What are things you wouldn't compromise at all?

[Vesuvius87]

What are irreconcilable differences that you couldn't compromise at all in a relationship?

For me, these are 3 main differences I wouldn't negotiate at all:

- He believes in corporal punishment towards kids.

- He's a religious fanatic that's trying to force god and religion on me.

- He wants cohabitation but not marriage.

Updates

9 mo

I think those 3 NO's to me are things I can't reach a middle ground with. There is no compromise on that. It would be like water and oil; they don't mix.

[Andres77]

Arrogance. Being a bully. Lack of empathy and compassion. Not willing to listen and reason and compromise on issues but still not violating principles.

I’m never getting married again. I believe in corporal punishment but restricted and controlled.
i never hit my kids in anger. I explained clearly why they were going to be spanked. I always hit myself before I swatted them (so I could measure the swats and they knew that I would feel their pain). And it was never more than 3 Swats.

be advised, idgaf about anyone’s opinion about how we disciplined our daughters. One daughter got spanked maybe three times in her life, the younger only once. My daughters are smart and ambitious and plan and research everything. I’m proud of my girls. They’re open with us. When they’ve made mistakes they confess and we work it out. They know about human nature and they’ve adjusted to control it. They’re still kids but they’re well adjusted and wise beyond their years (and peers).

i detest religion (all religions are man made). Religions and cults are mankind’s attempts to find or become God (on THEIR terms). I believe in God and Jesus Christ. I’m a rebellious Christian that’s made a lot of mistakes. I’m not better than anyone else. But I would not be in a relationship with a woman that did not at least believe in God.

[Vesuvius87]

It's all about finding a like-minded person for a relationship. I tend to respect people's differences until they start shoving their ideas down my throat and try forcing me to agree with them. That's just wrong as if I were doing the same.

[Vesuvius87]

The reason I'm not into spanking is because my father did it in anger, in frustration. One time he tried to chase me with a damn belt for not knowing how to use a remote control propertly and not understanding his instructions on the 3rd time. I didn't want to speak to him for a whole day. I was very upset.

[Andres77]

So many people have experienced abuse, so they oppose corporal punishment. There’s a difference. I’m sorry your father did that to you. I know what you mean. But even through my pain I realized the benefit of strictly controlled and lovingly administered punishment. And my kids turned out great. More because of our tight and open relationship than the threat of a spanking.
It’s not an easy road and we still made mistakes but we loved our kids and we took the lessons of our youth and found a better way.

[Andres77]

I hope you find what you need. I hope you find the awesome partner that you deserve.

[ProbablyClueless]

Arrogance is a big no-go for me. Laziness. Complacence. Inability/refusal to adapt.

People who either refuse to take steps forward or are just immobilized for what I would consider to be kinda silly reasons are a big problem for me. Not because I'm impatient or whatever; I'm actually an extremely patient and understanding person. For me, the issue is that the person isn't recognizing the reality of their situation for what it is.

If I'm thinking about having kids with someone, I want to know that she's going to be able to have something go wrong in life and respond to it by saying "okay, we know the first way isn't going to work moving forward, how do we address that problem?"

I've noticed that adaptability is a really rare trait.

[Agape93]

- if you are a sex offender, or would ever defend one, we will never happen. Gtfo

- if you push your religion or politics on me in a way that hampers my freedom, you're done. Gtfo

- if you can't handle not getting married married having kids, gtfo

[loveslongnails]

* Having kids ---- if you want them, find someone else
* Political ideology - I don't think you're from the USA, correct? If you were, and you were a maga-nut trump supporter, or just an ultra right-winger OR extreme left-winger, go away.
* Religion - if your religion requires you to follow dogma without question, as most do, or organize your life around daily rituals, or proselytize, then go away

There are probably a few others, but most other things can be worked out if you really love someone.

[Anonymous]

I'm her number one and she's loyal and trustworthy. And long term we're married and stay married with no naughty business.
Keep it simple.

[Anonymous]

Smoking/heavy drinking/drug use, a promiscuous past, and being woke or a feminist are all show stoppers for me.

[In_Trance]

Your logic makes no sense!

You won't accept a religious fanatic, but you want to get married?

[Vesuvius87]

My father is agnostic and one of his male cousins is an atheist. They still got married so religion doesn't have to to necessarily be included in a marriage; that's optional. Churches aren't the only single places to get married either. You can do it at a courthouse, or a municipal.

[Vesuvius87]

Some atheists still get married too. You make no sense thinking only churches are for marriages and that you have to necessarily be religious in order to want marriage.

[In_Trance]

That has nothing to do with your logic or lack thereof
Marriage is a control tatcic of the the Church and state.

Your logic still makes no sense and you failed to explain.

[Vesuvius87]

I don't see it as controlling. For me, it's a beautiful commitment with a life partner whom you share assets, are included in their health plan, share a family with (if you have kids) and can be included as the person making medical decisions if you can't.
For instance if I were in an accident (hopefully not), while a husband can be my health care proxy, a boyfriend can't.

[In_Trance]

You're out of your mind to think that a legal document is going to make all of those things possible.

[Vesuvius87]

That's better than relying on just a vebal agreement (when you're just boyfriend and girlfriend) and thinking by only words, the person will stay on your side permanently.

[In_Trance]

That also makes no sense because if it were permanent then divorce would not be a thing

[Vesuvius87]

Everything in life has risks but there are more risks if I were to stay in a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship, have a child with him and he decides to bail for whatever reason and then I'm left as a single woman vs I were to have a child in a marriage.
I only believe in divorce if the spouse is indeed abusive or they had a long-term affair. Well in my opinion, those should be the only valid reason. Anything else can be worked out. The people that divorce for anything are the ones making it harder for us.

[Vesuvius87]

**and then I'm left as a single mother

[In_Trance]

Your logic still makes no sense.

Good luck

[jahaims]

Opposing morals, values, or goals

[Vesuvius87]

Well said. Exactly. It's about compatibility.

[BigDog89]

I don't want marriage. Marriage, by definition, is not necessary, and 75% of them, end in failure

[Vesuvius87]

Make sure you avoid dating marriage-minded woman. Find a woman that's against marriage. Otherwise a relationship where one wants something totally different will end in a break-up.

[BigDog89]

But I just told you, MARRIAGES WIND UP IN FAILURE

[Vesuvius87]

Well I DON'T share your agenda. Don't force it on others. I do want to get married one day.

[BigDog89]

Don't force your beliefs on me!

I'm telling you 75% of marriages, end in failure. MARRIAGE IS NOT NECESSARY. I guarantee it

[Vesuvius87]

Frankly I don't care about other people's failed relationships. I never forced my beliefs on you. I only told to find a like-minded partner that shares your same interests. You're the one forcing your ideas on me by the capital letters on your next reply.

[BigDog89]

I'm telling you facts, that's not forcing my beliefs on you. THATS TELLING YOU HOW IT IS

THEY END IN IN FAILURE, MOST OF THE TIME. AND THEY ARE NOT NECESSARY

[Vesuvius87]

Just because they're not necessary doesn't mean everyone is against it. I still want it, even with all the risks.
by the way, cohabitation fails too. Everything in life has a risk of failing.

[Anonymous]

Feminist tendencies. I have zero tollerance for that in a woman.

[Bklynbadboy12]

My freedom my beliefs and my piece of mind

[Vesuvius87]

Yeah I hate it when others try forcing their ideas as facts

[Bklynbadboy12]

Me too and get mad when you won't except it