I’m having an affair?

[Anonymous]

B4anyone starts giving me grief, I won’t be taking on board. You are not not me, you haven’t lived my life; and unless you have been in my exact position you have no idea, the same as you have no idea what it’s like to walk on water etc. I am currently in a 15 year marriage; with children. i have been having an emotional affair for 7 years, it started completely platonic, he was a colleague at work. We had placements together for many years so was forced to work very closely together. The feelings started very very slowly, he’s married with children also. At the beginning we never thought we would be where we are now. It was just an unsteep slope down into where we were heading that we almost didn’t realise until we hit the bottom. For the past year things have been sexual, I completely am in love with him, my heart longs for him, my body longs for him, I’m unsure if he feels as deep as I do but I know he cares about me a lot. We don’t have the rship where we talk about leaving our famlies. We are 100% committed to them. I’m at a point now where it hurts to not be with him, and I know the longer it goes on the stronger it will be. I’m going to cut all contact, but how have people got over an affair to whom they are completely in love with. I love my partner, but he doesn’t make me feel the way my ap does. I know most of what we have is a fantasy, which is why we both won’t leave but it hurts. I have been so far 2 weeks with no contact and I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t concentrate becus he’s on my mind 24/7, I feel sick, I feel I’ll,& if I didn’t have children I think o would end it all. It hurts to love someone so much but to know that it’s never to be,2 know it was wrong from the start. How can something feel so right, but be so wrong. Has anyone been through anything similar, how did you cope?4 the record I won’t be telling my husband,2 think relationships are perfect is ridiculous, i know him,& I know he knows,& I know he’s avoiding making it known he knows

[Anonymous]

You admit that what you did was wrong, and I commend you for that. The issue at hand is not one of feelings, but of morals. Sometimes, in order to do the right thing, we have to set aside our own wants and desires.
You have a husband, which means you made a vow, a solemn promise to stay by his side. A promise made both to him and to God. Part of the wedding vows include the words “Forsaking all others” and that means setting aside whatever feelings you may have for any other man for the sake of the person you married. Your wedding ring is a physical symbol and reminder of that promise.

I’m not really one who is quick to advocate for divorce, so for the sake of your children, I strongly encourage you to work on your marriage. That means putting your husband first. In Christian circles we call it submission. To submit does not mean to become a doormat, but to yield. It means placing yourself in a position that honors your husband. That is the first step in letting your affair partner go.

[Jess_D]

Ugh. My mother did this to my father and it destroyed him for the longest time. Now at least he’s found a good honest woman who treats him right and my mom’s “dream man” turned out to be a creep who was cheating on her with a woman my age. Tell your husband. Let him decide what he wants to do.

[BourbonAndBacon]

You will receive no respect from all of us guys who have had a cheating spouse. You also should know that guys aren't dumb but we are very good at playing dumb. I guarantee you that your husband suspects you are cheating. I saw my ex-wife change before she actually cheated. Do the decent thing and leave your husband and set him free. He deserves better

[Asker]

If you read my post, at the end I state I’m aware he knows. I haven’t been trying to hide it as I should, I have got lazy with concealing it and I’m fully aware he knows. Why he’s not bringing it to my attention I don’t know

[exitseven]

I bet that he will not leave his wife for you. He has too much to lose. Give up this fantasy. It will not happen. Concentrate on what you have in your life instead of what you don't have

[Asker]

He will not leave his wife, I will not leave my husband. It’s not the typical affair where we daydream of running off together. He says what we are doing is our only option, and he just has to appreciate the little time he does have with me. I think our children are our main focus, I’m not sure that if we was was child free we would still be with them. But ee both feel a strong obligation to keep our famlies together. I know he will be hurting now I’ve left, and that breaks my heart. He wants to continue as we are, but I don’t think it’s possible for as falling more in love can never be a good thing

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[boggboss]

So what are u actually asking here how u can stop having th affire why u feel this way like what's the actual question is u explaining pr just fine the situation and how u love your partner but lust for the other man not really sure what u want

[Asker]

I’m looking for advice from people who have been in my position, and how they dealt with it, how you get over someone you love easier, becus I’m really struggling

[boggboss]

You asking for others who have had affairs to give u advice how to move on

I imagine personly would be the same as any time of moving on cut contact and wait for the feelings to subside don't actively think about said person

[boggboss]

Have u ever thought of maybe opening up your marriage if u was looking for other solutions

[Asker]

As in an open relationship? If so then yes I have but my husband is really not the type. He is very controlling on all levels tbh, and won’t even entertain the idea

[boggboss]

Then decide if u want to stay in this situation as clearly u don't love your husband in the way to keep this marriage healthy I guess if u can't move on

[dynamicyandere]

“I imagine personly would be the same as any time of moving on cut contact and wait for the feelings to subside don't actively think about said person”

Those are my thoughts as well. It’ll be like letting go of someone in general. It’ll take time to move on, but it should be possible.

It’ll be a process of accepting the situation and gradually letting go — a similar feeling to accepting a cold harsh truth, like a loved one dying, it’s hard but it’s something you just need to accept.

[bradley142]

i think i can relate if you ever want to just talk about whats going on i won't go into detail on here in the open you can dm me and ill give you my opinion thats all i can do other then listen if you wanna talk if not i hope you get everything worked out.

[Anonymous]

Don't ask a question unless you expect negative feedback. You always won't hear what you want to. hear.

You willingly got yourself in that situation. You should have ended it with your partner and then got involved with the other guy.

Now you have to face the consequences. Sorry for being so blunt; but there is nothing yiu can do but deal with it.

[balyai]

You are an asshole who's cheating and not thinking about her husband and kids. You want people to feel pitty for you? You are a whore in the end and nothing will ever change that you bitch!

[balyai]

You are ashamed that you can't even post this without being anonymous. You funking loser

[Asker]

I’ll let god judge me. There is worse than me out there, I am no murderer, I am no peadafile, I am no criminal, my only crime is I fell in love with two people at the same time.

[balyai]

If that's what you believe then be honest with your husband and let God handle things.

[balyai]

I feel bad for your husband and kids. They have a hoe after all.

[Asker]

How do I know he hasn’t done the same?

[balyai]

Are you really going there? And you better not talk about God. You fucking having no rights to act like a victim when you are the person to ruin your own relationship as well as setting a bad example for your kids. People like you are a "DISGRACE" to humanity!!!

[Asker]

Ok have a lovely life, god bless you perfect human

[balyai]

I wanna tell your husband about you. Just ughh. This is how I felt even reading it about 🤢🤮. How can you even do it in reality? Didn't feel ashamed when you opened your legs and enjoyed?

[balyai]

I hope you a loving life too but not without your husband knowing the truth

[balyai]

Sorry for using curse words. I was really pissed.

[Asker]

It’s fine

[In_Trance]

So what are you actually asking here because by the way you've worded your description you're not looking for solutions?

[Asker]

Well I’m not sure, the only thing that makes sense it to end it, but my heart says different. What other options are there. I was looking for advice from people in a similar situation, how long it took to forget the other person, and so on

[In_Trance]

You have two options which are you either keep doing what you're doing or you end it.
Just know that you can't sustain this lifestyle forever.

[jahaims]

All cheaters are trash