So, I met this girl about six months ago at work. We would always talk and flirt and we had wonderful, meaningful, deep conversations. We had great chemistry and we just simply got a long great. I asked her out to dinner after talking for a few weeks and we had a great time. We went out a couple of times more and she wound up bringing up the fact that we get a long wonderfully but she can't do anything right at the moment because she is working through issues with her past. I understood and told her I wanted to continue to be friends. A few more months went on and we continued to hang out. I got the feeling she was pushing me away so I spoke to her about it and she told me that she just wasn't ready for anything. She told me she was still in love with her ex but didn't plan to get back with him and didn't want to lose me because I was a special person and a wonderful friend. She said things like "I wish I would've met you before" and "this is just bad timing," and "I'm going to keep working on my issues" but she can only offer friendship right now. I told her I'd wait forever and she said she didn't want me to that it's not fair to me.
I continued to hang out with her a lot and got closer to her family and we finally brought up the conversation one more time after going out to dinner. She told me she's scared she will never get over her ex. She said she didn't want to have the conversation about that again because it's just too hard right now and she would feel she would have to push me away if I couldn't just accept the fact that we are friends. I felt that I needed to respect her for that and all she needs is a friend. I did have to ask her, what do you feel for me? She said "you know, you are the perfect guy," "everything about you is what I would want in 'the one'" but she said she's still in love with her ex, he was her first love, and doesn't want to rebound with me. What I don't understand is, why would she flirt with me and tell me she just wants to be friends. She also said she compares her ex to me a lot and realizes all the things that make me a good person. She just can't explain why she can't move on just yet.
I want to wait around. I'm not just a young kid who thinks he's in love. I have thought I was in love a million times but what I feel for this girl has no comparison to anyone in the past. I think about her constantly and when I think about moving on all I realize is that I don't want to move on because I only have eyes for her. But its hard to wait around if she is simply NEVER going to get over her ex.
What I really need advice about it how to be a friend. I texted her the other day and said how I really missed her and wanted to be with her and she wrote back "please stop that, you know the conversation we had, it's not appropriate." "you know how hard it is for me."
What should I do? I hope someone has good advice because this is tormenting me.
Most Helpful Girl
I think you should wait for her and stop pressuring her. While it is obvious she has feelings for you and you might have a future together, she will feel smothered if you keep asking. Getting over someone can be hard and its good that she's waiting before dating you, because otherwise her feelings would be mixed up and she couldn't fully commit.
That being said, you can't wait forever. If you wait for a few more months and she still isn't coming around, then you should try to move on. You can't wait for someone who is never coming around. While I think it is doubtful she wil "never get over her ex" if she doesn't realize what she could have with you soon, you might need to try to look for someone who really values you.
I know that isn't what you want to hear, but it's true.
Now, as far as being a freind, just be there for her! Don't continue asking her if she's ready or make romantic advances, because they obviously make her uncomfortable at the place she's in right now. You can still hang out with her, and keep talking to her! Definitely keep talking to her, but keep it light. She obviously doesn't want to talk about her ex or relationship with you because she feels bad and can't commit right now. When you talk to her, don't talk about how you miss her or want to be with her, just TALK! She will get upset if you continue to talk about this. Just act like you would with any other friend.
I know this is hard, and I've been in a similar situation. Sometimes feelings are hard to explain, but she obviously can see dating you in the future, she's just not in the right place right now.
In the mean time, it's not wrong to look for other people. You never know who's out there. Just because you're waiting for her doesn't mean she has to be the only person in your life. Not saying you should move on yet, but you sound like a good guy, and she can't keep you waiting forever!
Hope I helped!2