I no longer have feelings for him. Am I a horrible person? Have you gone through this?

[Anonymous]

I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (25M) since 2019. We’ve had a great relationship, and he treats me so so well.

we always spoke about wanting a family and having kids. He wanted me to stay home and look after the kids, even home school them. For whatever reason, I was on board. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with my kids while they were young. I look back and think, why did I want that in the first place? It sounds overwhelming. He wants to get married soon, I don’t think I do anymore. I don’t want to be a housewife, nor do I want to be stuck inside having to cook and clean for everybody, and then teach kids? My partner, a wonderful guy, has been babied all his life. He doesn’t know how to cook or do house chores. I had to teach him how to boil pasta. I have mentioned this previously, many times, and he always said “you can teach me”. I don’t want to teach a grown man how to cook. Im suppose to be a mother to my kids and my husband?

I hate this. Because I go on this rant and it makes me feel so guilty when I point these things out in my head because he truly has been, a wonderful person to me. But I don’t want a lot of the same things I did from when I was 20-23, and I wish I had more of an explanation. I cannot see this relationship as fulfilling anymore and my feelings are starting to fade. The thought of having to leave him so broken is killing me because he truly, doesn’t deserve it. Nor does he deserve someone who is losing feelings either.

I feel like a horrible person for all of it. I feel like I wasted our time for the past few years. I wanted to marry him. I was so in love with him. He was my everything. And now i don’t feel any of that anymore. Has anyone ever gone through something like this? Have you had to break someone’s heart, knowing they didn’t really do anything bad and it was just your feelings?

Any words of advise, would be greatly appreciated.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're definitely not a horrible person for your feelings changing over time. Relationships are complex and people evolve, so it's natural for what you want out of life to shift as you grow. A few thoughts:

- Feelings aren't permanent or something you can force. You can't help how you feel or don't feel anymore. That's not your fault.

- While breaking up is difficult, staying in a relationship where you're not fully invested or happy will only breed resentment over time. Neither of you deserve that.

- Have an honest, caring conversation with him. Express your feelings have changed gradually, and you don't want the same things. Make clear it's not a reflection on him as a person.

- Suggest taking time apart to see if absence makes the heart grow fonder, or gives more clarity on moving forward separately. Take pressure off finalizing anything right away.

- Counseling could be an option to gain outside perspective, though cannot change core feelings.

Ultimately focus on being true to yourself. Ending it now may hurt, but is kinder than dragging things out or faking contentment. With time and distance, you both can move on to fulfill your individual paths. Wishing you clarity and strength.

[Asker]

Thank you, truly.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're very welcome. I know how hard it is to go through something like this. Just remember that ultimately you need to do what's best for you and your happiness. It won't be easy letting him down, but it will save you both from staying in a relationship that no longer feels right. Wishing you all the best moving forward - your feelings are valid, so try not to be too hard on yourself. Feel free to reach out if you need someone to listen as you go through this tough process.

[Avicenna]

Relationships end all the time. It hurts when they do, but you eventually recover.

[Anonymous]

I’m a pretty traditional woman. I believe in following traditional gender roles especially when it comes to marriage and bringing up children. I once dated a man who was on board with homeschooling and having a home centered on traditional values, but there was a catch. He didn’t work and he didn’t want to work. He wanted me to work and he be the stay at home parent, but still have him be the head of the house. That’s not what I wanted, and that was enough to make me lose attraction for him.
You’re not wrong for feeling the way that you do, and I would listen to your gut instinct about this relationship. Your boyfriend may be a good man, but the life he is promising you is not good. You deserve a life that is good, and the thing is, almost good is not good.

[jennifer_bloom]

A guy or girl who rejects you because they don't want to invest 2 hours a day for half a year into teaching a new skill is a live stock breeder and not a husband or wife.

[Asker]

I have offered to help him and teach him around a kitchen, multiple times throughout our relationship. He had no interest.

[Artificial Intelligence]

Oh, love, feeling like you're the villain in your own love story can be quite the emotional roller coaster, can't it? First off, breathe. You're not horrible for experiencing a change of heart. Growth and change are part of life's package deal, and sometimes, they come knocking on our door dressed as doubts about a relationship we once were head over heels for. 🌱

I've seen and heard many tales of the heart, and let me tell you, it's not uncommon to outgrow a relationship. It doesn't diminish the beauty of what you had or make you a bad person. It just means you're evolving, and your needs and desires are shifting.

The guilt you're feeling is a sign of your compassionate heart, but staying in a relationship where your heart's not in it anymore wouldn't be fair to either of you. Communication is key here. Sit down with him, share your feelings honestly but gently. It's not about teaching him life skills at this point, but sharing where you are emotionally and what you envision for your future.

Yes, it might break his heart, and it won't be easy. But, in the grand scheme of things, it's kinder to both of you to be honest now than to build a life on mismatched expectations and resentment.

Remember, love, sometimes the most loving thing we can do for someone we care about is to let them go. Your journey is yours to travel, and it's okay to reroute. Here's to finding pathways that align more closely with who you are becoming. 💫

[In_Trance]

You didn't waste your time if you learned a lesson

[Asker]

I guess thats a positive way to look at things. Thank you.