How do I get my boyfriend to return the money I have loaned him?

[Anonymous]

I have loaned my boyfriend lots of money over the years - to help pay his tax, to help put down a deposit on his house. I also recently transferred some to him before I moved to his city to go to Uni there, so he that didn't have to be out of his pocket for somethings I needed set up for me.

Now that I'm at Uni full time, I need at least some of the money back. Bit not only does he not discuss returning my money even though I have mentioned it many times, he won't even give back the balance of the recent money I sent to help pay for my stuff.

He keeps hold of his own savings and always complains that he is broke. But then spends lots on computer games, large screen TVs, expensive shoes and clothes.

On the other hand, he cooks for me often, brings food over to freeze so I don't have to cook, as if he's paying me back in food.

I'm very confused. How do I convince him that I need the cash, not food?

Please if anyone has any suggestions...

Much appreciated

[stubbsy]

Theres no easy way around this but you need to make him think that you have a dead line to pay something your in arrears in, and the money yo ulent him was money yo uborrowed from parents to pay this arrears, so you can't go to them, and if you had another way you would concider it, but you don't so is there any chance he can get the money he owes you.

Because this is putting it in a way where, you helped him when he was stuck, but now your stuck and you really need his help of paying the money back. I know you shouldn't have to do it like this, but it does make it easier to ask for the money back. I hope for your sake that he has all intentions of paying you back, because if he is spending his money and not paying yo uback, then he sounds like a cheap wad, and out for what he can get, so whatever you do, don't dip into your pocket again until you get your existing good nature repaid, good luck,x

[Asker]

Thanks so much stubbsy! I tried it and it worked, well, on a tiny scale, but it's a start. I mentioned how low my budget was this month and the bills that had arrived. He paid for one by direct debit from his account. The bills keep coming and he knows that. I'll keep chipping away at it slowly. It's a complex situation but I guess this is life and how we work through it makes the difference. Thank you for taking the time and for your advice. : )

[stubbsy]

Your more than welcome, And any guy willing to ask to borrow cash, is a man that is man enough to pay it back, so remain consistant with him about these bills of yours,because it was him who was keen enough to borrow the money, so you were doing him a favour, don't make him feel as if he is doing you one by paying it back. I hope your situation gets fully resolved, good luck,x

[Levin]

It's not something you can hint about, is it? Just be direct. Ultimately you can't force him. If a major issue like this is something that he thinks can be swept under the carpet, and he doesn't appear to have any concern about how it may affect you, then it sounds like he's taking advantage, and that you should re-evaluate the relationship. Sadly you have to take some of the responsibility too, it's surely not your obligation to bail him out in life, especially when he fritters away his money on garbage. I'd say it's time to have a serious conversation, and ascertain why he thinks this doesn't matter.

[Oldermanwhohaslived]

It's pretty Obvious he is using you. He has no intention of paying you back. When you loan money to someone and expect it back you write up a personal contract with a payback plan and make them sign it. That way if you have to take them to court you have prrof of money loaned and the promes that it would be paid back.

You are probably not going to see that money back I hate to tell you. I see it all the time these days how people use each other and never plan to pay back. You really have to protect yourself these days.

You could write that contract now and see if he will sign it and if he won't you can kiss it goodbye. If he signs it I say move out and take him to court and get your money back.

[TexPlayboy]

Maybe it is time to cut him out of your will, and present too. Call it even, and from now on only give as much as you think you can afford to loose... but a cheap guy is one thing, a bum is something else. You have to decide which he is and consider your options.

But at the end of the day.. you should be totally in love to consider this a forever relationship.. and I do not think that is what you have. Enjoy the friendship and be looking for Mr Right.

Good Luck,

James

[Anonymous]

keep nagging him about it, like all the other girls do :)

[Asker]

Sadly, I think I'd annoy myself to death. I hate nagging and I've usually just threatened to nag. It's worked sometimes. In this case, it's a bit more complicated. : )

[yengesi]

Dump the worthless leech and write it off as a hard lesson learned.

[THE_Godfather]

At your age you know you only loan money that you can do without & figure that you're not going to get it back.

Lesson Learned.

[Asker]

Really? Crikey, I needed you to figure that ouit for me. But thanks for bothering.

[THE_Godfather]

Then why did you ask? If you knew that.

[Anonymous]

Stand up and be a real mean woman!

102

[Asker]

Haa haah! I wish. I'm a real sucker for a sob story. Have tried it and am such a hopeless meanie. : )