Well that's a good friend when you're giving advice you have to honestly look at both sides of the situation..
You can't pick sides
And you have to be 100% honest no bullsheet .. and then you have to look at the situation is she being honest with you or does she just bring it up because it takes the conversation away from something else that she would rather not talk about this way she gets you engaged in a situation that you she knows that you care deeply about
So you have to look at the whole picture and you have to see if there's a manipulation that she's playing on you I've had that happen a few times but it didn't work out that way LOL
She's a big girl and she knows what's going on
So I would sit back and I would listen. I really wouldn't offer anymore advice because you will end up being the loser out of the whole thing because of the things that you say
And if she bitches
a lot about it
All you can tell her is hey it's a choice you either want to be in it or you don't want to be in it you have to make up your mind but in situations like this you can only help somebody as far as they want to be helped.
And somewhere down the road if you start putting him down then you're going to end up being the bad guy and those guys will still keep doing what they're doing so now you have to make a choice
So if this a real and true friend to you, then you will be a good freind to them. You gave them advice and they did not listen or follow it. But you are their freind, you are supposed to be the person they feel safe to come to and talk to about this. So not stop them or try to prevent them from talking to you about their relationship problems, because that is what a real and true freind does, they listen and care about you.
So be a good freind, you gave them advice, now just be supportive and listen to them. Be a good freind to them, let them work through things on their own, but be supportive of them. Let them know, hey, I do not think that he is good for you. But I love you as a freind and I want you to be happy. That is what matters most to me, and if he makes you happy, then I will be happy for you.
I am going to support you through this, but you need to understand that I do not like him. You should be able to say all that to a true freind and end the conversation with a hug. If you cannot say all that a still be a good freind, then you are not really freinds.
m Back off if it’s truly effecting you, give your friend space. Otherwise, stop bugging them about it and just be there for them and support them, you don’t need to support their relationship in order to still be their friend.
I had a best friend of 12 years who got into a relationship with a horrible guy. He would get her drunk and assault her infront of everyone because he thought it was funny. And my best friend was too innocent and naive to see what was going on. It really hurt to see how badly he treated her, and over time she just became an empty shell of a person. I had to step away and let go of the friendship. I haven’t spoken to her in years now, and she’s still with him. I wish her the best and I’ll never forget her, but I just can’t stand to be friends with her anymore, witnessing his abuse towards her. Many people, including myself, tried to intervene and tell her to leave him, but she never listened.
I used to take it personally, but each person is an average of their 5 friends and then they make their own decisions on top of that.
Unless it's directly affecting me (constantly picking up her tab because she's "helping him", can't ever hang out properly "her place or mine is off limits", or ultimatums are issued "don't ever hang out with x") then I just let it pass.
More often than not it fizzles out in a year and the role of a friend is to pick their side, even when it's wrong. As long as my friend isn't making a horrible decision (writing that person into a will, giving them money for no reason, paying for rent indefinitely while they bum around the house) it's not my place to tell.
We're friends and we can laugh about it afterwards.
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24Opinion
He or she is my friend. I continue to support them. They make their own decisions, whether I agree with them or not. Advice is just that... not a command to do something, just some words for the other person to think about. They will take the advice, or not, that's their right.
Realize it's none of your business to begin with. If they ask your opinion then say your peace but you don't hold them hostage on that opinion... it's their life.
Offer when ONLY ASKED. They will Not Listen. xxoo
Ghost them! IF the others relationship is that far gone AND they refuse to take advice, YOU run the risk that the perp will place a target on YOUR back. Afterall, you've been telling your friend to exit the toxic relationship. This only serves and will only lead to the spill over to crap in your face.
Although anything is possible, I see two outcomes of the toxic relationship. A) finally a boundary is broken or severed, and the agreived party (friend) makes a conscious choice to exit safely. B) They further commit themselves to the toxic relationship which means any further advice will be ignored.
Your best HOPE is "A", and the hope they reach out to you. Don't rub it in, they have enough to worry about.
Under NO circumstances get further involved.
In a closing note, it is PRECISELY these sorts of situations that result in one of the 'exes' to assert that the other is a 'narcissist'. That term has been WAY overblown by folks who are NOT qualified to make that diagnosis.
Honestly, you really can’t do anything but accept that they’re not gonna take whatever advice you’re giving for as long as they still feel attached to their toxic relationship. Personally, I would just give up on handing out any advice.
I’d still be their friend but would deffo roll my eyes at anything they talk about regarding their toxic partner. there's not much you can say after you’ve already expressed how you feel/what they should do.
At the end to the day they’re gonna do what they’re gonna do and 9x/10 they ain’t leavin that toxic person.
They’ll stay when they know they shouldn’t and if they ever do find the strength to leave it’ll be after months or years of people telling them what they should’ve done a long time ago.
Just let them suffer Their own consequences , it’s their relationship not yours , As a friend you can give a friend advice all you want, but it has to come Down to your friends’ final decision , it can’t be your decision because it isn’t Your relationship , Just understand you gave your friend advice but what they choose to do with your advice is up to them. People should never Get involved in other peoples relationships unless they are being physically beaten and forced to be on that relationship , other then that, stay out of it
I have one such friend and the fact is he's not gonna end his relationship with his childhood crush on my word alone so I don't bother telling him what to do.
Now if I ever came into some evidence of foul play which I'm sure is out there because he's dating a succubus there is a good chance I will share with him and let him make his own decision based on facts.
i explain to them at some point i can no longer listen to them go on about their problems. i'll be friends with them but i'm not going to listen to their problems if they aren't going to do anything to try and fix them. it sounds harsh but we are friends, i'm not a paid professional whose job it is is to listen to problems
So I had a friend who used to do this kind of thing. In the end I had to cut her off because she was starting to affect my own mental health.
There's only so much you can talk or advise about. Depending on your friendship, either cut off altogether or let her know while you're there for her, you can't listen to those problems anymore.
Honestly? Nothing much other than waiting for her to learn a lesson from it which will take some time for her to realize. She is an adult. She is supposed to know what is right and wrong. You have done your part to be there and she obviously chose not to take your advice.
If it’s not broken don’t fix it as some say & in this case it is broken but unfortunately you can’t fix stupid. As for your friend she’s seeing the light at the end of the tunnel however she isn’t seeing the freight train. A good friend you are & although you give her advice & so much more there is only so much you can do & the rest is up to her.
You can’t do much beyond this point. But if she keeps complaining about it, you can respectfully tell her you don’t wish to hear any more because it’s not like she’s taking your advice anyway. Unless it starts to get physical and she is in real danger, remove yourself from the situation.
I have that and from the first 5 minutes it was clear the issues and would be pain. Year later they are still deadlocked but it doesn't look life and desth yet.
Its a choice for your own sanity if you can handle the drama and how younprotect yourself.
if you have a husband or boyfriend make sure she spends a lot a time alone around you two and act in love so she gets jealous of your and your husband relationship. i think thats the only thing you can do. people need to make their own choices based on their feelings and her seeing other people happy in love is the only way she will react.
Accept my powerlessness, let them know that while it’s their decision I won’t be giving them advice as it would just be me repeating the same thing over and over. I’ll tell them how sad it is for me to watch them knowingly stay and hurt themselves and that I will be there for them but I won’t encourage it.
I would probably start distancing myself. If they called me I would still answer, and if they came to their senses and were willing to start fixing their problems then I will still be there to help. But I'm not going to go out of my way to waste my time.
You really cannot force anyone to do anything. Understand they have their reasons for staying, no matter how irrational it may seem to you. Just be there for them, support them in a way they'd understand no matter what happens they have you. They might just come to see reason eventually.
PS: Never advise anyone to quit their relationship, you'd seem like the bad guy.
Be there for them so they can vent. ASK if they are wanting advice. If not, don’t force it. Let them know you are WILLING to just listen and tell them if they DO need advice, you can offer it then.
Now on the other hand, if they are in a physically abusive relationship, keep intervening. Let them know you don’t want to go to a funeral or end up a witness for the prosecution.
In the past, I have asked them to simply not to talk to me about the problems. If the person doesn't want to follow my advice, that's perfectly fine, but I just make it clear to them that my advice on the situation isn't going to change and I don't want there to be any antagonism between us.
I know it sounds horrible, but sometimes you have to walk away and let them face the consequences of their decisions. If they’re going to choose this relationship over their friendship, and not listen to any sound advice, then there’s not much anyone can do. Eventually they’ll hit rock bottom, and the relationship will (hopefully) end. Then you can be there to help them back up.
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