Should society stop trying to pressure single people to settle down?

Question

When I’m on YouTube especially, I run into videos talking about how people should not be single because they will be lonely, depressed and that they will regret being life long singles and that the purpose of humanity is to marry and have kids.

They say women who are single are being lied to by feminism which is toxic because it tells women to focus on working hard and not on settling down and having a family.

Personally I feel like we all have a choice and also we all have different fates some of us were born to be single for the long haul, others were born to marry or having kids etc. Also, science has literally debunked the myth that single people are depressed and unhappy by proving that it is very possible to be happy and healthy as a single person.

Anyone can be happy it has nothing to do with your relationship status or if whether you have kids or not. Also if you listen to other people instead of doing what you want you’ll definitely be unhappy.

You will be happy though if you go after what you want in life and accept your fate with open arms and see the bright side of it be it single-hood, marriage or having kids. Because everything has a bright side in life, even though there are cons in every situation there are also pros in every situation.

BCA6010 · Accepted Answer

Being single at 31, here's my retrospective wisdom:

Generally speaking, society doesn't do enough to emphasize the importance or value of intimate relationships or families, and sets everyone up for failure seeking relationships solely on the grounds of personal sexual pleasure. This is not healthy on its own, plus the feminist narrative of essentially becoming career-centric like traditional men is counter-intuitive to female fertility, and having kids later in life is generally more dangerous to mothers as well as showing increased likelihood of health issues in the children themselves.

Your "science has debunked..." Paragraph is absolute bullsh*t, and misleading at best. There are other factors at play, but I promise you that people who are perpetually single, or bounce around noncommittal relationships develop significantly worse mental health issues, with low esteem and depression being by far the most common. My best friend who works in this field can easily corroborate this. Not everyone has the same social or intimacy needs, but everybody without exception still has those needs.

You can, by all means develop your life around focusing on your career aspirations. I will personally testify however that my entire mindset around your age was that I'd be defined by my vocation, so I put my degree and early work experience above all else. That was about 7 years of my life in which I put almost no effort into my relationships I had, just to realize as soon as I had my foot in the door at my dream job (of the time) that I actually hated it, and the people I'd be around were largely insufferable. That alone effectively zeroes your motivation, and leads to multiple other aspects of your life being affected too.

This is not at all to say that you should be getting married in your teens or even necessarily early twenties, but whoever you're listening to advising against the "be a career-minded woman" narrative has a point. I would instead recommend having the skills for a career, but prioritizing a family (and by extension making smart, responsible decisions when finding a man) over the career when getting started. This would also plausibly allow you to pursue the career without interruptions after having kids.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You know what here's what I think

You got a whole bunch of guys now spewing out this information that they've acquired from a small subset of people on YouTube and they've taken everything they say as if it's the gospel and they don't question whether parts of what these guys are saying is right or wrong.

Here's what's worse, you have this situation where a guy is talking to a girl and telling her all this information as if they have experience and think that they'll somehow be able to logically explain why girls are living their lives incorrectly and them being guys maKes them correct.

If I have a daughter in school I would be telling her to do the exact same thing that modern women are doing now with respect to getting a degree, specifically in something that you can apply in the market, this way you do not have to rely on men. The majority of men today aren't s*** and yet they think they're somehow are entitled to a woman.

Look I understand and agree with the fact that a woman looks are going to fade over time, but okay let's say that she would have followed this advice that these guys are giving off and she got married right at 20. That still doesn't change the fact that the divorce rate for all marriages is 60%. So at some point she likely going to experience it for herself. Except now she's got to contend with the fact that she's a 28 year old single mother raising two kids who didn't go to school and has barely any means to support herself on her own and is now supposed to attract a man that is willing to take on her in another man's kids. Give me a break. Girls are right and having a fallback plan for themselves if they get married and have a kid end up divorced and now have to go back to the workforce.

Now yes these added years will result in many girls likely having sex with more partners. Something frowned at my truthfully the majority of guys but that something the woman has the power to control. Where is the alternative where the 28 yr old single mom I described doesn't have much power to control her situation anymore.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Marriage obviously isn't for everyone, and no one should be pressured into getting married if they don't want to. But in general marriage does make people happier and healthier over the long run, and that includes women too, according to the most recent research.

https://aleteia.org/2023/03/24/new-research-shows-marriage-makes-women-happier-and-healthier/

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2590113323000020

Marriage has gotten a lot of bad press lately, but don't just blindly gobble it up without educating yourself on all the facts.

imawfulatusernames · Accepted Answer

In a perfect world I’d say people should but in a world here single childless women are the happiest and live the longest I reluctantly have to say that we shouldn’t. Until women are respected it doesn’t do us any favours. Before you bitter men start no I’m not alone and it’s not what I want but I disagree it should be encouraged

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I don’t think people should be “pressured” To get married and have kids, but how exactly are you pressured? All you said was that people express their opinion on YT; so what? Older people want to pass along their wisdom but you aren’t forced to listen.

As for the wisdom of what they say, every person needs to make this decision based on their own circumstances. I don’t have children and it is the biggest regret of my life.

Finchie40 · Answer

The truth is people should settle down , and find someone that they can share things with and fall in love instead of running around and being selfish and having sex with multiple people and screwing with people’s hearts , Most people stay single so they can pretty much do what they wanna do without any strings attached not realizing what they are doing is wrong and dirty , Having multiple partner’s is a bad thing , you are putting yourself at risk of catching STD’s and getting a reputation of being a whore , this goes for guys and girls’ so finding one partner that you can share deep feelings with and fall in love is better for you for the long haul. When you learn how to remove your inner selfishness for someone that is doing the same for you , you are stupid to pass that up so you can go be selfish and be a convenience to multiple people , Love only grows when you can prioritize someone the same way they prioritize you , You will never experience true love if you can’t settle down with just one person

Lionman95 · Answer

First of all I don´t experience society or what arbitrary construct you´re referring to pressuring me to get into a relationship. Coming from a Western country and never been in one to me it rather seems like society does everything in their power to advice me not to get in a relationship. The people that put me under pressure of getting in a relationship are friends and family since my sibling and many of my cousins and most of my friends are taken and number of single in circle of friends are decreasing.
Second of all sure as a single person you can be happy but there are aspects of life that are harder to get as a single person than as a married or taken person for instance financially security, help in case of accidents and a life long person that is around when no friend has time.
It´s true that a relationship isn´t always positive and there are many dangers that come with it. Also I think it´s fair to say that married people are also often disappointed and unhappy.
I just think that in an ideal situation the relationship between a married couple is deeper than it´s between two friends. There could be a situation where you need help because you had an accident and friends and siblings can´t help you immediately or have other issues in their own life that hinder them from coming.
It could therefore be a help in moments when needed.
Another aspect is more a theory that it´s putting society to peace in a way that a marriage gives people a purpose and a situation of structure in their life that puts their life in perspective. We currently live in dangerous times because people just look at their own life and see as important what helps them and they don´t care about others.

ohsheeT · Answer

We allow media and social media to say whatever they want it doesn't mean that we believe it and we are all individuals we are all different and when we are ready we will be ready when somebody walked into our lives and takes our breath away we will know it we don't have to advise by social media or anything else we have a heart we have a brain we have knowledge we have ourselves we have our teachers we have our guides within us when we feel that we will know it it's nobody else's business I too one of those people that would love to be in a relationship but I have to have the right person it seems like when I find that right person I sabotage myself somehow some way and now that I know that I need to be able to communicate about it when the time arrives instead of a week later but no matter if we are single or we married we're always going to have a part of us that is lonely Maybe if so it would all be in different ways anyway it's funny because the only person the only thing that's pressuring me is myself and when I had something I seem to let it go and that's just because I don't want to go through what I've been through maybe it's just easier that way but that's a big lie but I know in times that I will get through it I will figure it out and I will be the best that I can be for that person who is in love with me

ManOnFire · Answer

I agree with just about everything you say. Everyone's life is different. In general humans are meant to be in relationships and have children, but not everyone has to if they don't want. Also, there are an enormous number of people who are in relationships or married and have kids, and they are still very unhappy with their lives. And many are being unfaithful anyway. So it really doesn't matter.

The pressure for singles to settle down is still rooted in traditional Puritan-like attitudes that maybe worked for society a hundred years ago, but people are forgetting how hard it is to raise a family in today's times, in a world where inflation and cost of living is high and getting higher, so many single people are having to rent with roommates because they can't afford their own place, and so many people are having to work two jobs just to make ends meet. It's hard for someone to settle down when they still haven't been able to make a stable life for themselves yet.

With the way the world and society is today, it's perfectly okay for you to want to stay single if it gives you your peace of mind and your own ability.

Jersey2 · Answer

From a society point of view, a lot of resources have been expended on each individual in terms of schooling, medical care and other high cost services. Society needs healthy children to continue. Society makes these investments to have the generations survive and thrive and raise healthy children. So, there is pressure for the young to have children.

From a less jaded point of view, children bring great joy to parents and grandparents. It is simply wanting the best for people to encourage having children. Having a family is the best in my opinion.

Darwininsm will swing it’s sword once again as these young who do not have children will self select their DNA out of the genetic pool. I think this time period with so much upheaval will result in a stronger DNA pool as those who don’t contribute to healthy families will simply blip out over time from our genetic base leading to a stronger population. There will some residual issues but much of it will be culled quickly. Bad DNA traits will die off quickly and the population will advance. So, self select out as it’s best for everyone.

CaptainOverthink · Answer

Ofc you have a choice.
Social pressure will always exist it's the nature of humanity and since the western nations are mostly free you do not need to listen.

But I'm not so sure there is pressure for that though, is it? Do you see it out in the world or just online?

I mean what you see on youtube is dependant on what you click on, if you'd stop clicking on those types of videoes youtube would stop showing you them. A faster way to correct youtubes algorythms would be to go into setting (dotted line) for every video on the recommended and choose "don't show me this" or similar. And unfollow, also don't like/comment on them, then you update the page and maybe redo a few times. This way you'll reprogram what youtube shows you by default.
I have a friend who mostly watches cartoons, comedy and sketches on yt, for him that's all there is on there.

Anonymous · Answer

"Society" is not doing that. Individual people are ding it by expressing their opinions and concerns.

The only reason society enters into this issue is because society depends on healthy heterosexual relationships.

You can do whatever you want, but if enough people think the way you do, society WILL collapse, and we will all lose when that happens.

Encouraging people to settle down and have healthy heterosexual relationships where they create healthy families is a good thing.

hahahmm · Answer

The birthrate in the US has declined so much that they are talking about having to lay off a lot of teachers cause there aren't enough new students entering the system. A nation will die if it does not have enough births. Also, we have proof that single moms are bad for society: 85% of the people in prison come form single mom homes. Objectively there is no good reason to bash the traditional family that worked just fine for eons. But the goal of those who do bash traditions is to destroy society. Check out my MyTake on

DarkWinterNights · Answer

It’s fine that some people don’t want to settle down. The problem is within the next 20 years that will be the majority of the population. Who’s going to take care of Millennials and Gen Z when we’re old, can’t work, can’t afford retirement and can’t take care of ourselves? Just FYI, there already aren’t enough people to take care of the Silent Generation who are withering away in overcrowded nursing homes.

glennos89 · Answer

Society should stop promoting things like second love commercials, using filters on your pictures and promote plastic surgery or gender changes at young ages. All these things are removing people from each other and if this trent goes on the next 100 years we become a endangered species that are almost wiped out. There is already a massive decrease in people willing to try dating still. The group that wants to stay single is already big enough and we should try to do something to reverse this trent of being alone and sad for the rest of your life

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

I don't disagree with you, but just point of fact, this is a fallacy of argument:

"Also, science has literally debunked the myth that single people are depressed and unhappy by proving that it is very possible to be happy and healthy as a single person."

It doesn't matter what's possible. It only matters what's probable when discussing societal pressures, as society is not concerned with the individual but the collective. Statistically more people are unhappy when they are single. That's not debatable. That's just a fact. Doesn't mean you don't have a single friend that isn't happy. Doesn't mean you don't know a person who...

It doesn't matter who you know, that doesn't change statistics.

I've had good relationships and I've had bad ones. I'll take single over a bad one.

Wherever you end up, and however you get there, I wish for your journey to be successful.

HawkPerception · Answer

I don't think there should necessarily be any pressure to settling down and do believe that people should go at their own pace, but at the same time I know that it is a big part of happiness in life... having your own family. And if you wait too long to settle down (especially for women), it becomes harder to have kids/a family. All the women that are going down the path of believing that they're better off single won't feel that way later on in life when they're older and alone and their peers have a family around them that they prioritize time with.

jshm2 · Answer

There is no "pressure". Any more than there is pressure for kids to go to school and study until they get a PhD at the end.

What you're confused about is the bitching of "single" people not understanding that their shit attitudes and entitlement is not the problem of others. If you wan to be cared for and loved, then be more caring and lovable.

Married people get all sorts of tax breaks and benefits because they tend to be the most beneficial and hardworking in societies. Single people not so much. Hence why it's not really advice but more a dig, to "settle down".

bolverk · Answer

Single through choice, with working overseas a lot I was too busy with my career to think about settling down. I cannot understand how people think that someone living alone equates to being lonely, And given the way that society is treating single men, it is no wonder that they are giving Dating/Marriage a very wide berth.

RingOfFire · Answer

You can only be pressured by other people if you allow yourself to be pressured. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. But the nice thing is that you don't have to accept it or to act according to their wishes. So it really doesn't matter what "society" tells you should do. You are the captain of your own ship and can conduct your own life in whatever manner you wish.

My own opinion is similar to yours. Some people are happier married and some happier unmarried.

anon1903 · Answer

It's your choice in the end. They can't really drag you to the wedding venue, if that's what you're worried about.

I'm aro. I don't experience romantic attraction. I've made peace with it. When I see happy couples, I say good for them and move on. I'm not opposed to dating, but I know I'll never settle down.

It's free will.

asphaltrhymes · Answer

I voted No. I'm already living the dream, happily single. 🙂🤫

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Literally every single woman I know my age is sad and depressed. And these are very successful professional women. And they are all wondering what went wrong and why no guy likes them.

Unit1 · Answer

People, who tell us we are miserable or especially women being miserable since women make their own money wish someone joins their company of misery. Avoid! They exhibit abuse.

And people having this weird anticipations with marriage and kids being the ultimate life goal for everybody have short sighted perspectives. Can you blame them? I don't.

Should society stop trying to pressure single people to settle down?

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