How do I stop comparing myself to other couples while I’m single?

[HumbleGoddess]

I’m F25, everyone I know in my life are either in relationships, married and having children. I’ve been single for 3 years and always wondered will I ever get married and have a family someday?

I worry that I’m not getting any younger and I haven’t found anyone I’ll be compatible/ in love with. So far I have been focusing on making myself happy by doing things to feel whole as a person and I have developed boundaries/ high standards due to my past relationships

I guess I have recently been feeling down about it since I heard my one of my friends is expecting and I unintentionally compared myself to her, thinking how lucky she is to have found someone who loves her and now starting a family (and of course I’m happy for her and she deserves to be happy.) But I just feel under the weather that I’m the only one left who hasn’t found anyone yet within my family and friends.

[MrOracle]

"I have developed boundaries/ high standards due to my past relationships"

If these boundaries and high standards are in regards to a man's morals, values, and life-goals, that's a GOOD thing. Unfortunately, many woman seem to think that their high standards should be about a man's looks, status, and income - which nearly always means his morals and values are going to be severely compromised, because those guy who are the most desirable also have an incredible amount of options with women - they literally have girls throwing themselves at them daily. If you date a man that most other women find hot, you're going to end up sharing that man with other women.

Obviously I don't know you or anything about your relationships, but that sentence stood out as a potential red flag, because I see it so often written by women who have a laundry list of demands and are mostly shopping for a lifestyle rather than a man. If that isn't you, then don't take it personally.

If you want a relationship, you're going to have to put in some real work. You can attract men for casual sex very easily, but attracting a man for a serious relationship is a very different thing. You not only need to be shopping for "relationship men", but you need to BE the kind of woman that such men will categorize as "relationship material" rather than "for recreational use only." In my experience, the reason so many women who want a relationship struggle to find one is because they are either chasing the hot, popular, high-status "casual sex only" men who will never take a relationship seriously, OR they are trying to attract men with their sexuality. Either is a relationship dead-end, and most women do both things wrong.

"Relationship men" *generally* are looking for women who are more traditional, more feminine, and more conservative than average, at least for serious relationships. This is true despite the fact that many of these same men will have casual relationships (when they are single) with less traditional women - because they see those women as "recreational use only."

Yes, you'll see "couples" of less traditional people all the time, but you don't see many marriages, and their relationships tend not to last very long, so don't be confused by that. Look closely at the people who get married, who build families, and who stay together, and you'll overwhelmingly see people who have more conservative morals and values.

[HumbleGoddess]

I appreciate you’re response, and I understand where you are coming from. When I said I have boundaries and high standards, I was referring to a man with emotional maturity, moral values, intellectual and a kind personality, physically appearance is a bonus. I look for a man who is affectionate, would respect me and giving me sense of security.

I don’t believe in hookup culture, I can even go as far to say I’m waiting until marriage if it ever occurs

[Avicenna]

Meeting someone can be totally random. But put yourself into position to meet a suitable guy.

[SueShe]

Stop worrying about what others are doing and comparing yourself to others.

You have your own character and personality and you have also developed a way of life that is matching you being alone. That is good.

Now move forward in time and think of what could be in 10-15 years from now. Those seemingly happy people may be divorced in 15 years from now because of a multitude of reasons, starting with falling out of love, with cheating, with health issues and a number of other factors. You may envy them now but will you envy them when they have reached rock bottom in their lives and wish they were never married or did not have children because they turned to be criminals or on drugs?

Take life as it comes and never envy others because you don't know their future.

[Anonymous]

Forget about what others are doing and work on yourself.

[jshm2]

If you want to be loved, be more lovable.

[jahaims]

Gain confidence and self respect

[Iron_Man]

Just don’t do it