Boyfriend of 7 months flying out of town to meet with his ex girlfriends brother?

[CrissyBlue]

Boyfriend booked a trip for a few days to spend time with a friend. I casually asked how they met since he lives across the country. He says they used to be roommates.

I noticed a friend suggestion on fb and noticed the friend he's going to see had the same last name as his ex. Turns out, his friend is his ex girlfriend's brother.

I think it's a tad dishonest he didn't tell me, but maybe he doesn't see the guy as his ex gfs brother?

More backstory: They broke up 2 years ago and a few weeks ago she called him and said nasty things about me (we don't know each other, so she just said a bunch of prejudiced things). One of his friends overheard the conversation and told me about it.

A few weeks later, he's flying to meet up with her brother (i dont think these things are related). She will not be there. He's not going to see her. She lives in another state and won't be there when he's there. I'm sure of that.

Just looking for different perspectives. It's not the end of the world, it just puts a bad taste I'm my mouth.

30f 31m

Overthinking

Not overthinking

[Nawlins34]

"I think it's a tad dishonest he didn't tell me, but maybe he doesn't see the guy as his ex gfs brother?" - You can remove "tad" - it is dishonest. He intentionally misrepresented his friend's significance in his past.

"Friend" and "ex gfs brother" are both accurate in this scenario, so why did he leave out the latter?

" a few weeks ago she called him and said nasty things about me (we don't know each other, so she just said a bunch of prejudiced things). One of his friends overheard the conversation and told me about it." - Okay, why is he entertaining her opinion of you? Why does she feel comfortable enough to say theses things without being cut off?

Why did it take his friend to notify you of this conversation? Would you have known it occurred without them saying anything?

• I'm not saying he's cheating, but she has an audience with him.
• All the pertinent information in this scenario? It took Facebook and his "friend" to get this information to you, none of it came from him.

This isn't good, he's not being honest about things with you.

Just my observation. Have a conversation with him about being honest with you.

[CrissyBlue]

Thank you so much for your response.

You don't think that maybe he doesn't even associate the friend with her anymore? I'm thinking maybe he sees him as a "friend" as opposed to "the brother of his ex"

I told him I thought it was a bit strange he described him as an old roommate a opposed to his ex gfs brother. He said I should've asked. He said "I told you, he was like a little brother to me. I did everything for him. I helped him a lot. You should have asked"

[Nawlins34]

"You don't think that maybe he doesn't even associate the friend with her anymore?" - This would make sense until this statement you started your post off with...

"Boyfriend booked a trip for a few days to spend time with a friend. I casually asked how they met since he lives across the country. He says they used to be roommates." - This friend is so important and dear to him, that you didn't even find out he existed until a few days ago?

Here's the real question - How do you get information from him in general? Because if all this recent info is not how he usually provides information, you may have a problem.

"You should have asked" - So you only get the truth if you ask the right questions? That's not a healthy way of communicating (in my opinion, I'm not an expert)

[CrissyBlue]

You're right.

Maybe we just have different communication styles and what I find important to share, he doesn't find important to share.

He is currently on the trip and I don't want to bring it up while he's there.

I don't know how to even start talking about it when he gets back. I fear he will think I'm making a big deal about something small.

[Somebodysomeone]

I would be more worried about why she's even still calling him in the first place. And why does she feel the need to talk bad about you. Your
Boyfriend being friends with her brother is just unfortunate and forsure would make me uncomfortable but there's not much you can do other then nevermind it or leave him. You could tell him it makes you uneasy and that her calling him isn't ok. See what he says.

[CrissyBlue]

I'm ok with them being friends.

I just feel uneasy that he wasn't honest when I asked how they met

[Somebodysomeone]

He knew it would make you uncomfortable and probably didn't want to start a fight. He forsure should have been honest but unfortunately this is a common issue in relationships. Mainly not telling the whole truth to avoid conflicts. Just tell him how it made you feel and let him know that his honesty is very important to you. Hopefully he's mature enough to respect your position in the matter

[CrissyBlue]

We haven't had a fight about anything yet and I'm completely transparent about everything with him. I haven't shown him amy signs of jealousy either. He's actually really honest too, so that's why I'm especially weirded out.

I'm only uncomfortable because he didn't tell me who the person was.

His most recent ex called him on the phone and they spoke in my presence and I didn't have a problem with it. So, I don't know...

[Somebodysomeone]

I see, well it may simply be just a difference in how you two share information. Maybe its really not a big deal to him and it only made sense to say roommate because he doesn't give any thought about this guy being siblings to his ex. Could actaully be a good thing in hind sight. I don't know. Hope this helps.

[historectomy]

ngl i don't even need to read the story that is kinda weird

[CrissyBlue]

They've been friends for 6 years that's why I'm like I don't know

[RavVid]

I think he should have explained the connection.

[CrissyBlue]

I'm thinking that maybe he doesn't even see him as his ex gfs brother anymore... and as a regular friend

I don't really think it was fully intentional, but it made me a bit uncomfortable and I wanted unbiased opinions. I trust him.

[RavVid]

That is quite likely and a good decision.