Let's settle the debate, who comes first mother or wife?

Question

Been seeing a lot of videos on instagram women crying about men putting their mother over their wife Should wife come first or mother?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

In my opinion the mother should come first. It’s the person who birthed you and cared for you your whole upbringing. Your original family. I would certainly not put my husband before my parents (or other close family members). And what if you end up divorced, then what are you gonna come running home to mom and dad feeling sad and lonely after spending x amount of years not prioritizing them? Yeah no. While your partner is one of the most important people in your life I don’t think they should ever be made more important than your original family. It buols down to respect and also with half of marriages ending in divorce you can’t count on that partner always being your partner, your parent will for ever be your parent and be there for you.

If you have a toxic or bad relationship to your parent though then your priority should maybe be different, but if you have normal parents and normal/good relationship to them they should come first, same with siblings and grandparents.

DaisyM23 · Accepted Answer

you shouldn't be in a relationship where you're forced to choose between the two, especially if they're the ones trying to upstage the other - of course it's a different story when one is being toxic or actually NEEDS to be put first but there shouldn't be a competition in the first place, why marry someone like that unless you can put up with it?

Angelo75 · Accepted Answer

Well both of them.

The mom should understand that when her kid gets married, that kid is going to create another family together with another person.
She has to understand that she can't decide anymore what's gonna happen her kids life.
On the other hand, the wife should also respect her in the fact that she is the woman that gave life to her husband.

As for the guy, he should man up and make it clear to the mother that he loves his wife and doesn't like the mother messing in their marriage, but also explain to the wife that even though he puts her in the first place (yes... wife comes first!!!), it doesn't mean that he's gonna ignore his mother.

So the word here is "balance".

Mallic00 · Accepted Answer

Mother and only by virtue of having known her longer. Seriously I get how some women feel slighted over being considered an afterthought, but look at it this way.

A woman you've known for say half a decade at best, vs the person who raised you since you were a baby.

I'm sorry but unless I'm convinced the wife would take a bullet for me, when push comes to shove I probably would choose my mom. I owe her that much.

AviatorTom · Answer

Wife is the future, Mother is the past. Wife takes priority... but don't forget about your Mother.

Pinay_ako · Answer

You cannot replace your mother. Just saying 🤣

Avicenna · Answer

Generally speaking, my wife comes first

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

This poll surprises me.

100% your spouse should come first. Obviously, if it's little inconveniences like under salting/spicing food when they visit or tolerating their rules in a "my house my rules" situation, the spouse should put in a little effort to keep the peace.

But in general, your spouse is your ride or die, the person who helps you pay the bills, the person who holds you at night, and potentially the mother/father of your children.

Anonymous · Answer

That's ultra simple. Your wife ALWAYS comes first. If not, you have no business saying "I do".

I have said it before I'll say it again, "a man's mother is the #1 woman in his life right until he meets his wife. Then SHE becomes the #1 woman in his life.

Now having said that a man has to be very careful when vetting a woman. Pay close attention to how your mother and your potential spouse relate to each other. Women are territorial. If your potential spouse feels the NEED to compete with your mother. If she acts like she's a threat to her in any way then that's a MAJOR red flag for control issues. It will not get better from there. A woman needs to KNOW and TRUST that you will ALWAYS have her back. That you will always support her. That your mother CAN'T be a threat to her. If you have done that. And she still persists she is NOT a good woman. DO NOT MARRY HER! She will only try tear your life apart piece by piece.

Red_Arrow · Answer

Mothers raise their children with the expectation that the children will move on to have their own lives, often with their own wives. If the children start their own families, the mothers expect that those families will come first. If the child's family does not come first, the mother has done a poor job of raising her child.

SnowedIn · Answer

I agree with what @itsalyssaagain said.  But, for the sake of discussion, if forced to choose, the answer is wife. The husband and wife have started their family and that unit must come first.

stepyo99 · Answer

As long as my wife is performing her wifely duties and popping out children, then she should of course come first after the kids. If my wife is a useless nag then I'm putting mom first because I'm going to need a place to stay after I get divorce raped.

itsalyssaagain · Answer

But like why? Why even compare the two? Why can’t a man just respect and love his mother in a totally different way than he respects and loves his wife? Comparing the two is actually sick.

inhua · Answer

mothers will always prioritize sons and love their sons regardless if they bring value or not wives have selective priority for their husbands and only love them only if they bring value

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Isn't it interesting you never see, "which comes first, father or husband". Why? Because men aren't catty bitches.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

A GOOD wife should come first. Most wives aren't. Coming from someone who was never married, but just observing the trends. Ladies on here that I've given credit to, obviously you would be the exception.

asphaltrhymes · Answer

Mama always comes first and I'm single, merrily.
After all, who could forget the memorable guy with his mama in that movie It's A Mad Mad Mad World and how caring he was for his mama.

👍👍👍👏❤️❤️‍🩹

DizzyDesii · Answer

I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t have their priorities straight. I’d choose my dude over my parent everytime. My fam is my past and present. My dude is supposed to be my present and future

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

I voted mother. That person gave him life so I wouldn't hold it against him. But I'm not at all close with my mother. I'd put my family first.

Iron_Man · Answer

Who do you think the mother she brought you into this world? A Wife can come and go at any moment and just write you off no connections no relative Ties or nothing

linka_pat307 · Answer

To me it's mom, I mean relatives come first. There is 100%that your wife will leave one day but mom won't

TacosRAwesome · Answer

I think in general the wife / husband should come first and be your priority especially when it comes to making plans and decisions. However, you need to make judgement on a case by case basis.

Adam1978 · Answer

Wife because you have earned it by then, it's not the same when dating. Then family comes before new girlfriend.

Anonymous · Answer

I voted for mother but myself comes first. Mother and wife both would love me equally but of I am not selfish enough to be chappu for myself. They will not feel good. So I need to be selfish for myself.

Let's settle the debate, who comes first mother or wife?

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