A guy rejected me cause I didn't want children and my family think it's my fault?

[Anonymous]

Every time the topic comes up my mom says it's my fault. He asked about kids and I didn't want to lie and so I said no. But my family said I should have said yes and then should have said no after the wedding cause he was one of the good ones that were rare, but he was so cautious about kids he asked me straight up front and I couldn't say yes so I said no.

We talked about it and he said he would think about it and said to call him early morning the next day but I didn't get the chance cause work came in the way, I call him around evening explaining to him why I didn't call early morning but he sent me a text instead say he didn't want to marry me and not have children together. Im 31 and he was 42.

I did like him a lot he was my dream guy but he didn't want to marry me and I always kinda feel upset about this and feel I won't find any like this again.

Any advice? Thanks

Updates

1 y

He said if I didn't say no to children he would have married me and accept not having kids, but he dumped me anyways. Any thought?

[SnowedIn]

You can't change your family's opinion. And, despite their opinions being unpleasant, they are their opinions.

You made the right choice for you. That's 100% valid. I believe that guy's rejection is also his valid choice. (Not sure I would have done the same thing but his to choose.)

But, you own how you feel about this. You're 31. You made a rational, adult decision about your life. You have to own that decision. You can't relitigate this either in your mind or with your family. Make it expressly clear to your family that the topic is no longer open for discussion. If they persist, ask them if they want to discuss decisions they made when they were 30 and have you and your siblings second guess them. Or ask them how they would have felt (or did feel) if their parents did that.

And you have choose to move past it in your mind. What's done is done. If you feel you made the wrong decision, then use this as a learning experience for the future. If you feel you made the right decision then look yourself in the mirror and say that.

[TheVigilantFox]

Your family are a bunch of idiots who haven’t got your best interest at heart,


You don’t marry someone based on lies you did the right thing by not lying to him as he’d likely have gotten a divorce anyway due to you lying.

[Asker]

He said he would have not divorced but didn't want to marry me because I said no to kids. I feel really confused about this guy?

[TheVigilantFox]

He’d likely feel obligated to stay with you which would be wrong as he’d not be able to have the kids he wants and would make him miserable.

[UniquelyBasic]

Not wanting kids is a legit dealbreaker for people and its fucked up to lie about it to get a marriage. You did the right thing by not wasting his time.

[Asker]

He said if I didn't say no to children he would have married me and accept not having kids, but he dumped me anyways. Any thought?

[misogynistic_pig]

After the age of 30 it is not advisable to have children, the probability that your children will be born with down syndrome is five percent.

[Asker]

And what about him? He was very cautious about his age and the fact didn't have children in life uptill yet.

[Noodle_fan]

nobody fault , , he and u should move on with your life , because u two want different thing

[Jamie05rhs]

You did the right thing by being honest. A relationship built on lies will never last.

[joeldalton]

Your family is full of psychos.

[Anonymous]

Listen to your gut, and not your parents.

[Asker]

I just felt old with him and I don't know why I felt that way, I was not feeling youthful with him.

[Opinion Owner]

I think you made a good decision.

[Asker]

My gut and my mind tells me two different things you know.