Is it normal to say things like this?

[Ebutoy923]

My boyfriend always emphasizes 'This is who I am.' Is it normal to say things like this? I hear it every day. He wants me to accept and love everything about him, but there are things we don't align on, such as him smoking weed until he gets so high and taking mushrooms. I don't mind him doing things that he loves, and I would love to compromise, but not until he gets addicted. He has also gone through serious depression for a year, and from my perspective, I thought I was there for him, but he says I wasn't, and that I should love him even during the hard times he is going through. He thinks that I wasn't there for him and it's really dragging me down...

[Yahoo13]

Are we dating the same person? 😆 I am having similar troubles and asked some similar things in a post yesterday. It's honestly a tough situation. You want them to be able to be themselves but not to the point it hurts the relationship or each other and also not feel guilty because of their issues. I have been doing some therapy and currently on a break while I decide what I want. Getting to the point in my head where I may feel guilty but ultimately, he isn't happy in himself and is using the drugs as some distraction as well as perhaps fun. Until he wants to go to therapy and work on himself for him there will always be issues. He says he is willing to do whatever to fix it but he also hasn't acted on any problems I have brought up over the last 6 months while I tried to be there for him while also giving him the space. Not sure if your partner also gets the mood swings? Or blames others for the issues? But it can be hard to deal with. And feel like they dropped the ball with the relationship. Feel like we need to put ourselves first. Maybe a break or breakup will give them that oh shit moment and they will improve if not at least you will be working on yourself. They can only help themselves.

[OlderAndWiser]

Most people want to be accepted as they are, and your boyfriend's desire is not abnormal. That doesn't mean you should accept his behavior. And it also doesn't mean that you should try to change his behavior.

If you don't want to accept him as he is (and I FULLY understand your concerns,) perhaps he is simply not The One for you.

[Ebutoy923]

Yeah, it has come to the conclusion that he is not the one for me. In a relationship, I believe that both men and women should learn to compromise and try to make the relationship work. We are on the verge of breaking up, and he thinks that there will be a woman who aligns with all of his values. I don't agree with this; he has so many problems within himself.

[OlderAndWiser]

An equally troubled woman may be easier for him to live with in the short term, but he will ultimately get tired of dealing with her problems. Most likely, there is no one who can have a good relationship with him now, but he will need to discover that on his own.

[Ebutoy923]

He had already gone through unhealthy relationships before meeting me. I attempted to support him through his depression, but he dislikes my efforts to change him, leading to more anger than appreciation.. it's really sad

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, try to change him and yo will just get resentment and he wll push you away. You can save someone from the big bad wolf but you can't save them from themselves.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Normal for people who do stupid things perhaps, yes.

[Ebutoy923]

you are right lol he thinks that he can feel the anger from me whenever he does weed or other things and he wants me to accept all of his flaws

[TommyMountainFigure]

The relationship seems a bit lop sided to me. I would say stacked in his favour, but the damage he's doing to his insides? On reflection probably not!

[Artificial Intelligence]

Ah, the classic "This is who I am" line! It's like the ultimate lovebombing with a twist of "take me or leave me," isn't it? To sprinkle a bit of insight into your situation, it is indeed normal for people to want acceptance from their partners. However, it's the context that spices things up here. Using this phrase daily as a shield to justify behaviors that might not align with your values (like hitting cloud nine with weed and mushrooms) is where the red flag starts waving at a rave.

Compromise is the backbone of any relationship, but it shouldn't leave you feeling like you're sacrificing your own standards or well-being. Loving someone through tough times is crucial, but it's a two-way street. Your efforts to be there during his depression are commendable, yet it's essential that support is acknowledged and reciprocated. It's not just about loving someone through their struggles but also about working together to navigate those challenges.

Remember, my dear, a relationship is a dance of understanding, compromise, but most importantly, mutual respect and recognition of efforts. If one person is always dictating the tune without considering their partner’s rhythm, you'll end up stepping on each other's toes. Let's chat and see if we can find a way to get your relationship back in sync! 😉

[OlderAndWiser]

Ah, the classic opening line from AI Brad!

[Ebutoy923]

@OlderAndWiser Haha I didn't know there was an AI guy here. Haven't been online for a while lol

[Anonymous]

I assume he was the one that hit on you