How long should someone wait to date after their partner's death?

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

There's a man who works with me (secretary) that has been a widower for two years now. His wife passed away from cancer and he has three children - but problem is, he has not remarried or found another partner yet.

I'd tend to leave it alone, but my wife is not too approving of this situation because in her opinion the children need a mother - "the father is optional, the mother is necessary". I kind of agree with her disapproval, but again I think we should not force the issue while she keeps trying to match him up with one of her friends. There's a woman - ten years his junior - who's interested in him and has already built something of a rapport with the children (she's an elementary teacher) but for now the secretary seems to just want to be friends. Hopefully things will evolve in a favorable way.

Updates

1 y

As for ourselves, my wife expects me to remarry within a year or a year and a half should she pass away, primarily to provide out children with a mother and also because she believes in a local saying we have - "Only women should be widows, men should only be husbands".

[OlderAndWiser]

Rules about "how long" are designed to avoid offending other people. The real question is whether he feels free to let his heart accept someone else, and only he can answer that question.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

That's true, but the situation with the children makes this spiky. He must think about their welfare too.

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, but it is unfair to a potential future wife to romance her if his heart is not available. That is an abuse of her.

[NamerOfStars]

Amen to that!

[Thatpearl26]

First of all your wife should leave it alone. Her beliefs aren’t the truth. A family can function fine with only a father just the same with only a mother. Your wife shouldn’t be pushing him to remarry, if it’s not what he wants. He needs time to process and heal from the loss. Dating and looking for a new wife is not a good way to get over his late wife. To answer your question I would say at least a few years if you built a family and a life with them.

[TheSpaceGnome]

However long it takes to actually find a match, and for a single parent, thats damn near impossible.

It's extremely unlikely anyone can find a match in 10 years while actively looking, never having been married, and not having any kids.

Having kids and a prior spouse makes that even harder. Raising kids is also never a valid reason to date or marry a non match (though people absurdly do it all the time).

[Jamie05rhs]

You can't force someone into a romantic relationship.

Having said that, it sounds like this girl seems nice, and I hope he gives her a chance. :)

[Drumlin2001]

Fathers optional, lol. Children need parent who care and provide them with love, regardless of the gender of the parent.
Keep your nose out of the guys business, it has nothing to do with you

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

I agree with leaving the issue alone, but since he's my political secretary, and given our political organization staunch beliefs, if this somehow reflects on my career with the leadership I'm not sure I could retain him as secretary.

[Andres77]

A year? It depends on how well the people around the surviving spouse knew them both.

[najekim]

Some traditions call for a year of mourning before dating again. But sometimes you will accidently stumble across the next partner.

[Levin]

With the greatest of respect. Can't people just mind their own business?

[exitseven]

It depends on the individual. I knew somebody who was ready to move on before her husband actually died.

[Redstang88]

Depends on the person, some people never do and I think that’s just fine

[Anonymous]

At the very least a year.