My boyfriend called me a bitch during an argument. We’re not talking now which is difficult because we live together. What should I do?

[lilmonsta]

As I said in the title, my boyfriend called me the B word during an argument and I walked out of the room. I haven’t spoken nor looked at him since then and I’m currently in our spare room. It’s killing me because I honestly don’t know what to do.

context:

We hung out over the weekend with our friend group and after we drove home our friends, he pointed out how I was behaving with one of our friends (male). He said he didn’t understand why I needed to try his food (and let him try mine) and I explained that I did it not just with that friend during the meal, I even shared a drink with a girl friend because we wanted to try what other people ordered.
Next, he got mad that while he was driving the same male friend home, me and the male friend kept talking about a topic that he (my SO) wasn’t really familiar with. He said he felt left out, like I kicked him out of the conversation. When he pointed it out, I apologized right away and explained that I got carried away because I really liked that topic. I told him I’ll not bring it up again next time. He kept insisting that maybe next time, I can just go with him alone. That angered me a little bit so I told him that while we were hanging out earlier that day, he also kept talking to one female friend about a show I’ve never seen and I didn’t even bother them because I had no idea and contribution to the conversation. He said he just kept answering her questions but I didn’t think so.
Basically, when I tried to explain, he said I was just making excuses but his reasons were valid.
When we got home, I tried to apologize again and hug him but he told me off and in a firm voice not to touch him. I followed him to our room and asked if we can talk about it like adults and that’s when he called me a bitch. Twice. After hearing that, I quickly got up and left our bedroom. I’ve been sleeping and staying in our spare room for the past 2 nights now and neither of us has tried to make the first move. Help.

[Anonymous]

So firstly, dont shit where you eat.

(Probably wasn't the best idea to involve yourself with someone that you can't distance yourself from in the event that things go pear shaped.)

In case you dont understand what is going on here, he is insecure and felt threatened by the conversation you had with that other guy, he wants to be able to be all things to you, but that is both unrealistic and unhealthy. You need to be able to interact with other people, if he is not capable of that then he shouldn't be dating anyone - he can't handle it.

You didn't do anything wrong and should not be apologising for anything and its important that you dont accept any blame, to do so is very dangerous and not at all helpful.

The problem is with him and can only be resolved within him, at best you can try to help him to see this and be forgiving and supportive IF he commits to and puts in the work required to try to overcome the problems he has and grow as a person.

He will have to resolve the issues that he has in order to be able to have a relationship with anyone, so he can choose to either do this with your help or 20, 40, 60 years from now on his own after he has failed in every chance life offers him.

Unfortunately you can't fix other people, they have to fix themselves.

The problem that he has is with self love, self esteem etc, he is insecure in the relationship because deep down he doesn't feel good enough for you, though he is probably unaware of this and or would not think in these terms. His ego / subconscious mind is doing everything it can to prevent him having to deal with reality, because reality is painful, this is why he lashed out at you.

[Cormac995]

What he said

[ohshee]

It's kind of silly to be fighting over something like that don't you think I mean there's going to be times where stuff like this happens you have to ask yourself if it is a reason to fight about this I mean I can see it if it was something that was very very important but a month from now you won't even remember this

Look if you wants to act this way let him act this way

Don't talk to him let him come to you let him apologize to you
The more distant you are the closer he'll want to get but don't engage in any verbal talk

This is just something where maturity comes in and will have settled it a long time ago but there's no reason why he should call you a bitch

[Buntyp]

If he does that a lot, start making new living plans, as in, without him. If it's a one-off due to something very unusually stressful, let him know that that's not going to fly with you.

Nah, on second thoughts, his behavior is childishly jealous. Unless something really unusual, outside of your relationship, has caused him to become temporarily irrational and rude, it's not looking good.
Take care of you, first, sweety. He's responsible for him, not you, and if you're not free to enjoy your life the way that you want to, then change it. Emotional abuse and manipulation is not healthy for anyone.

[PrettyPriya]

I think the biggest issue is you are living with a boyfriend at the age of 13. You don't find this to be a little young to be living on your own?

[OlderAndWiser]

To make a relationship work, the survival of the relationship must be more important than individual pride. Ask him if it is more important to be right or to resolve the problem between you. This is an important preview of what it would be like in a long term committed relationship with him, because you never really know your partner until you have had a few disagreements with them.

[Cormac995]

Dump this gaslighting mother fucker like last month garbage bag of used kitty litter. If you stay with this guy hese just going to try and bullshit you untill yiu hate yourself and just do whatever he said. Essentislly he sounds like a sociopath trying to make you feel guilty

[Shamalien]

nothing to do but wait for him to realize what a goof he was. Yeah avoid getting too close to your boyfriend male friends, lots of girls cheat these days and it’s a big insecurity among men. I don't know if you can reassure him when he's in this mood tho

[Apulu_3]

Wait how are you living by our own with your boyfriend at the age of 13? Things like this will happen for sure as you both aren't mature yet.

[Twalli]

Are you asking how to make him make the first move or whether or not you should make the first move? These are very different questions with very different answers.

[driven159]

he is a control freak so many red flags waving open your eyes and go before it gets even worse

[Mahmoud_Madyan]

There's no dignity with love... if you love him forgive him!! ❤️

[Anonymous]

you are 13 hun

not ready for a relationship

also

you don't know Christ above

the glass above us

[oh_k789]

How old are the two of you?

[dazzinu69]

Your 13 and live with a guy?