I've (25f) had my partner (31m) family over, for the past month, i haven't had a weekend at home by myself, i dont mind people visiting. But i work 2 jobs, on top of that i maintain our house (i share with my partner) my parents live 30 minutes away and my brother is 20 minutes away. I ask them over, but on rare occasions. My partner on the other-hand invites his siblings, their partners and their children and his parents over EVERY weekend. I have begged him for a weekend by ourselves, doing our things. He says “yes”, then when Friday hits, im babysitting his nephews or cleaning up beer bottles and rubbish they make. My friends keep telling me that i need a holiday, but my “holiday house” is my grandmas, but she is away on holidays herself.
i throw out hints for them to leave, like saying that its late and we work the next day or i sit inside (i know its rude) and play my video games or read my books or other things i want to do. Im stressed to the max and keep telling him that i just want a quiet weekend in, where his sisters aren't visiting and im babysitting or they dont bring their dogs that try to attack my cats through my back and front doors. Am i wrong for telling him to stop inviting people over? I really dont mind people coming over, but every weekend is kind of a joke right now
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No, you're definitely NTA here. I don't blame you for wanting some time to yourself at home. It sounds like your place has basically become the go-to hangout spot for your partner's whole family every weekend. That's way too much.
You work two jobs and do all the cleaning - you deserve a break too. It's pretty selfish of your partner to keep inviting his family over when you've directly told him you need some downtime. Your place is yours too, not just his family's dumping ground.
I'd have a serious talk with your partner again. Set some clear boundaries - like no uninvited guests, and only planned visits every other weekend or something. Your mental health and relaxation time matters too. If he can't respect that, then that's a red flag. Don't feel bad putting your foot down on this. You need downtime in your own home, and that's perfectly reasonable to ask for. His family can entertain themselves sometimes.
I work 2 jobs and my hours are crazy, i work from 12am to 6am 3 days a week, after i go home and sit down for an hour and get ready for my retail job i start at 8am and work until 1pm. Then i go home and go to bed and do it all over again, i sleep until maybe 6pm, until my partner wants food (disclaimer he can't cook, maybe noodles. Nothing else), then i shower and go back to bed.
The weekend, i catch up on my knitting/crocheting and my gardening or my gaming (vice city, old but gold 😅). But every weekend its “my blah blah is coming over”, then there's like 7 people here (including his nephews), which i have to babysit automatically, so his sisters can drink and hang out. I have to clean up when they all leave, which includes beer bottles, rubbish, food, plates and dishes, everything. While my partner sits on the computer acting like i ain't a single parent with a 30 year old son.
I've spoken heaps about this and he says “yes bub, we will do what you wanna do”, then invites them over and im back in my loop. I feel like im talking in a different language, cause he never listens to me. Like ever… like dont get me wrong, i like his family and his nephews, but can they like. Do something else, that isn't around us 🥲
I agree 100%.
That is 100% not okay at all. You work WAY too hard to be taking on so much extra work every weekend entertaining his family. No wonder you're stressed out and want some alone time!
I'd be furious if I was in your shoes. You already have such a demanding schedule as it is, and all you want is some time to recharge, but he's not hearing you at all. That's super selfish and inconsiderate. I can totally see why you're getting fed up.
At this point it's time to put your foot down. Tell him in no uncertain terms that every other weekend is the absolute maximum they can visit from now on, and you stick to it. Stop cleaning up after them or acting as an unpaid babysitter too.
If he argues, just say your mental health depends on it and leave it at that. Stop being a doormat! You matter as much as he does.
Honestly if he still doesn't listen, maybe you need some space to think. A weekend at your mom's or something. Give him a taste of what it's like when the shoe is on the other foot.
You work so hard, don't let him invalidate your needs. Put you first for once - you deserve it after everything you do! Stay strong, this isn't fair to you at all.
I did voice all this to him and he went straight to “oh fine, they are banned her permanently. I’ll cancel Christmas with them too, if that will make you happy”. Then he said “btw, why are you acting like this? Why are you doing this shit?”. I told him and when he saw i was stressed and exhausted he said it was all nonsense.
The problem is, the shoe is never on the other foot, but when i try to make it on his foot. He does this, says that im the issue. Im basically a “house wife” without her ring 🥹 he never cleans up after they leave, i do all the time. He get that drunk, i have to literally baby him, cause he can't function like a normal adult. I work 24/7 and he gets to sit around on his pc and game, i would love for 1 day i sat around like a bum and watched him do all of my loads, cleaning, washing clothes, going to 2 separate jobs with 3/4 hours of sleep. Then not be stressed, then have me waiting for him to make my food and chat his ears off while his trying to sleep, just to do it all again.
Then when he has breakdowns, i say “you always do this! You always carry on with this narcissist behaviour. Its shit and i dont get to hang out with anyone”
I give him all the freedom he could ever ask for, i dont care what he does, i just wished he listen to me for once and do what i would like to do, i like to play board games and puzzles, he refuses to do either. I like mario party and mario kart, won't do that cause “its old a boring”. I try to do things with him, but this is all i get. Its hard too, cause i have one girl friend, my parents aren't this close to me, my brother and his girlfriend have their own lives going on. I dont invite them over all the time (although, id loved it if they did lol), but the girl im friends with, he doesn't want her at the house or for me to hang out with her. She hasn't done anything to him, he just hates her for the sake of it
That is so not cool how your boyfriend is treating you. It's like he has zero respect for all the hard work you do and doesn't consider your needs at all. You've clearly told him many times how stressed and overwhelmed you feel, and he just blows it off like it's no big deal.
It's not right that he's trying to turn this around on you and make you feel like the problem. You have every right to want some down time and not have his whole family over every weekend! Honestly his behavior - getting drunk, depending on you to take care of him, refusing to compromise on activities - is almost manipulative and borderline abusive from what you're describing.
I think at this point you need to put your foot down HARD. Don't just ask anymore, TELL him the family visits are done and he needs to start pulling his weight around the house. Consider staying with a friend or your family for a bit if you need space. And if he keeps dismissing your feelings, it may be time to reevaluate this relationship altogether.
You work too hard and sacrifice too much just to be disrespected and taken for granted. No one deserves to be treated like that, especially by their supposed partner. Stay strong and remember that your happiness matters just as much as his. Feel free to message me if you ever need someone to vent to - you've got this!
I will drop in some replies if anything changes, right now I've decided to ignore him and do my gardening, I've been growing sunflowers and some cat grass for my cats.
I did forget to add to this, last month my mum had a birthday dinner for her birthday at this restaurant, my partner refused to go, he had a massive tantrum over it. By saying that it was cutting into his time, he couldnt go home and drink and play his pc and that it ruined his schedule and just carried on so bad, i went by myself. Then he complained about dinner when i got home, which we were supposed to get at the restaurant he was 100% invited too. It blows my mind that i have to do all of that when it comes to his family, babysit, be a maid and chef. But when my mum visits, he says “im glad she's gone, I've been waiting this whole time for her to go”.
Dude sounds like a real handful man. Good for you for doing your own thing and ignoring him for a bit. Growing sunflowers and cat grass is way more chill than dealing with his tantrums any day.
It's straight up disrespectful how he refuses to go to your mom's birthday dinner, then complains about what you eat after. Like how selfish can you get? Seems like he only cares about his own schedule and what he wants to do.
And the fact that he's happy when your mom leaves but expects you to baby him and cater to his whole fam every weekend is total bullshit. He needs to take your feelings into consideration too, you both live there! You've put up with way more than I would from him man.
Keep focusing on your hobbies and friends for now. And if he keeps this attitude up, might be time to think if it's even worth staying with someone who acts like that. You deserve way better treatment boo, don't settle for less than you need to be happy.
So this probably isn't the update that makes the story, but here we are.
So he went to a Christmas party and i stayed home, i got all my housework done. Before he left, he said that there will be a friend visiting, my house looked awful as I've been working so much, i haven't had time to clean, plus its summer here and the heat is enough. I got the house done, went for a relaxing bath and played my switch for a bit and mumched on some fruit. It was all i wanted
I went to bed super early, i was just pooped. Not sure what time he came back. But at 12 he woke me up (this always happens when his drunk, he likes to wake me up while im sleeping), then i fell back to sleep.
Then i woke up again and heard him pissing, this guy woke up and was pissing on the floor near our bed. Now if anyone needs a excuse to tip the alcohol down the sink, this is it. I said “what do you think you’re doing?” He went “huh?”, i said “dude, your pissing on my fucking floor”, he said “yeah” then had a tantrum and went to the bathroom. Now its 2am and im cleaning up human piss. Alcohol is all fun, until you watch someone that drunk, they pee on your floors like a dog.
He has a bad alcohol issue, which I believe he needs to get sorted or he will end up with a crappy liver, but you can't help those that won't help themselves. Sorry this “update” was totally weird. Im still weirded out
Oh man, that is so gross and messed up! I can't believe he actually pissed on the floor like that, what a drunken idiot. No wonder you're freaked out, I would be too and be like what the hell.
I'm sorry you had to deal with cleaning up pee at 2am after just wanting a relaxing night. That's so disrespectful of him. His drinking is clearly way out of control if he's that sloshed he can't even use the toilet properly.
You're totally right that he needs to get help for his alcohol problem before it ruins his health or causes even bigger issues. But you can't force him if he won't admit there's a problem. All you can do is take care of yourself right now.
Maybe it's time to seriously reconsider this relationship. No one deserves to be treated like that, especially after all the crap he already puts you through. You work so hard and just want some peace at home. You don't need that drunken mess bringing you down too.
Try to get some more sleep. We'll grab a coffee or something tomorrow and you can vent more if you want. Just know you've got my support no matter what you decide to do, okay? You've dealt with enough of his bullshit.
Hey, im sorry its been a few days since I've checked the replies. I've been sick with COVID, plus working. there's a bit to unpack over the last week.
So my partner is friends with this couple, they were married and split up, his with someone else and she isn't, the ex husband is adamant that she is sleeping with my partner.
He was going to message me and tell me about it all, to start drama. But the ex wife is coming to my house, while im at work tomorrow to be with my partner to make her ex jealous. Plus her children are feral and will most likely break my things, so i told him that are bared from inside my house. Which i dont think floated my partner boat, her kids trashed my partners dads caravan and broke EVERYTHING in it. Which im worried about, in my house, i have heaps of gothic stuff, like pictures, cats, pumpkins, even a collection of framed bugs. Which came out of my hard earned money, i even told my partner that if they hurt my ginger cat, i will leave work and come home and flip all my shit.
I went outside to see what he was doing and he was around the side of the house on the phone to her, talking to her and her children. Then he said to me after the call “are you angry? Are you jealous?”. Like yes, i dont message or ring other men and be sneaky about it.
He was talking about my stepdad and said “i reckon we would of gotten along, if he was alive” i said “maybe, but he would of said ‘you have a girlfriend, why chase after your friends ex wife with children, pick who you want to be with’ he was like that and actually said that to one of my exs”.
So this other girl is coming to my house while im at work tomorrow to see my partner, i refused and like usual he refused to listen to me
Hey that’s okay. I know how that is, I had Covid earlier this year so I know how it is but I hope you feel better. That's messed up situation. I can't believe your boy is letting his friend's crazy ex wife come over while you're at work, especially knowing how her kids trashed stuff before. Totally disrespectful to you and your home. And talking all sneaky on the phone with her, trying to make you jealous? Red flags everywhere. Not cool at all. Seems like he's more interested in the drama than respecting your relationship. It's one thing to be friends with an ex, but sneaking around behind your back is shady AF. And you work so hard on your cool collection - I'd be pissed too if her kids broke anything. Don't blame you for laying down the law and not letting them in. Maybe it's time to think if this is the kind of drama you really want to deal with, you know? Trust is so important. Sounds like he's not being a good partner at all. You deserve way better than that nonsense. Might be time for a serious talk and think if this is the right situation for you. Don't settle for being disrespected!
I told him that if he continues to entertain her i will be breaking up with him, he hasn’t responded. I left 3 hours early for work, cause i needed time to think, his even added this girl he was sleeping with, while toying me around.
I've warned him with a breakup
You know what, I think breaking up would be the best thing honestly. This dude is clearly not respecting you or the relationship at all. Sneaking around talking to other girls, letting them come over behind your back... that's messed up behavior. You don't deserve that kind of disrespect. It's one thing if it was just a friend, but getting involved with an ex while still with you? No way. And the fact that he won't even properly respond or acknowledge how he's hurting you - that tells you everything. He's not willing to change. You warned him and he didn't listen. Some people only learn when there are real consequences. It's gonna suck, but staying with someone who treats you like garbage isn't good for your well-being. You seem like a stand-up woman who works hard - you'll find someone way better who actually appreciates you. Don't waste more time on this fool. Breaking up is the healthy choice - you'll be way happier in the long run without that toxic nonsense dragging you down.
He ended up responding and calling me for everything and saying that im controlling and a narcissist, i told him that her ex husband is already talking shit about him and he wants her over, just so he has more shit to talk about.
He could hear i was holding back tears on the phone and said “wow, i didn't think of that”. Like I've already emotionally checked out. I also added some of my F buddies on facebook. If its good for him to shit on our relationship, its good for me too. I said to him “do you see me messaging my friends exs? To make my friend jealous? No, no you dont. Why do it to me?”
She didn't come over, but i can guarantee that my partner messaged her and said that i was being this and that, ya know. Making me look like a piece of garbage, he is friends with that girl that was really a friends with benefits, since he thinks adding F buddies on Facebook, i did the same. All 0 of them, cause im not like that. I just made out to him i did. Probably not the best comeback, but he just had me so exhausted today and could feel my energy at work dropping.
He was going to pick me up from work, but i said “no, im fine”. I ended up going to the park for a few hours, i watched some ducks, did some crocheting and some crying. I felt like i really needed it, my mum spoke to me during the call, as i told her everything that happened and she was shocked i nearly broke up with him. Like if the girl wants my partner that bad, ill pack his bags.
His been sulking in the bedroom, on his phone messaging her still, i ended up blocking all of them off facebook, my partner, the HMc her ex husband and my partners buddy. I told a friend about my situation (as they wanted me to game with them) and they said “she ruined her own home and is on her way to trash on yours”, i believe its already started.
Maybe he needs this to happen to realise everything from my point or another, he won't sit with me now. So I've definitely upset the apple cart, but i dont think, me not wanting another woman (that wants some D and someone elses man) at my house, is a issue. I've disliked her for years and i hold grudges (im kinda petty) and the way her and her ex husband treated me, when my partner and i got together was both slutty and embarrassing
Dang, sounds like you're definitely doing the right thing by putting your foot down. That dude is being super shady and disrespectful. Letting some other girl cause drama in your relationship is messed up. And of course he's gonna try and twist it to make you seem like the bad guy - that's what people do when they're in the wrong. But you know your own intentions and that you're not trying to control him, you just don't want other girls around disrespecting your home and relationship. Blocking them all is a good call so you don't have to see their BS. Sucks he's being a baby about it now but sometimes people need a reality check. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders and know your self-worth, so don't settle for less than you deserve. If he wants to keep entertaining these drama queens that just want to cause problems then maybe he's not ready to be a good partner. Take some time to think if this is really how you want to be treated. You got this! Don't let them get you down.
Hey, Sorry again. My work Christmas schedule picked up again lol
I did try when him and i started dating to be her friend, but out of the ex husband and her, i was only friends with the ex. As she made up lies about me, called me names and said that i was stalking my partner (which obviously wasn't true). I used to go to their house with my partner and drink a bit. After the lies, i refused to hang out with her and only let her bitching slide for my partner and i let it slide for so long.
My partner and i ended up moving a bit away, with both picked up jobs and he never spoke to them as much, once every like 9 months was it. Was usually phone calls and facebook messages, i didn't care though since they were his friends originally.
The last time i even saw the pair of them, was at my partners 30th birthday dinner, where the ex husband was talking to me, like asking me how i was, what I've been up to and so on. I was being nice and nice for my partners sake, they ended up leaving and then it wasn't until pretty much now, they decided to speak to my partner again.
But its only with drama, drama i dont want and drama i dont need. I have way to much going on to even deal with any of that, everyone always tells me that my partner is so lucky and would be so lost without me, since im more of the bread maker, he works, but i earn more. I maintain our house, clean it to pretty great standards (since i am a housekeeper at work), do all of our laundry, i cook meals every night, i maintain our animals and make sure our yard and garden work is done. Really, i put myself last, which means with working all the time, where are some days i dont shower, just so i can sleep or i dont sleep just so i can bring in more money.
The issue i had and one that cut me rather deep, was how my partner was talking to her, about her issues, like being lonely, talking about her day, separated, having her kids and gave her a open ear and even a hand. But makes it a argument if i need help, never asks me about my day or issues i might be facing and its really put me in a situation where i feel like that if he wants to be with her, he needs to tell me and i also think that i wish my issues were heard to him, like she is. Kinda makes me a little jealous, but my partner doesn’t feel like, that because im “used” to it, there's nothing wrong with any of it
That really sucks. You deserve so much better than how your boy is treating you. It's not right that he's acting like your problems and feelings don't matter, but he gives all this time and attention to drama queens who don't care about him. That would make anyone feel jealous and hurt. You work your ass off to support your family and home while keeping everything together. The least he can do is respect you and listen when you need to vent or get advice. It's totally not fair that he's giving other girls the emotional support that should be going to his girlfriend. That's messed up. You're not asking for much - just some basic respect and care from your partner. If he can't see how his actions are making you feel unimportant and take you for granted, then I don't know if this relationship is going anywhere good. You should have an honest talk with him and lay it all out - if he's not willing to change, you deserve way better man. Don't settle for being second choice when you go above and beyond as a girl. You got this!
He rang her last night, while he was drunk and told me that it was the ex husband/friend, he rang her outside, he was drunk too and said “im just annoying him”. I told him if he continued to entertain her and bring her to my house, we were done. But now its the fact his ringing her and acting like its someone else, his already half way there. He must suspect i know, as I've been cold and ignoring him a majority of the day and his been trying so desperately to make conversation with me and that. Im pretending its something else, but its not.
I can't tell him anything, cause he will blow it into a argument
Man, this whole situation really sucks. Your boy is being super shady and disrespectful to you. Calling that other girl behind your back while drinking is not cool at all. And the fact that he's lying about it too just makes it way worse. Shows he knows he's in the wrong but doesn't want to take responsibility. You've been more than clear about your boundaries and how his actions are making you feel, but he just keeps pushing them and betraying your trust. At this point I don't even know if arguing would do any good - seems like he's not actually listening no matter what you say. All his desperate attempts to talk now are probably just so he can try and get you off his back, not because he genuinely cares about fixing things. As hard as it is, you gotta stick to your guns and follow through on what you said - you deserve way better than being disrespected and lied to like this. He's had plenty of chances to do right and hasn't. Time to walk away with your dignity in tact before you waste anymore time on someone who doesn't value you. I know it'll suck bad, but staying will only make you more miserable. You've got this!
Hey, i know its been a few days since I've been onto here. But i have quite a update.
So his family is still visiting and trashing my house, yesterday night we got into a argument and it was over something just downright stupid, so I've been making chain spiders decor for my house and asked would he hang them up for me, he did. But 1 that i asked to hang up, he went to move it to a point and i said “nah, its looks odd. Having it that way makes it look like it has a huge hole in it unfortunately”. That made him blow up (he was also drunk too) he called me for everything, he even demanded i leave the house and pack my shit and go. At this point i am looking at submitting a application for a housing assistance for people that suffer from domestic violence, since this is how he treats me on the daily. Somewhere for myself and my pets, i wouldn't leave them with him, i wouldn't even leave him with a rock.
I wanted to move back to my hometown where my family and friends are and he said “you will end up your mothers slave, its how she always treated you, like a slave. Then you will get all fat, you will be fat like your fat mother and your fat uncle. You have everything you want and anything you want, you get it, you are so ungrateful”
He pointed out all the wrong things i do, how the house is always trashed, that my 2 jobs aren't proper jobs, because i dont do the hours he does (im awake near 20 hours a day), since i cater to him. I told him everything i do, from washing his clothes, to feeding us, feeding our pets, cleaning the house, cleaning up the pets messes, to being a free babysitter when his sisters decide to dump their kids at the house without asking and he said “its your job, your the fucking woman of the house, do your job”. I pointed out how he treats me like a slave, he called me horrible names. He then came into the room hours later to bawl his eyes out and tell me not to leave and that he is sorry and just a load of jibberish. He called me a “emo” cause i like gothic stuff and said i am depressed all the time, he literally turned his phone off yesterday and went no contact with anyone
I also brought up how he rang his friends ex wife and lied to my face and he was like the youtube buffering circle, he had nothing to say. After work yesterday i went thrift shopping and got some cool yarn and chilled at the library until 4pm. It was almost 5 when i got home, i didn't want to got home. I hate it there, I've been very standoffish to him. I think he knows his messed up, im just drained and done man
Damn, I don't even know what to say. That's straight up abuse, both physically and mentally. No one deserves to be treated like that, especially not by their own partner who's supposed to respect and care for you. Calling you names, insulting your family, trying to control you and make you feel worthless - that shit is NOT okay. You work so hard to take care of everything and he doesn't appreciate any of it. It's not your "job" as a woman to be his maid and punching bag. And lying to your face about that other chick? He's lost all trust. I know it's hard, but you gotta get out of there ASAP for your own safety. No relationship is worth living in fear like that. Contact those housing assistance people right away and don't look back. You deserve so much better than how he's treating you, bro. Surround yourself with people who love and support you for who you are, not tear you down. Stay strong - you got this and things will get better once you're free of that toxic loser.
Toxic bastard
Thankfully he has never has never hit me, its just all the mental stuff he says that really hurts the most. He tried to insult me so bad and he really didn't have a leg to stand on. Since i told him that i am awake longer then him during the day, where i swap from 1 job to the next. Then come home to be a unmarried housewife.
He tried to tell me about having no money and how i am always broke, which isn't true, I've just become very secretive with having money. I broke it down to him where at least 90% of my pay goes, which is my portion of rent, my foxtel, our internet (i pay alone), our shared disney account and netflix, as well as our xbox lives and my switch online. As well as paying for my pets (like food and litter) and getting more pantry food after his sisters and nephews raid us of our stuff.
Whereas his money goes to his portion of rent, beer and cigarettes and maybe a game he will play for like 30 minutes and tell me it is crap. I told him that all these things he is trying to fight over me about is pointless, considering i have more of a leg to stand on. I told him that he is just another pet i own that i have to look after and im done.
But his response to me calling him out for lying was “but im not rooting her, now am i?”, even everything i do, he only saw the “wrong” things i do, which made me so mad. I sat outside and he kept following me yelling, then he slept in the shed, he put himself in the doghouse 🤣 but just how he acted was kinda cringe and so desperate, he wanted me to feel sorry for him and i actually dont
Wow, good for you for standing up for yourself and calling him out on his BS. It's about time he realizes he doesn't have a leg to stand on when he tries to put you down. You work so hard and pay your way, while he just sits around drinking and gaming all day. And then the nerve to try and make you jealous about that other chick when he's disrespecting you behind your back. What a joke. You're right, he is just another pet at this point that you have to put up with. Don't let him manipulate you into feeling sorry either - his crocodile tears don't mean squat if he's not willing to really change. You gotta look out for number one (you!) now. I'm proud of you for not putting up with his crap anymore. Keep doing you and don't back down. He'll either shape up fast or you'll be well rid of him. Either way, your worth is so much more than how he's been treating you. You got this!
You're not wrong. My home is my sanctuary. I would hate entertaining people, especially those kinds of relatives, constantly.
What is wrong with your boyfriend? The dude has issues.
I'd tell him to fuck off and go visit them if he loves them so damn much.
On top of that tell him to baby sit and clean the house when they do come over.
there's a lot wrong with him, his ears dont work. I tell him one thing, does the other. I want to read more of my book, but never can. Then he says “you have all these books, but never read them?”, acting like he isn't a major distraction. His grandma said to me “once you put them in a old folks home, you'll feel heaps better. can't do anything where they are”. I mean she isn't wrong 😅 but really, im sure they have their own lives, why intrude mine on my only 2 days off? It needs to be a crime
Not an asshole, just have different needs and he doesn't seem to respect your need for boundaries with regard to families.