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Men, Stop Pretending To Want Friendship If You Want More!
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I encountered an article on good old GirlsAskGuys that frankly pissed me off a bit, and felt I had to counter respond.
The article seemed to indicate that if a guy is friends with a girl then she should automatically want to be with him, and if she doesn't, she is a stupid bitch who only wants jerks and should never, ever have a nice guy in her life.
To me, this juvenile and infantile response to not getting your way is one aspect of the male behaviors that has contributed to the ongoing battle of the sexes.
Yes, I know, we women share a huge portion of blame on that bloodied battlefield, but this rant falls squarely on the shoulders of my bewildered, misguided and embittered brothers.
To be honest, I am growing rather tired of hearing males whine about a scenario that is largely their fault to begin with!
It is the "I want to pretend to be a girls friend so she will want to be with me" game.
Already starting off on the wrong foot with lies and deception, you are doing yourself and your supposed friend a grave disservice by not revealing what you really want from her from the very beginning.
I for one, have had many enriching, platonic friendships of mutual respect and love that never went to the physical realms.
In fact, I think a true, real friendship between a man and a woman can be invaluable because it allows us to see things from the point of view of the opposite sex.
For instance, you can ask questions regarding male or female perspectives on dating from someone who will tell you the truth, no holds barred, because they care about you.
Friendship, REAL friendship, is as great a gift as romantic love, and shouldn't be cheapened as a means to an end or viewed as some sort of consolation prize to physical relations.
Besides, all you do is set yourself up for hurt and ruin when you pretend to be friends with a girl, and who loses out in the end?
Both of you.
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You see, girls talk out their problems with their friends. If she views you as a friend, then of course she is going to call you when she has a fight with the boy friend, most times to get a male opinion on the event that took place.
Now, if you are listening, not with a genuine "I am your friend and I want to help,", but with a "If I do this she'll think I am a catch and want to be with me instead," then you are not being a friend, you are being manipulative, a person with a goal and an agenda.
And to those guys who dote on women with gifts and tokens of love when the girl is not interested or is with someone else, asshole of not, for the love of god--STOP!
Stop trying to win the affections of another through artificial means--real feelings cannot, and should not, be bought like some hallmark card. You can't force these things--true love blossoms over time.
Besides, you need to take the time to find out if the girl is really worthy of your time and attention.
If you waste your efforts on a conceited Buffy cheerleader type, whose fault is that?
Not hers--an animal will only behave as it in its nature to behave--you are the fool to pet a snake and expect not to get bitten.
And then, you get bit and want to blame the world and not yourself for trusting a snake in the first place.
Do we not understand it is the nature of snakes not to be trusted. Likewise, shallow hotties will use kindness, taking it for weakness -- therefore don't try to date them
Seems simple enough.
I for one have always hated when men attempted to try to buy me by throwing gifts at me.
I recall a time when a suitor chased me down with expensive trinkets. He was rich, but didn't seem to get the idea that I wasn't impressed by his money.
He kept coming around trying to push jewelery on me. I told him not to and he persisted. One day, to shut him up, I accepted a bracelet that cost quite a bit of money. I told him I would only accept it because I had plans to give it to the first person who showed interest in it.
A week later, I made good on my promise, giving it to a woman in my office.
If the man had truly wanted to get to know me or had truly seen who I was, he would discovered that I have an aversion to real jewelery, for principals sake. Far too many people have bled and died in diamonds mines, too many people killed over gold and fine jewels--I do not like real jewelery at all--I would have adored a five dollar trinket over all the jewels of the royal city.
I am also not a flowers and candy kind of girl, and to me, everyday should be Valentines day...
If he had taken the time, he would have learned that, but all he cared about was what he wanted--he never saw me. This is far too often the case with guys who try to win affections, then get mad at all women when their machinations don't work.
But, you say to yourself, if I tell the girl what I want outright, I may not have a shot.
True, but tell me, isn't it better to know outright and get it out of the way so you can move on? That way, you don't waste time energy or money on someone who won't appreciate it, or want it.
As it stands, by pretending to be a real friend to a girl, you betrayed your supposed friend and ultimately, you betrayed yourself.
Now, this of course, doesn't apply to men who genuinely cared about a woman as a friend and the feelings grew.
This is a no harm, no foul scenario that has to be treated with utmost delicacy and concern.
No, I am talking about men who use friendship in a cloak and dagger fashion in order to manipulate an outcome, then get all pissed off things didn't end the way they wanted them to.
I also find it interesting that the men who get pissed off that girls date "assholes" expect sympathy and concern went they chase after bitches and get used.
Oh yes, I forgot, only women should be blamed for bad relationship choices made for immature, shallow reasons, whereas men should be pet and coddled for being betrayed when they make choices in women for immature, shallow reasons.
Come on people, isn't it entirely possible that everyone, guy and girl alike, will make mistakes as they learn how to navigate adult relationships. They will all eventually grow into people who know what they want out of life and their partners, discerning what is truly important in relationships.
Besides which, if you are only trying to be kind and nice to a girl because you think you will get something out of it, are you really a nice person, or are you being manipulative?
And they say women play relationship games!
All I can say is that both men and women make blunders in romance, instead of getting all pissed off that you don't get your way, how about licking your wounds, learn from it, make better choices in the future and shoulder some of the blame for your own dumb choices yourself!
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Jpalms56
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