My family is against my interracial relationship, we really love each other, what to do?

Question

I'm an Indian girl in love with a Chinese guy. He's sweet, so caring and loving. But my parents are against us just because of caste, race and what would society think and reputation all that stuff.
My parents want me to marry only in our caste. I understand them and their concern but what about our happiness and love?
I can't leave him nor he can leave me. Even I said to my parents to at least meet him first then decide but they are totally against of meeting him also. We are very stressed from this situation. We decided to marry , don't want to leave each other just becoz of caste and all those stuffs... I really need help of u people here, I need your opinion.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

Well, the obvious problem is you're living at home with your parents and their rules are in the way of you two being alone to lead your own lives. This is my guess. Is that correct?

Secondarily, it isn't an auspicious start to have the people you live with refusing to have anything to do with the man you love and demanding you marry someone who doesn't even exist, when he does.

But don't stay coupled for the sole reason to BE against them. If it is possible to be together and enjoy yourselves, do so. Don't hide your relationship. Keep inviting your parents to meet him. WIll his parents meet you? If they will, then you have some support. And you could mention this to YOUR parents. Well, Cho's parents have met me and they seem to like me. We've been to dinner, a picnic, watched a movie at their home. You should meet the Wangs. They are lovely people.

Don't press it any further. Just keep living your life and see how everything develops. If you two make it through one to two years and feel the same, you should consider marriage. Right now, it's too early to go all in. When he offers you a ring, there'll be a wedding to be planned. If your parents won't accept that, plan something smaller with supportive friends and his family. Pay for it yourselves. Good luck.

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Accepted Answer

Chinese men tend to be very sweet. I understand why you fell for him.

I was in love with a Chinese man too and my close family was very supportive, I told my extended family - I don’t ask what you think about him, I just want everyone to know if you don’t accept him, you will lose me. It’s your choice. Since then no one dared judging my choice and they accepted him as a part of our family.

Because If I love someone, I accept my family to respect my judgement and a choice. If they don’t do that, it means they are disrespectful to me and I cut them off.

Go for what you love! And let your family know, they have to respect your choices, you love this man and that’s all that matters.

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

tough spot. if you knew all this why did you go for someone outside your caste in the first place rather than holding a boundary?

What is this love you feel? How do you connect and relate? Love can be messed up, like... intentional spite, rebellion. I'm trying to get you to ascertain if this is really good. Just being sweet and nice won't get you through life, you want to be aligned in values, goals, and have your emotional needs met.

Life is hard, you need support in this world. I suspect you have support from his family and that's good. With no support, you'd better be solid as a rock together.

All the "books of faith" say to honor your parents... and that sucks sometimes. You may have to tear apart that belief system... why are you limited to a social grouping? I don't understand this part of your society. Ultimately, you are an adult, it is your decision.

are you the only child in the family? If not, parents may be more willing to let one go. If only child, I'd bail out to honor parents or they may never forgive.

Leapfrog00 · Accepted Answer

You will NEVER be happy if you listen to your parents, but I understand you want to respect their wishes. You could tell them, if they are willing to listen of course, that this is your life, and you're the one who has to live it, and one day when they are gone, you will be all alone because they didn't want you to be with the person you love.

And explain to them why this guy is so special, and prove it's not just a fling, but a real thing, and if your parents still don't listen, then respect or no respect to them, it's a loss cause and they have no right to interfere in your love life, which really they don't.

It's hard to find the right person and finding someone your parents want decreases those chances, and maybe they should know that also.

Avicenna · Answer

That’s a very difficult situation- as long. As you Are not financially dependent on your family, you can follow your heart. But do not expect them to change their minds.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

This is just as illogical as the other stories you post. Nobody is stupid enough to reject somebody they consider attractive, culturally relevant, good looking, rich and socially desirable, for racial reasons unless they can’t speak that language. Nobody is mentally retarded enough to be embarrassed that they talk to people of different races but same religions and language.

humanearth · Answer

First are you an Indian with feather or dot? Never mind that don't matter

Look your over 18 and an adult. See part of my family is super racists and bigots. We are Sicilian and we were told that we had to pick a Sicilian mate.

Well my sister was the first to break the family rule. Behind the family back, she eloped with a man born in Mexico

The family was pissed, it took my grandmother to break the ice with the rest of the family.

Now the brother in-law is family. It just took time

So you might have to do something drastic to get them to knock out their racist bullshit

Anonymous · Answer

Explain to your parents that Chinese family values are very similar to Indian family values. From my experience, I find Chinese men are far more caring and considerate than Indian men.

Tell your parents about the times he exhibited those qualities. Marrying in same caste doesn’t guarantee happiness. You should marry someone who you love truly and who loves you back. This is 21st century. It’s not your parents but you who will be spending the rest of your life with him. Make it a wonderful one!

EricSummer · Answer

To reach out to your parents, can you demonstrate that your boyfriend is from a good family as well? The Chinese do not have castes, but there are social strata in every society. Based on his ancestry or social standing, is it possible to claim that his origin is equivalent to your caste? If this argument can reasonably be made I think you should try.

desidoll · Answer

I’m Indian too and married to someone outside my race. Once I graduated from university, become financially independent, nothing much they can do. They did say they didn’t like my decision, but each of us is pretty much going our own way since our family has already broken apart. You need to make your own stand and think about your happiness, not theirs. You are an adult. They shouldn’t interfere in your personal life.

Anonymous · Answer

Honestly this is a very hard situation clearly you love your family and boyfriend however I think the best thing to do is try to have a talk with your parents. Now this may not work but I'm just gonna assume your parents are maybe in their 50s or 60s which means they probably aren't to understanding in things like this. I'd say just try to talk to them. I'm also assuming you have tried this already but I mean REALLY sit down and talk for a while try to get them to understand that interracial dating is normal. And if they can't accept you for what you want than you have to make a very tough choice. My personal choice would be to stay with your boyfriend because chances are your parents won't be mad at you forever they will learn to accept it because they love you.

Anonymous · Answer

No one can help you with this. Because this is going to define YOUR life not ours. Just make sure this guy is who you think he is. Your parents are just trying to look out for you as most parents do. But that doesn't necessarily mean what they think is right for you is. You're an adult now the represcussions will be yours as well now to. So choose wisely.

ShesRad80 · Answer

the parents should def meet him and see how much you guys love each other, why dont you two invite your parents out somewhere to meet and talk.

slatyb · Answer

Where do you live? Do what you want. Your parents will get over it. Or not, their loss.

Unit1 · Answer

That is exactly when you leave your family behind (possibly forever like i did) and pursue your happiness.

Ironic_Method · Answer

I would personally give my family the finger and be with the one that makes me happy.

Nikki1989 · Answer

You are old enough to make your own decisions.

najekim · Answer

Caste bias is something that no longer has any relevance in today's world. IMHO, follow your heart.

exitseven · Answer

it depends on how close you are with your family and how comfortable you are with the idea that you might have to cut them out of your life.

Abdulwahh · Answer

There is no superior race this mindset needs to leave our people its such a sad reality

Anonymous · Answer

Live you're life, not the life your parents want you to live.

Anonymous · Answer

Once you get older and hopefully wiser, you will find out that your parents were right to begin with, but now, you are young, and in-love (in your mind) and you do not want to hear anything that contradicts this. Race, nationalities, backgrounds, all play a big role in one's life.

Sabretooth · Answer

Do it... Or, adopt their bigotry as your own.

Anonymous · Answer

I don’t have advice but I just saw a similar situation on Reddit except it was the guys family that was against the interracial relationship

My family is against my interracial relationship, we really love each other, what to do?

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