Is it wrong to ask my husband to delete his ex hookup off Snapchat?

[Anonymous]

So, some backstory.. my husband & I are newly married, just had a baby & everything’s been good. Until I started getting uncomfortable with this girl who he had once dated without the title for awhile & has had sex with in 2019 right before us. So this girl got into a relationship around the same time him & I did, & she didn’t talk to my husband basically the whole time they were together. Somewhere In the middle while she dated someone else, she added me on Snapchat & we talked here& there but eventually fizzled out bc I found out they hooked up & she didn’t tell me & it got weird. Now moving forward to this October 2021, I had my baby , we’re happy but She started coming around again after her & her boyfriend had broken up & started to be friends with my husband again. I didn’t care at first, until I saw them talking practically all day on Snapchat. I kept pushing it away bc I didn’t want to come off as insecure & I trust him. But then when we were recently in target without our baby. Spending time, drinking Starbucks etc he kept stoping & was occupied on his phone snapping her back, that was the last straw & quite frankly upset me bc we don’t get much time without baby & here he was occupied talking to her. Especially since he told me he was letting her vent to him. But I was drowning in postpartum depression & he wouldn’t let me really vent when I expressed I needed it. When we got home, I told him how I had felt that “she was an ex, you hooked up.. why is she leaning on you in her breakup? It’s making me uncomfortable” & I told him it would make me feel better if they didn’t talk or had each other on socials bc it was our new chapter, why does an ex need to get close now? This chapter is about us & it’s getting to close for my liking.
Basically he doesn’t think he should have to cut her off, even if I’m uncomfortable & he says he’s not doing anything & they’re just friends which I believe. Just don’t like having her around. pls give me any opinions. Lmk

Updates

+1 y

Also, an update. We then had agreed & compromised on him talking to her less, and although he agreed that didn’t actually happened. Which resulted in me again being uncomfortable & us having the same conversation today that I don’t really like her being around.

[Diodoro]

Okay so you can't control your man and shouldn't try. Now you should do something and your idea was in the right direction but needs adjustment

Saying he can't talk to her will unintentionally make doing so a forbidden fruit and you don't want to make it unintentionally more appealing to talk to her.

Saying "less" is too vague and doesn't help because you two have entirely different visions of what "less" is supposed to look like so you're still upset even tho he cut down on talking to her. It wasn't enough FOR YOU but I guarantee he messages her less.

How you should consider going about doing this is focusing on your direct interaction with it. Like him not snapping people at all when you're having one on one time because that is for you. Meaning both of you are out of your phones giving eachother that face time.

When you're getting that perhaps the effect you're actually concerned about "loss of connection" goes away. Also keep in mind how you're treating your man in the other parts of your life. Make sure he feels good when you are around. Don't just walk into situations acting like it's his job to make you feel better when you're not necessarily giving him the same.

Men want peace. Men want to be appreciated and accepted. Get into the habit of just asking for more and more and you'll quickly make your man feel like you don't appreciate anything he does. Because the more you push the more he feels like it's never enough

[Ez-Bri-Z]

I completely get the apprehension and as a one off case, I probably even agree with you, but the downside is if you establish this now where you want to limit who he can talk to, it may create friction in the future.

You say you trust that he isn't doing anything, if you mean it, then that should be enough to let her remain. He should however realize that even if he is consoling her, he is putting his own relationship in a bad spot by ignoring his wife in moments they should be spending time together.

Perhaps a compromise. He can talk to her but when he is with you, he doesn't respond to her.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Update response: if you attempted a compromise and he is not abiding by it then I think you are within your right to ask him to remove her.

Do keep in mind it may not stop them from communicating if they are both motivated enough. Hopefully that will not be the case.

[Anonymous]

Of course not, lol.