If you were living with your romantic partner, would you expect to divide the household chores evenly?

Question

Household chores: cooking, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the bathroom, doing laundry, carrying out the garbage, shopping, household maintenance, etc. You know what I'm talking about! And unless you have a maid, somebody's got to do them. How have you divided the chores in your current or most recent relationship where you lived together? If you have never lived together, how would you want to divide the chores? Assume there are no children old enough to be forced into slave labor.

GuyAnswersGirls123 · Accepted Answer

My wife and I have a division that suits us. I'm not sure how to express it as a ratio. It's probably more than most guys do since I work from home in a home office and so it makes sense.

I also really enjoy cooking so I've taken over cooking mostly (along with the dishes). In terms of dusting and vacuuming, my wife does all of that (although I do it whenever she's ill). She does all the laundry since I can't figure out how to separate her intricate clothes.

In terms of cleaning the bathroom, we just kind of operate by "first notice, first clean." If I notice things getting grimy, I clean it. If she notices it before, she cleans it. Same with just cleaning in general around the house.

I do all the heavy-lifting stuff along with repairs I can manage on my own as well as basic things like replacing lightbulbs. Garbage I always take out since it's often quite heavy. Lately I'm on crutches though from an ankle sprain so my wife has graciously volunteered to take it out for me until I recover.

We just kind of naturally settled into these things. It's not something for which we required any formal division of labor. Initially when we started living together, it's like my wife told me when a light went out or toilet was taking long to flush and so I repaired those. Then for dinner she started off doing all the cooking but I started wanting to take over since I'm a bit of a fitness nut and wanted to eat healthier foods (her cooking is delicious but it's generally carbs on top of carbs), and so I started to volunteer cooking a lot more. Things just sort of fell into place like this over the years.

We can sometimes get a bit messy but we like to invite guests over to our home on a regular basis and that always prompts us to clean everything up.

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

Not 50/50 but try to distribute the load. Don't want anyone to feel taken advantage of. I like to keep order and keep things reasonable, but I'm not perfectionist. Neither is anyone in the house... thank the all mighty because that would create more stress.

I think of it as a team. So first thing is to understand your partner. The load should not come down hard on either one and they help each other. hopefully complement each other. The house chores are just one part of life... there's finances and financial planning, food, cleaning, socializing, managing work and businesses, maintaining health, managing and educating the kids, passing on legacy. Everything needs maintained.

All that falling on one person can create burnout and discontent... even a very strong person that loves to do such things can tire. Add to this if one person requires a certain level of perfection and cleanliness or in life, food, finances... that can create more stress for which to manage. I've seen that "anxiety/perfection" damage relationships.

I enjoy doing a lot of these things to some extent, but I can get tired of it as well. It's good to share!

Balance the "work" of life with down time, quality time.

Lastly, consider the homes where one parent or a child is dysfunctional. The stress load increases more. I've seen relationships where a partner fails physically early on. Can really put the person in stress challenge they never expected.

Stay healthy,.

midnightmoon05 · Accepted Answer

I’m so lucky he loves doing all that…I’m the opposite…I hate domesticated tasks…of course…even though he can do all that stuff…but he is not a maid. He can use his time better … like caring for his physical and mental well being. He enjoys riding his bike and going to the dirt bike track and ride with the guys… watching basketball 🏀 games…life is about how to work hard/smart and live an enjoyable life.

but I do think in our society when both adults with higher education and combined income of over 6figure…no one should be scrabbling toilets.

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Accepted Answer

When we lived together, my ex told me “You are my Queen, let me serve you.”

and he wanted to do everything.

I helped sometimes.

I would stand up to go to the direction of the kitchen and he already knew what I wanted, he would go there faster than me and cook me whatever I had in my mind.

He could read my mind.

He told me, he didn’t want my gentle hands to get tired by doing chores…

I was so spoiled…

AviatorTom · Answer

Living together with my SO is a team. We reach have chores that we typically do, but not exclusively. And some chores, like vacuuming, are shared... sometimes we do them together, sometimes we take turns.

Bottom line... there is no hard and fast rule. We do what makes sense.

Apple1996 · Answer

I do 95% of the chores and I'm happy with that. My husband will take over watching the kids so I can get things done. Only thing he likes doing is cooking dinner so I leave that for him.

Lliam · Answer

My wife and I have settled into a pattern.

I do the dishes and put them away; empty the trash cans in the house and take out the garbage; do all the laundry, inc. towels, but not her clothes because she wants to do those herself; handle maintenance issues; feed our two cats and rabbit in the evening (she feeds them in the morning); pay the household bills and balance the checkbook; and pick up the mail (almost a mile to the mailbox).

She usually takes care of making dinners; dusting; vacuuming; mopping; and taking care of the house plants; emptying the cat litter boxes; growing and harvesting veggies; and shopping. I sometimes help with those things. She also works usually four days a week (self employed) as a hair stylist. She has her own room at a salon and enjoys her work. She's a busy lady, a go-getter.

We share other chores like cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms; changing sheets; gardening and taking care of the yard; harvesting fruit; feeding the humming birds. Other things come up.

We don't keep track. We just do what needs to be done and help each other.

NathanDavis · Answer

I've lived with girlfriends before, yes...

but we never made it about "going even" no

it was more realistic and about practicality, especially with the cooking and because homemade meals are basic around here... whoever had the most practical schedule to do certain things and the best timing as well... would do more of that, preferable and then other would help as much as possible from time to time

and the end of the day, yes... would end up pretty much well balanced, and... as a matter of fact, I never met or been with someone who did not know how to take care of themselves and after themselves nor someone that would just refuse to do so

b_lova · Answer

If they both clean up behind themselves most of the "mess" will be taken care of.

For the things that are not, in a loving relationship, I say do your best to try to divide the chores, especially if both work. If one is home or has more "free time" they should pick up more of the chores. If someone likes a specific chore done a specific way let them do that chore, but offer to help frequently and try to do it their way if it's not too challenging. If both dislike a set of chores split them 50/50.

Massageman · Answer

Stuff has to get done. We do what we have to do.

My wife usually does the general cleaning. I do the general repairing. I do the machine sewing, darning, and most of the scratch cooking. She picks things up from the floor and I reach for the higher stuff. I get domain over packing the dishwasher. She does the handwashing. We split on the laundry, depending on who's free at the time. I do the grocery shopping and food storage management. She does the gift shopping. She will usually put out the garbage since she works the day before pick-up and puts it out after she pulls her car up on the driveway. We both garden. She does bulk weeding in the flower beds every few weeks, I do the mowing, watering, bush pruning, and power washing. She picks up dog poop, and baits the mouse traps. We both clean out the garage twice a year (yech).

Anonymous · Answer

I was aware enough to have the division of labor discussion with my ex before we bought a house together. Both of us had owned our own (much smaller) houses, and had a good handle on what was required. We needed to scale it up for the larger house and leave room for changes in labor division. Good thing we did because I was handling basically ALL exterior work: landscaping, car care. The rub was we bought a house with an 18,000 gallon inground pool and hot tub that neither of us had a clue about maintaining. Guess who ended up handling that? There was a moderate (and quite expensive) learning curve to pool care and maintenance. The time involved was the biggest adjustment, especially in the warmer months. She took a few of my indoor chores thankfully to balance things. She wasn't completely unreasonable... 😂 😂

IslaTheWitch · Answer

No, I would rather go for what we like most and split the rest. In the end, it always works this way: whoever currently can do something is doing it.

There are things I prefer to do and things I literally won't do, lol

So, let's share our likes and dislikes and negotiate.

Drew-1990 · Answer

If you are both working and if one works and the other is a stay at home wife or husband are two different answers. If you both work then you need to split the load. Either both do them or figure out which each is best at. Now if one of them is a stay at home while other works that is different. Then the one had home should do most while spouse is working. Now if they are not completely done with he or she gets home then they can lend a hand to get it done.

RebelinSteel · Answer

Yes of course, I currently live alone but have had a number of relationships. I don’t off load jobs that I don’t like, I expect the other person to share and we work together. Not had any issues since I first left home. Caveat to that is if you come back dirty from jogging, mountain biking or doing a mudder etc, you clean the wet room or bathroom.

sheikalana · Answer

It really depends on the situation. My job doesn't require me to go to work every single day and my husband wakes up every morning to go to work. I'm okay with doing the cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning and laundry and make sure he doesn't have to worry about any of that once he arrives home tired from work.

CozyCoffin · Answer

They should divide the chores and occasionally swap, so that each one does each of the chores about half of the time.

Even if one only works and the other either doesn't have an income or is disabled, I'd rather do this, than force having the non worker or the worker do both work and do all the chores.

aceleon · Answer

for my case iwould want her to do everything. if not i would only do things i don't hate that much.

Anonymous · Answer

It depends on lifestyle and what makes sense to do for eachother. When my ex didn't have a job. I kept taking care of the laundry, because I know besides folding it at the end, she hates it. I don't really mind it.

She would keep the apartment really clean and when I got home or woke up in the morning, the trash would be sitting by the door already prepped to just be dumped.

I don't know you just need to find balance.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Chose A, also i wouldn't live with a romantic partner since we aren't married yet, only a sacred marriage makes us a family and as long as we aren't married than we're still strangers!

A woman packs her stuff to go live with her man when they get married, that's the norm!

iFarted · Answer

It'll almost never be fairly split 50/50. Ideally I'd like to split the chores but I'm also understanding of life. Like if she's having a bigger work load and exhausted from it then I'll cover more of the chores. If she cooks, I'll do dishes and vice versa. That's how it's been with my current ex atm. I like our arrangement.

itsclearlynicholas · Answer

I voted second last. Chores should be divided evenly and shared evenly and if possible swapped from time to time, unless it's harder for the other example to cling to a ladder etc

FreyaRed · Answer

Yes. I'm self sufficient and I demand self sufficiency in things like keeping a room and toilette clean, or at least equal participation in household shores.

yepdonethat · Answer

I am the man. She serves me. And she loves it. "You can get back to making dinner after the blowjob." "You can finish vacuuming once you get done riding me." "When you are done with that, make me a sandwich!" Yes, there are women who like this and I love them.

Ashley1993 · Answer

Only if we're both working Why would I want to have a man return from a long day at work and do the dishes if I'm a homemaker?

PBandJ_Nerd · Answer

Maybe the toilet was very dirty and now it no longer smells so that's why he's happy. He doesn't have to smell the stink anymore! 🫧

Sun_Kim-Ai · Answer

We always did our best to split them evenly, but nowadays we employ cleaning ladies for the most part.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I would take Garbage out, clean bathroom, mop kitchen floor, do our laundry together, cook for us, I make pretty good meals.

Nikki1989 · Answer

I clean inside, hubby does all the outside stuff.

Unit1 · Answer

Seems only fair to share the chores. Doesn't matter if it's 50-50 or 40-60. It's not a competition and I'm not gonna cause unneeded drama.

msc545 · Answer

Just hire a housekeeper. In the end it's a lot cheaper and a lot less hassle than having to constantly fight with a woman who refuses to do anything except sit on her ass and spend your money.

OtterMan68 · Answer

if one person stays home, he/she should do the most work, but not all of it. The guy should always be in charge of the grill, though! ;-)

Surely · Answer

If you are in the area and see something that needs done. Just do it! After all. You both live there!

Dongie · Answer

That is something that would be discussed naturally. I'm sure that all would have been worked out.

LiamJHayden · Answer

I'm too AR for any rational lady to put up with living with me.

WhitneySnow · Answer

I voted for the second one

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

Yes…. I’m not a made for anyone else other than my baby and dog

Likes2drive · Answer

I picked number 6 in choices

BlissfullyCurSed · Answer

Just hire a housekeeper.

DaBiggestBird · Answer

As a Giga Chad myself, yes.

If you were living with your romantic partner, would you expect to divide the household chores evenly?

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What Girls & Guys Said

I would take Garbage out, clean bathroom, mop kitchen floor, do our laundry together, cook for us, I make pretty good meals.

If you were living with your romantic partner, would you expect to divide the household chores evenly?

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What Girls & Guys Said

I would take Garbage out, clean bathroom, mop kitchen floor, do our laundry together, cook for us, I make pretty good meals.

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