My Husband's Best Friend Told Me That He's In Love With Me. What Should I Do?

Question

To start off, I'm really uncomfortable talking about this but I need some real opinions or guidance please. And my family here on GAG never lets me down. Soo... My husband seems to be blind to his friends' intentions. I've tried to tell him softly to not anger him or receive backlash but he is not hearing me. His friends are literally courting me in front of him and he just doesn't see it. They have made comments about "getting into our bed", "cooking for me", and "asking me out to new places". They tell my husband how beautiful they think I am and my husband comes back and tells me as if I'm supposed to be flattered.(I'm not a piece of meat so it's not flattering)

Am I going crazy!!! Am I missing something?

Like, they hoover around me like lions stalking their prey and I hate it. They try to control me and make decisions for me even though I don't belong to them.

We're on a friends vacation this week and I made up an excuse that I was sick so I wouldn't have to be around all the alpha energy BUT they're insisting I accompany them to each event.

What Should I Do? Honest Opinions Please 🥺🌹

Flatmanlewis · Accepted Answer

My advice? React. React decisively and without pause. The very next time one of these horn-dogs makes a comment about dinner with you, or going to bed with you, shut it down hard and fast AND make it about you being faithful to your man. This mitigates his ability to not support you. “I’m not sure why you make these comments about me being accessible to you. I belong to that man (insert finger point here) and not you, no matter how close you two may be as friends. If you don’t respect my husband, and his marriage to me, you’re not going to be welcome around me anymore. Questions?”

If this doesn’t shut him down - and solicit your husbands support - nothing will.

I found myself in a similar position once where a male friend made two comments in a short period of time, one subtle and one rather direct, about his “willingness” to service my wife for me. The first time I let it slide as a possible misinterpretation after he had a few drinks. The second time he got a focused stare, a question, and the comment that he clearly has misinterpreted this friendship if that was something he thought was on the table. He retreated into the fringes of our social circle and disappeared all together within a few weeks.

My point is wives come before friends and when push comes to shove we, as men, choose those we love most. In every world this should be you and if that isn’t what happens then you have a bigger problem on your hands than a pushy friend with amorous desires for you. You have a soft man for a husband and one who may not value you as you wish.

BadApple69 · Accepted Answer

In my opinion you need to get tough, not with your ignorant husband but with these guys… and trust me, you burn one of them the rest will stay away!

If I was you, go to a party or whatever as long as there are many people around. Wait till one of these asswipes approaches you and says something off color. Then quietly ask him “ you would like to sleep with me, wouldn’t you?” And if he answers yes you raise your voice and ask “so where and when do you want to sleep with me?” I wouldn’t care what he said then I would say in a louder voice “you said you wanted to sleep with me, I want to know where and when?”
You will shut that asswipe down and anyone else who has circled you like a shark smelling blood.

This will end up possibly being a fight with you and your hubby but he too needs a wake up call.

Oh and these are NOT alpha males, these are low life jackals. Alpha males don’t need to hit on another man’s wife.
Good Luck!

SeriouslyNotSerious · Accepted Answer

Do not be afraid to be a bitch sometimes. If your boundaries are not respected, and no one's standing up for you, you must stand up for yourself. You're not just anyone they can play with, you are someone's wife now. They should know their place.

But first of all, your husband should never put you in a position where you feel unsafe. 🤦🏻‍♀️ It's also not your fault. You didn't even have to worry about things like this if he was careful enough. He ought to surround himself with friends who will respect him enough to not flip on him behind his back. Warn him of your concerns and what's happening. Don't be scared to express your true emotions. If he doesn't protect you after that, does he really care?

Caroline91 · Accepted Answer

Kind of an unusual situation, in particular, bc it isn't just one friend after all. There's been a lot of good advice here already. I just want to add... It seems you and your husband are at odds about what the ground rules in your relationship are. Until you establish what your basic parameters are you will repeatedly have various boundary issues. Before you can resolve any issues that may come up, you have to first know what your agreed upon boundaries are. It doesn't matter what you, as a couple, decide, just that you figure it out together and both agree to it. If after that something isn't working, you can always renegotiate it.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Navigating this situation requires a blend of tact, honesty, and setting boundaries. Your feelings of discomfort are absolutely valid, and it's crucial to tackle this head-on. Firstly, have a clear and serious conversation with your husband, emphasizing the level of discomfort and the inappropriate behavior of his friends. It’s key to make him understand this isn’t about jealousy but about respect and boundaries.

If the behavior continues, it might be time to limit or entirely avoid interactions with these friends, at least until they can respect your boundaries. Remember, it's not about creating conflict but ensuring your comfort and respect within your marriage. As difficult as it might be, maintaining open and honest communication with your husband is the foundation to overcoming this challenge. And remember, you're not alone or overreacting; your feelings are completely justified. Keep that chin up, and don’t hesitate to assert those boundaries! 🌟

AviatorTom · Answer

Seems your main issue is getting your husband to realize what's going on.

Try this... Tell your husband that his best friend wants to have sex with you, and ask your husband to set up a MMF threesome. Then, see what his reaction is.

SomothErgai · Answer

First of all you are NOT imagining things. His friends are 100% trying to fuck you. They absolutely would if they thought for a second they could talk you I to it. Them constantly making comments about it IS them testing the waters each and every time to see 1. How you react and 2. How much they can get away with.

I can also tell you they are not true friends to your husband. They are blatantly trying to (in their own retarded way) charm you I to fucking them right in front of their "friends" face. Like I'm not saying I fault them for having lustful thoughts about you. Men are going to man. But they are brazenly going after you. They are not his friends. And they are certainly not yours.

So here's my advice. And I want you to take this very seriously. You need to sit your husband down and explain to him that it does not matter if he thinks you're right. You could be dead wrong and it wouldn't matter. Because this is how you feel.

Even if it were the case (and it isn't) that his friends really don't mean anything by it, the way they talk to you makes you feel disrespected and it makes you feel like HE is being disrespected.

Now, you can't make him stop being friends with these guys. That's his choice and he gets to make that for himself. BUT you do not have to associate with them because that is YOUR choice.

You get to decide who you do or do not spend your time with and if he's not going to do anything about them then you will have to do it yourself. Tell him that whenever they are around, at the house or wherever, you will not be. You will go for a drive or to a friend's house or to stay with family. Whatever you have to do to get away from them.

This puts the ball entirely in your husbands court. Either he does nothing and lets his wife slowly and quietly slip away from him. I which case I think you know what you should do next.

Or he steps up and either makes his "friends" leave you the fuck alone or drops them altogether if they won't comply.

It is imperative that you not make this an ultimatum. Do not put it like it's a choice between you and him. Even though ultimately that's exactly what it is. He needs to feel like he has a real choice. You're not saying you will leave him if he won't drop his friends.

You're saying you're simply not going to allow yourself to be involved in anything they are a part of. And the situation will evolve on its own from their and your choices will become obvious.

He will either show you that he is a man deserving of your loyalty and commitment.

Or he won't

TonyV · Answer

Stop telling softly, be difficult. Tell him he's placing his friends approval over the feelings of his wife, cause wifey dosent like the boys looking at her body or voicing options on her body, it makes her feel bad.

You've tried the gentle approach, it didn't work, he and they assume you're ok with this behavior cause you haven't made a scene about it, so it's time make some sort of scene. Anytime they say anything that feels like sexual harrasment say that loud and clear so no one can ignore "THATS SEXUAL HARRASMENT ", or I personally just would refuse to hangout with any of them till my concerns were taken seriously.

Good luck, sucks your husband dosent have your back and can't or won't control his friends, geuss you'll have to teach the boys what boundaries are.

mstbooblover · Answer

Although I know no one to be responsible for having real feelings, I still have doubts concerning the level of friendship of the guy for your husband. Mind that your feelings count in this, but generally spoken I think you should at first tell that guy explicitely you're not in love with him, and don't want to loose your husband. If the guy has a minimal good education and sensitivity, he will leave you in peace, at least if he is a real good friend for your husband. If the guy insists too much, tell your husband, because the guy can't be a good friend.

Things are different if you like the guy and want to get rid of your husband, but then... What about possible children for instance? There is also the possible wish of your husband for some naughty games including other guys, which should involve your explicit consent. Whatever, in case of doubt, don't !

DrPepper12 · Answer

First, write down all you want to say to husband. Then set aside time for convo. Tell him to STFU and LISTEN; he can talk when you're done. Start with boyfriend tho. Use I statements. Reread to him when done and make him paraphrase what he thought he heard for each item when it's his turn. Have ready and discuss your reasonable solutions AFTER giving him time to come up with his own.

Now you: Tell the guys emphatically what you feel and that it ENDS NOW.

Im NOT SLUT SHAMING, I'm trying to think like a guy this bold. Have you dressed or said anything to bring attention? Have either of you brought up swinging to the guys? What kind of porn / kinks is he into?

Anonymous · Answer

Definitely try speaking with your husband again, but more adamantly. Tell your husband that his best friend made a move on you and that you are keeping away from him. When your husband asks why, tell him what happened.

A is not a friend of your husband if he's going after his wife. That is betrayal. That means the friendship with your husband is less valuable to him, than the potential opportunity to try something with you. If he's willing to do this behind his friends back, he is not trustworthy to her husband.

Also, try to limit contact with him and avoid him at all costs. He's the one, who ruined this relationship. You did not. This relationship was ruined the second he decided to make a romantic pass at you. He ruined his friendship with you, his friendship with your husband, and created an obstacle in your marriage.

Marriedandavailable · Answer

This need management skills. Your husband does not want to have a responsibility against his friends. there will be crazy ideas to share with you but it will be in his secret fantasy land. Indeed, you are very conservative, strong and smart woman. While you are acting you have impressed your surround because of they have never seen a different activities than their own. In addition, you have strongly depended on your marriage and love your husband. This is mainly related to your and your husband characters. You should investigate the approach of your husband to you and his friends. there shall be a border, it shall be hidden but existed. Honestly, until your husband understand the real situation, you should keep your level while you have contacted his friends.

TheRealPepperPotts · Answer

Girl, you are so brave for sharing this. Good for you! I am going to say this as gently as I can because I can tell you are sensitive. You need to get some backbone and some backup. You are allowing these men to call the shots against your desires and they are not listening to you. Either you are not telling the whole story and kinda enjoy the attention, or you are an enabler who allows people to walk all over you. You need to tell your husband the facts, possibly with a mediator or therapist to help you. If he laughs it off, he is disrespecting you and you are in danger of spending the rest of your life with someone who will not protect you. He may need to make a choice between you or his loser friends and you may need to risk that to protect yourself. I cannot express how serious this is, or how afraid I am for you. Please, get a licensed therapist. They are nice and will not force you to do anything.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Damn this is a tough situation something similar happened to me with my best friend and his girlfriend and that blew up in my face. Try talkin to him again but be more stern about it. He has to see it cause there doing it right in his face. Right now it's not bothering him cause he's looking like he's the man. He has something that everybody wants that only he can have. So this time when you talk to him tell him how uncomfortable that make you feel and if thst doesn't work when they hit on you in front of him put them in there place

DishLady · Answer

Sometimes this is the result of a spouse having his/her BFF around all the time. You need to shut it down if you truly respect and love your spouse. It’s up to you whether to actually TELL your spouse about the situation. (If you have an honest talk with the BFF and ask him kindly to keep his distance but he doesn’t, then you should have an honest talk with your spouse.)

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Men just do that. They would share a friends girl because men are disgusting. They tend to do that, they even do it to each others girls to try and sleep with them. If he is ignoring you I would question if your husband also does it to his friends wifes/gfs lol.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

I would say openly that I don't want to be treated that way. Period. Openly and loudly, having all interested together.

Wiredone · Answer

I think you should go with the guys. When you are all together and they start disrespecting you, let them know in a stern voice that you will not tolerate their behavior. Say it Loud enough for everyone, including your husband to hear it. Let them know that if it doesn't stop you will not be a part of the group. If your husband doesn't stand up for you, you need to stand up for yourself.

Likes2drive · Answer

Congratulations on getting married. I never knew if you actually went through with it but I guess he thinks it’s flattering that his friends really like you but you need to talk to him about his friends that it’s bothering you and it should be bothering him on how they act around you, and you need to be adamant about it

Deepinthought345 · Answer

I think the safest thing to do would be to stay away from the group and let your husband know that you're not comfortable with that bunch. It might upset him but you have to look out for yourself. But also be prepared for these guys to start stalking you behind his back. I suppose you just have to ignore them as much as you can.

Rebecca08 · Answer

If you don't like it and your husband doesn't want to see it, then it's better if you bypass your husband and complain about it with his friends directly.

Hellur991 · Answer

If ur uncomfortable with them, just stay away as much as possible. Tell ur husband on their intentions too.. he'll eventually understand. Unless ur hus band is in on it. Then he isn't shit, and u married the wrong guy

Starrrboy · Answer

Honestly you can set your boundaries as much as you can.. But as long as your husband is okay with all of this, it's always gonna be awkward and icky.. just give it straight to him, he should deal with it..

LaurenM1997 · Answer

Huge red flag don’t meet with him again and tell your husband you want nothing to do with his friend

Massageman · Answer

Combine # 2 and 3 in equal proportions, and be prepared to defend yourself with improved boundaries. (See how concise the answer can be without AI?)

My Husband's Best Friend Told Me That He's In Love With Me. What Should I Do?

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