What are some reasons why long-term couples do not marry?

[Anonymous]

I've known couples that had been together for 10+ years and hadn't been engaged or married. I've also known couples who had been together for 10+ years and just got engaged. I also heard a woman said that she and her boyfriend had been together for 13 years or so and they did not plan to marry.

I would think that if these couples were together for that long, they love their partners and they were not staying unmarried because of lack of commitment, so what are some reasons why long-term couples do not marry?

Are there benefits of not marrying, for couples that have been together for a long time, are happy with each other and not thinking about leaving the relationship?

I just want to gain insight into this approach to long-term relationships. I personally would want to get married, and it's for the symbol of marriage - the union of two people. I'm not referring to the wedding ceremony, although this rite of passage would add more meanings to the experience. So I would want a marriage, but would be fine not having any kid.

[Anonymous]

There are many reasons why long-term couples may choose not to get married, even if they are committed to each other and happy in their relationship. Here are some common reasons:

1. Personal beliefs or values: Some couples may not believe in the institution of marriage or may have personal values that do not align with traditional marriage.

2. Financial reasons: Marriage can be expensive, and some couples may choose not to get married for financial reasons or because they do not want to combine their finances.

3. Legal concerns: Some couples may not want to deal with the legal complexities of marriage, such as prenuptial agreements, divorce, or inheritance issues.

4. Previous negative experiences with marriage: Some couples may have been married before and had negative experiences that make them hesitant to get married again.

5. Fear of commitment: While commitment and marriage are not the same thing, some couples may have a fear of commitment that prevents them from wanting to get married.

6. Personal preferences: Some couples may simply prefer not to get married and may be happy with their current relationship dynamic.

There can be benefits to not getting married for couples who are happy and committed to each other. For example, they may have more flexibility in their relationship and may not feel pressured to conform to traditional gender roles. They may also have more independence and freedom to pursue their individual goals and interests.

Ultimately, the decision to get married is a personal one that should be based on the needs and preferences of the individuals involved. If you are in a long-term relationship and are considering marriage, it's important to have open and honest communication with your partner about your desires and expectations.

[ColHathi]

Personally I don't care about marriage. I get why people want to and why they might think it's romantic, I do. My mom believes in marriage too, but personally I think it's kinda silly, and I think it's messy, expensive, and uncomfortable too.

If ever I get a partner and she wants a marriage, I'll consider it, and probably even agree to it, but it'd be for her. I'd still make sure to enjoy it ofc, but it'd mainly be for her sake.

I don't need a symbol of our love and commitment to each other. The way I see it, we'll be together for as long as we want to be. A marriage isn't gonna change that, and... to put value in something frivolous like a marriage ceremony even concerns me a little, because you shouldn't need something like that to prove your love, or to have a symbol. Not when you know you have the real thing already. And if you don't need a marriage ceremony, then there has to be some other subconscious reason for it, I think, and I think that reason could be a fantasy that they're trying to live out and cling to. I also think that that's part of why so many marriages end in divorces and unhappy marriages, because their relationships weren't good enough to last to begin with, and they got married because of the fantasy.

Also, as a smaller side-note, I also wouldn't like a marriage that's tied to a religion. If I had to have a marriage, I personally would probably prefer something like what they did in Braveheart. A small thing, away from all the people and the nonsense, and it was just for them. Ideally in a beautiful bit of nature.

[FifiJones]

As in, did not register marriage with government? Or had not had sex at all?

[Quackthulu2]

Because they don’t want to. Why is this even a question?

[FilmGuy93]

Because people have lots of reasons for doing the things they do and don’t do, and summarizing those reasons as “wanting to” for a decision as complicated as marriage does the decision a disservice.

[Quackthulu2]

@FilmGuy93 You do realize that marriage is a scam, right?

[FilmGuy93]

It can be, if you don’t think things through. There are huge tax and legal implications to getting married that can make it a good decision.

[Quackthulu2]

@FilmGuy93 Right, which is why you see a shit load of people getting contract marriages. Green cards, tax breaks, pay bonuses… how is any of that not a scam?

[FilmGuy93]

Is something really a scam, if the being scammed is benefiting?

[Quackthulu2]

@FilmGuy93 All scams are beneficial to someone, that’s why they do it.

[Twalli]

For some people, marriage isn't that big of a deal, and other times they started dating really young and don't want to get married before a certain age. I had friends in high school who started dating at 15 and didn't get married for close to 10 years. They wanted to graduate from college and settle into jobs before getting married.

[HighValue]

The man would want a prenuptial agreement but thinks the woman would get upset at the suggestion like most do so he just never asks to get married.

There actually are financial benefits to not being married, especially if you have kids.

[Anonymous]

I know a guy who was with a woman for 10 years. In the tenth year they married and then a year later they divorced. It's my personal belief that they married to try to save the relationship. In reality they were very different people that only became more apparent as they grew older. I can't tell you what makes some people marry and some people not marry but stay together. My guess is it has more to do with the couples view on marriage vs. Thier view on relationships.

[FilmGuy93]

getting married costs a lot of money and those people like their freedom. They don't see a benefit to getting married.

[Jamie05rhs]

No, it doesn't.

[FilmGuy93]

@Jamie05rhs sure it does. There’s cost of the celebration, the legal proceedings, the tax implications, any change in title to common assets.

[Jamie05rhs]

@FilmGuy93

The "celebration" is optional.

What legal proceedings? You get a certificate and you sign it. Boom. Done.
... Unless you're talking about a prenup.

And no one said you had to make anything a common asset.

[FilmGuy93]

@Jamie05rhs The common law says that, actually. And by "legal proceedings" I mean everything involved with setting up your life as a couple; obviously the marriage certificate, but also any banking, taxation, real property purchases, loan agreements, criminal proceedings (god forbid).

[Jamie05rhs]

@FilmGuy93 What common law? Show me. Where does it specifically say that if I get married then I have to add my wife to my accounts?
It doesn't.

[Jamie05rhs]

@OlderAndWiser

[FilmGuy93]

@Jamie05rhs you aren't the sharpest bulb in the knife, are you? English common law entitles your wife to a certain quantity of your stuff in the event of your death or the dissolution of the marriage.

It's not that you have to add your wife to your accounts, it's that she gets access to your shit by function of law.

[Jamie05rhs]

@FilmGuy93 That's referring to death or divorce, bro. I'm talking about marriage.

[FilmGuy93]

@Jamie05rhs That's part of the prohibitive costs that would prevent a long-term couple from wanting to get married.

[OlderAndWiser]

@Jamie05rhs I don't know English common law because we haven't followed that since July 4, 1776. But under the law of Florida, what you own before marriage is just yours and she has no right to any portion of it if you divorce.

[Jamie05rhs]

@OlderAndWiser Thanks!

[FilmGuy93]

@OlderAndWiser American laws, including marriage and property laws are based on the English common law.

[OlderAndWiser]

Property laws. . . yes. Our law of property is very ancient.

Divorce laws. . . absolutely not! Our divorce laws are all statutory and are constantly being revised. Absolutely wrong about this.

[FilmGuy93]

@OlderAndWiser They can change constantly, but still be based on the common law. I don't even know what the hell I'm arguing about right now. Marriage is expensive; that was the original claim. Lmao this isn't a debatable thing.

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, there is a price that you pay for being married but I know many men who are happy and believe that their investment in marriage has paid big dividends. I also know guys who had marriages that ended with divorce and they wanted to blame the institution of marriage instead of taking responsibility for their failures in their choices and their actions.

If you don't want to be married, you don't need to spend your life trying to convince others that marriage is awful., particularly if they are happily married or in established long term relationships. Just don't get married. But the harder you try to condemn the institution of marriage, the more you reveal about your own psychological coping mechanisms.

[FilmGuy93]

@OlderAndWiser I was just answering the question OP asked. People can live their lives however they want.

[OlderAndWiser]

And I responded at womeone else's request when you start making fals statements about Amercan law, and then you proceeded to tell me that I am wrong. I don't know why you think you know more on the subject than me, but apparently that is what you think. And then you got defensive when I told you that you are the one who is misinformed.

[FilmGuy93]

@OlderAndWiser I didn't get defensive, I just disagree with you. I'm an American lawyer; this is a subject I'm knowledgeable about.

[OlderAndWiser]

I, also, am an attorney and I have been practicing for 37 years.

[Anonymous]

I will never understand committing without truly committing

[Jamie05rhs]

Because they're not "all in.". They want the option of leaving when they feel like it.

[Anonymous]

The woman has too much legal power over the man's money in the west.

[dreamstar72]

Mostly like a money issue

[Razp_Sorbet]

They don't want to...

[In_Trance]

They don't believe in the Church or the State