What ever happened to going on a real date?

It's been coming more apparent to me that less and less guys take women out on real dates. By real date I mean picking her up, going to her door, taking her flowers or something (that part is if you really like the girl), going to dinner, getting somewhat dressed up to impress the other person, where the guy opens her car door, etc. Something that at the end of the night there's the potential of a second date, of actually going out again; not just "hanging out."

I personally have never been on a real date like this, and I've found that this is becoming a common occurrence.

So what's up guys? Do you take girls out on, "real dates," or just opt for the, "hanging out?

Ladies, what's your experience with this? What are your thoughts?

  • I just like to "hang out."
    3% (4)21% (28)11% (32)Vote
  • I only take a girl out on a "real date" if I like her a lot.
    3% (4)44% (58)22% (62)Vote
  • I always take a girl on a "real date."
    1% (1)32% (42)15% (43)Vote
  • I'm a girl.
    93% (145)3% (5)52% (150)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
I never expected this kind of response! Thank you, everyone so much for all your input! It's very appreciated! :)
One more thing... Many of you seemed to have assumed that I meant this as a first time really interacting with each other, a first date, or something of the sort; I'm speaking of just this kind of date in general.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd say the main reason that there are less "real dates" as you describe them is because society has changed and the standard for a "real date" has changed.

    Off the top of my head, here are a few examples based on the points you raised:

    "By real date I mean picking her up, going to her door" - a guy will usually do this if he's already seen the girl a couple times. It's less usual now when you start dating, because girls are more cautious of strangers or people they meet online, so they're usually more comfortable meeting somewhere neutral rather than having a potential stalker guy know where they live right away.

    "taking her flowers or something (that part is if you really like the girl)" - I'd say this is still pretty common, as you say if you really like the girl. Again, though, not usually on the first couple of dates as most girls feel it's too soon, or they feel like you are expecting more before you've even had your first date.

    "going to dinner, getting somewhat dressed up to impress the other person" - Nowadays the consensus is that dinner dates are not good early on, because they are very formal, and they leave more room for uncomfortable silences than say the zoo, where there's always something to talk about. Plus, if you decide you don't like the person, you're trapped for 2 hours versus 30 minutes with a coffee date.

    "where the guy opens her car door" - Many believe that chivalry is dead. I do this and most girls appreciate it, but some take it as a sign the guy is trying to hard. Plus, with remote car door locks, the tradition of "unlocking the lady's door first" has been killed with technology. Back in the day, a guy would unlock the girls door and let her in, and it was a test if she liked him as if she did, she'd lean over and unlock his door while he walked around.

    "Something that at the end of the night there's the potential of a second date, of actually going out again; not just 'hanging out.' " - This is strategy. Asking a girl for a "date" puts a lot more pressure on her than "hanging out." If a stranger approached you and you talked for 2 minutes, are you more likely accept his invitation to "grab a coffee after class" or "take you out on a date this evening." Most girls don't like to hear the word date right away, because it means you're not interested in being their friend, and besides if you're taken then "hanging out" leaves the door open for friendship.

    Anyway I'm writing too much, it was an interesting question I suppose. Most of what you say is still done, but speaking for guys, it's a big investment to do all these things right away in modern dating. Most women aren't accustomed to it, and the fact is that the world is a smaller place now and we have opportunities to meet people everywhere. There's less of a drive to try too hard to impress a girl early, as people have higher expectations now and usually decide if they want to see you again on the first date.

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    • ...and just in case you're curious, I voted B.

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    • I agree. Though you'd be amazed on the amount of women who take all this for granted.

    • I think your very right but the common denominator in all this is fearful women. They assume the worst in the guy, even though .0001% of guys are going to stalk them and rape them. Somewhere along the line, they have also been conditioned to dislike affection from a man. Like if a guy buys you flowers. Since when is that bad things. Again, instead of taking it as a compliment, they'll turn it around as if you have negative ulterior motives (i.e. get into their pants). Frustrating being a guy.

What Guys Said 61

  • Umm, I prefer to just be friends first and then slowly if there's something there and we mesh so well together become more than friends and then I just say let's go do something. I guess it's kinda hanging out, but depending on where we go might require dressing up or whatnot. It's kinda both a date and hanging out. I HATE typical dating. It's just a terrible way to get a person's true personality and seeing how great you match because both are trying to sell themselves rather than being who they are and just letting things happen naturally.

    Sounds like you just want to be pampered or so. Seriously, all that is "guy does the work" -_- Sure getting sick of being expected to do all the work.

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    • Have you read my comments below? I doubt it from this answer... I never said the guy had to pay, or anything. I said he came to my door, he opened my car door for me, he was RESPECTFUL. I would gladly pay for the date if the guy was like this. I always offer to pay regardless of who I'm with or what I'm doing. You apparently don't know what I'm talking about though.

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    • Guys find it weird still because society still has that slight expectation of guys doing such and women not. I personally don't care who. And if you don't expect it, great. But it didn't come off that way originally.

    • No, everyone just read into it more than what was intended. It was simply a questions as to why guys don't do it. I don't ever add a deeper meaning or anything to things, I'm blunt and straightforward.

  • lol if you do all of that stuff I guarantee you, you won't talk to him next day, because you will think he is clingy or desperate or something like that.

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    • Best answer. If you declare your interest in such an overt manner, the woman thinks she can have you and you lose your mystery, thus she moves on. Women have turned us into such bastards.

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    • no I am saying this based on what you wrote, I would do that only if we were like in a 5th date though.

    • That's understandable, I'm talking about taking a girl out in this sense at all. So it's nice that you would.

  • typically unless I know the woman really well I would nix the idea of having him pick you up. there's a certain lack of forethought that goes into letting a guy who is still mostly a stranger know where it is you live and I have a profound respect for women for exercise that judgment and secretly actually look for it in women. intelligence is key. do not jeopardize safety and practicality in the name of appealing to your sense of romanticism. the second a woman does in the beginning I instantly lose all respect for her.

    that being said, hanging out is just a date, just in a more casual setting. personally I dislike going to any place or event that I have to dress up for. I hate having to wear a suit or even a button-up shirt. it makes me feel like I have to pretend to be someone I'm not and puts me on guard, not a good thing when on a date. if the setting calls for anything more dressy than jeans, sneakers, and a polo shirt, you can count me out because regardless of the company I certainly won't be enjoying myself.

    also, when it comes to flowers, I fail to see the point. I mean they die soon after, they serve no function, they just scream "i wanna get laid!" and that's not my goal. I reserve the gift giving for later on, after I've actually found out what she does and doesn't like. I don't believe in things that are purely decorative so the gifts I got her would be ones that actually served a practical function. I have a hard time shopping for anything else because I myself don't attach emotional or sentimental value to physical objects and I don't believe in things that exist solely for aesthetic purposes, so I can't really put my mind in the perspective of someone who does.

    here's the thing. I'm not looking for casual fun or for sex. I'm looking for a girlfriend. so the whole "come as you are" thing is important to me because I'm not trying to impress the girl, I'm trying to give her the opportunity to get to know me for who I really am for compatibility's sake. and I'm trying to find out whether or not she's compatible with me. and if she pretends to be someone she's not for the sake of impressing me (which is exactly what she's doing when she takes extra measures preparing that she doesn't normally take, or is on guard) then she's denying me the tools I need to find out whether or not she's compatible.

    so you see, a date and hanging out are the same thing. the question is what are your goals? to find a long term relationship? or to ensure a second date by pretending to be someone you're not just to impress?

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    • also, I didn't vote because none of the choices were even remotely close to what I believe.

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    • I suppose you're right. But the dressing thing is something that I struggle with understanding. In any case it's a non-issue for me as I know I'm not what anyone would consider "relationship material" because I am something of a special needs case when it comes to interpersonal relations and I am aware of this. I'd rather not be a burden on someone else because of that so I'm fine with this.

    • Even when dressing, a woman can impress me most by dressing in what's most comfortable for her to wear and doesn't sacrifice too much practicality.

  • I haven't gotten to a point where there are that many women around me; those that are, are usually unavailable. Many of the women I meet are more like girls in how they act and treat others, which I have no interest in dating girls.

    I usually opt for the semi casual first "mini-date" and see if things progress. I so rarely go on even the "mini dates" because of too many variables, and that there's not enough time or flirting in that time to be motivated to ask her out.

    I think many women freak out at the concept of the date; at least, they tend to with me. There could be reasons why, not even really about me; to try and keep this response shorter, let's just say I believe dating has kind of fizzled in place of casual hookups and hanging out. I would love to do dates, but that's not in the cards right now.

    Oh, and I'm a fairly "thoughtful" guy. I may not put my coat on a puddle so a girl can step through it, but I usually hold doors open, I usually stand up when a girl approaches (if on a date); I move the chairs for them, that sort of thing. I don't do it to impress girls, but girls don't seem to notice or care. I think a lot of guys stopped doing that stuff because of the lack of appreciation, the general change in teaching certain things in westernized culture, whatever, but it happens. If you don't use a skill, you can get rusty after a while of not using it.

    Part of me hates "hanging out." Part of me really does want to try "friends" first, but while leaving options open for a little while. However, most girls/women in my area seem to claim the same thing, then put people into little categories right away. The hang out can be a double edged sword.

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  • It bothered me that the poll left no room for girls to say that they've taken their guys out on real dates.

    Me and my ex-girlfirned, which was a very serious relationship, planned 'real dates' as you call them - going to the cinema, to resturaunts, cafes, etc. very frequently. I'd do a whole thing where I'd take us to a restaurant and get her a big fancy meal with a starter and a dessert, and we'd go and rent a movie and I'd arrange a taxi to pick us up and take us back to my place and watch it there in bed and, you know... THE REST.

    And I loved nights like that. She would usually pay for half of it, because she insisted on it, but in the later half of the relationship I would have to sneak her out and pretend we were going for a pizza or some sh*t, so she couldn't bring money to pay for it. So I paid. And I wouldn't let her pay me back, hehe.

    And all that sounds like a wonderful romantic gesture and lah-de-dah, but I never saw it that way. I'm restaurant culture, I'm 'big night on the town' scene, and I wanted to give her a flake of my life as she gave me a flake of hers. Most days we 'hung out', sitting around the back-alleys of her estate talking life and love and past and future and telling each other long drawn-out interpersonal stories and kissing against SUVs and on the sills of burnt-out buildings while I tried to get my hand up her shirt. And that was HER idea of a date, and some of my most special times with her were spent that way.

    So BY THE WAY, QA. If you want a boy who always takes you to hang out to take you to a restaurant, why don't you take him?

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  • Formal courtship is a lot of effort and for a girl that we likely know very little about.

    And it's a lot of investment into a situation that may potentially bare no fruits.

    Why don't we take girls on "real dates"?

    Frankly, because we don't have to.

    We can hang out with a girl and get a feel for who she is and what she can offer us before we invest more heavily in her.

    Plenty of people who are in relationships go out on formal dates. But to do so at first is far less common these days.

    Additionally, upon first meeting a girl, I'm very much unsure if I even really like her enough to take her out. That's what I'm trying to figure out. A fine dinner is a lot of effort just to interview her.

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  • Whatever happen to "real" ladies?

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    • There's not a lot of them. I don't understand why my generation of females has no respect for themselves... it makes those of us that do seem so incredibly rare and hard to come by and we end up being the ones left in the dust because of it.

    • Its my age group too and its filled with girls that either are man haters or expect to be treated like a princess. I'm done before I even started. I donkt date or have sex or anything. Just work.

  • In this day and age, women want equality. Women are usually the one who makes the choice out of a group of guys they want and that's unfair. So I'm one of those guys that takes a girl on a date, but I don't shine their shoes, open their door, or take em a flower (especially on a first date). A lot of girls get pushed away by that old school style. If a girl wants me, she'll want me for being myself. Not for acting like a 50's genteman and doing everything so the woman doesn't have to lift a finger.

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    • I quote 'women want equality' yet so many girls just will not make the first move these days...we haven't moved on much clearly.

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    • ^^ RIGHT! I hold doors open for anyone and everyone! I've paid for complete strangers when they don't have enough; so what's so gosh dang hard about taking a girl out!

    • You missed my point. Not only that, you don't know that I go from one failed relationship to the next. I haven't been in a relationship in 4 years. I open doors for people too. I don't go out of my way to open the door for a girl on a date. Some girls will think you're trying too hard. Some feel awkward. I open the door, if the chance presents itself. But if the girl gets to the door first, what happens, happens.

  • Some people have used equality as their excuse of not going on "real dates" I agree with allot of "equality" and they are more with men shouldn't be the only ones working in the relationship, But when it comes to dating guys have to 1 up the next guy and show the her we can treat her better than the others and be there for her when it counts.

    the reason I believe people hang out is probably a mixture of it's less stressful, it's easier to ask someone to hang out with you than would you go on a date.

    some guys recently feel they don't have to treat girls specially because they hear equal rights and say what about me. In turn when allot of girls are no longer going on a real date their view on men change and their responsibilities so the bar for how they should be treated is lowered.When other men see that girls are accepting the change in social relationships they don't feel they have to put in the effort of setting up a real date so they opt for the hang out option.

    I'm not saying this is true for all guys/girls but I say a good 75%-80% it is.

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  • I voted B.

    Have you read Joshua Harris' "I Kissed Dating GOODBYE"?

    He was direct with the woman he wanted to marry. He met her in a restaurant and informed her that he wanted to date her with the purpose of marrying her. The woman had been in pain over waiting for him to ask her out and had cried in her car without him knowing.

    I meet up with women I am interested in dating. I build a friendship first.

    Once I find the one I want to court (date), I will let her know. It may be painful for the women if they can't be upfront with me, like in Joshua's case. I have been upfront with them in saying that I don't play games and want them to be honest with me.

    I will be quite romantic once I feel like continuing that behavior with the woman forevermore.

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    • I'll have to read that! I liked this answer :)

    • Thanks for the compliment. His book confirms what I've always felt, minus the religious stuff...

      See, are we all supposed to know this relationship stuff innately? When you don't know, study and ask for advice. I sure did!

  • first off...this all depends on what a "real date" is in your eyes

    why do I want to take her out to dinner, have her get all dressed up, is that not putting a TON of pressure on the girl?

    first dates should be interviews, interacting things, where you get to know that person for who they are...sitting at dinner can be BORING, being waited on can be BORING...it also has more time for "awkward silent moments"

    the 2nd date should be a more formal date if you two decide to continue seeing each other...that way you ahve time to catch up about the first date...talk about other stuff rather than the "so what do you like to do"..."oh cool, me too"

    so I voted C but that's because my idea of a "real date" is different than yours...if I have to agree with you on your "real date" then I'd vote B

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  • Thats how I do dates... pretty much exactly that, minus the flowers, that's weird.

    problem is... every time I've done this, its with a girl I REALLY like and would love for something to happen, as in a relationship in the future. Never works out though. Apparently when you do this, you're showing all your cards. So interest and attraction are lost.

    I used to think this was total BS... till I did the hangout thing with a couple girls I thought were just cool and wanted to chill with. Guess what... the girls started wanting more after that.

    You girls are freakin weird =)

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    • Well the girl wants to get to know you first and then be taken out. We are really confusing and weird though! Haha.

  • Honestly I think it’s girls not respecting themselves.

    Guys are going to treat a girl the way she expects it. Guys will crawl through broken glass for women if that is what he thinks he needs to do. However, girls today are willing to get physical without a commitment of any form of relationship and zero dates. So why put in the effort of dating, spending money and extra time into a girl who will give it to you for free.

    Girls will also sleep with guys who are known players... So if your background or history doesn't matter, why worry about it? Sleep with as many as you can... there are no repercussions.

    I think if you want a real date and want to be treated respectfully, you have to stop giving it away for free. The players will lose interest right away and the guys that respect you for it will gladly take you out. Note: I'm not saying wait till marriage, I'm just saying don't give it up until you dated a guy for some time and he is committed.

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    • You can also argue that girls who DO respect themselves and expect the guy to treat her like a lady, that it makes it hard for them to get legitimately asked out because of easy girls. I've noticed that guys just go the easier route sometimes because at the time, they can't be bothered. They just want to get laid. But then again, if that's how they are, then what self respecting girl would bother? But I think that behavior is becoming more rampant among males, making dating slim. :/

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    • Candlewax I completely agree! It must be difficult to be classy lady seeing the trashy girls getting all the attention. I'm willing to bet many great girls gave in to this kind of pressure because they were desperate for a date. It's the same way with the good guys turned bad...

    • Yeah, it's kind of sad. I have the same outlook that the QA has. I just let it happen. But since we're not some easy ditz, guys tend to overlook the girls who aren't gaga over guys all the time.

  • When I was in university, people didn't go on 'dates' much. You socialized in large groups, got to know each other, hung out, fooled around, became a couple.

    I married someone from university, but single people I know definitely go on 'dates' though some of them may be more casual then a full evening out. I don't know what you consider "hanging out". To me it sounds like someone hangs out at someone else's place. Single people with decent jobs tend to meet people they don't know that well yet but are 'dating' not just platonic friends with for dates - scheduled time, at a bar, restaurant, etc.

    Single people I know who live in the core ... many of them don't have cars and parking is a hassle everywhere, so people don't really drive that much. So I can't comment on that part of things.

    I think bringing flowers on an early date is probably a bad move.

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    • Yeah, I understand what you're saying. Thank you!

    • yup that's how I meet the ladies, hanging out, foolin around all that stuff

    • Yeah.

      When you're 30, you meet someone somewhere, and either you ask them out on a date or you don't see them again. Your circle of friends and so on tends to be smaller, so a lot more dating is 'someone you met at a party or club or event or online and you chat a few times and then go out on a Date"

  • I would take a girl out like that... But I'd save the flowers for another occasion/later date.

    The funny thing, you say you want to be treated this way, but when the time comes, it most likely would put you off, or freak you out... Chances are you'd come away feeling the guy was weird, or desperate, and you'd probably not want to go out with him again. Happens all the time when the guy is actually thinking about something real and long-term, or really wants to make it work...

    Basically it'd kill the attraction, or scare you, or creep you out. This is the exact reason why so many good guys are confused/bitter about women.

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    • No, that's really not it at all. I would be kind in awe, actually. If he were to tell me his life story and give me every detail of his life on the first date, I would be put-off, but if he were to go to my door instead of texting me, open my car door, etc., it would be so attractive.

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    • I second this answer. This is the reason I can't be nice to girls. They respond negatively.

      This part especially: "...which you can't do, no matter how much girls say they want that from a guy." So damn true.

    • I didn't say YOU were jumping to conclusions, it's the idiots who make such dumb conclusions over a nice gesture were.

  • For some people, the word "date" invokes a lot of pressure: pressure to be charming, pressure to be attractive, pressure to succeed. But since most of us want to have FUN when we go out, we need a way to dial down the pressure, so we hang out. Some have outgrown dating altogether because we don't like pressure, or pressuring others.

    Hanging out gives us a chance to talk, to enjoy each other, to decide whether we'll spend more time together, before tightening the screws.

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  • After much consideration I voted D

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  • why do all that go for a girl you know she's most likely a modern women who doesn't really deserve it

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    • Why doesn't she deserve it?

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    • Haha. I liked the end of that. But that is really nice! Good for you, you just have expectations in a lady.

    • well, its not like those expectations are high

  • I do all those things minus the flowers. Though sometimes I may get her something else. I don't care to get flowers unless its a special occasion.

    However... to answer your question. Girls make it too easy now adays. Most guys probably wonder "Why should I try so hard if she's just gonna put out tomorrow regardless of what I do today?" May sound crude, but it does ring truthfully. People now a days have no idea what love is all about and make relationships a game to pass time. Ladies... you want a real date? Make him work for you and respect you. Don't make it so damn easy for him.

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    • I do what you just said... Does it work? No. But I figure it'll weed out the bad guys that only want sex from a girl. It's great that you do this, though!

  • Every time I try and have a "real date" The girl looks at me like I'm speaking another language. All those things you mentioned now have negative connotations like, this guys is a creep, he's moving to fast, he to much of a nice guy, he just wants to get in my pants, etc. We feel like we can't win, so we just avoid them now and keep things low key.

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    • I've gone on two in the past, two months(ish). The first guy, no thank you. It was so awkward and I wanted it to end. The second guy, we planned the date in a matter of thirty minutes. First time we'd ever hung out in any way, and it was AMAZING. We have another date tonight actually. It's all about finding the girl that works for you, ya know?

  • I agree with girlsareconfusing. And just to append, not only is doing this an expensive and futile strategy, there are wider reasons for avoiding this. Namely, the purpose of a date should be to get to know a person; I strongly believe every good relationship is based on friendship, therefore it's beneficial to take the formality out of dating, and 'have a laugh', if you will. This is sort of like wearing a tuxedo for the opera. It becomes too much of a show, and detracts from the substance, ie the music.

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    • I might be the only girl who agrees with you but I totally agree with this. I want to get to know him and that is hard on a 'real date'. I like to do that later when we feel comfortable with each other and both agree that we want take things further.

  • You wanted equality, now you have it. No more special treatment.

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    • That's everyone's argument, when chivalry isn't about equality, being a gentlemen isn't about equality, it's about being who you want to be. If a man does this for me, that doen't make us less equal, that makes him a special person for thinking of doing this; we're still equals.

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    • I'm beginning to wonder what the hell is wrong with the 18-24 year old guys on this site. I'm thinking emo has something to do with this attitude. Bunch of entitled, sexist d***s. Equality, yes, but wtf have some of you douchebags been smoking? Do some sociological research and get back to me about all this unequality bs. It's still not perfect, but you spoiled a**holes need to realize it's still very much a man's world out there. I don't condone the crappy women, but damn. You fools are lame.

    • ^^ Ahahahahahahahah. I definitely agree!

  • I voted B but this is a very rare occurrence saved for special occasions. I am with a girl I really like and have taken her on a couple dates like this but the reason they are so rare is because they get boring. Neither of us are into old stereotypes where the man takes the women out where he pays and takes care of everything. Its unfair. I'd rather do hanging out kind of things that are exciting like I have taken her rock climbing, we have gone on a bike ride, sailing, and to a 30 foot telescope at a nearby university. "real dates" are also expensive and neither of us has much money.

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  • I'm kind of a combo of those things. I'd pick her up at her place, hold doors, pay for the dinner and tickets (I like they dinner-and-movie first date, that is if we only recently met), and it depends on what you mean by "somewhat dressed up". As in a nice polo and jeans or a full suit?

    My first girlfriend and I were in the same youth group together. For our first date, we linked up at the coffee shop that we went to after church. It was very informal, t-shirts, hoodies, and jeans (it was still winter) and we went to see a movie. We simply didn't think about it. So in my experience, I would say convenience and comfort.

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  • People are a lot more cynical. Being a cliche usually doesn't score you any points but makes women suspicious of you, you might also be seen as unoriginal. Anyway I do believe in romance but no reason it has to be so traditional. My first date with my ex was me meeting up with her in the city center and taking a metro to the beach with her. It was perfect even though we got lost for an hour and it ended up raining when we got there. I also took her to the restaurant once we were there and paid everything. Anyway overall I think it is just funner to have "hang out" dates rather than so called "real dates" (at least before you really know each other).

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    • I mean the whole dinner thing just as an example. The gestures are more what I'm aiming at.

  • I didn't take any girls on real dates until I was making serious money and was in my 20's. I would have taken girls out earlier had the right ones said yes, but back when I was in college/high school it was much easier to hang out with a bunch of girls go to McDonald's, $1.50 movies, etc. and see where things went. As you get older, people take dating more seriously. Guys and girls start wanting families, not just play dates and f-buddies.

    Keep your expectations for guys high and ask yourself if you are the kind of girl someone besides your dad would be willing to shell out $50 for on a Friday night. If not, become that girl.

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  • I like the whole dinner thing if I have known her for a little. Another problem is that now a days it does seem like you're trying hard when being chivalrous. Plus it's seen as being "nice" instead of being a "GENTLEMAN". Guys don't want to be "nice guys" and most girls don't like them either. It's sad I know. I'm 17 and I wish things were like the scenario you talked about, but it would also be pretty expensive ha ha unless I plucked a flower from her own bush on the way to her door. Now that's classy hahaha

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    • Hahahahahaha. That would be pretty funny! It really depends on the girl, I definitely see it as being an gentlemen, and not trying too hard but just showing her how you are. It doesn't even need to be expensive, for a girl like me at least, to love it. If he were to do all the gestures and take me to a diner or something, I would still think it was just as sweet as going to some fancy restaurant.

    • Cool haha

  • Now, why would guys bother when your prefer a girl's company? Just want free entertainment, right?

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  • Some girls don't like real dates.

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    • *Some*, yes but the majority do.

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    • What's the percentage breakdown?

    • Well if I bring out my graph and find that standard deviation of sigma and then s squared is gives me ss which then leads to the square root of ss over N which is then... I have no clue. Haha.

  • the only girls I know and meet are from clubs or bars so why would I take them out on a date? Id just arrange to meet them out somewhere at a club or bar bring them back and have sex.. that's all I want anyways

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What Girls Said 31

  • On both sides, I think it's more of a comfort thing. "Date" has so much loaded meaning behind it. DUN DUN DUN OH SO SRS! The pressure's on!

    Have you noticed that many people replace dating with "just talking?" I had someone explain to me one day that "just talking" meant hanging out but no sex. So you're dating. "No, it's not dating. Just talking." ...when did all this get so complicated?

    These poor kids were raised with serious misconceptions about dating and relating and I'm beginning to think many people are just socially retarded about it.

    However, it is understandable to an extent. When you have a more laid back environment with no official, serious title, you can be yourself and not feel like you're on an interview for a potential relationship.

    I've always seen it as hanging out being a precursor to dating. I don't feel comfortable going out with someone that I barely know. There are so many undercover creepers and weirdos out there, I'd rather get to know them a bit better first before going on something like a date. But this'd apply to someone I'd talked to maybe twice, as opposed to someone I knew a bit better and had known for a little longer. Jumping straight to date status wouldn't be a problem.

    But actual dating is nice and definitely wins brownie points when all the chivalry is demonstrated. Not necessary, but definitely a bonus if the guy has enough social grace to do so. People are such rude douchebags anymore that it's shocking when a guy holds a door or opens it for you.

    Remember, society is slowly becoming more socially and emotionally stunted. Think of how many issues arise from Facebook, how many people prefer to talk via text/Facebook, break up via text, etc. Not much face to face. Because there's less ACTUAL social interaction, people are getting rather timid and naive about these things. It's all very passive aggressive.

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    • See, those are my views EXACTLY. I want to talk to and hang out before a date, but the hanging out definitely doesn't count as a date in my book. Hanging out should lead to a date and so on so forth, if the people are interested.

    • I think it's the safest approach. I'm a total freak magnet, so I always opt to at least know the guy a little better before going on an actual date. Dates = best behavior and usually a smoke screen for weirdos.

  • I definitely agree. I've been on dates like this but rarely and not since high school. Its sad honestly. I think that girls who give it up easily without the guy actually working for their attention/feelings are the main contributors to killing the proper dating scene. Nowadays guys want to take you to parties or only take you out to dinner if its your birthday. I rather go to parties with my girls than with a guy who isn't going to put much effort into it. But also there's fortunately still guys out there who believe in this. I have guy friends who plan cute dates for girls they like, they're just pretty rare to come by.

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  • I've had a "real" date if that's how you want to put it. I'd much rather take my own vehicle so I can leave if I need, and if I so desire.. I also don't want people I don't know well to know where I live, so that's another perk. Flowers are cliche, and I don't dig them myself. The other stuff sounds like a typical date to me.

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  • I will tell you exactly what happened to "real dates." But don't get offended and blame me for the truth, here. OK?

    Your generation started "hanging out," started "friends with benefits," and "booty calls."

    Don't laugh! If you think about these things, why would you ever take a girl out on a "real date?" I sure wouldn't!

    Read the questions on here, girls keep asking, "Is this a real date?" "Did he ask me out on a date or not?" H*ll! What is up when you can't even tell if a guy has asked you out or not?

    You have to let a man know that you want to go out on a date. If he says let's hang out sometime, you tell him you don't hang out, you go out. You let the man know what you do & don't do. You set yourself up for this stuff.

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    • I'm not offended at all. I actually COMPLETELY agree. I think it's ridiculous and stupid too.

      I don't call anything a date unless I know it's a date, if I have to question it, it's not a date in my eyes. If he's not willing to man up and take me out, not just 'hang out' then he's not worth my time. That's what I go by. I just wish more females my age would too.

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    • So basically, it's like neither has any real set standards anymore. Guys whine about the quality of girls because they go for these easy, lame girls, and girls whine about the guys because of their lack of standards and making it easy. Both are equally guilty of the issues in the dating scene. No standards and laziness on both parts.

    • but guys DON'T go for the 'easy' girls, it's a small minority of guys who do. The rest of us are saying we don't want to try and impress a girl who was just boning some meathead the night before with no dinner.

  • My boyfriend was pretty smooth about it, so he would pick me up and take me to dinner, but to avoid me feeling like he's moving too fast, as psychedeliczebra said, he acted like it was no big by telling me the only reason he really wanted to go to a restaurant was that he had a gift card. lol.

    But we actually went out before that, now that I think about it. He asked me to ihop lol. I told him I didn't have any money and he was like that's cool, I got it or something. But flowers didn't come in and the word "date" until later. We can't even agree on an anniversary date because he says I was his girlfriend like weeks before I THOUGHT I had become his girlfriend.

    They were real dates, he was just smooth enough to fool me into thinking we were just hanging out lol

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  • Haha, I remember when my boyfriend and I went out on our first day(double date with friends), he held the car door for me and I sort of was taken back(in the sense of, I'm perfectly capable of opening the door myself). I liked it though, but he was then convinced I didn't and for awhile stopped. lol. He does it now when he's in an ultra sweet mood. :)

    I really think the first date is important though, it's like anything(especially if you didn't really know the person beforehand), it's a first impression. And like I said before on someone's answer, it's something that'll be remembered for a lifetime if you and someone end up spending your lives together.

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    • Exactly! That's why the first date is so important to a lot of us girls!

  • I went on a date yesterday, I picked him up cause he doesn't have a car at the moment, we went out into the countryside for the day, had a walk around and had some food... I've never been on a date like that before, and it was fun... it was so much more relaxed than the "getting dressed up" sort of date, which I enjoyed.

    With my last boyfriend it was always the typical date you described and I love that, but sometimes I did feel like I couldn't relax because I was a bit uncomfortable, with this guy yesterday he was laid back and honest about his approac to dating... he said there is no point doing something you don't feel comfortable with, and he likes the whole winning and dinning a girl, but wouldn't do that unless he really liked the girl and thought it was going somewhere, which is fair enough.

    I just think everyone is different, each to there own etc... I would be happy hanging out with someone or going out for meal, its more about the company and wether you "click" that matters more than what you do... However, some girls I know are so picky about dates, one girl was shocked that this guy took her to "Frankie and Bennys" which in the uk is an American style diner (quite laid back), and after that she wouldn't go on another date with him :/ which I thought was a bit harsh! Everyone is different xx

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    • Oh wow. That is rather harsh. What I was talking about in the description was more the actions than the date. Take me anywhere, we can go do anything, but being a gentlemen is extremely attractive is what I was trying to say.

    • I call that 'hanging out' she seems to have a problem with that.

  • Well a lot of the things you described I'd consider as a bonus on a real date, not what makes it a date. Like picking her up, going to her door, and bringing her flowers, opening the car door, those are all nice but I don't expect a guy to do all those things.

    But as for going out to dinner or a movie or something on a "real date," it might not happen as often as it did back in the day, but there are still plenty of people who go on dates. I went on quite a few dates while I was single. Oddly enough, out of all the people I dated during that year the only guy I never went on an actual date with is the one who became my boyfriend lol. We always just ended up hanging out with friends and stuff.

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    • Oh and I meant to mention that I don't like it when people get all dressed up on a date to impress the person. That's kinda fake. I'm not saying you shouldn't try to look nice, but I don't think you should try extra hard and wear something you wouldn't normally wear just to impress them.

    • Haha. Yeah I know what you mean! But I also agree, that's why I said just a litle dressed up. Something that's still you but adds a little bang.

  • Lawlz @ how many girls responded on the poll.

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  • Well,as many guys as I've gone out with,only one was a real date..he picked me up,took me to dinner. Of course,I told him days later that it wouldn't work out. Nice guy,great personality,but I wasn't attracted to him.

    Almost had a big date 2wks. ago,but I blew it without meaning to:(

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    • "Nice guy,great personality,but I wasn't attracted to him."

      Well if you weren't attracted to him, then why did you agree to go on a date with him?

  • From my experience, guys in college don't ask girls out. Though my boyfriend did ask me out on an actual date, he's already graduated.

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  • I would absolutely love it if a guy took me on a date like this.

    Cut the bullsh*t excuses about equality. Guys are just too damn lazy these days. I think we all know this too.

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    • ^^^ NOT true. A guy just took out one of my best friends, opened her door, went to her door, took her out star gazing after, she's fallen for him after the little bit of time they've known each other. Why? Because he was a gentlemen.

    • > Guys are just too damn lazy these days.

      Cute. If a guy were to make a similar remark about women, he would be accused of misogyny. But I guess sexism is okay when a woman does it?

  • Now that I think about it, I honestly don't think I've ever been on a "real" date... even though I'm only 18, still... its kinda sad haha. Whenever I go out with a guy, its to the movies, or hanging out with mutual friends, or partying, I've never really gone to dinner and a movie with a guy.

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    • That's where I'm at. Haha. I mean I don't really mind too much, it just makes you wonder!

  • I'd rather just go out and have fun, with maybe one or two dates like this down the line.

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  • my boyfriend took me out on real dates for the first bit when we were getting to know each other,after about 4 or 5 dates now we just hang out together. all the time XD

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  • "real dates" are bad luck for me. I went out on a dinner date and we crashed and burned two months later. I had another boyfriend who took me out on dates all the time and it was the most horrendous break up of my life. My current boyfriend stated that he's never going to do that "dinner and a movie sh*t" and it's the longest, best relationship I've ever been in.

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    • See it's different for everyone! I'm glad it's working out though! :)

    • "My current boyfriend stated that he's never going to do that "dinner and a movie sh*t" and it's the longest, best relationship I've ever been in."

      So what do you two do when you get together? Watch t.v.?

    • we watch movies at home, have sex, hang out with our friends, have dinner with each others' parents, go to concerts, hot box my bathroom, listen to old records. And apparently we're gonna go camping. We also love to cook together. It's basically the cheesy saying "friendship on fire"

  • I have done both and honestly prefer hanging out. There is less pressure, yes girls feel the presssure too if they like the guy, and you get to know the person better than in a more formal setting.

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  • I've done the real date thing and it can work out but I would prefer to get to know someone a little first before hand. Talking chill-in with friends meeting some place for drinks... You might not like this person after a getting to know then a little.

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  • Guys always take me on "real dates", usually we hang out at least once first, but dates always follow.

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  • I prefer hanging out, and we've still developed feelings for each other so that's fine ^^

    Also what you describe as a "real date" seems to be full of gender roles... a lot of people hate those

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    • Oh my goodness. There's a HUGE difference between gender roles and a gentlemen.

    • If that's how you're going to act then I wouldn't blame a guy for expecting you to stay in the kitchen all the time!

      If its something they have to do because of their gender, its a gender role, I would actually be offended if a guy treated me that way because I would feel inferior and weak

  • It's because the feminist movement has ruined it for us. We actually have to go out and work now so we're considered equal to the guy. In fact we have to pick him up!

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  • Because girls are getting easier to impress.

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  • Never been on a real date either! Only the 'hang out' or chillin' which is good if you're now getting to know someone but come on after a while you gotta do something a bit special! ~

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    • My thoughts, exactly! I like hanging out at first, getting to know the person. But if it keeps going on then a real fate only seems fitting!

    • I agree...come on you gotta put a little effort if you want to keep the merchandise lol so to speak ~

  • Most of us girls don't realize we are the ones who dictate how dating should be. Guys really have no choice but to conform to what we want. And we should use that whenever possible. Trust me, guys will do ANYTHING to get a girl. They have no self-respect. We are the ones with the power here.

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  • Everyone started hooking up and just wanting to f***. It's already bad enough when the guys do it, but when the girls agree to it then everything just goes to sh*t.

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  • lol at the one guy that responded to "I'm a girl."

    I've gone on a couple real dates, but I kind of prefer hanging out most of the time. Dates don't have to cost much to impress me. Watching a movie at his house would be just as fun. Sometimes, it's fun to go out, but not all the time, if that makes sense.

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    • No it makes complete sense. I'm not asking a guy to spend a lot, hell I'll pay for the date if he treats me this way! I'm just saying that I like never see guys taking girls out on a legitimate date.

  • I ATE GREY AREAS LIKE THAT, its so confusing and it would just save so much time if you just told it like it is.

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    • Thank you! If it's a date, you know it's a date that way. No wondering if going to his house to 'hang out' means he's into you or just wants to hang out or what!

  • So..your choices make it seem I can't ask out someone if I'm a girl...whats up with that?

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    • I'm talking about guys asking out girls or girls asking out girls or guys asking out guys. Not a girl taking a guy out. I actually see that happen.

    • wow...ok, I guess all heterosexual guys are jerks then in your book.

    • Why do you say that? I don't see how I even implied that at all...

  • people will treat you the way you let them. If guys are too lazy to take you on a proper and don't feel you're "worth the trouble" because they can just "sleep with you tomorrow" after hanging out at McDonald's then that's your call ladies. YOU set the standard.

    I know when I start dating I will have expectations and I won't break or bend them. In my opinion most guys aren't worth pursing a relationship with or even talking to for that matter. Guys, you can't woo me with a freaking coffee and think I'll drop my pants for you. F*** all the losers here who think like this. If it were up to me you guys would be single the rest of your freaking lives.

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    • lmao I guess you didn't like my answer then

    • I won't even have to woo you with a coffee to drop your pants for me all itl take is a little wink ;)

    • > F*** all the losers here who think like this. If it were up to me you guys would be single the rest of your freaking lives.

      That's rather hostile. It seems a bit excessive to wish such misery upon those who merely have different ideas about courtship than you.

      What I'm trying to say is, you sound like a bitch.

  • I really like real dates.

    I never had been on a date before until recently, but the guy treated me perfect. He would pull out a chair for me when we went for a dinner, he paid everything, when it started raining he held the umbrella for me, he brought me home right to my door.

    And like that we went on several more dates, and finally we just hang out around his or mine house. But I think the dates really made a good impression of him on me, and now that I know him better, he is just as gentlemanly as he was on our dates, we're just more intimate now because we're both shy to be intimate in public.

    I really think if a guy wants to impress a girl he should take her out on a 'real' date like you described here. But I think if a guy is a good guy he'll do that (:

    But I don't know about you, but in my country guys never take girls out on dates. They only hang out. But since I'm from a different culture/country and so is my boyfriend, he did take me out on a real date which I really liked (:

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    • Guys are saying they take girls out on real dates but I never see it where I'm from either! It's always, "oh we should hang out." Never actually goes beyond that and people end up in relationships from that. I think going on a real date would be amazing!

    • I totally get you. I've always thought it was strange how you go from hanging out with someone to being in a relationship with that guy. I like it when a guy makes effort for a girl. And you typed you never been on a real date? Well, I can tell you it's GREAT! I was in heaven haha! I hope you'll get to go on one (:

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