Societies stigma against people who choose to be Single

[gobsmacked3]

I am 43, attractive, professionally employed, wise, as well as book smart, and sincerely welcoming of all

The quintessential nice guy

And, single by choice

At this point of my introduction, I can feel the subconscious raising of eyebrows with judgements running rampant

' Single by choice....with obvious appeal to the opposite sex? '

'All his glitters, must not be gold, and they are merely a facade for his 'real truth'....'

' A closet misogynist...

' A relationship phobic......

' A sexual deviant who needs to be single to live his life as a pathetic man whore....

Etc....Etc....Etc....

No weakness, instead inspiring strength to be sure in myself

Gone are the days when I had to be with someone to feel any self-worth

Too many 'Miss right nows', and never 'Miss Rights.'

Actions that always made me cringe as I looked in my mirror to end every wasted day.

Knowing I was merely a shadow of a being needing the validation of being with another

Lacking any modicum of self-esteem, let alone love of self....

Self-betrayal termiting my soul

Until, I said no more, choosing to rebel against Societies convention of needing to be with someone.

Cherishing this decision as a time to embrace self...

Discover, rescue, accept and love....

Creating a better reality for I, and all that enter my life

[GirlScoutsRevenge]

Why aren't you married yet? When are you having kids? You should be settling down now...

No. I don't have to do any of those things just because my peers do, and I'm happy not doing them, people think there is something wrong with you though, that obviously you aren't 'quite there yet' in your relationship or life. No, I'm just not you.

Do what make you happy dude, fuck everyone else's expectations of you.

[Unit1]

I came here for the title being attractive on "Why being single is not bad either". Found a poem without solid points. But whatever.

[Creole_Flavor]

I'm one of those people that see myself married with kids one day and the older I have grown and have gotten know different people older than me that are single and happy with or without kids some divorced some never married I realized that not everyone is fit for a cookie cutter life that is what makes us all different. I know so many people that are with someone for the wrong reasons and that is more sad than being alone when a person always feels the need to be with someone and does not know how to be alone. People should not assume that you have a problem because you are a certain age and you are not married or don't have kids or prefer to casually date and have not settled down maybe that was never your intention or plan for your life or maybe you have not met the right one yet. For some people it takes longer than others to actually find someone that you connect with and share the same values with. Let's face it, on the other hand not everyone is meant to be tied down to be someone's husband, wife or a parent and there is nothing sad about it.

[emmabee11]

There are so so many stigmas out there these days not just about being single and indeed it's a pain in the ass how closed minded people are and how they let society make them think these things but they are just negative, needy and desperate people who have to respect for themselves, everyone is lonely but people these days just flaunt themselves at everything that walks on 2 legs lol some of us are not like that though, i'm not like that and i get my fair share of sick for it but it shows me if they judge me and hate me on that 1 single tiny morsel of a thing that are terrible people with no moral compass who let everyone push them around. If they even think to set me up with anyone they are surely setting me up for faliure because they would surely set me up with an asshole like them lol, these are the same people who watch you when talking to the opposite sex to see who you like then intetionally ruin it just because you won't be who you want them to be... they do things out of spite to people... total nut cases people are these days really... so just ignore it... sadly for us it means we won't have any friends but i think we would rather be alone than with people who make us feel more alone.

[emmabee11]

People who say we aren't making a life for ourselves ether by being single surely mis-judge the situation lol for some of us we would glady sit in our room in quiet or curl up in the corner or the library with a book and yet we are some how still content, they don't seem to understand this though... but their loss i guess if they want to be rude like that lol.

[bijinbijinbijin]

I dont see anything wrong with a guy who chooses to be single. I only see something wrong if he expects for the majority of women he is interested in to also choose to be single thus they are only wanting a sexual experience with you. As a woman gets older the more she becomes interested in finding a life partner and someone to have children with and not a fuck buddy. a lot of guys who choose to be single end up wasting these women's time when they decide to date so its best for a guy who chooses to be single to communicate what his intentions are before she ends up slashing his tires when she feels used.

[PT1911]

As a guy, and a guy that has been emotionally played, I interpret this as "I want to literally fuck around with random guys first before I choose the guy that I know will be good"

Seriously correct me if I'm wrong. Like please, because I refuse to believe that is actually what you are saying, and I hope to god its not

[bijinbijinbijin]

the guy who made this post says he is 43 years old, therefore he should not expect that other single women around his age are also choosing to be single. When he dates he should be expecting that many of these women are actually looking for partners and should therefore communicate with them what his intentions are so that these women will not get upset with him and slash his tires.

With younger people, many of them do not know what they want. Not all girls intentions are to fuck around and then settle down when they get older. Some girls are fucking becasue they confuse sex with love. Some of them are fucking becasue they are peer pressured. Many of them dont know what they want. Guys too and therefore young people are not going to be good at communicating their intentions and they will break hearts. The original poster is already set on what he wants. He wants to be single. Therefore he has no excuse for not being able to communicate that to a woman that wants a relationship.

[PT1911]

Alright, that is so much clearer. Thank you

[Darkfairie17]

Most women as they get older want to settle down. I don't think it's so much letting the bad guys use you and then decide one day you need a good guy. I've been looking for the good guy all along, and wasn't one of those people who slept around. There are others like me out there. Nothings wrong with sleeping around, it's a choice. Those of us who want something real just need to have standards and be firm about them and really get to know the other before getting into anything. Unfortunately there is a lot of bad stuff you have to weed through to find the one.

[Darkfairie17]

There's definitely a stigma, I agree with you. It's not right, because being single can be a very fulfilling experience. It gives you much needed time to self-reflect and improve on yourself and focus all your energy on you and no one else.

May seem selfish to some. But I know I'm in this position right now. Sure I would love to be in a relationship. But I'm in no rush to give up my singlehood.

I need to focus on myself and so right now I'm choosing to not be in a relationship.

Even if someone amazing comes up, I will take my time and really gauge on whether I want to give up my singledom.

I'm important, and this is probably the first time in my life I've really had a chance to explore that.

In relationships I tend to be a huge giver, so it's nice to be focused on myself for once :)

[emmabee11]

That's the number 1 thing i've heard from people whispering about me that i'm some how "selfish" not just for being single but for a number of things completely unrelated to dating lol they are just jealous really... envy doesn't look nice on anyone.

[FatherJack]

Single stigma is mainly aimed at men , men over a certain age that live alone are automatically labelled perverts , pedophiles , creeps or some other bullshit slur , the treatment of a single dad friend of mine at the school gates by the mothers ( evil looks & snarls ) is disgusting. Hate bounces & just creates more men that loathe women , just so fucked up !!

[AnggieGirl]

"Gone are the days when I had to be with someone to feel any self-worth". Your quote.
I'm 27 and have though that way for very long. Its not a sad thought for me. I am full of self worth when I am alone, if that makes sense. My self worth is blurry and back and forth when I am with someone. I am not codependent and I'm not " relationship phobic". Its just my personality and it doesn't bother me. Sometimes I meet someone who has this in common with me and I must say that the intercourse is amazing. We can completely let ourself go and feel free, its such a positive feeling and feels amazing; our self worth at the time together isn't blurry. Then when we part ways, there's no negativity. Its too bad for those who judge and I'm not judging-judgers.
Great read!

[Nodramaqueen]

I totally agree! I love the single life. No texts to keep up with, no strings. You can do whatever you want, be whoever you want to be. I regret my relationship I kept going for 9 months, and for what? I always wish I hadn't done it I'm right there with ya man :)

[mistninja314]

Lmao I'm the exact same way ^^

[Tirana]

Yeah, it took me a long time to figure out I didn't need a guy to define me. I'm not saying no to relationships, of course, just not right now. I'm enjoying being me for a change, doing what I want, wearing, buying, saying what I want without thought to what my guy will think. I was always too focused on what my SO thought, and never focused on me.

[Lena19]

That's your personal choice. No one is forcing you to be with someone or not.
I personally do not regret being with someone and I am making a life for myself as he is doing as well. Being with someone should not mean that you change, unless there is something seriously wrong.

[Thaiqueen11]

You know what friend, rock on with your bad self!! Follow your heart and your passions, if they are telling you to be single, be single!! We are the only ones who can walk the paths that we choose... so it is not for others to judge because they cannot adequately judge! Be different, there are enough followers in this world:) Stay positive and Namaste ( it means the light in me recognizes the light in you)

[menina]

I congratulate you! This is amazing!
I love when you say : "Gone are the days when I had to be with someone to feel any self-worth".
This is one the best Takes I ever read.

[Hannah591]

I think I'm becoming a relationship-phobe. I'm choosing to be single now, so I can develop and appreciate my younger years more. I can also avoid all the pain.

[PsyNoodles]

Good for you brother! I'm single by choice as well but I'm just waiting til I really fall for someone haha. I'm not going to deny anyone or any feelings I'll let them be. I'm just not in a rush to be in a relationship or get married.

[Hephaestus]

Never heard of stigmas toward peeps who choose to be single
learn new things every day

[thetundrawolf]

The departure of many western women from their gender role has no doubt influenced your decision. As it has mine.

[Darkfairie17]

What exactly is a woman's gender role?

[thetundrawolf]

Since the dawn of time it has been to raise the children, to prepare meals, to keep the home in order. Our gender role is to work, to suffer, to slave, to hunt, to gather. Our lives are less if we do not have a mate at home, waiting for us. It makes what we do less miserable.

Having a man who will protect you, shelter you, fight for you is what the majority of women want, and it is our gender role. In return you provide us feminine affection and comfort.

The majority of men, in their heart of hearts, desire feminine love and submission.

But the majority of men do not know how to show a woman true honor, either.

Feminists demand respect but get none. Respect is earned. Feminists try and legislate morality but never see the reward. True love comes from a tenderness that must originate from the heart.

Departure of our design only ends in misery, which is why so many "women's rights" people are so hateful.

[PT1911]

>"Miss right nows" instead of "Miss Right"

So fucking true. I'm still looking for Miss Right

[john2]

With you on that man

[shn1010]

Good work! Keep being single. Wish I could learn from you

[OHGEE]

I'm right there with you.

[YourFutureEx]

Proud member of #TeamSingle.

[tenofthepeaks]

Screw what society says... doy your own thing...