I want to kiss a guy and want to hold his hand want to do all the silly things with him. But then I realise its just an illusion. Real life is much more different than illusions. Mostly men cheat on woman. Thats why I am scared of relationships and attachment. Its difficult for me to cure or normalise my self like before. What should I do now? Is it okay to be single for whole life and desperately crying for love? Rather then trusting a culprit that use my emotions and feelings in a wrong way?
u "But then I realise its just an illusion. Real life is much more different than illusions." Life is either what you make it, or whatever just happens to you. That is your choce.
"Mostly men cheat on woman." WRONG! People tak about men who cheat, but they don't tak about guys who are faithful and loyal, so you have a distorted idea of how many men (and women) cheat.
"Thats why I am scared of relationships and attachment." It is healthy to have some concerns about relationships. You should proceed wth caution just as you should be cautious when you are driving an automobile. . . but you don't refuse to drive a car, do you?
" Is it okay to be single for whole life and desperately crying for love?" That is your choice to make. Can you accept being alone and sad all of your life? Can you walk away from the dream of waking up in the arms of a man who loves you?
"What should I do now?" You've gotta take a chance if you wanna find romance! Realize that dating consists of a series of relationships which end in "failure" but each one should teach you about yourself and how to choose the partner who is right for you, and then dating ends when you find the right one.
Wow thats the point
You seem to be drawn more to illusion than reality. That is common when people are raised with fantasy and romance. You acknowledge the fact that love and romance are two different things, yet I sense you still value romance more than love. For the most part, romance is selfish. One person boosts personal ego by giving, and the other sits back and receives. This just feeds each other's needs while not developing a true connection. It's not about sharing and teamwork.
You sound to be in conflict. It appears you view yourself as a lesbian, even though that isn't allowed in your society. You get around your ideal situation by vicariously living it through being with feminized boys. This leads you to pretend you have what you fantasize about having. If your society won't accept you as you are, as a lesbian, find another society to join, where you can be accepted as you are. Don't just hold onto what is familiar and comfortable while you dream about your ideal fantasy. I don't care how many miles you travel on your merry-go-round, you'll always end up in the exact same place.
I am introvert and I dont know why people say that I looks so aggressive and serious. So they are affraid to approach me. Deep inside I am very kind and soft person that no one knows.
I can be bisexual but I am ditched by many men so I started thinking about girls may be they are better than men.
Never settle just to be accepted. Girls can be vicious toward each other when things don't go their way. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. Find opportunities to interact with others through specific projects. By volunteering, people will get to know you as the functional person you are rather than their perception based on looks alone. Let them see you in action, and someone will rise out of the crowd. Just keep your eyes open and see what actually exists rather than focus only on what you want to see. Choose wisely, after doing your research, and you'll like the results.
Ow you are right.
You are absolutely right
Thanks for your precious time and advise. A precious advise I will take screen shot and will follow these rules.
Thanks a lot
You're welcome. Look for organizations that support a cause you believe in or a hobby group that shares similar interests to you. Take on a role of responsibility whenever possible, as introverts find it easier to show their true colors when they know where they fit in and have a purpose.
I will try my best ❤
Thank you very much
Be patient and go real slow with the next guy who sparks your fancy. Men go at the pace you set. If they like you they will meet you. If they don't they will disappear. Be OK with that.
Oww thank you darling.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome. I just got out of a very dark place myself. You will be alright
Yeah
You can never trust most men, but you can't give up on the dream. There are good men out there, but they are just very hard to find.
Yeah you are right
I would cheat on both of you
Opinion
58Opinion
Ok lord edgington, take it down a notch. You got cheated on, that isn't unique at all, for men or women. The only illusion you're having is that you can have puppy love go on forever. Plenty of people don't cheat, if you can't internalize that, you aren't ready for a relationship again yet.
It took me like... 3, maybe 4 years after my first marriage to get away from NSA and back into dating. there was plenty of kissing, holding hands and silliness, but nothing substantial, maybe at the level of puppy love at most.
Awww thats just illusion
You are right in that your fantasy is an illusion, but you have misidentified the problem, as most women do.
You think "men mostly cheat" (men and women cheat at the same rate), but that's because the only men you pay any attention to are the most attractive ones - the top 10% - and those are the men most likely to cheat, because they are the ones who have endless options of women. Those men can easily replace you, so cheating is a low-cost activity for them.
There are almost certainly men in your life - men you ignore or who you Friend Zone - who actually care about you and who would be loyal to you, but you don't want them, because they are "boring and normal". You blame men, but the problem is your own ridiculous standards. The same ones that Feminism and the media encourage you to have - but that's because the Feminists WANT you to fall, because their goal - as their leaders have openly stated on many occasions - is to destroy relationships between men and women.
You can do whatever you want - I will never meet you to even know how your life went - but if you choose men based solely on your feelings for them - infatuation - rather than based on their morals, values, and life goals, then you can only blame your failures on yourself. That would be like me trying to be a used car dealer and buying cars to put on my lot based solely on their paint color and the radio station the radio was tuned to, and paying no attention to the mileage, maintenance, or the overall condition of the car. If I then couldn't sell those cars without taking a loss, whose fault would it be?
I hope, for your sake, you will consider this post in the spirit in which it was intended. You have the opportunity to have a good outcome, but you will have to let go of the Disney fairy tale and get realistic. And the sooner, the better, because as a woman, time is not on your side.
I didn't propose him
I was even not interested in him he insisted me and beg me to be in his relationship.
Fair enough. Did you vet his morals and values and life goals before you agreed to be with him? That's something that is ALWAYS necessary - otherwise you are just left with random chance. Would you buy a used car with NO idea of its condition? No - you would vet the car's history and condition as best you could before you paid for it - at least I hope you would. It's even MORE important to do this with a relationship partner.
I realize you probably weren't taught this - Feminism rejects anything that puts responsibility on women and does not want your relationships to succeed - but you are an adult and you have to take responsibility for your own choices and outcomes.
Yes, anyone can be fooled once or twice by people with real skill, but if you don't vet people, or you ignore red flags, then you have to take the blame for your outcomes.
I have learnt a lot.
I am trying my best
Thanks
Sadly both gals and guys are not getting what they want now.
A couple were much more than sex and romance in the past. At the least they were an economic unit, building a life, home and family together. Divorce was rare.
It is in fact much easier for a girl to cheat than a guy. DiCaprio doesn't keep girlfriends past 25 yo. With his status and wealth he can do that and pick up a new 20 yo model 25 years younger than him. Doesn't work like that for many men. Only 1/3 of men under 30 are partnered but 2/3 of girls are. So that is a singledom imbalance of 2:1 in favor of girls but it is probably worse than that because some girls will be favoring their career over relationships or are single moms already or just partying only.
In reality a guy should be more concerned over you cheating because as a girl you have far greater opportunity than he does. Plus divorces are mostly initiated by women at a rate of 70-80% cw 20% by men. Quite likely a significant part of those 20% male initiated divorces are due to female infidelity and therefore in reality initiated by the wife.
So don't date DiCaprio and choose a more average man who wants to build a life, home and family with you is my suggestion and be the same to him is my suggestion.
It's understandable to feel scared and hesitant about relationships, especially if you've experienced hurt and disappointment in the past. It's important to remember that not all men cheat and not all relationships are doomed to fail.
If you feel like you're not ready to enter into a relationship right now, that's okay. You can take the time to heal and work on building up your own self-esteem and self-worth. This may involve seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist, and focusing on your own personal growth and development.
It's also important to remember that being single is a valid and fulfilling choice. There's nothing wrong with choosing to be single and focusing on other priorities in your life, such as your career, hobbies, or personal goals.
Ultimately, the decision to enter into a relationship or not is yours to make. It's important to take the time to reflect on your own needs and desires, and to be honest with yourself about what you want and what you're willing to accept in a relationship. With time and self-reflection, it's possible to heal from past hurt and to move forward towards a happy and fulfilling life, whether that includes a relationship or not.
"I want to be in relationship and to love someone but I lost my interest and trust in men. What should I do now?"
I'm sort of in the same place with women at the moment. I've just gotten tired of the junk. Maybe this will be permanent, and I'll be jaded and skeptical and cynical and get grumpier until I'm a miserable 80 year old grump.
I lived in an area that was very toxic as far as people went. I'm moving soon - in large part because I don't like a lot of the people around here. That's not all of the problem, or the main reason I'm moving, and I'm aware that people can be horrible in a lot of places. But so far, I've been treated nicer from people in my new area (when I've visited), so I'm hoping it's a real change.
For me, I'm probably going to have issues with trust for a while. People may have to understand that and be somewhat patient as I get used to new behavior. I usually don't lash out, but I'm still skittish. I am an abuse survivor, so I'm skittish when the few good things happen.
When looking, I'm trying to focus on going to better places with generally kinder people. Churches, charity groups, book clubs maybe, vs a bar or club or online.
Social media can be pretty nasty, too. I try to keep to "happier" and more positive things. Cute animals. Babies. Proposals or military homecomings - not focusing on how there's so many 304's in this world and how they act up. Try to stay away from gossip. Trying to remember to keep positive when I make comments. All that sort of helps, but it still permeates a lot of the internet, and it can get easy to get sucked in.
Read happier stuff. Less cynical or negative movies and shows.
I mean, it doesn't always work fully, but these are some of the things I've been trying.
In order to experience real love, you need to give real trust. In order to taste love, you much risk heartbreak. Because it’s the only way that love can be nurtured, in a mutually trusting environment. Otherwise, it’s like trying to grow a garden without the sun. Trust is a must.
But, if you’ve been running into a lot of untrustworthy men, then perhaps you are giving your trust to easily to the wrong men.
If you find a good man that truly cares about you, you can trust him with your heart.
I’d say, be patient and allow time to earn each other’s trust and allow time to get to know each other better before deciding to pursue a relationship.
That’s the only way to weed out the bad from the good.
Very complicated
I wish I could understand people so easily
Yeah. It is pretty complicated. I wish it wasn’t such a puzzle to solve either. It also doesn’t help when some people are genuine and other people hide their true intentions. It takes a sharp wit to navigate the dating landscape. It would be so much easier if everyone was just open and honest.
Yeah you right
Thats why I would like to prefer singularity untill I observe person for many months in reality then I will trust him
That’s not a bad strategy. I too usually get to know someone for about 3 months or longer before considering a relationship.
I keep them at arms length too, so that’s not 3 months of fooling around, it’s 3 months of conversing and getting to know each other as a person.
I will do the same
You've put your heart out to someone or more than one and been hurt. Trust/security is important in relationship, for men too... some.
If you find repeating issue, then you are picking these people whom are low quality. Time to look into your childhood for why you select them vs other guys. I know women that pick guys that do not cheat, consistently.
Not all men physically cheat, many are die hard faithful. You haven't chosen those ones... they aren't attractive.
So I would wonder if you have patterns of such emotional abuse in your family that are repeating. You being a sensitive person, hurt by this, are having to deal with this issue and resolve it.
If you fail to deal with it or ignore it, then you are living out of an emotional wound... fear, possibly shame. That isn't a good life to live.
Heal up, improve your inner self, try again. you've got plenty of time.
Hi there! We are out there! Don’t give up. I was in your shoes before in the same dilemma. I too am so alike you. I don’t know where you live and what the type of people are like around you, but a change of scenery might help? Or might I suggest a serious dating app? It’s not silly. I met someone on it and we have been together for 20 years. Don’t give up! You look so beautiful and seem really genuine and sincere, and some guy would be really lucky to snatch you up and treat you so good ok!
Owww dear thank you very much 😊
I can understand it must be hard when you are heartbroken and now it's not easy to trust others cause I have been in a situation like this before myself. So, I can tell you it's not about men or women it's about individuals who break your heart.
And for moving on and trusting others you need to believe that.
Not everyone is bad but I won't say to go out and get attached to others easily, first talk to them get to know them if you find a connection and you think you can believe in them then only try for a relationship. I am trying the same so I know it's difficult but it's the only way.
If love was easy, it wouldn't be as beautiful and magical and personal. If it's worth the effort, it's worth the reward. Even if you say your soulmate is one in a million, that's still (8 billion / 1 million) 8,000 people out there that meets your hopes.
Thats why I am single because No can replace or may be attract me like he did
Right
Madam, you clearly have a bias based on very little data. If you expect to get cheated on then you can't be able to fully invest yourself in a relationship. Then, what's the point of even having this dream?
Hm
It means I have to pursue my goals
I think what you need to do for now is give yourself some time and space and think of things with calm mind... and take it little bit lightly if you can
Doing the same
Hm thanks
Just make sure you don't fall for the bullshit players and f-boys, don't get involved with people not looking for relationships.
Yeah dear you are absolutely right
"Mostly men cheat on woman." I refuse to believe that. Stop going for pretty boys and macho idiots then.
Sorry, but that was insulting.
Its okay 😊
I am introvert and can't fall in love easily.
Well, love and relationships are a risk yes. As far as you deciding to remain single for life, there is nothing wrong with that if that is what you really want.
If self protection is what you care about now then yes being single/alone is the best.
Don't be so small minded, kiddo.
Plenty of women cheat on men too, plenty of women cheat on women and so on. People are people and things aren't always going to be rosy. If you're a coward then of course you're always going to be scared of something going wrong.
To love means to be strong and willing. A coward can never love.
Not having interest and not having any trust is no foundation to base a relationship on. When I had my first real girlfriend it was a real treat to have somebody hold my hand and sit close to me while we drove. I was in unchartered territory but i had to have a leap of faith and trust somebody.
not all guys are the same. be patient, live your life and love will find you. don't force it.
i hope u find what u need
I am patient 😶🌫️
You should give up. It's easier and less painful than holding onto a dream that won't come true.
I am very romantic and artistic I can't survive without love.
But I have to give up there is no other way
part of dating is weeding through the people that are not a good fit for you. You are going to get hurt and taken advantage of but you also can find the perfect guy.
If you are worried about him losing interest and cheating then make sure he has no reason to go out and find another woman..
Ahhh thats so complicated in our society.
Life is so complicated
What you are describing here is not love. Its romance. Love sometimes doesn't need expressions. Only actions. It doesn't discriminate. It doesn't set expectations. It is unconditional. Romance is just a part of love. I personally believe you can be romantic only for a while. Reality is different. You don't have to be single all your life. And being single is not that bad. But set your expectations.
You are right
Romance and love are two different things. But I am not that much lucky that I fall in love with wring guys
It's a process. No one falls in love like in the movies. You need to set expectations in the beginning. No one is right or wrong. It's a matter of knowing what you want from your partner. There will be tough days. But that's a part of being in a relationship
Owww
Its impossible. Because I am an introvert and dont let people to approach me so easily. I am pretty affraid of people.
That's natural. People don't want to get hurt. You're being careful.
Yeah absolutely
If you think most men cheat on women then you need to look at your type of men you have relationships with. The truth is most men don’t cheat on women. That is not to say the men you have been with didn’t cheat. It maybe just the type of men you have been with.
Exactly the wrong person can change your view of thinking.
My suggestion for you is to take things slow. Don't just date one guy takes several guys on several dates. Just go out and have fun don't be serious with anybody. Take it slow enjoy your life have fun with those that you hang out with. You may also want to go on double dates. Try being in groups or a group date. Go out enjoy life. Be sociable go to social activities as a group.
You just yearn a relationship, but is not the same thing as been available for one. Trust constitute part of a healthy relationship. If you can't trust your partner or potential partner, you're more likely afraid to be alone, than
You're not supposed to believe in men. Just find ONE that you can have faith in.
Thats the problem I can't find
@Sweety_Torneeya Awww. Well, keep looking! Don't give up! 🧡✊
😇yes sir
:)👍
Your "hopes and dreams" just are not in line with the current "reality of living a life". You as much as said that in your second line. If you are going to be "scared" of relationships, then don't get involved in them. Simple.
Hmm you are right
You lost me at "mostly men cheat on women." That's a lie perpetuated by women like you. Women and men cheat at about the same rate, and women your age cheat MORE than men.
Please stop spreading and perpetuating this bullshit. It is ONLY because of women like you that it still exists. Just stop.
trust is a very big thing, and once your trust is broken, it can take a long time to start trusting someone again.
It is always in the back of your head that it will happen again.
It just takes time.
How are women supposed to feel love if we are constantly expecting disappointment?
First thing is to recognize that the next guy is only responsible for his own actions, not those of past partners you have had.
I'll tell you what I do. I get out of bad relationships and then wanna be by myself. Then start thinking about being with someone again then they do something that makes me remember why I wanted to be by myself.
Is this mistrust because of something you experienced yourself in a relationship or just from what you’ve seen happen to female friends, family, et?
Both
What happened w your relationship?
I am single now
And fadeup of dramatic and manipulative people
I see. I’m sorry to hear that. I hope your mind eventually changes down the road.
At some point you'll get a person worth your time, giving up will assure you never will.
Owww dear thank you for your prayers🥰
💯🙏
Let things go their way listen to ur gut. We all lose trust in opposite gender.
Sometimes its just our bad luck it doesn't mean that all people are bad. Its comon these days to get bad people tbh
Stop going into every relationship thinking "they're the one". That's why I don't like marriage. You will get yourself into trouble thinking that
Yeah sure mostly men cheat and yet all statistics show that it's women who change their men as if they're socks and initiate almost all break ups.
I'm almost 19. I gave up on girls today. They never liked me. You can find a guy as soon as you want. Guys, unlike women rarely reject women.
I dont know start dating women would be my first response. Other than that get over what ever is keeping you from obviously wanting what you obviously want.
If you've figured out that men such, date women.
Your filter is too low. Ask for more, and give more.
Lol no.. Women cheat just as much if not more than men. Stop deluding your self. Stop reading idiotic places like reddit, tumbler and Twitter..
Of those who cheat, men are more likely, but most people don't cheat.
And here is a question. Where and whom did you get the idea most men cheat from?
To be loved, You need to open yourself up to it.
That's the only way it works.
I don't know I'm also struggling with is but with the opposite sex
Owwww
Take some time off and engage in something you like
Where is your interest now?
Society won't allows but I would like to be in relationship with girls or boys that looks or pretend like girls.
Its my problem I dont fall in love so easily so I have a goal to pursue. Relationship hurts badly 😵😵
Start collecting cats.
MEN are not the problem, just the men YOU pick.
Well... marry me I will hold your hand at all times, make you smile and take all the time in the world to kiss you
Take time to yourself so you can heal.
can't fault new blood for what the bad blood did
Gotta be willing to risk it for the biscuit
you should have seen sex party in porn website... people maintain relationship that way.
It takes time but it will come back
real life is not like dreams
Switch to women
Its difficult to find them
Sorry we dont have bars in our country
Where are you meeting these dudes?
On Social media.
From where?
Christian guys are so pretty they already hav3 beautiful girls in their countries
In Pakistan
Oww, 🤣🤣 I edited by itself.
😄 Its okay
Why would someone want to know my location.
What is the reason behind it.
I want to know
I am comfortable with USA's people 😅 all of them are so positive ❤️
No any with me there's no problem
Stop chasing Chad Thundercock. Problem solved.
Not chasing anyone else but just want to experience the love.
You are an attractive woman at the height of your SMV, getting a man should not be hard.
Yeah I am but its difficult to differentiate fake and real.
What is SMV?
@Sweety_Torneeya
Sexual/social market value.
Ohhh what is it
How sexually appealing you are to men.
It means sex is everything for men
Sex is huge for men. Without sex men would not put up with women at all.
You are right sex is everything
Don’t date anyone. Do some soul searching.
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