

I did not go to college, was running a pizza place as GM and making money becoz i was not afraid to push the limits. Men buy a lot of pizza and when you have to decide on a place with hot dressed girls or a place with "i dont want to work" teenagers and an old fat guy that is a perv, where do you go?

sunshineglow · Accepted Answer

The situation is as follows. Many decades of shaming women who wanted to ne housewives created bias they are stupid. Now no one wants to be considered stupid for staying at home. It's that simple. Don't tell your daughters being a good mother is stupid and maybe someone is still going to be interested in that.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

1. The role of both guy and girl in the marriage should be discussed in detail and agreements made before you get married. And then, you should stick by your agreement.

2. One of the really fucked up things about our "modern" culture is how so many parents are eager to have their children raised by strangers. And then they wonder what happened to their kids when they don't quite turn out to be okay.

3. Why is being a good engineer, or a good physician's assistant, more important than being a good mother?

PuNishant · Answer

I think this is something I would have discussed before getting married.
If we are planning kids someone has to sacrifice something.
I mean I am more than happy to survive in my wife income and being a house husband if she can run the house on her own.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

If I have enough money to support us both comfortablely and she doesn't have a career that she is passionate about then I would suggest to her just to leave the B. S. corporate world that sucks and go find something else to do voluntarily..

If she has a passionate career then it's fine if she decides she wants to do her dream job.

If I can't support a family all by myself financially then obviously she would have to go find a job to help me financially. It's not easy in today's world to support a family on one income.

Kaamraj · Answer

Men take marriage far too lightly than it is, they get carried away in feelings when they should be using logic, because marriage is the most significant legal thing you can do apart from dying. This discussion should be had before you get married and it depends on the socio-economic and cultural status of both the parties involved. If you are from a culture where family is important than stick to that culture, if you want a housewife than make sure your income is much more than hers and more than enough to comfortably raise a family.

BeenThereLovedIt · Answer

I don't think it's a guy/girl thing really. My wife and I planned our child, and discussed everything up front about who would handle what, generally speaking.

She expressed that she wanted to take a traditional role and housekeep if I wanted to be the breadwinner. I'm fairly progressive and had my doubts, but agreed.

She quickly realized how much she didn't like the parenting and housekeeper roles and just stopped doing it. Now she's just a lump on the couch watching murderporn and reality tv while at the same time being glued to candy crush or whatever game of the month on her cellphone. At least I get a free but crappy babysitter when I go out, which is often lol, I earned it.

snackthatsmilesback · Answer

This is why we wanted to decide those things before having a kid instead of leaving it to last minute and who happens to want to stay home.

She is definitely more career oriented than me, but she hasn't managed to get it off the ground yet, and being a stay-at-home might ground it permanently.
I would be willing to stay, but I get paid the most currently, and we need the money.
But we both know we don't want some stranger raising it.

Fortunately, it looks like we won't have to make that decision cause we'll be moving in with another mother about that time. So if it comes down to it, there will be 3 people who can each stay home a few days a week and still all work full time. And it benefits the other as well, because it's a LOT harder to do both jobs alone.

t-8900 · Answer

I want kids, that's a definite I think. But she doesn't have to stay at home. HOWEVER I would want her to take that full maternity leave to be with the child, bond, breastfeed (unless physically unable) so that the baby has that. My mother was never there for me like that and it caused a lot of issues for me growing up. I dont want a stay at home wife really. Kind of makes me uneasy that i'm at work and she's at home all day. Likely getting bored... likely beginning to think of other things... you get me? And also putting all that financial burden on one person? That's ROUGH! Today's economy sucks! I'm a team player, I want a team player. Besides I'm more likely to cook, cut the grass, and ofc do my own laundry. I dont need a woman picking up after me and taking care of my every need 24/7. I want an equal in my love life. I want mutual respect, relation, understanding. I feel like if we both work we'll be better with those aspects.

Miristheiss · Answer

I never went for super feminist women that think their career is the most important thing in life.

Sure... have a job, like what you do but our marriage and family trumps EVERYTHING.
If working 60 hours a week and being gone all the time and traveling for your work and the rest... etc. If that is her priority in life. If that is what she thinks give her fulfillment and validation in life... I wouldn't have married her to begin with.

My wife works 40 hours a week. 4 days and 1 night until 9. Me and our kids are her priority. If push came to shove she'd quit or job and change jobs if need be.

Her career isn't her main priority in life.
If the career was her number one priority and that is what made her tick... I wouldn't just dated someone else.

Jlegacy · Answer

I believe people who love themselves as God wants them too, should work out the details even before they say I do. Both of them can work if they have someone they trust watching over their kids. If they don't any of them can be stay at home parent.

There are many careers and profitable ventures that can be done from home. I have made cool cash from my home. So any one can be stay at home parent. The main point is, this decision should always be in the best interest of the family as a whole. Not that one person wants something and is not willing to compromise.

If you love your career that much that you won't want to be a stay at home mom, you need to see your parents and tell them that, so they can advise you properly because you are saying you don't want to be married.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I wouldn't be annoyed, I would just make sure that we were on the same page about stuff like that before getting married. My attitude about the career v. family debate is that it's all a question of what the best use of your time is. If the reality is that you do have a thriving career that makes you happy, then we can hire a nanny. But the more common situation is that most people's careers are quite bland. So what I'm saying is that I want my wife to take an honest look at her life situation and figure out what the best use of her time is. How certain is it that she's going to get that big promotion? Would she prefer to spend her days with our baby? How is she treated at work?

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

I have said this before many times and will say it again. Always put your partner's needs before your own and you will never go far wrong.
The best relationships are those which allow both parties to breath and flourish.
So in direct answer to your question. No, I wouldn't be annoyed in the slightest.

DumBear · Answer

In no way, shape, or form would i be upset at all if my partner wanted to continue to work. This would bring more income for the family and if its what they wanted to do then thats amazing. My parents have both worked while i grew up.
I dont see why some people would want their wife to sit home all day being a babysitter when the child could be at school or at a daycare when they want to work.

Shizunk · Answer

This is something I negotiate early. Someone is staying with the children, until they go to school. I prefer the woman to do it. We can keep flexible work schedule and share the burden, once brestfeeding is done.
If a woman refuses to promise to do it, and wants to pay people to raise her childten for her, I am not going to date her. Simple as.

NathanDavis · Answer

if she does not want to do any house chores, I guess it's fine... there's hire

but if she wants to go partying or clubbing instead of raising her child... that's not cool

if what she wants is to balance a career with motherhood... there's ways to balance that stuff

TwistedSukuna · Answer

Wouldn't annoy me at all. The career I'm working towards has a lot of opportunities to work from home anyway so I'd gladly keep and eye on the kids while my partner is at work.

Shortman70 · Answer

Hopefully she would make enough I could stay home with kid's. I think that would be awesome, I would get to see a lot of things I've missed because I was working. I could do more with them. It makes me sad sometimes that I missed some important things, not a lot but enough. But I also made a comfortable wage and we had plenty money to live on. You have to sacrifice some things to get some things. It all works out.

RawIronhide · Answer

Tbh I wouldn't have children with that person most likely until they had more time. There's nothing wrong with being career oriented and we can still have a happy life but let's not make such a commitment until we're honestly ready. by the way I think about having kids all day he time, it influences my decisions sometimes.

xwmiku · Answer

No I wouldn't be annoyed if I had agreed this with my partner beforehand, yes I would be annoyed if we agreed and she changed her mind. It's OK to structure your family however you see fit, but you should discuss this in detail before you start one to make sure there aren't any misunderstandings. If you don't see eye to eye on this, then you probably are starting a family with the wrong person - someone will always feel wronged.

EternallyCorrect · Answer

I’d be annoyed if anything came before what’s best for the children. That’s what this is about.

I know people who’ve worked in multiple nurseries, and the large majority of them are terrible. Why wouldn’t they be? The staff are mostly young childless women being paid close to minimum wage. Why would I send my kids there?

humpbackjack · Answer

This is something that needs to be addressed way before marriage and keep communicating so if one is having doubts or changes their mind you can at least have a heads up before she’s working at a job she loves and pregnant it makes for a much better life

Phoenix98 · Answer

If we could finically afford it yeah I’d want that at least until the kids were older.

Im not gonna have a stranger raising my kids just ain’t gonna happen.

but I mean that’s a discussion we’d have before having kids. Those kinds decisions aren’t gonna be left to the last minute.

Mofunfour20 · Answer

If she has the nerve to drop out then he picked a weak woman. If she cares about her career more than family she better have a good retirement plan because she's not going to have anyone to look after her when she gets older. Why handicap yourself when you can be completely covered by your husband's provisions. Thats like saying id rather be alone and struggling than to be happy with others. Goofy as fk too!

ChiPaPa · Answer

I hope this isn't rude, but can you clarify this part?
she wants to get out instead of being with your child and doing homemaking stuff.
What do you mean that she wants to get out?
I'd hope people discussed this beforehand as opposed to winging it. If I ever get into a relationship this far, I'd make sure we talked and everything.

BoobMan · Answer

If her after tax income is greater than the cost of full time child care it could make good financial sense for a family. But given how expensive child care can be in a lot of places that might only apply if she's making a LOT of money. I suspect that's why many people opt to wait until all the kids are in school first.

FinalFantasyBro · Answer

I don't care what my wife do, but I ain't hiring a nanny, I rather just take my kids to work with me if I have to of course. But I would hope my wife would at least want to spend time with me and the kids though, because if she doesn't want to have children I hope she will tell me that beforehand.

backdoorman · Answer

Most guys wake up after 30 with family making fever? Um, what planet are you living on?

I would never marry a woman and have children with her without making sure we are on the same page and want the same things first.

If you are a career oriented woman, just make sure your man knows that before you have kids together so he can find a woman who is a better fit with his expectations for a wife and a mother to his children.

Dan_cColt · Answer

It depends because most children feel more accustomed to their mothers in a 2 parent household and there are adverse effects of children when they don't have that family system if both parents work but I'd say bring it up before you marry and if she really want's to make bread than yeah but then she's gotta go 50/50 if she's making decent amount. If you mean she just want's to hang while you at home F all that.

EnglishEuropean · Answer

No I would expect her to contribute financially. One income isn't normally sufficient to support a family.

JohnE_62 · Answer

Having to stay at home day after day taking care of kids, cleaning and cooking would be cruel, I wouldn't want her to waste her life away like that. I think in this day and age, you need to have an extra income coming in to pay bills, and also some spending money for her to buy her nice clothes and such so she can look good for work, and our personal time together.
We'll figure out a plan to raise our kids to keep them safe and looked after.

tatianamay · Answer

My mother is a surgeon. She goes to work AND raised me and my brother. Sometimes, the partners should just split the household work

This_Is_My_Opinion8 · Answer

I would never marry a woman who wants to be a housewife to begin with.

Avicenna · Answer

Well, this is the sort of thing that should be agreed upon prior to the child's birth. And there may anyhow be times where the financial situation changes and she does need to resume her career, so some flexibility isn't a bad idea.

exitseven · Answer

We had the discussion before we got married that my wife would stay home with the kids. Even though she had a good job we did not want strangers to raise our kids. If she took the opposite position I would wonder if we really should have kids at all.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

If she wants to work I let her work. Especially if she makes more money than I do, because that’s just common sense

Amur8711 · Answer

I am against having nannies, because they end up raising your kid not you, raises the chance for your kid to have views completely different from your own. Now my parents did have babysitters for us until we were old enough. But we also spent a lot of time with our grand parents that were just down the road two. Babysitting was just for while they were at work otherwise we were with grandparents or with or parents.

Adam1978 · Answer

No I wouldn't expect her to do so, two incomes are safer then one.

doctorwow · Answer

As long as both incomes can provide healthy and safe childcare I see no problem in it. I know childcare before kindergarten can be pricey so I understand a lot of families need someone to stay at home

007kingifrit · Answer

yea i would generally avoid career oriented women but maybe with remote working becoming the norm we can do something more unique in the future and maybe she can work from home and be a housewife at the same time.

plus career women are going to need/want to move often and im not fucking doing that. its not fair to the kids either.

if that's not acceptable i would have to avoid dating college educated women in favor of younger women

yofuknutz · Answer

Yeah because I'm not good cleaner like she is so things could get really messed up remember you wanted this

VanillaSalt · Answer

I plan to have a housewife. If that’s not her then I won’t have her if that’s her I expect her to represent. After all… I’ll be held to the standards I set early on so she should expect the same.

54Will · Answer

I only faced it once and eventually it exausted both of us so much that we broke up over it. I wouldn't marry without getting that issue straight. Family is far more important than having the greatest 'stuff" and biggest house. My Opinion: If the two of you disagree about this foundational reality, find another better fit.

call_me_scar · Answer

Heck no in this economy the idea of only having 1 parent work is dead you need both if you want to live

MJtheCoach · Answer

Do whatever you gotta do!!  Alpha men aren’t goanna tolerate nonsense you want this? I want that, peace out, find a guy that’s fit for you. And they’ll walk

Juan_Curious · Answer

I would actually be very annoyed if she decided to be a housewife sacrificing her dreams and projects. With my partner we are equals in our relationship.

jasco · Answer

Well if your both career driven than why have kids at all. Why not just let some eggs in a egg bank than when your ready later down the road, you have eggs ready for ya. I mean if I do want kids than yea I do that

DaveToo · Answer

There are pluses and minuses for having a nanny to look after your child. Plus 1 = It frees you to follow your career Minus 1 = You can't be absolutely sure your child is safe with an outsider.

VDrago14 · Answer

If it was discussed and agreed upon before hand, than I see no issue with it. However it has to be communicated before hand. There shouldn't be any preexisting expectations.

cth96190 · Answer

She would not be my wife for long if she pulled that bait and switch. You can be certain that the issue would have been sniffed out and dealt with during the courtship.

Vigors · Answer

I would be annoyed if my wife didn't do what she wanted to do

Hal2002 · Answer

That is something you should have talked about, long before you got married and started a family.

sattii2607 · Answer

I wouldn't force her to do that, in fact my wife volunteered to take a break for our second child and I agreed to it. She actually started working after getting married to me.

Tstrbrainer · Answer

These are stuff that need to be discussed before. Right?

Spookydood · Answer

These are decisions you make and talk about before having kids, ideally.

Dargil · Answer

We would have long since agreed on this. If she doesn't want to be a homemaker, no kids. If she doesn't want kids, no ring. Simple as that.

Twalli · Answer

I don't want kids. Never have, and if that changes then my wife and I will consider adoption.

Staximus · Answer

Somebody who thinks working is more important than spending time with their kids doesn't belong having kids. If you think a career is more important than family, you're lost and in a dark place.

feelsbadman · Answer

Personally, yes. But I'd be willing to come to some kind of compromise agreement

SmokinAces2000 · Answer

No in fact I would prefer her not to be a housewife

anylolone · Answer

No, I'd be annoyed if she insisted in being a housewife.

Barry88 · Answer

No, in fact I would not want to have a wife who becomes a housewife.

Men, would you be annoyed if your partner refused to become a housewife after you've started a family?

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Girls, would you be okay being a housewife for a man who doesn't want kids?

Men, would you be annoyed if your partner refused to become a housewife after you've started a family?

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Girls, would you be okay being a housewife for a man who doesn't want kids?

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