What is Gaslighting to you?

Question

Other people have said I do this, to which I reply that they need help. Obviously this is gas-lighting, even if they are saying objectively insane things.

So, let's explore this topic, can anyone share some examples?

Answer 1

Guffrus | 1.3K opinions shared on Society & Politics topic.

Guru

Gas lighting is to the best of my knowledge is a specific technique, whether known consciously to the person or not where in a person who is attempting to gain or extend control of another person disputes the controllees perception of reality, pressuring them to accept the controllers version of reality.

The controllers version of reality does not need to be consistent and arguably, to be sure that someone really is trying to gas light a person, rather than for example simply being wrong and also an asshole, is that they, the controller are pressuring the controllee to accept ever changing versions of reality.

In any case, the purpose of gas lighting is to destablise a persons mind and break their will, to question their own ability to percieve reality correctly and accept the reality given to them by their controller.

To my mind this is not really something that comes alone, it is mostly or exclusively the act of a narcissist as part of a campaign of narcissistic abuse and control.

People like to exaggerate, which is particularly unhelpful with this subject because the victim of real narcissistic abuse could have a hard time finding allies and support due to the nature of the attack they are under as a narcissist will likely attempt to undermine any support their victim may have from others and can change like Jeykl and Hyde in a way that some would find hard to believe if they have not experienced such things themselves / before.

Most of the examples in your post are, to my mind, not gas lighting and potentially counter productive / damaging for the reasons i have outlined.

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3 People

DarkCarousel

1 y
Great explanation!

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razelove

1 y
That is extremely interesting. It's horrible, but fascinating, like watching a train-wreck. You're also absolutely correct that pissing and moaning about minor BS like losing an online argument belittles people who are being mind fucked to that precise and deliberate of a degree.

Truly, that is fascinating, and sounds like it would take a ton of effort for someone engaging in that to select someone susceptible to it, maintain the pressure, and gradually warp reality back and forth until they get to the level that they can tell their subject the sky is green and they readily agree for fear that the subject would turn to "nobody loves you" or something like that.

Goddamn, I'm going to have to look into that, how did you learn about it?

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Guffrus

1 y
I was mind raped by a narcissist, there really is no better explaination of what it is than to live it.

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Guffrus

1 y
@razelove Regarding quote:

sounds like it would take a ton of effort for someone engaging in that to select someone susceptible to it

While it is true to say that some people are more vulnerable to this sort of attack than others it is unwise and inaccurate to believe that only x person would fall for this etc.

As with things like defrauding people etc it is easy to dismiss and think 'that could never happen to me' or those people must be stupid etc.

More people are vulnerable than you would think and you have been in contact with narcissists your whole life and likely could not say who they all were, they hide in plain sight and are hard wired to be expert manipulators.

A real narcissist, as i understand it, is the result of some damage very early on and in order to protect themselves they essentially hide inside themselves and put up layered masks to protect their cores. The reason they control is because what you control can't hurt you and also to extract validation that they cannot give to themselves.

So you should really respect (as in recognition not admiration) the fact that these people have spent their entire lives, or most of their lives honing their abilities and mastering their craft and also that they are entirely dependant on this game that they play.

The motivation would put the most commited religious zealot to shame, they HAVE TO do what they do, they are compelled and it colours every thought and act in their lives.

Some sympathy should be shown to them also, if you can muster it, they are really victims, frightened and alone children who can't be any other way at the core but it is hard to excuse the damage they cause and they can be pretty scary, because of the motivation, what they are capable of is extreme though how that is manifest would depend on context and available options etc.

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Asmir1999

1 y
You nailed it with your explanation.

Reply

Answer 2

DarkCarousel

Great explanation!

Answer 3

razelove

That is extremely interesting. It's horrible, but fascinating, like watching a train-wreck. You're also absolutely correct that pissing and moaning about minor BS like losing an online argument belittles people who are being mind fucked to that precise and deliberate of a degree.

Truly, that is fascinating, and sounds like it would take a ton of effort for someone engaging in that to select someone susceptible to it, maintain the pressure, and gradually warp reality back and forth until they get to the level that they can tell their subject the sky is green and they readily agree for fear that the subject would turn to "nobody loves you" or something like that.

Goddamn, I'm going to have to look into that, how did you learn about it?

Answer 4

Guffrus

I was mind raped by a narcissist, there really is no better explaination of what it is than to live it.

Answer 5

Guffrus

@razelove Regarding quote:

sounds like it would take a ton of effort for someone engaging in that to select someone susceptible to it

While it is true to say that some people are more vulnerable to this sort of attack than others it is unwise and inaccurate to believe that only x person would fall for this etc.

As with things like defrauding people etc it is easy to dismiss and think 'that could never happen to me' or those people must be stupid etc.

More people are vulnerable than you would think and you have been in contact with narcissists your whole life and likely could not say who they all were, they hide in plain sight and are hard wired to be expert manipulators.

A real narcissist, as i understand it, is the result of some damage very early on and in order to protect themselves they essentially hide inside themselves and put up layered masks to protect their cores. The reason they control is because what you control can't hurt you and also to extract validation that they cannot give to themselves.

So you should really respect (as in recognition not admiration) the fact that these people have spent their entire lives, or most of their lives honing their abilities and mastering their craft and also that they are entirely dependant on this game that they play.

The motivation would put the most commited religious zealot to shame, they HAVE TO do what they do, they are compelled and it colours every thought and act in their lives.

Some sympathy should be shown to them also, if you can muster it, they are really victims, frightened and alone children who can't be any other way at the core but it is hard to excuse the damage they cause and they can be pretty scary, because of the motivation, what they are capable of is extreme though how that is manifest would depend on context and available options etc.

Answer 6

Asmir1999

You nailed it with your explanation.

Answer 7

Jean-Marie_Céline

Master

Gaslighting is the practice of making someone doubt their own mental sanity and wellbeing by presenting lies as truth, with the result of making her/him question their thoughts, memories, and recollection of events.
I'm sorry you are getting accused like that, frankly said accusing someone of gaslighting when they aren't is ironically in itself a form of gaslighting.
I agree with you that people who throw such accusations eagerly and without reasons do need help.

I don't see how you could be gaslighting since you have always been straightforward and honest as far as I know.
But that said, I too got accused of portraying a "fake image that everything is wonderful" regarding my attitude and pictures, "on par with Scientology" (cit.).

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6 People

razelove

1 y
Heh, you're pretty blunt too, you've presented some pretty happy, and really grim scenarios. I don't think you're slinging any BS around, and agree that people who casually sling terms like gas-lighting and racist, among others, around are guilty of the same themselves.

Reply
Jean-Marie_Céline

1 y
Thank you for your kind words, I do my best to be direct but as of late I've been doing my best to cut down my temper.
Evidently this irked some people who liked when I was more "biting"...

Reply
razelove

1 y
Screw them, be yourself, wherever that takes you man. I've endured my temp ban (close call with it being a permanent one) and content being taken down. Actions have consequences after all, and the admins have a business to run. I have a me to be.

We do all change as the years go by though. If you're getting more mellow, that isn't necessarily a good or bad thing, it is what it is. Do what you feel is best for you. It took me a while to learn that regardless of who else is in my life, only person looking at me in the mirror is me.

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Pekli93

1 y
loool
Keep crying fat boy

Reply

Answer 8

razelove

Heh, you're pretty blunt too, you've presented some pretty happy, and really grim scenarios. I don't think you're slinging any BS around, and agree that people who casually sling terms like gas-lighting and racist, among others, around are guilty of the same themselves.

Answer 9

Jean-Marie_Céline

Thank you for your kind words, I do my best to be direct but as of late I've been doing my best to cut down my temper.
Evidently this irked some people who liked when I was more "biting"...

Answer 10

razelove

Screw them, be yourself, wherever that takes you man. I've endured my temp ban (close call with it being a permanent one) and content being taken down. Actions have consequences after all, and the admins have a business to run. I have a me to be.

We do all change as the years go by though. If you're getting more mellow, that isn't necessarily a good or bad thing, it is what it is. Do what you feel is best for you. It took me a while to learn that regardless of who else is in my life, only person looking at me in the mirror is me.

Answer 11

Pekli93

loool
Keep crying fat boy

Answer 12

Xoxocutekitty | 151 opinions shared on Society & Politics topic.

Guru

Gaslighting is lying bullying combined.

A little white lie here and there isn't a big deal, but robbing someone an opinion or perspective to the point of them doubting their memory, credibility, and self esteem is quite horrid.

It's a catch 22 where people of integrity don't do it, and people do it because they don't have integrity. It'd a really shifty thing to do and it's really hard to get out of it. Especially since the person who gaslights others, usually does so in a place where they have more power... to get away with it. To have their words merely believed or tolerated over someone else's.

We all play this 'we're all equal, everyone entitled to their opinion' game, and yet it's not true. In old money corporations, women just don't have the same believability as their male coworkers and we see this in reverse as a men working some woman dominated company are viewed as more ornamental.

We see this in sports and online gaming, where there is power, there is abuse of power.

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3 People

razelove

1 y
If this is something you see on a regular with your own eyes, you need to up your own skills in manipulation. I had to when I worked corporate, eat or be eaten, nothing minor like gas-lighting, but getting people fired, pushing responsibility onto others without letting them know so they fail. Hacking their computers, intimidation, at about that point I figured the job wasn't worth it and got the hell out.

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Malwi93

1 y
This

Reply

Answer 13

razelove

If this is something you see on a regular with your own eyes, you need to up your own skills in manipulation. I had to when I worked corporate, eat or be eaten, nothing minor like gas-lighting, but getting people fired, pushing responsibility onto others without letting them know so they fail. Hacking their computers, intimidation, at about that point I figured the job wasn't worth it and got the hell out.

Answer 14

Malwi93

This

Answer 15

angeliquedevereux2 | 157 opinions shared on Society & Politics topic.

Xper 7

Mother Gothel from Tangled- that's the purest embodiment of gaslighting I've ever seen. 'Oh great, now I'm the bad guy'

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1 Person

razelove

1 y
Oh, that is a fantastic reference. She is such a good "bad guy", just her dagger and a revolving door of meat shields she uses. Your name sounds Cajun, are there Cajuns in Australia?

Reply
angeliquedevereux2

1 y
Eh I wouldn't know much about cajuns, I'm from no French decent despite what my name would lead you to believe
And yeah she's my favourite Disney villian, so realistic and her song is amazing 👌

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Answer 16

razelove

Oh, that is a fantastic reference. She is such a good "bad guy", just her dagger and a revolving door of meat shields she uses. Your name sounds Cajun, are there Cajuns in Australia?

Answer 17

angeliquedevereux2

Eh I wouldn't know much about cajuns, I'm from no French decent despite what my name would lead you to believe
And yeah she's my favourite Disney villian, so realistic and her song is amazing 👌

Answer 18

007kingifrit | 2.5K opinions shared on Society & Politics topic.

Yoda

gaslighting is 99% just a stupid term people use to excuse that others remember things differently. like a self centered person

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Answer 19

princeofromance | 416 opinions shared on Society & Politics topic.

Explorer

Gaslighted has several different definitions. I do not think we will ever truly know what it is or means. I guess it depends on one's perspective of the term Gaslighting.

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1 Person

Answer 20

Anonymous

Lying to you to the point where you eventually believe it.

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2 People

razelove

1 y
That would be everything subjective.

Reply

Answer 21

razelove

That would be everything subjective.

Answer 22

Anonymous

That image is not gaslighting, more like just generally toxic behaviour.

Gaslighting is deception that intends to make people doubt their own perspective of events.

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1 Person

Answer 23

Joker_ | 1.1K opinions shared on Society & Politics topic.

Guru

Gaslighting to me is tantamount to the first definition of it that I can find on Urban Dictionary

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3 People

Answer 24

DeltaCharlieEcho | 259 opinions shared on Society & Politics topic.

Xper 6

What is it to me? Completely fucking made up nonsense. It doesn’t exist.

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1 Person

Answer 25

Siren777

Guru

What? Who said that about you?

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1 Person

razelove

1 y
Most recently? I can't even remember, that only happens online so it's of no consequence anyway. Most every time I argue with factual sources and someone argues back with opinions as facts that, sexist, racist, asshole, what have you are the most common responses.

It doesn't bother me, it's just the first time I actually looked up what it meant and realized it was impossible to "gas-light" someone online. Like the most you can manipulate a person online is catfishing or phishing. Really it could only go further than that if you're such a delicate snowflake that strong breezes rattle your constitution or something.

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Siren777

1 y
I am glad you don't let this get to you. The trolls tend to make me laugh. I don't take anyone seriously on the internet. Opinions are just that, opinions... everyone is entitled to their own. It's such a waste of energy.

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Answer 26

razelove

Most recently? I can't even remember, that only happens online so it's of no consequence anyway. Most every time I argue with factual sources and someone argues back with opinions as facts that, sexist, racist, asshole, what have you are the most common responses.

It doesn't bother me, it's just the first time I actually looked up what it meant and realized it was impossible to "gas-light" someone online. Like the most you can manipulate a person online is catfishing or phishing. Really it could only go further than that if you're such a delicate snowflake that strong breezes rattle your constitution or something.

Answer 27

Siren777

I am glad you don't let this get to you. The trolls tend to make me laugh. I don't take anyone seriously on the internet. Opinions are just that, opinions... everyone is entitled to their own. It's such a waste of energy.

Answer 28

Anonymous

Personally I think gas lighting is purposely leaving people out of the know in order to change their views and believes

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3 People

Answer 29

Anonymous

ugh all my friends in the past have been gaslighters. so disgusting

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2 People

Answer 30

NotARobberYet

Xper 5

Glad I'm not a gaslighter. 😅

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1 Person

Answer 31

linna666

Xper 1

I don't understand what that means

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2 People

razelove

1 y
It's a new term, more than one person has accused me of it and I found it interesting. Basically you distort a person's perception to make them question reality. I'd just call it manipulation, and some people are more susceptible to it than others.

Either way it's popular online, where I don't see the possibility of it actually happening as online is not a "real" place and reality is already distorted.

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Answer 32

razelove

It's a new term, more than one person has accused me of it and I found it interesting. Basically you distort a person's perception to make them question reality. I'd just call it manipulation, and some people are more susceptible to it than others.

Either way it's popular online, where I don't see the possibility of it actually happening as online is not a "real" place and reality is already distorted.

Answer 33

needhelpwiththis0

Xper 2

Dunno

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