How to talk less to my partner?

[Anonymous]

So, we have been in a relationship for more than 6 months and the main problem in our relationship, that causes most of the fights is that I talk a lot.

I'm very introverted and I don't have much friends. Since it's a conservative country, we can't live together and due to our studies and work can't meet that much either. Thus we talk over call when we are both free for a couple of hours everyday. As I don't talk much throughout the day I tell him too many things (nearly everything) and constantly blabber. He after some point gets mad and tells me to stop. He also tells me that my habit of talking too much isn't letting him enjoy his life. It has happened many times and now I'm very ashamed of myself.

I want to talk very less with him and stop sharing my life details. How do I do it?

[ohsheeT]

You know what.
Do not be ashamed of yourself you need to love yourself you need to find another boyfriend that's what you need to do there is so many different ways to have a good conversation there are so many different ways to talk to a person.

There's different other ways for him to acknowledge that you're happy and that you love talking with him so you're going to tell him about your day in fine detail which means you add a lot more words there's nothing wrong with that.

Even if you're totally out of control LOL which I get that way sometimes too I just start talking and you can't shut me up and I'm the introvert too so you would think that we would be quiet.

And for most part I am but when I'm happy when I'm talking with the person that I like or that I love I'm the same way. I'm sure I get carried away and I just start talking I even have to catch myself sometimes.

But just by telling you to be quiet because he wants to enjoy his life to me that's a big giant red flag..

I guess the only way to slow down on your talking is to slow down talking with him. Be very quiet only talk about important things and let him ask you why you're being so quiet.

I don't know if this is your first boyfriend or what but it's cool that you're engaged in conversation it's cool that you are confident enough to say the things you say.

Whether you know it or not that's the way that I've read your question you're actually saying more of the things that are going on in your relationship then the question about talking too much.

So what I'm going to say to you is to basically listen more because if you listen to his words he's also telling you something besides what he's actually telling you listen to what he's not saying because well I'm just going to leave it like that just because I don't want to tell you the reason but I have a feeling that he only wants you when he wants you and that's it I hope that I'm wrong but from what I read that's what's going on

[OfMiceandMen]

First of all, being an introvert and then finally having someone to talk to makes it kind of tough. I think you need to discuss this with him so he understands why you talk a lot... the main reason being, he's the only one you really talk to. He should actually be proud that you are willing to open up to him.

That being said, try to make a valid effort in keep things short and sweet. Trim the excess and get to whatever you are trying to say within a sentence or two. Keep on topic and don't try combine things.

Biggest thing, let him have a word in edge-wise. He won't feel like he's part of the discussion, if you take over the entire conversation. If you have to write things down to stay on the topics you want to discuss, don't be embarrassed, it takes retraining your brain.

He should also be a little lenient and realize it'll take time. You should let him stop you for the first little while, just so you can learn/see where you need to draw the line.

It's a process and neither of you should show signs of frustration, just be respectful and make and effort.

[provokeesmokee]

Let him talk and practice listening to him.

Pick up How to Win Friends, and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It sounds like a manipulative title, and to be fair the skills are useful when used that way, but it genuinely has fantastic and detailed advice on how to be a better listener and conversationalist.

Google "active listening skills" and read up on them. Then, practice using the nightly calls.

Your boyfriend is bad at communicating himself, because I doubt the problem is that you "talk too much". It's probably more that when you call him it's HOURS long and he can't do anything else during that time.

So also ask if he'd like a cap on how long you two speak. Set a timer on your end and make sure you do your best to cede more airtime to him until you're about equal (this is option but you might find it help you understand how long you can talk for).

It's good you're trying to adjust, now. Hopefully you can salvage your relationship.

[InnocentB1tch]

You shouldn’t be ashamed of it ! It is absolutely normal to be sharing how your day went with your partner and I think it is quite mean of him to say that he can’t enjoy his life because of it. If your boyfriend doesn’t listen to you who else should? I think instead of talking less to him try make him talk as well, instead of telling everything about your day ask how his day was. Might be that he feels like you don’t care about him and just call to talk about yourself and he gets annoyed. Just by talking less to your partner you will not make it better, you have to understand what is the real reason he doesn’t like it

[LazerBean]

There's no sense in being with a partner who doesn't like talking to you. Just dump him and find someone who actually likes you.