My husband makes me hate myself?

[Anonymous]

So this might be a long one... I've been with my husband 10 years and im nearly 30 years old, 3 kids together but over the last few years things have really deteriorated. He is so focused on himself ALL the time, he simply doesn't care and has said it himself he doesn't about the issues in our relationship. There is no communication, no affection.. Nothing. I have tried talking calmly, i have tried showing anger and frustration over this but nothing works. Its very difficult to bring up anything as he will start getting angry and when he gets angry thats when stuff gets broken. That is how he stops me from talking, he threatens to break my items. All which has cost me a lot of money, he runs a business from home which he threatens to not work if I bring up any problems. I cannot leave because i don't have enough money and i have no family or friends. I have already been through the homeless route and stayed in government housing i dont want to have to do it again especially with 3 children. He makes me hate myself so much, i feel so ugly, worthless and stupid all the time with the way he looks at me its so obvious he absolutely hates me yet he won't leave and let me move on and heal! I feel so lonely and have done for years, i have been to the doctors and have been prescribed Anti depressents and i got diagnosed with severe anxiety, he tells me medication is stupid and i should just go out and do stuff. Its him that makes me feel like this not my home and not the outside world. He projects a lot of the time, for instances i came back from a shift at work i got into my Pjs and jump into my bed to rest my legs as i suffer leg cramps and restless legs, i went under my covers on my phone before the kids got home, he comes into the bedroom obviously thought i was asleep and called me a "slob" i cried to myself for 3 hours after that and hid in the bathroom for majority of it. He is the one who doesn't leave the house, doesn't dress nice, won't make an effort etc!

[ohsheeT]

First of all. Stop hating yourself there's no reason for it you can hate the things that are going on but don't hate yourself somebody needs to be a leader somebody needs to be strong.

If he is a stay-at-home dad and he works from home he needs one thing

He has lost motivation in himself there's only one way to get that back somehow the both of you need to go for a 30 minute walk for 30 days every single day

He is less motivation he has lost confident because he has no oxygen getting to his brain he has no oxygen flowing through his veins you want to see another person a different person a better person he needs exercise he needs to get oxygen in his system it will motivate him it'll motivate you

It's the same thing every single day night and day he can't breathe his blood has almost stopped flowing because he'd sit still all day long

His diet is probably all messed up he probably eats too much junk food he bitches and moans about everything because he's unhappy because he's not being the man that he knows that he is

So if he won't go out and get fresh air and get his blood moving through his body is veins then you need to do it every single night every single day after dinner but commit yourself for 30 days for 30 minutes a day walk at a fast pace breathe in through your nose and out through your nose that way you're getting real oxygen and it feeds your brain

I guarantee you within 30 days everything about you will change if he sees that change within you he will do it himself with you

[OddBeMe]

He’s going through something. Has he actually done anything physical to you the kids or your stuff? Not that that really matters, it’s just a metric on viability.

I’d tell him to get therapy or it’s over. Ease into it, dont spring the ultimatum at once. Pretend to be more concerned about him. Then if he keeps giving you static drop the ultimatum.

And make sure you have a place to go after. He needs to feel the effects of the ultimatum right away. Leave him to wallow. Therapy is not that big of an ask for someone going through that level of anger. Fcks sake. Sorry about that.

On top of everything you gotta do and he’s being an ass. At least I keep my depression internal.

[Anonymous]

I’m not one to quickly jump and shout “divorce” but I do think separating will be a good thing. I think you should take your kids and find a place to stay for a little while. Your husband needs to understand that he can’t be treating you like that. Marriage is a lot like climbing a mountain. It takes a lot of work and dedication before you can enjoy the beauty and majesty that lifelong marriages have. You and your husband are still climbing that mountain, but he’s looking to bail. It’s already affecting you and I guarantee it’s affecting your kids.

He needs to see that there is more to lose from bailing on your marriage than there is to gain. Separating for a bit may give him the kick in the pants he needs. But if it doesn’t, I’m afraid the marriage is over.

[AmeerX]

Sounds like you live in an awful marriage.

You know I think you are looking at something which can be delayed but inevitable.

Don't you have parents or siblings who can support you?

[BigDog1989]

husbands should be supportive, not hatred

[Jmmmfi4]

THIS CLEARLY ISN'T GOOD FOR ANYONE

[Asker]

Yep i know thankfully its all hidden from the children, im totally stuck! I cannot get him to leave and i can't leave because i dont have anywhere to go with 3 children