My family is against my interracial relationship, we really love each other, what to do?

[Anonymous]

I'm an Indian girl in love with a Chinese guy. He's sweet, so caring and loving. But my parents are against us just because of caste, race and what would society think and reputation all that stuff.
My parents want me to marry only in our caste. I understand them and their concern but what about our happiness and love?
I can't leave him nor he can leave me. Even I said to my parents to at least meet him first then decide but they are totally against of meeting him also. We are very stressed from this situation. We decided to marry , don't want to leave each other just becoz of caste and all those stuffs... I really need help of u people here, I need your opinion.

[lightbulb27]

tough spot. if you knew all this why did you go for someone outside your caste in the first place rather than holding a boundary?

What is this love you feel? How do you connect and relate? Love can be messed up, like... intentional spite, rebellion. I'm trying to get you to ascertain if this is really good. Just being sweet and nice won't get you through life, you want to be aligned in values, goals, and have your emotional needs met.

Life is hard, you need support in this world. I suspect you have support from his family and that's good. With no support, you'd better be solid as a rock together.

All the "books of faith" say to honor your parents... and that sucks sometimes. You may have to tear apart that belief system... why are you limited to a social grouping? I don't understand this part of your society. Ultimately, you are an adult, it is your decision.

are you the only child in the family? If not, parents may be more willing to let one go. If only child, I'd bail out to honor parents or they may never forgive.

[Asker]

Ur message is really helpful for me thanks for taking out ur time to write it for me. In starting they had no problem , they were showing they are agreed and told us to wait. We agreed to wait ofc but later suddenly caste problem and reputation problem.

[lightbulb27]

makes me think something else is going on and this is excuse. someone putting shame on them.
you may have to dig through the "why"s with them and what's really going on.
you may, after diagnosing further their thinking, explore how they are going to respond if you do it anyways against their will.
you're welcome.

[Asker]

They won't accept it even if I have to go against their will. Whereas my boyfriend wants just my happiness but family wants reputation in the society. Thanks for ur helpful reply again )

[Screenwriter]

Well, the obvious problem is you're living at home with your parents and their rules are in the way of you two being alone to lead your own lives. This is my guess. Is that correct?

Secondarily, it isn't an auspicious start to have the people you live with refusing to have anything to do with the man you love and demanding you marry someone who doesn't even exist, when he does.

But don't stay coupled for the sole reason to BE against them. If it is possible to be together and enjoy yourselves, do so. Don't hide your relationship. Keep inviting your parents to meet him. WIll his parents meet you? If they will, then you have some support. And you could mention this to YOUR parents. Well, Cho's parents have met me and they seem to like me. We've been to dinner, a picnic, watched a movie at their home. You should meet the Wangs. They are lovely people.

Don't press it any further. Just keep living your life and see how everything develops. If you two make it through one to two years and feel the same, you should consider marriage. Right now, it's too early to go all in. When he offers you a ring, there'll be a wedding to be planned. If your parents won't accept that, plan something smaller with supportive friends and his family. Pay for it yourselves. Good luck.

[Asker]

Oh dear! My man is Wang. Thanks a lot for ur helpful answer. I would definitely do what we want. U people helped me a lot with ur answers, I am feeling so much better.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Chinese men tend to be very sweet. I understand why you fell for him.

I was in love with a Chinese man too and my close family was very supportive, I told my extended family - I don’t ask what you think about him, I just want everyone to know if you don’t accept him, you will lose me. It’s your choice. Since then no one dared judging my choice and they accepted him as a part of our family.

Because If I love someone, I accept my family to respect my judgement and a choice. If they don’t do that, it means they are disrespectful to me and I cut them off.

Go for what you love! And let your family know, they have to respect your choices, you love this man and that’s all that matters.

[Asker]

You're absolutely right! U guys are so helpful thanks a lot. I will be with him no matter what.🥰

[Leapfrog00]

You will NEVER be happy if you listen to your parents, but I understand you want to respect their wishes. You could tell them, if they are willing to listen of course, that this is your life, and you're the one who has to live it, and one day when they are gone, you will be all alone because they didn't want you to be with the person you love.

And explain to them why this guy is so special, and prove it's not just a fling, but a real thing, and if your parents still don't listen, then respect or no respect to them, it's a loss cause and they have no right to interfere in your love life, which really they don't.

It's hard to find the right person and finding someone your parents want decreases those chances, and maybe they should know that also.

[Asker]

This helped me a lot, thank u🙏

[Avicenna]

That’s a very difficult situation- as long. As you Are not financially dependent on your family, you can follow your heart. But do not expect them to change their minds.

[Asker]

I'll keep it in my mind, thanks for sharing ur opinion

[Avicenna]

I hope it works out for you both

[Asker]

Thanks for ur wishes🙏

[Avicenna]

You’re welcome

[jennifer_bloom]

This is just as illogical as the other stories you post. Nobody is stupid enough to reject somebody they consider attractive, culturally relevant, good looking, rich and socially desirable, for racial reasons unless they can’t speak that language. Nobody is mentally retarded enough to be embarrassed that they talk to people of different races but same religions and language.

[humanearth]

First are you an Indian with feather or dot? Never mind that don't matter

Look your over 18 and an adult. See part of my family is super racists and bigots. We are Sicilian and we were told that we had to pick a Sicilian mate.

Well my sister was the first to break the family rule. Behind the family back, she eloped with a man born in Mexico

The family was pissed, it took my grandmother to break the ice with the rest of the family.

Now the brother in-law is family. It just took time

So you might have to do something drastic to get them to knock out their racist bullshit

[Asker]

I'm wishing your sister a lot of happiness and blessings. Seems like I have to take stand for myself for sure. Thanks a lot for ur opinion 🥰

[Anonymous]

Explain to your parents that Chinese family values are very similar to Indian family values. From my experience, I find Chinese men are far more caring and considerate than Indian men.

Tell your parents about the times he exhibited those qualities. Marrying in same caste doesn’t guarantee happiness. You should marry someone who you love truly and who loves you back. This is 21st century. It’s not your parents but you who will be spending the rest of your life with him. Make it a wonderful one!

[Asker]

Absolutely on point! They are very caring. That's what I feel also. Thanks a lot for ur helpful answer^^

[EricSummer]

To reach out to your parents, can you demonstrate that your boyfriend is from a good family as well? The Chinese do not have castes, but there are social strata in every society. Based on his ancestry or social standing, is it possible to claim that his origin is equivalent to your caste? If this argument can reasonably be made I think you should try.

[Asker]

I told them and even my boyfriend talked with them but still they are not agreed to us. They want my partner to be same race and caste.

[EricSummer]

This is not acceptable. The choice of your partner belongs to you. I'm afraid there can be no compromise. You go ahead and it is up to your parents how they react. As a parent I trust they love you enough not to want to lose you, even if they do not agree with your choice of partner.
Incidentally, in the U. S. your "race" would be Asian for both of you, and biologically our species has no races in the first place.

[Asker]

I totally agree with you. I'll do according to my choice, they will accept it later.

[desidoll]

I’m Indian too and married to someone outside my race. Once I graduated from university, become financially independent, nothing much they can do. They did say they didn’t like my decision, but each of us is pretty much going our own way since our family has already broken apart. You need to make your own stand and think about your happiness, not theirs. You are an adult. They shouldn’t interfere in your personal life.

[Asker]

That's what I planned to do too. I'm glad people are marrying outside their race. What matters most is Happiness and Love... not the race or caste and all those stuffs. Thanks a lot for sharing ur helpful answer^^

[desidoll]

Yes, race doesn’t matter if we truly love someone. I hope things work for both of you and wish you the best!

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for ur blessings, we needed it🥰

[desidoll]

You’re welcome ❤️

[Anonymous]

Honestly this is a very hard situation clearly you love your family and boyfriend however I think the best thing to do is try to have a talk with your parents. Now this may not work but I'm just gonna assume your parents are maybe in their 50s or 60s which means they probably aren't to understanding in things like this. I'd say just try to talk to them. I'm also assuming you have tried this already but I mean REALLY sit down and talk for a while try to get them to understand that interracial dating is normal. And if they can't accept you for what you want than you have to make a very tough choice. My personal choice would be to stay with your boyfriend because chances are your parents won't be mad at you forever they will learn to accept it because they love you.

[Asker]

They are not ready to listen. If I try to make them understand once again, they will take my phone away. Thanks for ur helpful opinion 🥰

[Anonymous]

No one can help you with this. Because this is going to define YOUR life not ours. Just make sure this guy is who you think he is. Your parents are just trying to look out for you as most parents do. But that doesn't necessarily mean what they think is right for you is. You're an adult now the represcussions will be yours as well now to. So choose wisely.

[Asker]

You're absolutely right on this! I have to choose wisely

[Opinion Owner]

Just remember, if he's the right guy he isn't going ANYWHERE! So there's no need to rush. Take the time and make sure he's the guy for you. Make sure feelings aren't clouding your judgement.

[Asker]

Yes the things u said is absolutely correct, I'm sure about my feelings. If I'll delay more they will do my marriage to someone else. That's the problem.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh you live with them? Because you are an adult. You can move out. I get we have different cultures. So I gather you're not wanting to upset them and that's understandable. But clearly you don't feel as married (pun not intended) to tradition as they do. At the end of the day you have to live your life for you.

[Asker]

I can't move out I don't have job yet and it's normal here to live with parents even if we are adult. I'll find some way, again thanks a lot for ur help🥰

[Opinion Owner]

My bad. I was making assumptions. I thought you were American (Indian? Middleastern?). I thought you were second generation American.

[Asker]

No... I'm Indian

[ShesRad80]

the parents should def meet him and see how much you guys love each other, why dont you two invite your parents out somewhere to meet and talk.

[Asker]

We want but they are not ready to meet him, if I force them more.. they threaten to disown me

[ShesRad80]

just keep up the hope and hang on to each other, i wish you so much luck with everything

[Asker]

Thanks so much dear u people are amazing

[slatyb]

Where do you live? Do what you want. Your parents will get over it. Or not, their loss.

[Asker]

Right!!

[slatyb]

If you have children, they will likely get over it the minute the first grandchild is born.

[Asker]

Ur absolutely correct, that will melt them. But we don't have children now , we planned to meet in person first, then marry and have children.

[Unit1]

That is exactly when you leave your family behind (possibly forever like i did) and pursue your happiness.

[Unit1]

Disown threats? I wish i was disowned.

[Asker]

That's tough situation,🥺 I can feel u but I hope you're happy now)

[Unit1]

Yeah. I live alone and have a huge distance from my "family". They can't touch me.

[Asker]

I don't know about ur past but it seems like u had a very rough past, just hold onto urself.. ur strong 💪

[Unit1]

Oh yes. You understand me 🙂 strength and honor. Anyway it's your decision about this one. People like me are not so few.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot! I'm glad there are more people like me🥰

[Ironic_Method]

I would personally give my family the finger and be with the one that makes me happy.

[Asker]

True! I won't give up ^^

[Nikki1989]

You are old enough to make your own decisions.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for your opinion^^

[najekim]

Caste bias is something that no longer has any relevance in today's world. IMHO, follow your heart.

[Asker]

Yes 🥰

[exitseven]

it depends on how close you are with your family and how comfortable you are with the idea that you might have to cut them out of your life.

[Abdulwahh]

There is no superior race this mindset needs to leave our people its such a sad reality

[Asker]

Specially our old generation, new generation don't care about these things and we shouldn't

[Abdulwahh]

Yes we shouldn't this tribal mindset builds pride in our heart.

[Asker]

Correct!!!

[Anonymous]

Live you're life, not the life your parents want you to live.

[Asker]

🥺yes

[Anonymous]

Once you get older and hopefully wiser, you will find out that your parents were right to begin with, but now, you are young, and in-love (in your mind) and you do not want to hear anything that contradicts this. Race, nationalities, backgrounds, all play a big role in one's life.

[Sabretooth]

Do it... Or, adopt their bigotry as your own.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have advice but I just saw a similar situation on Reddit except it was the guys family that was against the interracial relationship

[Asker]

Tough situation