What should I do with lack of intimacy?

[Anonymous]

Soo my boyfriend doesn’t give me the intimacy or attention he used to anymore. I’ve spoken to him about it a little bit but nothing has changed much.. I love him I really do but this is becoming an issue for me. Im tired of having to “take care of myself” meanwhile he’s passed out sleeping after doing the deed. We used to cuddle and just spend QUALITY time together but we don’t anymore. He’s always on his phone or playing some game. It’s like a task anymore to get his undivided attention… Eventually I’ll be forced to leave if he doesn’t realize what’s going here and how I feel. I’ve even said something about it on the spot, which is when he’ll finally put his phone down. I have just no idea anymore of what to do… tired of having to ask all the time. I wanna spend time with him not him on his phone. 🤷🏻‍♀️ please help!!

[Anonymous]

It's understandable that you feel frustrated and disconnected in your relationship due to the lack of intimacy and attention from your boyfriend. It's important to communicate your needs and feelings to your partner in a clear and assertive manner, and to try to find a way to work together to address the issue.

Start by having an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about how you are feeling. Express your concerns and frustrations in a non-accusatory manner, and try to listen to his perspective and feelings as well. It's possible that he may not realize the impact of his behavior on you, or may be going through his own challenges that are affecting his ability to be present in the relationship.

Try to find ways to prioritize quality time together, such as setting aside specific times to disconnect from technology and focus on each other. It may also be helpful to engage in activities or hobbies together that you both enjoy, and to find ways to show affection and intimacy in non-sexual ways.

If the issue persists despite your efforts to address it, it may be helpful to seek the guidance of a professional counselor or therapist, who can provide support and guidance in navigating this dynamic and finding healthy ways to communicate and relate to each other.

Remember that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, communication, and support, and that it is important to prioritize your own needs and well-being in all of your interactions with others.

[Anonymous]

He's bored. Do something not boring.

You have to be spunky and do something out of character to get him excited again.
Like go on a hike and pull him off the trail and fuck him in the woods.

Also get yourself in shape and start trying to look good for him again. Make him fall in love with you all over again

You can brush me off and take on the "love me for me" attitude all you want, but unless you're willing to go to those lengths to save your relationship, it's time to hang up your hat and call it quits

You can't fix a bored man by being boring

[johanmdsn]

I think it’s really important that you tell him how you feel and see how he responds to that. Has he made an effort to try harder in terms of spending more quality time and having better intimacy? Perhaps there is a reason why things have shifted, maybe he is stressed or worn out, or perhaps he needs more personal space to de-stress and do the things he wants to do like play phone games without constantly feeling like he needs to reassure you or provide affection.

Although it sucks, this feeling is quite common in long term relationships. I’m not sure how long you’ve been together or the specifics of your situation in terms of what quality time (if any) that you do have. However, there comes a point in time in which dynamics of the relationship changes yet not necessarily for the worse. As couples grow to be more comfortable with each other, there is less of a need for chronic around the clock attention, intimacy, or even affection and it’s actually a healthy requirement to have personal space. As long as you are still having sex and spending some quality time together I think you should take a step back and ask yourself is what you are asking for reasonable, or are you romanticising relationships.

Fireworks don’t last forever in most relationships and the sex doesn’t always end with cuddles and goodnight kisses. Sometimes life gets in the way but if you’re both willing to understand each other hopefully you’ll find a solution.

[petitedollbabee]

Once the intimacy dies and your needs aren’t being met anymore, the relationship is pretty much dead. If you’ve spoken to him about how you feel and told him what things he can do to meet your needs, and nothing has changed since, then it may be time to call it quits. I understand that other aspects of the relationship may be great, but intimacy and personal needs are a big deal in any relationship, and if those needs aren’t being met then it’s going to be a miserable relationship.

[dynamicyandere]

You can try bringing it up again and stress the importance of what it means to you.


You can let him know that you want to work on this together and fix this part of your relationship because you don’t know if you can stay in this relationship if this isn’t resolved.


Passion and intimacy can be rekindled, but it takes cooperation and patience and the shared goal of having a closer relationship.

[WaterIsland]

All you can do is keep talking to him. If you feel like you’ve exhausted all of your attempts at direct communication, then you have to decide if you can accept his inaction and stay in the relationship, or if you should end it. But that’s only a decision you can make. If my partner truly doesn’t listen and try to improve after I talk to her, I’d end that relationship and find someone who is willing to communicate well and is open to what I have to say. Doesn’t sound like he is.

[Emiliamazing]

Change the routine of your time together. It might mean more spontaneity leading up to intimacy, it might mean approaching your weekends/time spent together with different activities at different times than you both are accustomed.

[slatyb]

You decide whether what you have is worth staying for. Sounds like it's not. Have you said this to him directly -- "I'm lonely. You spend all your time with your phone or playing video games. There's nothing here for me."

[strlb]

Sex is a major part of a relationship. If he's not willing to take part I would have a serious talk without any distractions and if it continues I would encourage you to leave. You have needs too it's not just about him. Best of luck. DM always open

[Gibbons44]

Probably punishing you for the way one of your sisters (a female) treated me on Saturday. Get her to approach and cuddle me.

[Anonymous]

I assume he was the one who asked you out

[Anonymous]

GO TO HELL HOPE YOU GET AIDS AND SEVERAL STDS