It's been coming more apparent to me that less and less guys take women out on real dates. By real date I mean picking her up, going to her door, taking her flowers or something (that part is if you really like the girl), going to dinner, getting somewhat dressed up to impress the other person, where the guy opens her car door, etc. Something that at the end of the night there's the potential of a second date, of actually going out again; not just "hanging out."
I personally have never been on a real date like this, and I've found that this is becoming a common occurrence.
So what's up guys? Do you take girls out on, "real dates," or just opt for the, "hanging out?
Ladies, what's your experience with this? What are your thoughts?
- I just like to "hang out."3% (4)21% (28)11% (32)Vote
- I only take a girl out on a "real date" if I like her a lot.3% (4)44% (58)22% (62)Vote
- I always take a girl on a "real date."1% (1)32% (42)15% (43)Vote
- I'm a girl.93% (145)3% (5)52% (150)Vote
Most Helpful Guy
I'd say the main reason that there are less "real dates" as you describe them is because society has changed and the standard for a "real date" has changed.
Off the top of my head, here are a few examples based on the points you raised:
"By real date I mean picking her up, going to her door" - a guy will usually do this if he's already seen the girl a couple times. It's less usual now when you start dating, because girls are more cautious of strangers or people they meet online, so they're usually more comfortable meeting somewhere neutral rather than having a potential stalker guy know where they live right away.
"taking her flowers or something (that part is if you really like the girl)" - I'd say this is still pretty common, as you say if you really like the girl. Again, though, not usually on the first couple of dates as most girls feel it's too soon, or they feel like you are expecting more before you've even had your first date.
"going to dinner, getting somewhat dressed up to impress the other person" - Nowadays the consensus is that dinner dates are not good early on, because they are very formal, and they leave more room for uncomfortable silences than say the zoo, where there's always something to talk about. Plus, if you decide you don't like the person, you're trapped for 2 hours versus 30 minutes with a coffee date.
"where the guy opens her car door" - Many believe that chivalry is dead. I do this and most girls appreciate it, but some take it as a sign the guy is trying to hard. Plus, with remote car door locks, the tradition of "unlocking the lady's door first" has been killed with technology. Back in the day, a guy would unlock the girls door and let her in, and it was a test if she liked him as if she did, she'd lean over and unlock his door while he walked around.
"Something that at the end of the night there's the potential of a second date, of actually going out again; not just 'hanging out.' " - This is strategy. Asking a girl for a "date" puts a lot more pressure on her than "hanging out." If a stranger approached you and you talked for 2 minutes, are you more likely accept his invitation to "grab a coffee after class" or "take you out on a date this evening." Most girls don't like to hear the word date right away, because it means you're not interested in being their friend, and besides if you're taken then "hanging out" leaves the door open for friendship.
Anyway I'm writing too much, it was an interesting question I suppose. Most of what you say is still done, but speaking for guys, it's a big investment to do all these things right away in modern dating. Most women aren't accustomed to it, and the fact is that the world is a smaller place now and we have opportunities to meet people everywhere. There's less of a drive to try too hard to impress a girl early, as people have higher expectations now and usually decide if they want to see you again on the first date.27
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