Is 10 years too big of an age difference?

Question

I'm 20 and I've been with my boyfriend who's 30 for a little while now. We're completely compatible on every level, we get along great with each others' families and everything else - so all is well. My only worry is that someday the age gap will catch up to us?

Already people tell us that relationships with big age differences never last so I fear that if or once we marry, people will say those things even more. Plus by the time we could settle down he'd been in his mid thirties...which would make having kids more difficult, right?

So, I just need advice and thoughts on the age gap and such!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

There is a lot to coinsider in ANY realationship irregardless of age alone. You may have heard it said that girls mature faster than boys do. There was a time that it was common to have this age gap with the man being older. I think some of it may have to do with just that. We mature quicker than the boys our age and tend to gravitate toward masculine, protector, and hunter traits and honestly usually teenage boys and twenty somethings usually have more important feats than being a provider in a home. Most of this is subconscious.

If your maturity levels are similar and you get along well on every level as you say I do not see the issue. Relationships all take work and teamwork. Compatability is always a very good thing to have. It should never be all about sex cause no matter who you are with someday it won't be the main event so to speak. This may be an area others are concerned with the sexual satisfaction side in later years. If it is really love it shouldn't be a huge factor as love enjoys the company of the other even in silence. It's called Companionship.

Morals and values can also be a huge issue having been raised in different generations; however, that being said if you both have a similar ideas on these areas there shouldn't be a problem. Likes and dislikes in music, movies, etc can also bother some due to growing up with different TV shows and muscians.

I for one have always loved old movies, older music though I like most music anyway so I usually get along with people far older than me much better than my own age group. It all depends on the idividuals involved. If it doesn't bother you don't worry about anyone else. They don't have to live with the decisions you make YOU do!~!

I probably am a bit biased though I fell in love with a man eleven years my senior years ago. Due to other people I walked away to save him from some miserable sorts and their actions. Never stopped loving him we still talk, we still click, we both wish we had stuck it out back then.

Search your hearts and minds both of you and decide together holding nothing back. I wish the best for you both!

cun7n1nja · Accepted Answer

I feel you on this. I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 32. It doesn't feel like a huge difference because our social circle is pretty diverse in age and I've always had older friends, I have no problem relating to people older than me. My mom doesn't really like anyone and we're not even close, but seems cool with him. My dad seems to approve, he even said that with my mentality, I'm probably better off with someone older, who has gone through their f.uck up stage and is in a more stable place in life as far as knowing what they want. My boyfriend's family loves me, his brother is around a lot hanging out, and his mom calls every once in a while to chat with me. Last time they did a family dinner at his parents' house, I met his other sister and her family, and their grandparents, and they all seem to approve. They even made me get in on family pictures, haha.

We also live together. He has a four year old son from his last relationship, who lives halfway across the country. His relationship with his ex is horrible, she's selfish and barely lets him talk to his kid, let alone see him, and I struggle through that right along with him. He's about to take it to court and try for custody, and I'm fully willing to play the stepmom role if that works out, I have no problem with him having a child and knowing that his kid will always come first. He's talked about 'putting a ring on it' and has mentioned thinking about settling down and possibly starting a family with me. We haven't been together quite a year yet, but we're obviously very serious about each other and hope to keep moving forward. Really, any problems we have or little fights that come up are completely trivial. We get along amazingly.

The best advice I can give is to NOT start thinking up and imagining problems where there aren't any currently, because that's one of the biggest ways problems START. Just go with the flow and enjoy what you have. Keep moving forward, but don't put too much stress on it.

Jerseystarlet · Accepted Answer

My boyfriend recently left me for a girl 10 years younger than him she was 19 he's 29 so I'm kinda bitter about this subject. But honestly what would you have in common with this person? For the most part you're on two different paths in life and it could eventually collide with each other but there are small cases where it works but you have to work a little harder and make sure you're mature enough. I personally could never fully commit to a relationship with such a huge age gap because I knew id feel like id have to fast forward my life to catch up to his id rather him have some experience over me than years and years were I feel more like I'm being mentored and not like his girlfriend. I know a girl in the same boat theyre going on two years,but you can tell how hard she tries to make it like  theyre always happy but she's always complaining to me how he never wants to go out etc. he's over it he's seen the town all of his friends have families and her life has just begun where now she's 21 and has already fully domesticated herself so early in her life. I say give it a shot but weigh things out first. If its true love you can't fight that but be smart.

VoiceOfReason · Accepted Answer

Age gaps can be a bit complicated. It's really hard to gauge it solely on the numbers, because there are so many variables. Speaking of variables, you have to factor in maturity level. If she's the younger one and she appears more mature than the older guy, and they have compatibility and things in common, then this would be helpful in bridging a reasonable age gap. If he's older and mature and she's immature then it actually creates more of a gap and can cause more strain on trying to maintain the relationship.

Another variable is the age of the couple. If she is 15 or 16, then certainly a 10 year age gap would not be acceptable. For a couple such as you, where he's 30 and you're 20, I would still feel it to be a bit of a strain, but it can be managed if you both are understanding of each others experiences.

Of course the basis of any relationship is communication, commitment, compatibility, compassion, compromise and if you have those things going then of course I think you can weather a 10 year age gap. Just always remember, relationships require work so make sure that you both are on the same level.

MystiKaL · Accepted Answer

Do not let a thing called Number ruin love. If you feel attracted to him, love him, he loves you, then what's the problem? Age is a man made measurement that's all. And you do he is more than capable of giving you kids for many years! I made the biggest mistake of not going for a girl I really liked a few years ago who was 12 years younger, she was very attracted me. I didn't go for her due to age insecurities, non of which I have now.

Anyway people telling you it won't last and all that have no proof. Besides a number of jealous people will use any excuse to tell you sh*t like this, all I say is as you ARE happy do NOT let anything get in the way of your relationship. Go with the flow and enjoy life, as if you blow this away over insecurities like age and you might just end up regretting it big time.

peace-love-couture · Answer

Honestly?

When you're young, that age gap seems like a BIG deal and CAN potential cause problems. For instance, when the older partner wants to settle down, get married and have children the younger partner may crave independence and may just be starting his/her career

But you'll notice as you get older, the age gap becomes nothing. When you're 30 and he's 40, it won't mean squats because then you'll be on or around the same chapter in your lives. When he's 60 and you're 50 it won't matter. At 18, a 10 year difference(with a 28 year old!) will matter, but not as you age and mature

I'll say no.

kmhco · Answer

Actually, I believe the age gap seems less as you get older. Like a 10 year old and 20 year old would be disgusting but a 70 year old and 80 year old isn't that big of a deal.

Besides, the having kids thing would only potentially be a problem if you were the one 10 years older as guys biological clocks last much longer (they can produce off-spring at a much older age than women can).

If its great now, I doubt the age gap will become a problem unless you are on completely different pages in your life. Sure it might end someday but who's to say what will be the cause of that happening. Focus on each other and enjoy what you have now. Don't worry about what others have to say about your relationships.

CrystalMinds · Answer

Someone I know is married to someone who's 12 years older. She's mature and her partner is very "young minded". So it depends. If you have someone from...let's say 16 years old who's very childish, put her together with a guy from 23 who's still childish and they might not find the age difference disturbing.

If you put the childish 16 year old with a 23 year old who's "all grown up" he might think she's too young for him.

So it all depends on your mindset and how "mature" you are.

Age is just a number to me. If you connect, are compatible and see a future together, who cares what year you're born in?

kdizzleforizzle91 · Answer

My parents are 13 years apart and are still married. You have some legitimate concerns with the age gap, but it doesn't cause problems for everyone. The only thing that would worry me is that we'd be in different phases of our lives... I'm in college, and if I were with a 30-year-old guy, he most likely has a job and is established already. But if we were really compatible and got along with each others' families already, I'd discuss those concerns with him some time before things get too serious. Aside from that, I wish you luck!

udolipixie · Answer

Is 10 years too big of an age difference?

Not if the guy is the older one it seems.

My only worry is that someday the age gap will catch up to us?

Most likely you guys won't be together that long for it to catch up though if you are then to me it's a wash as men generally die before women so he'll just be dying 10 years earlier.

Plus by the time we could settle down he'd been in his mid thirties...which would make having kids more difficult, right?

Yes men experience a decline in fertility quality just because a guy can have children until he's 80 doesn't mean the children will be healthy.

"So, I just need advice and thoughts on the age gap and such!"

My advice is to not concern yourself with it as the age gap is most likely the sole or main reason he considered you.

My thought is that you're making it an issue when likely he sees it as a great thing as if you two last long then you'll always be younger than him.

MollyAnn19 · Answer

In my opinion, age doesn't matter at all. As long as you truly love that person and are happy then other people's negative input shouldn't matter. Every couple is different. It takes effort to have a lasting relationship with anyone, regardless of age.

kheserthorpe · Answer

If YOU will be ready to settle down when he is, I think the age difference will feel like it shrinks ... At least till he's in his 60's. Physically at some point he will slow down before you.

Having kids in mid 30's or later is really common for men.

I know plenty of married couples with 10-15 year age differences.

On second marriages it's actually really common.

novembergrey · Answer

I've been with girls with big age differences and the only problem I can see is if you guys aren't in the same space mentally (ie: they still want to party hard every weekend and I don't) but if you are on the same level and want the same things, age shouldn't factor in at all. My parents were the same age (now divorced) and my mom and step dad were 11 years apart in age difference and had a great marriage.

gummybear888 · Answer

probably, if you're asking. if you think you're ready for that 10 year gap in life experience, then go for it. everyone is different.

myself, no. cause I prefer someone, oldest 5 years older than me and maybe 2 years younger is my range

if he has a past, that's something that will take time to get to know as well with other things. you might or might not see him for who he is.

cherryluv16 · Answer

No. Age shouldn't matter in terms of love. And even if yall were thinking of getting married, what people say or don't say shouldn't matter at all cause theyre not going to be the ones marrying him, but you & that's all that matters, imo :)

Anyways, good luck!

TheUglyOne · Answer

No.

I read in a local newspaper a tribute to a man who was well-loved by his community who died at 111. He was 41 when he met his wife to be, she was 16, they got married, in spite of public opposition. Stayed married for life, had kids, grandkids, even great grandkids. He, in fact, outlived her, she died at 79.

Anonymous · Answer

He's the older one, so I'd say you're fine. Men usually age so much better than women, haha!

Who cares about the age gap? If you start thinking, "What if someday this may be am issue," you'll talk yourself out of a good thing, with no proof of anything actually being an issue at all.

You guys are happy together, go with that. I wish you two the best :-)

iamstayinganonymous · Answer

I wouldn't worry at all.  I actually think this would be a good match as long as you both have good chemistry and get along well.  Age doesn't mean a whole lot honestly, and I have seen way too many people the same age fight like cats and dogs and not get along.  Girls are usually more advanced than guys for their ages, so I think the girl being younger usually works out better.

MrOracle · Answer

My grandfather was married to my grandmother for 64 years at the time of his death, and he was 10 years older than her. Granted, that's just a single anecdote and not a scientific study or anything, but it shows that it's possible for it to work out.

katg4560 · Answer

If the age gap hasn't caused issues yet it probably won't be what breaks you up. Also men can keep having kids into their 60s so don't worry about that.

theINSECUREone · Answer

If you were 14 and he was 24 that would be a problem, but you're a grown ass women! Don't over think, things will work themselves out if it's meant to be :)

sexyasianboi26 · Answer

You shouldn't let people criticize your relationship, that's how marriages and serious relationships deteriorate in the first place.   SO imo, nope.

dodgersmom11 · Answer

Not at all, go for it, you have just a good a chance to last as any other couple

bellybuttonlint · Answer

The statistics say it will not last...but if it feels right, go with your heart.

Love2Ball · Answer

No, but you might want to think about the future and how it might affect it.

Is 10 years too big of an age difference?

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