My girlfriend makes it a point to disrespect my religion?

Question

Been going out with her almost a year now, my girlfriend loves me and we've had a great time. The only thing is, she is anti-christian. I'm religious, not deeply, but I do share a religious connection. My girlfriend however does not have any religious connections, and any time that religion is a subject, she makes sure to go out of her way to bash Christianity and those that believe in it. She has complete disrespect for it. Thoughts?

Levin · Accepted Answer

I'd call her out on her bullshit, as Yanks like to say. "If you have such little respect for religious people, why are you with me?" Of course, with so much invested in the relationship, after a year, I'm guessing you won't say that exactly. But even if it should be worded more tactfully, with more sensitivity for the emotional investments, the principle remains. How does it make you feel when you hear these words from her? Focus on communicating how it makes you feel, with the least amount of judgement or condemnation. I would guess, this hurts you when you hear it, and it sows a seed of disharmony and resentment, even if it's just a small one. And such is the nature of a seedling, that it will eventually spread its roots and grow into something far more significant that can't be easily uprooted. Soon your resentment may spread to other areas of the relationship?

You say you never bring your religion up and you respect her opinion, which is all well and good, but it's possible that you are too soft and yielding? You need to empower yourself. Because basic respect for yourself, involves not allowing yourself to be treated poorly, especially when it's at the hands of other peoples' out-of-hand egos. She's not going to get the message till you deal with it decisively. It's up to you to be the adult and do it in the mature, constructive way. As I say, if there's an issue, it can't be swept under the carpet.

randomocity · Accepted Answer

thats her opinion and you should respect it, in return she will respect yours. i dont believe in anything and the only time i get mad at religions is when they try to force their views on everybody.

justbanANNAz · Accepted Answer

i think thats extremely rude…
heaps of people from all sorts of religious backgrounds can learn to coexist in places like university and the workplace, y does ur own gf have to b offensive in tone like that? and i bet it hurts u.. more than angers u id guess.

u should talk to her about this. say i love u and i respect u, very much. but i expect u to do the same for me, not just in some things, but in everything. if u really do love me, you'll take me as i am. my religion is a large part of who i am, and i hope u can accept that. if ur not feeling that she's understanding u, then…. I don't know…. won't go there

but u seem to be dealing with it well from the way u deliver ur thoughts

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Yeah that kind of happens when you date someone out of what you believe, I've been there (not kidding). We were dating for about  an year and I'd try to take him to church but he'd refuse and just mock it and it didn't end well. He was to disrespectful and we had a great connection but why would I want someone in my life that doesn't even BOTHER to respect me and my beliefs. It was difficult but it was something that was needed. I hope what happened with me happens with you but you need to talk to her and tell her how you feel about it because it will never stop.

muliebrity · Accepted Answer

Live and let live! just as she has chosen her own beliefs. You also have the choice to do so. She has to respect your choices. If not let her go date someone who is "open minded" #ironic

JohnnyBananas · Answer

This is something that I always look for in a potential mate. I am a very strong Catholic and come from a religious family (dad's side). I personally would rather date someone who is religious. If I do date someone who isn't, I would have to make sure that she'd be okay with me practicing it. I wouldn't try to shove it down her throat and she shouldn't try to go out of her way to bash my beliefs. Major turn off and instant deal breaker.

If I were in your shoes and cared about religion as much as I do, I would tell her to please respect my beliefs. If she continued, I'd have to break up with her. Religion is important to me. Some things I can understand if she has a strong distaste for but religion cannot be one of them.

If Christianity is something you're going to practice a significant amount of time in your life, you need to think about how this relationship with her will affect you. Is she going to throw a fit every time you say something about the Bible or you want to go to Church? Can you handle that?

Think about it.

BeardedJaw · Answer

You need to be clear about this to her. Whenever she speaks badly about your religion, do you feel bad? Because if it does, then she should know about it.

I can relate as to why she does it though, religion is a very serious and huge topic. The ideals and beliefs that comes with it is sometimes so vague and out-of-date, that rationally thinking as a 21st century man would basically make a lot of it like a fairytale or something. Christianity has such a long, epic, mostly dark, mark in our history. So much so that when you dig some of it up, you can start a lot of arguments and debates that could last you your whole life!

The temptation to start an argument, especially when you think you might be right, could be a strong factor as to why she does it. All the memes and jokes floating in the Internet might've served as fuel for her arguments. Some of it sounds solid so yeah, she might be enjoying the power of seeing the cracks in such a huge and magnificent structure of the Church.

Just be honest, explain that just because something is plausible (or maybe true) doesn't mean you have to preach it to everyone. Give her an example, "If you see a fat woman, would you flat out bash her by saying she is fat to her face? Because that is not just being honest, nor is it even being frank. It's being downright RUDE."

ladsin · Answer

That's downright disrespectful, and in my opinion would be grounds for not being with her. People can have their own views about various things but putting somebody down like that for their beliefs is gross. I personally am atheist and may argue with others about religion etc but at the end of the day I have respect for people as a whole and would not make fun of someone for their beliefs.
She sounds immature and in need of a good talking to, if you tell her this bothers you and she does not stop drop her ass...

yawst · Answer

I cannot tolerate that I'm like you I'm Christian but I don't like bringing it up more than it needs to. I have non religious family members and friends we get along perfectly. I can respect people choosing not to be religious or even not really liking religion but to openly bash about it in front of me is not what I tolerate.
I think you should talk to her about how you don't really appreciate it I mean I sure wouldn't in that situation. There are a lot of Christians in the world it's ignorant of her to call them all naive.

Also there may be a certain part of you that doesn't care. If you don't identify yourself as a Christian too strongly this kind of talk may just bounce off of you I switch back and forth every once and a while. If I don't identify myself as religious very strongly then this kind of talk just doesn't offend that much anymore I guess that's also an option.

Distant · Answer

I'm something of an atheist but even I have the utmost respect for people's faith. I honestly have no idea what to tell her to get her to stop. You have to emphasize that a person's right to believe in any faith is sacred. Perhaps, you should ask her why she feels the need to bash your religion and then point out similarities in how someone COULD also mock her beliefs - but in a non-confrontational way.

LightUp · Answer

I think her problem isn't that she is "anti-religious" as you say. She either lacks respect for you or just likes bash people and get off on it. You could ask her to tone it down as you don't care about religion when it comes to your relationship and tell her to leave you alone to do what you do on your own time. But if she is still like before I suggest you leave her if she is becoming such pain.

DodgersGM · Answer

What kinds of things does she say?

My simple advice would be to just communicate with her and tell how this makes you feel. Also, you might want to think about whether or not this can be overcome. Some couples can make it work, but usually a similar approach to religion is important.

BCRanger10 · Answer

Have you ever called her out on it?  If not, that would be a good place to start.  If she continues to disrespect this belief which is clearly important to you, then you should get rid of her.

lacelover20 · Answer

Ask her to respect your religion and you would appreciate if she  didn't  talk about it if she  doesn't  believe in it. Tell her you respect her opinion but she should also do the same

kaitlovesyou · Answer

That's wrong, my husband is catholic and I'm Wiccan and neither of us disrespect each other's religion. And him and I are on total different ends of the spectrum lol

RedThread · Answer

Sit down with her and talk about it. It's one thing to have an opinion but it's another thing entirely to be openly hostile.

LaylaTwoHours · Answer

You're better off dating someone from the same religion.

Anonymous · Answer

It's obviously her fault but hey , you need to sincerely talk about this with her, let her know your expectations first then take next step.

Anonymous · Answer

Tell her she could have it a lot worse and that if you were a different religion, you could actually potentially blow her up along with yourself on one of your dates to a public market or something.

kalrodkal · Answer

Dump her. She is in no position to bash your religion in front of you

Dandeus · Answer

Kind of stupid for you two to be dating.

Anonymous · Answer

DUMP HER, she needs a kick to the head

IloveSprinkles · Answer

THAT IS DISGUSTING!

My girlfriend makes it a point to disrespect my religion?

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