Should I ask her out?

[Anonymous]

So I am talking to this girl I know through my old job. We started talking about a month ago. During that time, she got fired from her job.

I've been wanting to ask her out but I know she has a lot of her plate right trying to find a job and I also don't wanna be insensitive like she lost her job and I don't wanna be like hey let's go out and spend money. She's already alluded to about being worried about paying her bills. I also don't want to put any undue pressure on her given her current circumstance.

I also have a ton right now on my plate. I'm working to better myself and have a good future. So right now I'm not fully ready to be in a serious relationship but I also don't want to miss an opportunity with her. I'm not looking to be in a relationship like tomorrow. I have a ton to work on.

I really dig this girl. She's got a lot of traits I look for someone. She's someone I'm willing to be patience for. I'm just worried I have already gotten in that pen pal zone or will be there soon. Our convos are getting to the point where it seems like it dying but it feels like neither of us want to be the one who ends it.

We did agree to hang to celebrate once she has gotten a new job. So I also don't want to be too pushy.

I don't know if this is important but she is in her early 30s and I'm in my late 20s. There's a huge difference when it comes to maturity and I've never went after someone in their 30s.

[SueShe]

So, let me recap:

She has a lot on her plate and basically you too. Then why would you even want to add more to your problems by asking a girl out that probably has no time because she has probably to find a new job and that should be her priority?

I am aware that you may have ants in your pants and that you smell a chance with her.

I think that you should not hurry things and let her get her act together. You state that you "look for someone" yet you are not willing (yet) "to be in a serious relationship".

If I read between the lines, I deduct that you want someone for a quickie.

Why don't you wait to hang out till she gets a job as she suggested? Where is the hurry? Be a gentleman and wait for her to make the first move.

[Asker]

I don't want a quickie with her. And it was me who suggested that we celebrate and hang when she gets a job.

Let me just clarify a few things so my bad if I didn't earlier. I'm trying to become a more mature person and work on myself. Since she's older there a big gap between our maturity levels.

At this point, let's say if she came over to my place she'd probably run for the hills. Im trying to work on being more tidy. I'm also trying to work on my future to have a better life. Right now I don't want a serious relationship but she's the exception. I also don't mind waiting because I think she's worth the wait

[SueShe]

You know, trying to become a more mature person is fine but it will not happen from one day to the next. This is something that will take you months at best.

Also, we are talking about 3 or 4 years age difference? That is no such a major age gap. I see the problem more with you wanting to achieve something in a short time. The risk is that you will relapse if you are hurrying things.

[Asker]

You make a lot valid points. I do have a tendency of being impatient and wanting things now. I just don't wanna miss my chance with her but I also don't want to rush in things. She is aware that I have some things in my life that are keeping me busy.

She's about 3 years older. To me it's not the age gap but the maturity levels. If we were to start dating I'm afraid it probably wouldn't last long.

[HateyouxD]

Why ask if you should go serious with someone knowing you arnt ready. Take a step back and breath. Continue being patient get to know the girl. Be friends there's nothing wrong with that. Down the line show your interest but BOTH of y'all are not ready for anything regarding dating. Take care

[Asker]

It's more like I don't wanna miss my chance. I don't want her to become the one that got away.

I know I'm not ready for a serious relationship with her because there is a lot growing up I have to do. I do like where things are right now but I also don't want us both to get bored of the talking phase and lose interest. However, I do agree that she should focus more on getting a job and I on maturing

[Guy13]

If you can balance it go for it. If for no other reason, she knows that you have an interest. If she does not feel like she can handle it then she will tell you. Be ready to be more like friends but I would do it just to know if she would give it a chance !!

[KathrynTaylor]

Can it hurt to sit back, spend time together, have some fun and see what happens?

[Asker]

No I don't think it can hurt. She's worth it. I do think there's interest on her end. I just worry she might lose interest and I might miss my chance but she had a ton. So I don't want to be insensitive

[KathrynTaylor]

Well, you know in your gut when someone fancies you, so I’d take it slowly. There’s a great song about this by The Mc Clymonts, called Til you Love Me, I think you should listen to. It’s on YouTube. Women do wait if they think a man is worth it. I would.

[Asker]

I think I will because as much as I want her so bad right now, 1 it's selfish of me to prioritize my wants over her needs. 2. There's a huge difference between our maturity levels that I'm sure she'd run for the hills. There's a lot of growing up I gotta do

[KathrynTaylor]

That’s good thinking on your part. If she really likes/loves you, she’ll be waiting too.

[jenna980000]

You should try it!! If you don't take the chance you'll never know.

[Anonymous]

Do it. What are you waiting for?

[Asker]

I just don't know if it'd right considering she lost her job it was a couple of weeks ago. I just don't wanna be insensitive and putting to much pressure on her during this time