Men, would you be annoyed if your partner refused to become a housewife after you've started a family?

[anon1903]

i. e she's a career oriented woman with different opportunities at hand and once the five year of development is complete, she wants to get out instead of being with your child and doing homemaking stuff.

I'm asking cuz most guys don't have it planned but once the child is born, they go all protective and stuff. I know few of my friends who refuse to have nannies in future when they've kids and yeah, as far as I have observed most guys wake up after 30 with family making fever, I know how debatable that is so let's not open that can of worms.

In my opinion, frankly, it's ridiculous to give up one's promising career for the sake of family. Addition of a new family member is just gonna crush the main guy down if the wife drops out.

[SteveSmith1985]

See I think this is just one of those things that's going to be different for different people.

Now, you seem to be quite definite in what you would and would not consider an acceptable scenario. That's excellent. Now, other women may weigh things differently when it comes to what they think is best for them and their life. That's going to depend on her personal values, beliefs, situation etc etc.

The way I see it, there really should be no problem with the fact that different people feel very differently about this as long as two things happen.

1. Women (and men too) don't try and take an attitude that the way they feel about this is the RIGHT way to feel; and talk a bunch of shit about women who make the opposite choice for their own life. The choice to be a housewife needs to be respected by women who would never choose to become a housewife in a million years. Housewives need to respect the choice of women who want to persue a career.

2. Couples need to communicate.

You need to know whether or not you're on the same page as your partner when it comes to "who's going to raise the kids" (even after age 5)... as well as "how is money going to be made, who will be making it and how much will there be".

I don't think it should come as a shock to find out that your wife refuses to get a nanny and therefore won't be working... if you thought she would be.

So then people will naturally either pair up with people who share their view on this question, or end up making some compromise situation. So I think that as long as you don't hide the fact that you aren't ever planning to be a housewife from the guy you marry... odds are... you won't end up with a guy who strongly feels he wants a housewife.

[jfazzle101]

I would not be offended. But if she agreed to a long term plan which included her being a house wife and she changed her mind after the fact it would be annoying. I actually have an experience to share about this. I'm 28 not 23 and I was married for 5 years. When we met she was working like 60 hours a week. In the beginning I stayed at home with the kids but we agreed to a plan of getting her out of that 60 hour per week obligation because she wanted to spend more time with the kids. Eventually I got a full time job and she became part time. Our goal was for me to find a job making a certain amount and she would quit working all together. As it turned out she really enjoyed working and only agreed to that goal because she felt it was the right thing to do but it wasn't what she really wanted. I personally wouldn't have had a problem being a SAHD. This caused a lot of resentment towards me and according to her she didn't understand exactly why she felt this resentment, but she sees it now. This is all something she recently admitted to me. It's so messed up how things ended it's been 2 years and it still hurts a lot. So I've learned communication is so important and to have no expectations anymore.

[wingattebaby16]

I am a housewife.. i started off as a nanny...

I have 3 stepdaughters... and 2 girls i gave birth too.. and am nursing both.

i enjoyed working, was good at what i did, but my man makes enough money for me to stay at home and raise our kids. I love being a mom, a housewife, and my man's secret lover.. ehehehehehe.

we work hard to keep the romance alive. it is not easy, esp with a 3.5 yo, a 1.5 yo, and a 3 mo old constantly under foot. The two older girls are 18 and 16yo... they help me a lot.

I did not go to college, was running a pizza place as GM and making money becoz i was not afraid to push the limits. Men buy a lot of pizza and when you have to decide on a place with hot dressed girls or a place with "i dont want to work" teenagers and an old fat guy that is a perv, where do you go?

[yofuknutz]

Yeah I see what you mean now that's the elephant in the room

[sunshineglow]

The situation is as follows. Many decades of shaming women who wanted to ne housewives created bias they are stupid. Now no one wants to be considered stupid for staying at home. It's that simple. Don't tell your daughters being a good mother is stupid and maybe someone is still going to be interested in that.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. The role of both guy and girl in the marriage should be discussed in detail and agreements made before you get married. And then, you should stick by your agreement.

2. One of the really fucked up things about our "modern" culture is how so many parents are eager to have their children raised by strangers. And then they wonder what happened to their kids when they don't quite turn out to be okay.

3. Why is being a good engineer, or a good physician's assistant, more important than being a good mother?

[PuNishant]

I think this is something I would have discussed before getting married.
If we are planning kids someone has to sacrifice something.
I mean I am more than happy to survive in my wife income and being a house husband if she can run the house on her own.

[anon1903]

Fair enough.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

If I have enough money to support us both comfortablely and she doesn't have a career that she is passionate about then I would suggest to her just to leave the B. S. corporate world that sucks and go find something else to do voluntarily..

If she has a passionate career then it's fine if she decides she wants to do her dream job.

If I can't support a family all by myself financially then obviously she would have to go find a job to help me financially. It's not easy in today's world to support a family on one income.

[Kaamraj]

Men take marriage far too lightly than it is, they get carried away in feelings when they should be using logic, because marriage is the most significant legal thing you can do apart from dying. This discussion should be had before you get married and it depends on the socio-economic and cultural status of both the parties involved. If you are from a culture where family is important than stick to that culture, if you want a housewife than make sure your income is much more than hers and more than enough to comfortably raise a family.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

I don't think it's a guy/girl thing really. My wife and I planned our child, and discussed everything up front about who would handle what, generally speaking.

She expressed that she wanted to take a traditional role and housekeep if I wanted to be the breadwinner. I'm fairly progressive and had my doubts, but agreed.

She quickly realized how much she didn't like the parenting and housekeeper roles and just stopped doing it. Now she's just a lump on the couch watching murderporn and reality tv while at the same time being glued to candy crush or whatever game of the month on her cellphone. At least I get a free but crappy babysitter when I go out, which is often lol, I earned it.

[snackthatsmilesback]

This is why we wanted to decide those things before having a kid instead of leaving it to last minute and who happens to want to stay home.

She is definitely more career oriented than me, but she hasn't managed to get it off the ground yet, and being a stay-at-home might ground it permanently.
I would be willing to stay, but I get paid the most currently, and we need the money.
But we both know we don't want some stranger raising it.

Fortunately, it looks like we won't have to make that decision cause we'll be moving in with another mother about that time. So if it comes down to it, there will be 3 people who can each stay home a few days a week and still all work full time. And it benefits the other as well, because it's a LOT harder to do both jobs alone.

[t-8900]

I want kids, that's a definite I think. But she doesn't have to stay at home. HOWEVER I would want her to take that full maternity leave to be with the child, bond, breastfeed (unless physically unable) so that the baby has that. My mother was never there for me like that and it caused a lot of issues for me growing up. I dont want a stay at home wife really. Kind of makes me uneasy that i'm at work and she's at home all day. Likely getting bored... likely beginning to think of other things... you get me? And also putting all that financial burden on one person? That's ROUGH! Today's economy sucks! I'm a team player, I want a team player. Besides I'm more likely to cook, cut the grass, and ofc do my own laundry. I dont need a woman picking up after me and taking care of my every need 24/7. I want an equal in my love life. I want mutual respect, relation, understanding. I feel like if we both work we'll be better with those aspects.

[Miristheiss]

I never went for super feminist women that think their career is the most important thing in life.

Sure... have a job, like what you do but our marriage and family trumps EVERYTHING.
If working 60 hours a week and being gone all the time and traveling for your work and the rest... etc. If that is her priority in life. If that is what she thinks give her fulfillment and validation in life... I wouldn't have married her to begin with.

My wife works 40 hours a week. 4 days and 1 night until 9. Me and our kids are her priority. If push came to shove she'd quit or job and change jobs if need be.

Her career isn't her main priority in life.
If the career was her number one priority and that is what made her tick... I wouldn't just dated someone else.

[Jlegacy]

I believe people who love themselves as God wants them too, should work out the details even before they say I do. Both of them can work if they have someone they trust watching over their kids. If they don't any of them can be stay at home parent.

There are many careers and profitable ventures that can be done from home. I have made cool cash from my home. So any one can be stay at home parent. The main point is, this decision should always be in the best interest of the family as a whole. Not that one person wants something and is not willing to compromise.

If you love your career that much that you won't want to be a stay at home mom, you need to see your parents and tell them that, so they can advise you properly because you are saying you don't want to be married.

[FilmGuy93]

I wouldn't be annoyed, I would just make sure that we were on the same page about stuff like that before getting married. My attitude about the career v. family debate is that it's all a question of what the best use of your time is. If the reality is that you do have a thriving career that makes you happy, then we can hire a nanny. But the more common situation is that most people's careers are quite bland. So what I'm saying is that I want my wife to take an honest look at her life situation and figure out what the best use of her time is. How certain is it that she's going to get that big promotion? Would she prefer to spend her days with our baby? How is she treated at work?

[TommyMountainFigure]

I have said this before many times and will say it again. Always put your partner's needs before your own and you will never go far wrong.
The best relationships are those which allow both parties to breath and flourish.
So in direct answer to your question. No, I wouldn't be annoyed in the slightest.

[DumBear]

In no way, shape, or form would i be upset at all if my partner wanted to continue to work. This would bring more income for the family and if its what they wanted to do then thats amazing. My parents have both worked while i grew up.
I dont see why some people would want their wife to sit home all day being a babysitter when the child could be at school or at a daycare when they want to work.

[Shizunk]

This is something I negotiate early. Someone is staying with the children, until they go to school. I prefer the woman to do it. We can keep flexible work schedule and share the burden, once brestfeeding is done.
If a woman refuses to promise to do it, and wants to pay people to raise her childten for her, I am not going to date her. Simple as.

[NathanDavis]

if she does not want to do any house chores, I guess it's fine... there's hire

but if she wants to go partying or clubbing instead of raising her child... that's not cool

if what she wants is to balance a career with motherhood... there's ways to balance that stuff

[TwistedSukuna]

Wouldn't annoy me at all. The career I'm working towards has a lot of opportunities to work from home anyway so I'd gladly keep and eye on the kids while my partner is at work.

[anon1903]

Damn, your pfp has me swooning

[TwistedSukuna]

Sukuna has that effect on people lol

[anon1903]

🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤

[Shortman70]

Hopefully she would make enough I could stay home with kid's. I think that would be awesome, I would get to see a lot of things I've missed because I was working. I could do more with them. It makes me sad sometimes that I missed some important things, not a lot but enough. But I also made a comfortable wage and we had plenty money to live on. You have to sacrifice some things to get some things. It all works out.

[RawIronhide]

Tbh I wouldn't have children with that person most likely until they had more time. There's nothing wrong with being career oriented and we can still have a happy life but let's not make such a commitment until we're honestly ready. by the way I think about having kids all day he time, it influences my decisions sometimes.

[RawIronhide]

All the time*

[xwmiku]

No I wouldn't be annoyed if I had agreed this with my partner beforehand, yes I would be annoyed if we agreed and she changed her mind. It's OK to structure your family however you see fit, but you should discuss this in detail before you start one to make sure there aren't any misunderstandings. If you don't see eye to eye on this, then you probably are starting a family with the wrong person - someone will always feel wronged.

[EternallyCorrect]

I’d be annoyed if anything came before what’s best for the children. That’s what this is about.

I know people who’ve worked in multiple nurseries, and the large majority of them are terrible. Why wouldn’t they be? The staff are mostly young childless women being paid close to minimum wage. Why would I send my kids there?

[humpbackjack]

This is something that needs to be addressed way before marriage and keep communicating so if one is having doubts or changes their mind you can at least have a heads up before she’s working at a job she loves and pregnant it makes for a much better life